“Michelle, you should show your mom some of the features of her new car,” I said to her.
“Ted, it’s nine thirty at night,” she said. “I can show her in the morning.”
“Oh, but she’ll love it,” I responded, eager to get her to leave the house for a few minutes. Then, I turned the plea to her mother. “You won’t believe all of the features these new cars have now. The technology is incredible.”
“Ted, it’s 12 degrees out,” Michelle started.
“That’s okay,” her mother said. “We’ll just go out for a minute. I’d love to see it.” Michelle just looked from her mom to me and back again, then shrugged her shoulders and picked up her jacket.
I knew they wouldn’t last long in the dark of night and with it being so bitter cold. As soon as the door closed behind them, I turned to her father.
I had gotten to know her parents fairly well by this point, and I was excited to broach this idea to her father of me marrying his daughter soon. I dove in and admitted that I had fallen in love with Michelle, that I didn’t want to take the chance of ever losing her, and asked for his blessing should she agree to be my wife. Although I had strongly suspected that he would happily agree, it was still a relief when he smiled and spoke his consent just as the door opened again. That night, I did my best to contain my happiness and excitement so I wouldn’t give anything away.
On the following trip to New York City for the Thanksgiving holiday, Michelle started to feel a bit ill.
“Ted, I’m not feeling very well. I think I’d rather stay in for the night,” she told me.
“Let’s just go get some dinner. I made reservations at Gotham Bar and Grill.” I could tell that she didn’t feel up to going, but it was important that she did. She was even more shocked when I ordered an abundance of food and drinks—oysters, French wine, truffle pasta, and more.
“Ted, are you sure that you really want to order all of that? I’m not very hungry. I’m still feeling a little off,” she kept saying. I assured her that I was hungry enough. When the food came, despite her cold, she couldn’t resist. It was delicious. I smiled at her when the waiter had cleared the plates away. She smiled in return.
“What would you do, Michelle, if I asked you to marry me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Really? You have to ask what my answer would be after all of this time?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that before pulling the ring from my pocket.
“Michelle, will you do me the honor of being my wife?” Her smile grew and she laughed a little.
“Of course! Yes!”
Then I kissed her. She couldn’t believe that I had the ring with me the entire time.
There was a group of people seated close enough to have overheard the whole exchange. “Was that the proposal?” one of them asked with a chuckle.
Michelle happily laughed back. “It was.”
“Did you say yes?”
“Of course I did,” she responded with a big smile. The guy laughed and his whole group offered up a series of “Congratulations!”
Not far behind this, the maître d’, whom I had come to know well on previous business engagements I attended at Gotham, came over to offer his congratulations as well. And behind him was a waiter carrying a cake in honor of Michelle agreeing to marry me.
Perhaps it made her feel better, or made her forget the cold, because after that, we sat and enjoyed dessert and drinks and spoke about our future.
“How do you think your mom will respond?” I asked, laughing, though I already knew her answer. She laughed again. She was soon turning forty and had lived the single life throughout her twenties and thirties. We both knew that both of her parents would be more than happy to hear that she was going to settle down. “My mom? You’re more worried about her reaction than my dad’s?”
“Well, yes. I already asked his permission.”
“What? When?”
“While you were showing the new features of her new car to her,” I answered and then watched as the realization crossed her face.
“That’s why you wanted me to show her the car in the dark, in freezing cold temperatures?”
I just laughed in response. And, when I later told my brothers and sister, they all showed excitement. My life was moving forward. Michelle made me feel complete. Well, almost complete . . .
We hadn’t been engaged for long when we decided that we were missing something—not between us, but rather we were ready to share something. I asked her to move in with me, and she gave up her West Hollywood apartment. When we had settled on a house together, we moved in and started yet another search—the hunt was on for the perfect pet. The title went to an adorable Pomsky (a combination of a husky and a Pomeranian), which we named Zorro, because his coloring made it look as though he were wearing the mask of Zorro. Our life was truly beginning to feel full as we welcomed the adorable, funny, cuddly fur baby into our home.
At some point, though, we knew that we were going to have to deal with planning a wedding. Initially, we thought about eloping or just having our families and a few friends over to the house for an intimate ceremony. However, as we talked more about what we wanted to do after the wedding, it became clear that it might be best to combine the wedding, reception, and honeymoon into a fantastic trip overseas.
She asked about my heritage, and that led to us discovering that neither of us had ever been to Scotland. Arrangements were made for a trip to scout the castles in the country of my ancestors. A relative of a friend was able to help us narrow our search before we left the United States. When we arrived and saw them in person, there was no question in our minds. We both fell in love with Borthwick Castle, a fifteenth-century, well-maintained, historically pertinent castle kept in near-original state. There were no elevators, the doorways were small and rounded, and one could even tour the dungeons in its cellars. It was authentic. It made us feel as though we had fallen into an episode of another of our favorite shows, Game of Thrones. Although it wasn’t really the set of Game of Thrones, it had once housed Mary, Queen of Scots. It was beautiful. It was the perfect site for a May wedding.
