“Then I came back.”
It was as if he’d read her mind. “Suddenly the walls I’d built that kept you firmly in my past crumbled…and I started to play the ‘what if’ game. You know, what if I hadn’t left town, hadn’t left you….”
Her voice trembled and she pressed her fingers to her lips for a moment. The compassion in his eyes almost caused her to release what little control she had left. “And instead of dealing with those questions, I lashed out at you. Picking on everything from your home to your career, even your health, just so I wouldn’t have to face…”
“It’s okay, Lee. I understand.”
She gripped the door with one hand and braced the other against the wall, her knees suddenly weak. “I was afraid telling you would…change things between us.” She forced the question from her lips because she had to know. “Has it?”
Bobby’s jaw clenched for a moment then he said, “Yeah, I think so.”
Her heart dropped. “I see.”
“No, Lee…wait.” He reached out, his calloused fingers brushing along her chin. “Everything we’ve learned about each other, about our pasts, the good and the bad, over the last couple of weeks has led us to where we are right now. But that doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind about spending time with you. Talking, laughing, touching…kissing.”
The breath disappearing from her lungs. “You still want—you want to kiss me?”
“Oh, yeah.”
The longing in his voice both thrilled and worried her, but in a good way. Would he kiss her now? Should she reach out to him? Uncertainty kept her motionless as silence stretched between them.
Finally Bobby dropped his hand and took a step back, breaking the spell woven between them.
“Good night, Lee.”
She nodded and closed the door. Willing herself not to cry, she refused to allow her disappointment to fall over the edge into rejection.
Quickly undressing, Leeann pulled on the large T-shirt, knowing the sweatpants he’d given her would never stay up. Face washed and teeth brushed, she slipped between the cool sheets. The bedside clock read eleven o’clock. She closed her eyes and tried to give in to the exhaustion.
Three hours later, she was still wide awake.
After finally figuring out the remote control for the flat-screen television, she couldn’t find anything but infomercials, repeats of eighties sitcoms and a black-and-white movie version of Pride and Prejudice that hit a little too close to home.
A sudden need for a cup of hot tea had Leeann crawling out of bed.
Opening the bedroom door, she strained to hear any signs that Bobby might still be up and moving around, but silence greeted her and she made her way to the kitchen. Minutes later, she hit the button on the microwave to release the door before the buzzer sounded. She quickly dunked the tea bag then sipped at the strong, hot liquid. Straight, no milk, lemon or sugar.
Already she felt better.
Padding barefoot across the family room, she stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass wall, drank her tea and got lost in the sound of the rain still coming down until—
Was that a moan?
Spinning around, she quickly moved into the living room. She waited. Listening. Maybe she’d been wrong. No, the sound came again, longer and louder, it echoed down the hallway that led to the master bedroom.
Without pausing to consider if she should, Leeann placed the mug on the fireplace mantel and turned the corner. When she reached Bobby’s partially open bedroom door, a faint light flickered inside. It had to be from a television.
Maybe that’s what she heard.
No, there it was again. It was him.
She crept closer. Was he awake? In pain? She peeked inside, her eyes immediately drawn to the king-size bed against the far wall and the man writhing beneath the covers.
“Bobby?”
His only response was another deep groan.
She hurried across the room to the side of the bed where he laid, eyes squeezed closed as his head rocked back and forth against the pillows. His legs scissored beneath the blankets, which gathered low at his waist.
“Got to…got to get out…” His words burst from his mouth as his hand clawed at air.
Oh, God, he was in the middle of a nightmare. Should she try to wake him? She couldn’t leave him like this.
“Got to get to Lee…”
The anguish in his voice as he said her name tore at her heart. Was he dreaming about her? Had she caused this by telling him what had happened? She’d certainly experienced her own share of nightmares about that night.
“Bobby, can you hear me? Please, you need to wake up.”
His tightly shut eyes and incoherent mutterings told her that he was still lost in his nightmare.
She had to do something to help.
Leaning over, she gently placed one hand on his bare biceps. The muscles bunched beneath her touch. “Bobby, please.”
In a heartbeat, he grabbed her and yanked her against his chest. She cried out, reaching for his shoulders, missing and landing hard on top of him. He instinctively rolled, trapping her beneath him.
Panic flooded her veins, trading logic and reason with immobilizing fear. Instinctively, she struggled to wiggle free, but his sheet-covered legs pinned hers in place, his hips molding perfectly in line to hers.
“Bobby, it’s me. It’s Leeann.”
Saying the words aloud helped her to remember where she was and who was holding her down. She repeated them again and again, her terror fading when she curved her arms around his waist. The weight of him was heavy, yet familiar even after all these years.
His hold on her shoulders lightened when she touched him, but then his head dipped to the curve of her neck.
“Lee…” He whispered her name again, his breath ragged and hot against her skin.
Pinpricks of pleasure danced across her skin, causing her to shiver. With delight, not fear. Elation centered in her chest then splintered into a million pieces filling every inch of her.
