‘Hey, there.’ He sounded as relaxed as she felt. ‘Are you ready?’
She was ready. It had been a long journey, and it wasn’t just miles they’d covered together. But she was finally at her destination and she knew what she wanted now. ‘Where are you?’
‘Take a look outside your window.’
She battled the billowing muslin curtains and walked through the glazed doors out onto a balcony. Not so much a balcony as an open corridor, which looked down on a small courtyard, planted with trees and flowers. Lucas was down there, dressed all in white.
‘What are you doing down there?’ Exploring, no doubt. Lucas could never resist that.
‘Waiting for you to let down your golden hair.’
She could see his face, tipped up towards her, and she smiled down at him.
‘Sorry, not long enough.’ He was different. And so was she.
‘Just as well there are stairs, then.’ He disappeared for a moment and Thea leaned over the stone balustrade to see what he was doing. In the corner of the courtyard an open-sided stone staircase ran up the side of the building. When he got to the third floor he disappeared for a moment and then reappeared from an opening twenty yards from where she was standing.
‘That’s very neat. Is this the only way you can get down there?’ Thea peered over the edge of the balcony.
‘The restaurant on the ground floor leads onto the courtyard.’
‘Architecture for lovers.’ Thea could imagine a young man slipping into the leafy courtyard at night and climbing the moonlit steps to his lover’s balcony. The thought made her smile.
His gaze was on her face. They both knew what was about to happen. They’d known all along but they’d come here anyway. Thea backed into her room and he followed, closing the balcony doors behind them and snapping the locks tight.
‘Come here.’
There was no hesitation, no questioning when he took her into his arms and kissed her. It felt so natural, as if this was where she was supposed to be, and everything else was just artifice. His body was hard, unyielding and she wanted him now. Right now.
She reached down and her trembling fingers felt in his trouser pocket. Nothing.
‘Other one.’ He bent to kiss her neck, while she slid her hand into the other pocket and found what she was looking for.
‘Just one?’
‘I’ve got some more in my room. I didn’t want to appear over-confident.’
‘Okay. Just under-provisioned.’ One condom wasn’t going to get them very far.
‘It’s enough.’ He pulled her against him hard and she gasped. Kissed her hard, letting her feel his passion. Letting her know what was coming.
‘Now, Lucas.’ Before anything stopped them. There was time for long and slow later. There was time for everything else later, but they had to break the long years of being alone, which stood between them.
‘Not yet.’ His lips curved into a delicious smile, ‘Soon, though.’
His fingertips trailed around her waist and then he slipped his hand between the folds of fabric of her skirt. He tugged hard at the fabric of her knickers and she heard them rip. ‘You ready for me?’
His hand slid along the inside of her leg, and his fingers found the answer to his question. She was more ready for him than she could stand right now.
‘Lucas.’ He knew every part of her, every last tremor and every quickening. And he could use them all. She curled her fingers around the condom she’d taken out of his pocket and tugged at his belt with the other hand.
He chuckled, bending to kiss her forehead. ‘Wait, my love. Wait.’ His hand brushed against her breast and she cried out in frustration. ‘First things first.’
He pulled back for a moment, undoing a couple of the buttons on his shirt and then losing patience and pulling it over his head. One hand reached for the ice bucket on the sideboard. Cold on her lips, followed by the heat of a kiss. Her body started to shake and he wound one arm around her waist, supporting her weight against him, trailed the ice cube along the line of her jaw and down her throat.
A soft melody of heat and cold played on her skin. Slowly he unbuttoned her shirt, unhooked her bra. The warmth of his mouth on hers, and icy shivers running down her spine.
‘Thea.’ He choked out her name, and this time he didn’t resist when she undid his belt and zipper. Her skirt joined the growing pile of discarded clothes at their feet and then she was in his arms and he was carrying her to the bed.
She held him tight, feeling the delicious press of his body on hers. ‘I’ve never forgotten how it feels to have you inside me, Lucas.’
He caught his breath and she felt his body harden. He was stronger, broader than he had been. Somehow more tender. ‘I’ve never forgotten either. But I want you to let that go now. Feel it again for the first time.’
The one last trace of doubt fell away. It didn’t matter if they couldn’t re-create old memories. They were making new ones. ‘Yes.’
She rolled the condom down over him, and he gasped at her touch. Then his weight was on her, pinning her down. He slid inside her, just an inch, and she groaned, feeling her whole body begin to quiver. Leaning on his elbows, he grasped her hands and she hung onto him tightly. He kissed her, sliding inside her as he did so, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, so she could move against him.
‘I’m…’ She couldn’t stop it now.
‘I know.’ The way his body was trembling with every strong thrust told her that Lucas wouldn’t be too far behind her. His fingers curled tightly around hers and he kissed her again.
When she came Thea thought for a moment she was going to black out. But she could feel him with her, his body tightening, convulsing along with hers. She looked up into his eyes and knew that she was finally home.
* * *
He woke with her in his arms in the early hours of the morning. It felt so good to know, once more, that everything was right with the world and that he was where he was supposed to be, with Thea curled up against his chest, fast asleep.
