Lean on Me

by Candy Crum

  The last few days had many thoughts and worries weighing heavily on Bri’s mind. She wondered how much longer she could stay here without Shaelyn asking questions. Somehow, she’d never asked more about why she was staying in her home. Bri assumed that Shaelyn thought she’d just moved out or something like that. Regardless, Bri had been living in her home and lying to her the whole time.

  Bri couldn’t stand the thought of Shaelyn judging her, thinking she was a slut. She couldn’t handle Shaelyn turning her away, or making her feel like she was obligated to take her in, even though she hated the idea of taking care of a pregnant teenager. Most of all, she couldn’t handle Shaelyn thinking that she was trying to ruin Matt’s life. That dream had been coming back to her over and over; Bri sometimes spending hours dwelling on it and replaying it through her head.

  She pulled herself together, willing herself to finish getting ready. Shaelyn and Jacqueline had gone out for the afternoon and wouldn’t be back until sometime that evening. That meant that she had the house alone with Matt. She didn’t know why, but that day she’d decided that she’d had enough. She was going to force Matt to talk to her.

  She finished getting ready and headed downstairs and started making an early dinner for Matt. She grabbed some steaks and began prepping them. Then she got some potatoes and tried to decide how she wanted to prepare them. In the end, she decided on mashed. She put together a salad and got some of the home made croutons that she and Shaelyn had made just a few days before.

  By the time Matt got home, she had everything plated and ready for him. When he walked in, he was a little confused. He thought it was a great gesture, but he had no idea what the special occasion was.

  “What’s this?” he asked, smiling.

  Bri shrugged. “Your mom and sister went out for the evening. I wanted to do something nice for you for all you’ve done for me.”

  He nodded. “I see. Well, it looks and smells incredible. What did you make? Is there anything that still needs finished that I can help with?”

  She smiled. He was quite the gentleman. His mother did an incredible job with him and she was sad to think the world lost the chance to have another one just like him with Gabe.

  “Nope! I have it all finished. You just sit down and I’ll get your plate.”

  “You don’t have to serve me, Bri. I think you deserve to sit down. I’ll get the plates.”

  He placed his hands on her shoulders, leading her to a dining room chair. He pulled it out for her and pushed it back in as she sat. He disappeared into the kitchen. She heard him sigh a little and say, “Oh my God,” in that way that men do when they see, touch, taste, or smell something they really enjoy.” After a few moments, he came back with two plates. He sat hers down in front of her and got her situated before he sat his own down. He then disappeared before returning with a small glass of wine for himself, which he sometimes had at dinner, and a wine glass with cran-grape juice in it for Bri.

  “Bri, this looks and smells amazing. Thank you.” His words were sincere.

  He smiled at her and she found herself anxious. She looked around. They were completely alone. There was a large, well prepped dinner on the table, he was having wine, she’d even lit candles just before he walked in the door. She had been so fixed on thinking that she was doing this to bridge the gap between them that she didn’t truly realize what she’d done – she’d created a date for them.

  “You’re welcome,” she said. “I wanted to do this as a thank you for all you’ve done. But I also kind of wanted to just spend some time with you. I kind of miss you. It feels like forever since we’ve just sat and really hung out.”

  He thought for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. We really haven’t. I’m sorry about that. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

  “Oh? Like what?” she asked, cutting into her steak. She wanted to know what had been bothering him so much that he didn’t want to spend time with her anymore.

  “Just a lot of random stuff. Oh, speaking of which. Jacqueline and I got your schooling figured out.”

  Bri had no idea how she was going to finish school without having the money to pay for it. She couldn’t let the world know that her parents kicked her out at sixteen, so she couldn’t tell anyone that she didn’t have any money so she could possibly qualify for state aid. Matt said that he would look into it because Jacqueline said that her school had scholarships available to students who didn’t have a lot, but that were high academic achievers. He was hoping that they would get Bri qualified for one of those.

  “Really? Did I qualify for one of the scholarships?”

  “Yes, actually. You should have your books in just a couple of days. I figured out a way to use my parents’ info.”

  Bri’s eyes widened. “That was crafty. So it looks like I have parents.”

  “Right, but they don’t make as much as your parents. So it helped. Don’t ask how I did it.” He laughed. “I’m not even really sure how I pulled it off.”

  She smiled and took his word for it. “Thank you. So I guess this dinner was far more deserved than I even thought.”

  Matt’s phone went off. It was lying on the table. The noise caught Bri off guard and she looked over. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Tara’s name on the screen.

  “Tara?” The name popped out like verbal diarrhea. She couldn’t stop it. Her stomach rolled and she had no idea why. She didn’t know if it was the fight that they’d had over her that caused the space between them, or if it was the fact that he’d been with her so intimately. They’d been ready to have a child together. The thought crushed Bri.

  “Yeah,” Matt said, picking up the phone and reading the text.

  “You’re talking to Tara again?” Bri asked. She was trying to keep her voice level, but she could feel the hurt and anger rising, even though she knew it was irrational and she had no right.