Instinct now had her pressing closer to him. “Yes, it’s me. Wake up, Bobby, you’re dreaming, but it’s okay. I’m right here with you.”
He was going to die.
Bobby’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as he struggled to control the careening mess of twisted metal that used to be his race car. Other drivers flew by in a vivid and dazzling array of bright colors while the screech of tires and clang of crushed sheet metal pounded in his head.
The pungent stink of burned rubber and the stomach-heaving stench of gasoline filled his nose. Thick dark smoke made it impossible to see. Seconds later, he was airborne, twisting and flipping, the harness and safety belt holding his body in place.
Then a gust of wind cleared the air and he could see someone—a woman—standing in the middle of the track, oblivious to the racing machines screaming past her.
Leeann.
She stood there, smiling, her arms raised out to him, calling his name.
Was she crazy? She was going to be killed!
He had to get to her, keep her protected and safe from harm. Finally the upside-down motion stopped and he was on the ground, crawling across burning asphalt, dirt and rocks digging into his skin.
He reached her, pulled her into his arms and covered her, sheltering her body with his. The clean scent of her skin, her gentle touch, her words assuring him she was okay, pushed away his panic and fear.
“Bobby, it’s okay, everything is all right.”
Her words a warm whisper as her lips brushed against his ear, her soft curves pressed into the hard lines of his body. He opened his mouth to respond, but the temptation of her arched neck was too much to resist. Nipping lightly, he felt her answering shudder run the length of their bodies.
So real and yet he knew he was dreaming.
Unable to stop, he traced the curve of her jaw with his mouth, inching closer to the one reward he craved. Anticipation burned until her soft sigh welcomed him home. Then her hands urged
him closer as he received a kiss from the one girl he’d never forgotten.
This was what Bobby had dreamed of for years while laying in his army bunk, then a waterbed at his lakeside condo and more recently a hospital bed.
What a sweet dream it was.
Leeann back in his arms, returning kisses that held the faint nostalgia of their youth, but also burned with the adult fire of renewed passion.
Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he leaned to one side, wanting the space to touch her, to kiss her, everywhere.
She moved a hand from his back to his face, angling her head as the kiss deepened and his tongue boldly swept over hers. His fingers trailed down the side of her body, grazing over one breast until they cupped the sexy curve of her hip.
Desire overrode caution, even if he wasn’t completely sure why they should be careful. Then she broke free with a soft moan that drove his mouth lower to leave wet kisses along her collarbone as he pushed aside the loose collar of her T-shirt.
One of her legs slipped between his, but all he felt was the cottony smoothness of the bed linen. He wanted—needed—to feel the smoothness of her skin. Releasing her waist, his hand dropped lower until he was rewarded with the warmth of her upper thigh. A memory of how ticklish she’d been returned, and his fingers lightly danced over her skin.
Her hand slid over his, curling around his wrist, then squeezing tight. “B-Bobby…”
Her trembling sigh went straight to his heart. Then his head.
The warm fuzziness disappeared with the shock of realizing he was awake. He stilled. This wasn’t a dream. Leeann really was in his arms, in his bed.
But how? When had they—
Squeezing his eyes tight, he fought off the lingering effects of his nightmare and tried to remember how they’d ended up tangled in his sheets. Then her haunting words from just a few hours ago came back to him, twisting his gut. Bracing himself on his elbow, he backed off, hating the cool air that touched his skin even as she arched beneath him.
He twisted free of her hold on his wrist. “Lee, wait.”
She went still before a shiver racked her body, vibrating through him where they laid pressed together.
Using every nasty cussword in his extensive vocabulary, Bobby silently berated himself for his stupidity and withdrew even farther, trying to bring his body’s natural instincts back under control.
He grabbed the far edge of the comforter and pulled it over her. “We can’t…” he said. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Because you’re awake now?” Leeann’s words fell from her mouth in a hushed whisper.
He was handling this all wrong.
Never mind the fact he didn’t have the slightest clue how he was supposed to handle a situation like this.
Bobby dropped back against the pillows and cushioned headboard, his arm still caught under her shoulders. He pulled her toward him, but she resisted.
“I’d like to hold you…and explain.” If he could. Hell, his mind was so jumbled he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Or how his reasons for pulling away from her were going to come out. “If you’ll let me.”
He waited, not bothering to count. He’d stay here, just like this, for as long as it took. Finally, Leeann rolled toward him, stretching her long, lean body next to his, her head nestled on his shoulder. She brought her warmth and the quilted comforter with her, draping it over both of them.
Good thing, too. While his head and his heart told him what had just happened between them was too soon, certain parts of his body were having a tough time getting with the program.
Then he thought again about what she’d shared with him and his desire cooled, replaced by a burning need for retribution that was six years too late.
Revenge would do nothing to help Leeann now, so he pushed the feeling aside and gently wrapped his arm around her. “I can’t explain what just happened. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m sor—”
She reached up and laid a hand over his mouth. “The last thing I need right now is an apology.”
