Beyond the clash of virtual egos meeting real-world standards, it's unclear how well children can move between reality and digital worlds. Katie Salen, director of design at the Quest to Learn school in New York, says:
People talk about this distinction between the virtual world and the real world, and there's concern that there is an inability on the part of young people to separate the two. I actually think that that distinction is a very adult idea, an idea that has come from a generation of people [for whom] virtual didn't exist and it was something new that was then added to the real world. But kids have that ability to move kind of seamlessly between the digital and the real.19
Bailenson says that the distinctions between virtual worlds and reality are becoming blurred to the point where they can even be interchangeable. In the documentary Digital Nation, Bailenson makes a realistic-looking avatar of host Douglas Rushkoff:
In one study, we made you 10 centimeters taller than you actually were and had you conduct a negotiation with someone. Having 10 centimeters difference in height from your normal self causes you to be three times more likely to beat someone in a negotiation in virtual reality . . . Regardless of our actual heights, you'll then beat me face to face when we have a negotiation . . . A small exposure inside the virtual reality carried over to their behavior face to face . . . We've done studies with children [in which] they see themselves swimming around with whales in a virtual reality; a week later, half of them will believe that they swam with whales.20
It brings to mind the phrase “fish out of water”—the fish are not aware of the water being swum in, and growing up in the digital age, the virtual “water” looks and feels like the real “water.” The youthful eye that has become immersed in an artificial visual world may not readily distinguish elements existing in real life from those in visual media.
Dynamics of Porn
In his 1975 film Love and Death, Woody Allen said, “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.” Or is it? In the moment, porn can be very gratifying, but the potential negative aftereffects must be considered too.
A male high-schooler from our survey shared his thoughts: “I think the on-demand pleasure, gratification, control and stress release of pornography and video games reduces our patience, makes us hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations and cripples us socially.”
Pornography is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter meant to stimulate sexual arousal and satisfaction. Unlike art or erotica, modern porn videos have little artistic merit and are focused solely on the graphic, physical aspects of sex rather than on the beauty, feelings, and emotions that accompany intimacy. Depictions of sex have been around since prehistoric times, but the concept of pornography was not widely understood until the latter half of the nineteenth century. The large-scale excavations of Pompeii in the 1860s kicked off discussions on what exactly qualified as obscene, resulting in many of the erotic objects discovered being carted away to private museums.
The production of pornographic films quickly followed the invention of the motion picture in 1895. Soon after that, sexually explicit materials were deemed obscene and made illegal to show publicly, which continued through the 1960s. David Sipress, a long-time cartoonist for the New Yorker, summed up the situation well in a drawing that depicted an older man talking to his son and grandson, who were both using laptops, telling them that when he was their age, he “had to hike 10 miles through the ice and snow to a store when he wanted to look at dirty pictures.”21 It was a different time.
Today, the anonymity of the Internet means anyone anywhere can watch porn and they don't have to interact with anyone to get access to it. Technically, access to pornographic material should be limited to people over eighteen years old, though enforcing “community standards” is tricky, especially online. Most people would agree that hard-core pornography should not be available to children, but access to it—voluntary and involuntary—is difficult to regulate, and less likely to be enforced.
Despite what appear to be billions of dollars in profits, industry executives say the business of porn is suffering these days due to the still-recovering economy, piracy and free or inexpensive porn available online.22
While huge profits used to be made from hotel-room adult entertainment and DVD sales, the market has shifted in favor of the affordability and anonymity that the Internet provides; porn is now only a click away. Technology has also made it easier to enter the industry; anyone who wants to have sex on camera can be a porn player—and if they're any good at enticing viewers, a woman or teen girl can become a well-paid porn star.
Can young men learn about sex from watching porn videos? Sure, somewhat. They can learn that sexual acts can be quite varied and, thereby, a continual source of pleasure over one's lifetime by consensual experimentation with one's partner. Beyond that, the take-away message from porn viewing is likely to be ego-deflating because of the assumption that what you see is what is the norm, the only acceptable way to perform, the appropriate way to relate to a sexual partner; worst of all, you see that size not only matters but it dominates everything. A 2015 study at Ohio State University found that porn use was positively linked to male body dissatisfaction and decreased confidence about personal appearance as well as relationship anxiety and avoidance.23 Other studies have had similar findings: the more content a young man is with his body, particularly penis size, the less sexual anxiety he has.24
Several young male students from our survey weighed in:
I believe without a doubt this creates paranoia and unrealistic expectations for boys as it is not addressed at all within sex education (at least in the sessions that I have had). Therefore it means that boys explore it [for] themselves and will then feel demasculated if they don't look the same . . .
[Male friends] were disappointed when the girl was quieter than they have seen, and when they didn't reach a single orgasm, when they have seen girls orgasm numerous times before the guy [in porn] . . . Girls . . . were disappointed at the guys' stamina lasting only a few minutes, instead of the halfhours they were [used] to seeing in porn.