When he felt her stir, he found her hand and her fingers twined with his. He let her wake up and then dropped a kiss on her neck. ‘You okay, honey?’
She laughed, and pulled his hand up to her lips to kiss his fingers. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
Good question. Last night they’d taken everything to the limit. Extreme passion, and extreme tenderness. There had been moments when Lucas had thought his body would break and his heart would burst, but somehow he was in one piece this morning. And still wanting her.
She moved lazily against him. ‘What’s the time?’
‘Four o’clock. We don’t have to get up for another hour or so.’
‘And you’re going to sneak back to your room again? It’s not strictly necessary, you know. Tourist hotels usually turn a blind eye to unmarried couples sharing a room.’
‘I know. I quite like the element of subterfuge, though.’
The previous evening, when hunger for each other had temporarily given way to the need to eat, Lucas had got dressed and slipped back to his own room via the balcony, showering quickly and emerging from the other door leading to the hotel corridor. Thea had emerged from her own room at almost the same moment, for all the world as if they’d been alone in their rooms, reading quietly or unpacking for the last couple of hours. Not touching her for the duration of a long, lazy meal turned the first brush of his fingers on her cheek, when they were alone again, into a confection of pleasure.
She chuckled. ‘We wouldn’t have lasted in Bangladesh. No fancy hotels to run away to.’
‘No. But the two of us in Bangladesh… It was never going to happen, I didn’t give it a chance.’ The tattoo on his arm reminded him of that. Was reminding him now that Thea was too precious to be hurt again and that he had to go carefully. The idea of a forgiven past had overwhelmed those fears last night, but they were always waiting to return.
‘I know. It doesn’t matter now.’ The friction of her body
against his as she moved to kiss him brought his senses alive again.
‘You’re not even slightly angry with me?’ He raised an eyebrow and she laughed.
‘What? Angry sex? Remember that time when I was so furious with you that I made you sleep on the sofa?’
‘I do.’ His body was hardening just at the thought. ‘And then you crept in while I was asleep and tied me up. It was terrible.’
‘Not what you said at the time.’
Lucas chuckled, kissing her brow. ‘What was that all about?’ He could remember nothing about the argument and everything about the way she’d caressed his body, teasing him until he’d begged her to finish it, vowing that he’d never cross her again.
‘No idea. Probably something that didn’t matter.’
‘It all matters, Thea. You keep me honest. Don’t ever stop nudging me back into shape when I need it.’
‘Nudging?’
‘Wrenching. Twisting.’
‘Kissing?’ She brushed her lips against his.
‘That I particularly like. You bring me joy, Thea. You always have.’ He whispered the words into her ear and felt her snuggle against him.
‘Lucas.’ She murmured his name, and it was all he wanted to hear. That, and the little sound she made just before she came.
He reached across her for the little bottle of lavender oil on the nightstand, putting it in her hand. She took off the top, carefully dropping some into his palm. It was time to take things slowly.
Just before the dawn, as she broke in his arms, she said it. The words he felt in his heart but that he still felt he had no right to hear.
‘I love you.’
* * *
They walked together silently along the wide pathway that led to the Taj Mahal. Not so much as the brush of a finger’s touch. Thea wore a long skirt and a scarf slung around her shoulders in a gesture of respect for the place. She seemed serene, almost ethereally lovely, and Lucas was proud to be the one walking by her side towards the marble dome, pale in the morning sunlight.
‘It’s beautiful.’ Lucas knew she had a camera in her bag but, unlike most of the tourists around them, her first instinct wasn’t to take it out. Thea seemed to be content with drinking in a moment that couldn’t be captured digitally.
‘Yes.’ He slowed his pace and she fell into step beside him. As she moved, the almost imperceptible scent of lavender floated towards him on the breeze.
* * *
They’d explored everything. Stopped to look at the detail of the magnificent carvings and inlay work, marvelled at the curve of the red and gold ceiling. The dome had turned from pink against a clear morning sky to pure white as the clouds had gathered and the last of the monsoon rains had freshened the air and made the marble terraces sparkle. Finally shades of amber and red as the sun had begun to set, reflections shimmering in the water of the reflecting pool.
‘We missed the market.’ Lucas was looking out of the window of the minibus as they sped along the highway back to the hotel.
‘I’d rather have done what we did. You can’t rush a place like that.’ Next time, maybe they’d see the market. Thea dared to wonder if maybe she would see the Taj Mahal again with Lucas, and resolved that if that wasn’t to be, she’d never come back here again.
‘Yeah.’ He stretched in his seat, stifling a yawn. ‘You’re right. We’ll have to come back to see the rest.’
She dozed for most of the two-hour journey back to the hotel, and they ate a late supper together in the quiet dining room. Then up to her room to throw off her clothes, shower and fall into bed.
The click of the latch on the balcony doors, and she smiled.
‘Okay, honey?’ Lucas’s body, curling around hers, warm and comfortable.
‘Yeah. Sleepy.’
‘I know. It’s been a good day, hasn’t it?’ His fingers brushed her cheek, and he leaned over to kiss her forehead.
‘A wonderful day.’