Silence filled the air for a long moment before she withdrew her hand and tucked it beneath her own chin. “I couldn’t sleep,” she continued. “I heard you from the living room and realized you were having a bad dream. I tried to wake—”
“And I yanked you down and kissed you.”
“And I kissed you back. So I don’t understand what the problem is.”
Bobby sighed and tried to gather his scattered thoughts before he spoke. Even so, he had a feeling this was going to come out wrong.
Chapter Eleven
“I don’t think you’re ready for this.” He looked down and saw only the top of her head, her dark hair shining in the flickering light from the flat-screen television. “When I held you down with my body, you tried to get away from me.”
That had been a guess, since he’d been lost in his own sweet dream then, but Leeann’s continued silence told him he was right.
Pieces of his nightmare came back to him. He realized it was connected to what she’d share with him tonight. He wanted to save her from that horrific event, and yet when he actually had her in his arms, he let his need and desire override common decency.
He’d never felt more like a loser in his life.
“At first, yes, I was scared.” Leeann’s voice was soft, but clear. “You were dreaming…about me. You called out my name. So I concentrated on who was holding me and touching me… I know you weren’t trying to hurt me.”
Bobby closed his eyes when her warm breath brushed over his bare chest. She pressed against the length of his body, one long bare leg peeking out from the comforter to curl up over his. She was probably unaware of what she was doing, but her body heat steamed through the silky cotton sheet between them.
His libido started to respond again, but this wasn’t the right time and it had nothing to do with her confession last night.
Okay, that was a lie, but he couldn’t stay next to her and trust himself to keep his hands off her. He had no idea what it would mean if they made love again.
After all this time, after all they’d been through, were they just looking to re-create what they shared years ago? Was Leeann even ready for a physical relationship?
With him, of all people?
With so much of his life still undecided, like whether he could get his racing career back on track or if he should invest in this crazy summer-camp idea, Bobby didn’t have anything to offer Leeann.
He couldn’t have just a no-strings-attached fling with her. Not with the woman he once planned to spend the rest of his life with. If they did start something, were they just heading for a bigger crash than the one he’d experienced six months ago?
He honestly didn’t know if he could survive that.
“Is my past too much to deal with?” Lee’s voice cut through his thoughts. “I haven’t been intimate with anyone since the attack. A few dates, here and there, but it never went anywhere. Wrong time, wrong men, I don’t know… I guess it was just me.”
He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “It’s not you.”
“I thought because of our history together and how great these last couple week have been—”
Her voice broke and Bobby was sure she’d choked back a sob.
“Lee, I just told you, it’s not you.”
“Stop saying that!” She shook her head against his chest and he felt her tears on his skin. “Please just tell me the truth.”
She wanted the truth, fine, but he wanted to see her face, to look into her eyes and know she believed him when he told her. Placing his hands on her hair, he started to tilt her up to face him. Leeann flinched and cried out. He immediately let go, realizing what he’d done when her fingers frantically brushed over the short strands.
“Lee, I’m sorry.” A dull ache sat hard in his stomach as he watched her movements. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t.” She rose, propping herself on one arm, her head bent and her hai
r hiding her face. “My h-hair got caught in your watch.”
He looked at his wrist, his heart twisting into a tight knot when he saw the dark strands caught in the watchband he’d forgotten to remove last night. Yanking it off, he tossed the watch to his bedside table.
Except for getting Leeann to come back here for dinner, nothing about this night was going as planned. Hell, except for his physical therapy, nothing had since he arrived in town. A part of him had known being back in Destiny was going to be hard, but reconnecting with Leeann in ways he never thought possible was reawakening old and surprisingly painful memories.
“Losing you devastated me.”
She finally looked at him.
“When you ended things.” Bobby paused, wanting to make sure Lee wasn’t crying. Her eyes were wide with surprise, but dry. “When you walked away from everything, I thought my world had come to an end.”
Leeann nodded. “Graduation was the next day and it was all such a blur, I don’t really remember much of it.”
“If it wasn’t for my mother, I probably wouldn’t have even gone to the ceremony. I stayed long enough to grab my diploma, then Justin and I took off for an old hunting cabin with a case of beer and a few bottles of Jack.”
“And I headed to New York the next day. I…I thought you would come after me.”
“Me, you and your parents in the Big Apple?”
“They didn’t—I told them to stay home. My prize included a furnished apartment for a month and the chance to secure a modeling contract, which I did within the first couple of weeks. I was determined to make it on my own.”
Now he was the one who was surprised. “Lee, I had to report to the army two weeks after graduation.”
She gave a halfhearted shrug. “Still, there was two weeks.”
“You threw the ring at my head.”
“I know, I remember.” Leeann closed her eyes for a moment. “I guess I really wanted you to be happy for me, to share in what I wanted to do. Boy, it sounds as crazy now for me to say that as it was for me to think that way back then.”
Bobby sighed and tunneled his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, well, I spent most of those fourteen days drunk off my ass. Thankfully, the following months in boot camp and training saved me. I ate, lived and breathed the army so I could get over—”
Welcome Home, Bobby Winslow Page 13