Just before Memorial Day, we made the return trip to Borthwick Castle, in Edinburgh, Scotland. On the 28th of May, we were wed before forty-five guests—family and friends willing to make the trip overseas to see us united. An owl named Bonnie carried the rings across the chapel and to the arm of the best man. The small pouch carried by Bonnie was removed by the maid of honor, and she handed it to the minister. In the pouch were the rings that would mark the start of our lives as a married couple.
There are challenges in life. Everyone must face obstacles along the way. These can be so large, at times, that they seem to cast a shadow over the light at the end of the tunnel. But if you keep fighting, working hard for what you want most, for what matters most, you may find a brighter light than you ever expected.
There are times when I simply sit in our home alone, watching our puppy run around and reflecting on everything that has taken place since the stroke. I ask myself, “If I had to do it all again, would I do it differently? Would I write a different story for myself?”
The answer to those questions are always the same. I wouldn’t change anything! There were many obstacles, a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of effort was required to conquer them, but now I am bearing the fruits of my labor, while still being able to give back to the people who need it most.
Acknowledgments
I would like to express my sincere gratitude to everyone who supported me through these trying times and my recovery.
My Family . . .
It is so important to have your family around you in times like this for support. I look at them now through a different lens. My family was and is always there for me—more than ever. It is hard to describe how my family took the news. They knew the stroke was serious and terrible, and they knew they should be with me physically during this crisis. And they all came to give me support when I needed it most. I am so grateful
and lucky to have brothers and a sister like them. Thank you for your support.
I would like to also thank all my other relatives for supporting me.
Tom, Jeannette, Gina
Gary, Nancy, Kristine, Gary Jr., Kyle
Jeff, Linda, Jonathan, Jennifer
Scott, Karen, Scotty Jr., Bobby, Timmy
Nancy, Danny, Danny Jr.
Special Thanks . . .
I want to thank Kelly, who supported me, encouraged me, and had the patience to help me get over my stroke, surgeries, and the rehabilitation thereafter. She endured the sadness, frustrations, and worries of my condition. I am grateful for having someone of this stature supporting me, being tolerant with me, and helping me fight through this terrible event. I’m glad she is still my close friend.
My Friends . . .
These are the people who stuck with me through these trying times. It was difficult for me to thank them when I couldn’t talk to them or comprehend what they were saying. Merely having them there or sending cards and emails was so critical for me. I didn’t realize it until later, but having friends like this played a major part in my rehabilitation.
I read all the cards and emails that were sent to Kelly and me by friends and family when they learned that I’d had a massive stroke. They kept in contact with Kelly to see how the process was going. It was unbelievable that all the people listed below provided support for Kelly and me.
Tony Mauro
Paul Horowitz
Doug and Luanne Butler
Christine, Molly, and Trey Davis
Andrew and Vicky Robinson
Beth Bonnani-Leyser
Dan and Sue Restmeyer
Gerald Beeson
Adam Cooper
Dave Syverson
Todd Monti
Naomi Ietsune
Sayuri Yuzaki
Dean and Vivian Stephan
Dick and Marty Casolari
Linda Mitchell
Patti Stasny
Barbara Horne
Scott Bryant
Greg Soueid
Adam Greissman
Andy Narayan
Lee Tate
Shoko Chiba
Steve Greenblatt
Rich Reynolds
Ravi Iyer
Lee Knight
Mike and Linda Salzberg
Mark Austen
Austin McClintock
Chris Yost
Jay and Itsuko Beddow
Michael Bambo
Juan Pujadas
Valerie Brami
Luke Wimer
David Doerfer
Roger White
Trevor Hill
Raymond Krawczykowski
Anthony Venezia
Kenji Watanabe
Dan DiFilippo
Yasuko Murozono
Ken Griffin
Rebecca Fuller
Trish Gilbert
Paul Hamill
Cathy LoPiccolo
Colleen Greenrod
Ginin Baikie
Thomas King
Kai Lin
Matt Betourney
Tony Fox
Aspen Antonio
Ryan Mersman
Ruth Collard Sotak
Brian Dodson
Bertan Yew
Bridget Malone
Sarah Shoreman
Amy Huber
Erica Nelson
Eoin O’Shea
Kathy Chapman
Anthony Power
Paul Pensa
Marc Adam
Nigel Walder
Robert Stevens
Nigel Bretton
Neil Purvis
Mark Stafford
Helen Taylor
Pam Konops
Tom Zingalli
Richard Rodeschini
Doreen D’Agostino
Nigel Wright
G. W. Hong
Gallie Oliver
Philip Tye
Seymour Kessel
Dave Fisher
Charles Bain
Steve Atkinson
Ewa Kerin
Dan Raimondi
Paul O’Keefe
Simon and Shiralee Lloyd-Jones
Suzanne and Wayne Schell
The Casolari Family
Kirsten McElroy
Arlene, Tom, and Thomas Yamond
The Rieders
Tina Pavone
Pat and Bob Drew
Lisa Moss
Jim and Liz Watson
Jeff and Melissa Ross
Georgia and Phil de Roziere
Tracey and Rick Sears
Cindy and Jeff Yingling
Pat and Bob McMenamin
I’m sure there are many other emails Kelly and I received, so I offer my heartfelt thanks to those who also supported and comforted us.