‘Sleep now.’ He twined his fingers around hers and Thea fell asleep, holding his hand to her heart.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
HE WAS SPRAWLED on the bed in the morning light, tangled in a sheet and sleeping soundly. The kind of image that you wanted to keep for ever, locked away in your heart in case the sunshine made it fade. Thea ran her finger lightly along his arm, careful not to wake him. The contour of his shoulder. The valleys and ridges of his biceps and triceps. Perfect. He was undeniably perfect.
The only mark on his body was the tattoo, and that was something he’d done out of love, to reassure a grieving child. When he was old, maybe the ink would have spread and it would blur a little, but it would still be a reminder that Lucas’s heart was the truest she’d ever known. If only she could help him believe that. If only she could persuade him that all the good things in life were his to take, if he’d just reach out.
Today, though, he seemed determined to take them. A late breakfast and a lazy morning sitting in wicker chairs, watching the last of the monsoon rains.
After lunch, Lucas disappeared to find the hotel concierge and returned with a borrowed chess set, the pieces intricately carved from ebony and sandalwood, a Maharaja and Maharani presiding over warriors mounted on elephants and horses. They played once with Western rules and then a second time with Indian rules, gleaned from a book that the concierge had produced.
It had seemed a perfect day, but when she lay in her bed that night, waiting to see his shadow outside on the balcony, he didn’t come. Maybe he was calling Ava. He’d said that he would after they ate. Thea drifted off to sleep, in the fond belief that he’d wake her when he slipped into bed beside her.
At breakfast, he looked tired. The one question that she wanted to ask had to wait until they were alone together, sitting on the balcony outside her room.
‘You didn’t come.’ Maybe he’d fallen asleep.
‘No, I…’ He looked at her thoughtfully. Suddenly it seemed as if he was a million miles away. ‘There’s no easy way to say this, Thea.’
No. Not after just two nights.
‘Just say whatever’s on your mind.’ Don’t say it. Please, don’t say it.
‘I think we should…’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not going to make the same mistakes I made last time.’
She managed to breathe again. He hadn’t said it. Not making mistakes was a good thing, wasn’t it?
‘We have to end it now, Thea. We can’t continue together.’
For a moment she wondered what he was talking about. He sounded so cold, as if he was cancelling an ill-conceived business deal. ‘But… What do you mean, Lucas? What’s happened? Did you speak to Ava last night? Is she all right?’
‘Ava’s fine. I’m talking about you and me. These few days have been…’
‘Don’t say it, Lucas. Don’t you dare say that these two days have been wonderful and then leave me. Don’t.’
‘Think about it, Thea. You want to travel some more, you’ve said it yourself. I can’t do that, I have to be there for Ava. I’m not in a position to share my life with anyone, not right now.’
‘Don’t you mean that you’re just too afraid? In case something goes wrong?’ Thea could have bitten off her own tongue. Why did she have to say that?
For a moment she thought he was wavering. For one sweet minute she thought she saw the warmth in his eyes that preceded a kiss.
‘No, Thea.’ He almost choked out the words. ‘I won’t do this again. I won’t string you along, pretend to you that it’s all going to work out and then pull the carpet out from under you. I did it once, and I won’t do it again.’
‘Lucas! That doesn’t make any sense at all.’ He was going to leave her, just in case he broke her heart. Didn’t he know that she’d rather take her chances?
‘It makes sense, Thea. There’s a whole world out there. You need to spread your wings, find your place in life again. Maybe I do too.’
She was tempted to tell him that they were her wings and she’d do whatever she pleased with the
m. But nothing she said was going to change his mind. She’d seen that look before, and Lucas was deadly serious about this.
‘You really mean it, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I do.’
Suddenly it hit her. History was repeating itself. They’d taken the risk, pushed their relationship to the limit, and Lucas was no more able to commit to her now than he’d been seven years ago.
She stood up, her legs shaking. ‘I won’t come after you, Lucas. Not this time.’
‘I don’t want you to.’ He couldn’t even look at her.
Thea turned and walked away from him, closing the balcony door behind her and locking it tight.
* * *
When Thea hadn’t appeared for lunch, Lucas had sent one of the hotel’s housekeepers up to see whether she was all right. He was told that she’d checked out three hours ago. Mad with worry at the thought of her travelling alone, he summoned the concierge, who gave him the number of the flight he’d booked for her, and Lucas called a taxi and went to the airport.
Her flight had already taken off. She’d done what he’d told her to do, and now that she was gone she wouldn’t be back. All he could do was wait, and check that her flight had landed on time in Mumbai, and that she had boarded the flight to London.
The airport was a vast and lonely place. A sea of bobbing heads, and none of them was Thea’s. But she was on her way home. She’d be all right. He knew that he had done the right thing.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MONDAY MORNING. AND, of course, it was raining. India seemed a very long way away. Thea picked up her bag, let herself out of the house, and walked to the Underground. She’d spoken at a conference, confronted her fears, and with Lucas’s help she’d won. She’d made love and then she’d cried. Now it was time to go back to work.
Day One: Lucas’s writing on a patient’s case notes.
Day Three: Do the patients have to keep asking where that nice Dr West is?
Day Five: Note for the weekend: write up conference notes for Michael.
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