I currently do not receive sex education. I do, however, believe that online porn creates an unrealistic expectation of sex as it encourages certain “porn-star” images that are not in the slightest way representative of the average person. Not only does this damage young people's self-esteem, as they may become depressed with their image, but it damages the way sex is perceived, as there is a huge emphasis on selfish pleasure and physical attraction, disregarding emotional attachment to the partner.
Several young women shared their observations, too:
I took a feminist studies class that emphasized the impact media has on a woman's reflection of her body. This is true, although it angered me that this professor believed it had no impact on men as well. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, sex was a really difficult aspect of our relationship for him. It resulted in him deciding to go to therapy to work out issues he had about his body and his ability to satisfy me sexually. I believe that this has a lot to do with what media such as video games and porn portrays as masculinity and what is needed to be a sexually appealing man. It saddens me to think that these outlets have painted a picture that caused a man, who I love and am very attracted to, to think so lowly of himself. Cognitive-behavioral therapy did wonders for his performance anxiety and we're doing great now.
Because the older generations never had to deal with this, they don't understand that young men need to be educated about sex as an act that is enjoyable to both parties. There are a lot of men who have no idea that women need to be engaged in sex as partners and not as porn stars. Young men are GENUINELY confused about this distinction and don't understand why we won't do “that thing” they saw in a porno.
Porn does create unrealistic expectations about sex for young people (mainly males) as it promotes an artificial image of “perfection” which does not necessarily exist and therefo
re leads to disappointment. Similarly, it portrays sex as an emotionless, meaningless act which may create problems in future sexual relationships.
Porn cheapens sex and discourages men from romance and real intimacy. It teaches them to ignore a woman's emotional needs and view sex in a selfish way.
In my opinion, the roles of men and women seem to be changing rapidly. For example when out at a club you can easily observe how the need for men to chase after women is rapidly decreasing as women seem to be becoming far more desperate and therefore are the ones acting out and throwing themselves at the men who mainly use them and then move on; as highlighted in the porn industry. However despite the fact that I strongly disagree with porn and everything associated with it, one can't blame men for this as it is the women who are becoming easier and aren't helping themselves when wanting to be respected by men.
Most Internet porn has no storyline and no buildup to the sexual performance. There are no words, just actions. There is no suggestion that in real life there is a need for romantic precursors, negotiations, discussions, tender moments, kissing, touching, complimenting, and even just talking. Then there is the implicit understanding that the female wants sex as much or more than the male in the video, and she might even initiate unzipping him, take his pants off, and start oral sex. That is not going to happen as often in the real world.
Imagine learning to play football by watching the best players in the NFL destroy their adversaries, or baseball by watching all-star baseball hitter Albert Pujols smack three mammoth home runs in the World Series. They are exceptional athletes with dominant bodies trained for years to be among the best in their profession. So they might inspire, but you learn the game by diligent practice on Little League fields or on playground courts with coaches and peers whose ability level, age, and size are comparable to yours.
In porn, nearly all the male actors have enormous penises. They are selected for their size and stamina, and then likely take medications to enhance their arousal. What you don't see are breaks in the action to change camera angles during which they may get “fluffed” by an assistant, take meds, or get secondary assistance from vacuum pumps or penile injections. So, too, their seeming ability to perform nonstop for long periods of time may also include offscreen timeouts.
Through watching porn men also feel pressured to fulfill what they believe are female fantasies, mainly having a giant hard cock that lasts for hours. A lot of young men think there is something wrong with them if they have a normal-sized penis or think they have premature ejaculation if they orgasm after ten minutes. It's like putting a treadmill on the highest speed on the highest incline—pretty much no one is going to be able to do that for any extended period of time. Nevertheless, a lot of young men develop sexual performance anxiety when preparing to have sex with a real in-the-flesh woman because of this set of false expectations that are built up as normative over successive viewing of similar scenarios.
Another certain negative effect of boys watching lots of porn is a growing feeling of penis envy, of not measuring up, so to speak. That self-consciousness in a realm so important for male identity is surely a source of disguised discontent. This can be seen in public locker rooms, where many young men refuse to disrobe, undressing in the showers and covering themselves when they come out.
When the male sexual enhancement drug Viagra was first promoted, its advertisements featured white-haired older men. Now consider that more men under thirty years old are being prescribed Viagra than ever before to ensure adequate sexual performance.25 Once such drugs are perceived as necessary to sexual success, it becomes meds over matter in that realm. So those former ad campaigns that started with old-timers years ago have shifted to ever younger looking—even physically active—men who want to be ready for action at the hint of sex.