These are my doctors, therapists, and friends who guided me through my rehabilitation:
Jesse Taber, Terence Sullivan, Doreen Kelly Izaguirre, Leora Cherney, Barry Schaye, Dan Goffman, Sherrie Malleis, Kyla Garibaldi, Belma Hadziselimovic, Patrick Byrne, Leigh Chethik, Steve Small, Audrey Holland, Sarah Houseman, Jamie Herbst, Jaime Lee, Anne Armstrong, Leann Schouten, Joy Fried, Annie Kennedy, Joanne Pierson, Sharron Turner, Edie Babbitt, Janet O’Connor, Tracy Love, Michelle Ferrill, Richard Harvey, Vivek Jain, Roberta Elman, Alan Kanter, Peter Blake, Tim Miner, Wes Bell, Julio Yarzagaray, and my colleagues from Archeworks.
These are the aphasia programs that strongly supported my efforts to speak again:
Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago, Northwestern University, University of Michigan Aphasia Program, Adler Center of Aphasia, Toronto Aphasia Education, San Diego State University, University of California-Irvine.
A New Chapter in My Life . . .
I have reached a point at which recovery is no longer the most important piece of my day. I am now free to enjoy the new life that I have built in California. To my beautiful wife, Michelle Thomas-Baxter. Her support, encouragement, smile, and quiet patience keep me going. Words cannot describe how lucky I am to have her in my life. I love her and look forward to our lifelong journey.
APPENDIX A
How I Did It: The Techniques and Activities That Led to My Post-Stroke Recovery
Year One: 2005
REHABILITATION INSTITUTE OF CHICAGO (RIC IN THE CITY )
Learned how to walk again as an inpatient
Learned to stand from a wheelchair
Walked ten steps, then twenty steps, adding ten each time until I could string together one hundred steps
Walked reliably after seven months
Participated in physical therapy as an outpatient three times a week for six weeks
Used a workbook to begin to recover my speaking abilities
Began basic aphasia therapy with Melissa Purvis
RIC NORTHBROOK
Entered outpatient speech and physical recovery rehab program for two months
Socialized on my own initiative with people who had different disabilities
Solved crossword puzzles and jumbles
Incorporated exercises on my own, such as leg machine workouts and balancing on an exercise ball
Used a basketball, practiced layups to put the ball in the hoop
Progressed from walking to running
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN APHASIA PROGRAM
Took part in immersive speech therapy eight hours a day, five days a week, for six weeks (with fifteen other individuals who had aphasia)
Obtained and studied the Oxford Picture Dictionary by Norma Shapiro and Jayme Adelson-Goldstein
Learned and tried to retain nouns, tried to add verbs for common activities
Created a script of basic nouns and verbs that I could use to get around town
Measured progress via tests from therapists and interactions with others
Continued working with weights and running on a treadmill (using YMCA facility)
NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY (EVANSTON )
Participated in research and experiments
Worked in both one-on-one therapy sessions and group sessions with three or four other patients
Read books and was prepared to answer therapists’ questions
Continued to measure progress with tests from therapists
Year Two: 2006
RIC IN THE CITY
Participated in aphasia experiments testing retention and intonation
Entered the Aphasia Club
Read books and discussed them with other stroke survivors in a therapist-led group
ATTENDED PRIVATE FOUR-WEEK APHASIA THERAPY IN ORLANDO , FLORIDA
Participated with another male individual with aphasia
Participated in conversational therapy
Practiced my speech using three different games
PRIVATE THERAPY
Added a student therapist from Northwestern University
Added another private therapist, Doreen Kelly Izaguirre, to concentrate on conversational techniques
PERSONAL PLAN
Purchased and used language workbooks on my own for one to two hours each day
Learned new words from flash cards for kindergarten through second grade
Used computer programs and software from Earobics, Bungalow, Parrot to learn to form vowels and improve my articulation by mimicking the example on the screen
Learned how to put sentences together
Joined a gym (Crunch Fitness) to use the treadmill for jogging and eventually running; used a personal trainer to use basic weights and to learn how to box
Year Three: 2007
ARCHEWORKS
Entered in an eight-week mini Archeworks summer program
Participated in the team that designed, built, and implemented a movable stage
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