  “It’s no big deal.” He said, “She—”

  “Matt, I think that’s a terrible idea.”

  “What? It’s no big deal, really. She–“

  “Matt,” Bri interrupted once again. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go back down that road. You apparently got hurt very badly being with her the last time.”

  “It’s not what you think, Bri. And, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if it was, it wouldn’t be any of your business.”

  Her heart sank. He was right, but she still felt the sting of his words. Hurt quickly faded as anger replaced it. “None of my business? What is this, Matt? What are we doing?”

  His brows furrowed as he thought of what to say. He knew this was eventually going to happen, but he didn’t know when or how he would react. “What do you mean?”

  “This! Ever since we fought over Tara, you’ve been completely distant. You won’t have anything to do with me. But I still see the evidence that you care. You still bring me medicine, drinks, towels, and anything else that I might need. You still take care of me; it’s just from a distance.”

  “What are you saying?”

  Matt’s heart was fluttering and he didn’t know how to control it. Bri was hurt and angry that he was talking to Tara and he had no idea why. Was she jealous? He’d never once picked up that she may have had feelings for him, though he had always been blind when it came to her. They’d placed each other in the “friend zone” at a very early age and it had never occurred to either one – even with suggestions from others – to change that in any way. So he had no reason to believe she had any feelings for him. He wasn’t sure if it would be a good or bad thing if she did.

  “Matt you take care of me like no one else ever has. You treat me the way I believe a woman is supposed to be treated. You act like I’m some delicate princess for you to serve. And I try to give you the same. I’ve seen you with your girlfriends. You’ve always been that way, but with me you seem to take it even further. That has to mean something. Doesn’t it?”

  He waited a moment, debating on how to approach. After a few
moments, he spoke. “Are you asking if I have feelings for you? If I do the things for you that I do, because I’m in love with you?”

  “Yes. I need to know.” Her reply was short, but he heard the urgency in it.

  She wasn’t telling him that she had feelings for him. She was asking if it was okay to. She was asking him if it was safe to, because if he had feelings for her, then it was okay for her to feel for him too. To him, that was the piece to the puzzle in his mind that he needed to finish. He knew that being with her right now would only hurt her. She needed to be strong for herself and the baby, not him. And he knew she would give everything she is to him, the dinner proved that.

  She doesn’t love me, he thought. She just wants to know how to proceed.

  Matt’s chest ached as he prepared his next words. He didn’t want to speak them, but he did anyway, doing what he always does… Protect Bri.

  “We are friends. We always have been. You are my very best friend and I do love you. But we can’t be together. You have far too much happening in your life.”

  Bri’s eyes began to water. She did her best to control the tears as they came, but it was appearing to be pointless. “You don’t want to be with me?”

  Matt paused, his own emotions going wild. He didn’t care how much it hurt him; he felt that he needed to protect her. “No. I’m sorry, Bri. You need a friend out of me right now. Not a boyfriend. I still go to school and I work a lot, too. I’d never have the time that you and the baby deserve. If I was your boyfriend, I’d only drain from you. I would never be able to build you back up like I can now. You need to focus on yourself and the baby, not me.”

  Hurt and anger raced through her when his phone went off again and she saw Tara’s name. “You’re not good enough for me, but you’re good enough for her? Right. I’m not blind. I know what’s happening. You’re a coward Matthew Jacob Carter. You just can’t tell me what you’re really thinking. You want her because you can have a real family with her. You can’t with me, right? Because I’m having some asshole’s baby? You don’t want me because you don’t want someone else’s kid. You want your own one day. Well this baby will be nothing like him. This baby will be everything good that I have and she would have been good because of you, too. But I guess Tara is your perfect mate, huh?”

  Tears were streaming down Bri’s face. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten so worked up and ruined such a nice dinner. Matt felt terrible. He was about to break. Instead of fighting back with her, he stood without saying a word. He pushed his chair in and walked behind Bri before leaning down and placing his mouth directly beside her ear.

  “No one will ever be more perfect for me than you, Briana.” He kissed her temple and sat his phone down in front of her before walking away.

  She looked down and saw that he had it opened on Tara’s messages. There wasn’t anything there aside from three messages.

  Tara

  Hey, Matt. Sry 2 msg. I know I’m the last person u want 2 talk 2. But I was wondering how Bri is? I heard what happened. With everything that happened w/ us, I feel 4 her.

  Matt

  She’s doing fine. Much better now that she’s home with us. And do me a favor, don’t ever compare what’s going on with her to what happened with us. That girl is far stronger than you. She has a damn spine. Don’t insult her again.

  Tara

  I’m sorry Matt. 4 everything. I won’t bother u again.

  Bri’s hand went to cover her mouth as more tears ran down her face. She had no idea what actually happened between the two, but it was obvious that she didn’t have the whole story. It was also obvious that she had misunderstood the situation. She remembered back to when she interrupted him trying to explain. He was trying to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen.