Chronic Stimulation, Chronic Dissatisfaction
Sex is an undercurrent of our society, as it is in most religiously oriented nations, but it is not looked at holistically. Love is promoted but lust is denied, even ignored by mainstream media. Lust, however, is hardly out of sight; rather, it's in plain sight, on thousands of online sites. The Internet is the great collective unconscious that provides insight into our needs, desires, and fantasies. And while porn may initially help people become more excited about sex, over time it appears to have the opposite effect. Studies have found porn use correlates with depression, anxiety, stress, and social issues.26 And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found “frequent porn users are more likely to report depression and poor physical health than nonusers, suggesting that by substituting for healthy in-person interactions, porn may start a cycle of social and sexual isolation.”27
Porn is an attempt to make up for the underrepresentation of lust in most domains in our culture; however, it's represented very, very well online. In 2011, 24 out of the top 500 most-viewed general websites in America were dedicated to porn. To put this in context, nearly 47 of the top 500 sites were different countries' Google homepages. Now consider that the most popular porn sites, LiveJasmin and XVideos, had more traffic than thirty-six of them, including Google Canada, Mexico, Australia, and Germany.28 LiveJasmin and XVideos were also visited more often than CNN, AOL, Myspace, and even Netflix.29 However, unlike many of the other popular sites, which have a general audience, the porn websites' audience was primarily males under twenty-four years old, most of whom were viewing in isolation from home or secretly at school.
In 2015, PornHub took over as America's most popular porn destination. Because guys are more willing to pay for porn, porn will continue to cater toward male tastes, but in spite of that, PornHub female viewership is on the rise, especially after the release of Fifty Shades of Grey—both the book series and the film.30 Data from the web traffic reporting site Alexa from 2011 and 2015 backs this up—in 2011 the audience of every porn site was skewed male; in 2015 a quarter of the most popular porn sites had slightly more female traffic. Also between 2011 and 2015, the number of porn sites in the top 500 dropped from 24 to 12; and more young males are now accessing the sites from school (versus home or work).31 Lesbian is the most common search term for young women.32
All of the most popular porn sites offer free content and also offer more exclusive features, such as higher quality high-definition (HD) videos or live webcam viewing for a small fee. You can find pretty much anything you want free of charge, and you can access these videos nearly any time, anywhere in the world that Internet exists.
A buffet of arousal awaits—PornHub has 56 categories listed conveniently in alphabetical order; the average category hosts 5,832 separate videos. The most viewed videos among these categories average 22.3 million views and are about twenty minutes long. On average, it took 33 percent of the way through the video before there is vaginal or anal penetration. In only a quarter of the videos is there a discernible female orgasm, whereas in 81 percent of the videos there is a discernible male orgasm—the male orgasm typically is the highlight of the final scene.
Not once in any of the most viewed videos is there a discussion of safer sex practices, or of physical or emotional expectations or boundaries. Condoms are used in only one of the most viewed videos—one in which lesbians are using strap-ons. And many times a man will receive oral sex from a woman and then penetrate her vagina—and then her anus and then move back to her mouth or vagina (known as ATM, for ass-to-mouth), a practice that puts the woman at much higher risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and bacterial infections such as urinary tract infections (UTIs). Very seldom is there a close-up on the man's face, yet there are many close-ups on the woman's.
A commonly used camera angle focuses the lens directly on the genitals while the woman's breasts and/or face are visible in the background. Often the woman is positioned so her facial expressions can be filmed. The man often ejaculates on the woman's breasts or face, or in her mouth, rather than inside her (with the exception of “creampie” videos). Porn videos usually end shortly after the man has
ejaculated, suggesting male ejaculation is the pinnacle of sex, and everything else is secondary. The old “fade to black” that ended movies has become “face to black,” as porn ends with the woman's face covered with cum.
These videos insinuate that sexual fantasies never involve conversation. There is very little emotional intimacy portrayed in any fashion, and the few verbal exchanges, if present, are awkwardly scripted. Surprisingly, for all the bad rap porn gets, there are very few instances in which derogatory language about women (such as “slut,” “cunt,” or “bitch”) is directed at the woman—at least that is the case in the most viewed videos. Such language occurs more in gangbang, rough-sex, and interracial multiple penetration scenes. There is also very little physical intimacy, because if partners were actually close to each other, the camera would not be able to capture such graphic closeups. Another hugely popular category is teen sex with a subcategory of “college girls being exploited,” where the filmmaker asks the ages of the girls, and they say on camera that they are over eighteen years old, though they look much younger.
The overall message is that porn is not about sex or making love; it's about “fucking” in a visually appealing way primarily for the male viewer. That's not to say that women don't enjoy watching people have sex; many do. Simply put, most women just don't enjoy shot after shot of graphic closeups of body parts bashing together without any context. Porn is not about romance, sexual foreplay, or gradual building up to ever-greater intimacy. It is about on-demand performance of oral sex initially, then vaginal or anal sex, then variations in positions or partner arrangements. That is not as appealing to most female audiences as it is to most male viewers.
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