  No one will ever be more perfect for me than you, Briana. His words echoed through her mind. Had he really meant them? Maybe he’d just meant them like his family always had. They’d always said that they made the best of friends, but no one in the world would make a better couple than them. They were too much alike.

  Bri sat the phone down and wiped her tears. She’d been cruel, throwing that relationship in his face. She’d had no right, but she did it anyway. She stood and began clearing the table. She wrapped the plates in plastic wrap and placed them in the refrigerator before finished with the table and went to the kitchen to finish up there.

  Once she was done, she went upstairs and sat on Matt’s bed. She wasn’t sure where he’d gone, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to see him right then either. She would have dissolved into tears. She felt terrible. She looked around. After a month, she was still sleeping in Matt’s bed, using Matt’s things, and wearing his pajamas. She was using them and giving nothing back. She couldn’t handle living like that any longer.

  Bri sat down at Matt’s computer and typed in his password – BRIISADOUCHE. She sighed at his sense of humor and went online. She looked through the classifieds and saw that a local fast food place was hiring. Sammy Subs. It wasn’t glamorous, but she didn’t have any work experience and it was a place where she could easily get food. Bri immediately put in an application, using the home phone number at Matt’s as contact info.

  Once that was finished, she began doing some research on low income apartments in the area. She found one that only required a six month lease, but it would take a while to get in. She put in a rental application and sent them an email and explained her situation. She heard footsteps and quickly minimized everything on the computer. She got up and crossed the room, making the bed as Matt walked in.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  She didn’t look up. “Like an asshole. I’m sorry.”

  He walked across the room and sat down next to her before placing his hand on hers. “I’m sorry that I lied about Tara. And I’m sorry that I didn’t come clean with the truth after you found out.”

  “She didn’t have a miscarriage, did she?” Bri asked. In her heart she now knew the truth, but she needed to hear it for herself before she settled in to any more assumptions.

  “She and I had been dating for about four months before we started having sex. It was her idea. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to. But I’m traditional when it comes to that. I don’t want to pressure the girl and I don’t bring it up unless she does. We’d only been having sex for about a month when we found out that she was pregnant. One of the condoms had broken and she wasn’t on the pill.” Matt took a deep breath, remembering everything. Bri sat in silence, not wanting to interrupt him or bother him with questions. “When she told me, I wasn’t worried at all. In fact, I was happy. Yeah, I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t care. I had a job and had for over a year. I had a lot of money saved up and I have an incredibly supportive family. We would have made it. She told me that she was scared, that she didn’t think she could handle the pressure at school. She said her parents would freak out. I did my best to comfort her. I told her that I would take care of her and not let anything happen to her, but that wasn’t enough. When she was about two months along, she told me that she had a miscarriage. I was devastated, but when I talked to mom, she said that it was normal. She said a lot of women miscarry in their first trimester and with teens, it’s highly likely.”

  “So how did you find out that she had an abortion?” Bri asked.

  Matt was silent for a few moments, lost in that time not long ago. “I was at her house. I tried to be with her as much as possible after that and I never brought up sex. I didn’t want it. All I wanted was to be with her and make sure she was okay. We’d just lost our child; I thought we should be together as much as possible. It had been a few weeks since then. We’d just gotten home from going for a run. She’d made comments about wanting to have sex, though I had no interest. She decided to take a shower and I waited in her room. I was in there for about ten minutes before her parents got loud. They were fighting and had no idea we were back. I heard her dad shouting at her mother about having to pay doctor bills for their dau
ghter. Naturally, I was upset. So, I did something that was out of character for me, but I was still feeling the sting of the loss and went in there to confront them about being so cold. I yelled at them for being so cold about the loss of their grandchild and that they should have more respect for Tara because she was having a hard enough time without having to deal with selfish parents.”

  Bri was saddened for Matt. She knew he was the type to fight for his family, but she had no idea he’d gone through anything like this. It was heartbreaking for her. She couldn’t imagine what he’d gone through.

  “When I finished yelling, I noticed they had very confused expressions. They had no idea what I was talking about. They looked at me and asked me why I was yelling at them over an abortion that I demanded.”

  Bri’s eyes widened. “Wait – what? That you demanded?”

  He nodded. “Tara told them that I’d demanded an abortion and that she thought it was for the best, too. It was true that Tara’s parents weren’t excited about their teen daughter having a baby, but they didn’t want her to get an abortion. But, they decided that if she couldn’t feel any love for the baby while pregnant and so close to it, that she likely never would. And she absolutely refused to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption.”

  “So what happened then?” Bri asked. It blurted out before she was able to stop herself. She felt disrespectful for even having asked.

  “Once her parents realized that I legitimately thought she had a miscarriage, their opinion of me dramatically changed. Tara got out of the shower and found all of us in her parents’ room and when she saw the look on our faces she knew she was busted. Her parents began screaming at her. I didn’t even have it in me. I was devastated because of the loss of my unborn child, and at that point I was so devastated by the fact that the mother was so cold and uncaring that I was numb. And the fact that the whole reason she went straight in to take a shower was just for sex still makes me want to put my fist through something.”