We must provide real hope and inspiration for young men by creating new social expectations that are more productive for men and for society. We don't need to chuck the old system entirely—taking away certain concepts of masculinity could also take away from what makes a man push himself for something bigger than himself. The very concept of what exists today is because of that sentiment “be a man,” therefore we need to refine it and support it as a community. A more articulate and communicative man, who is confident, secure, and comfortable showing and receiving respect is what we should be striving for. We must show men that they are lovable and desirable, not disposable.
If we can make these changes, we may see less of the emotionally detached breadwinner, and start to see men living more integrated lives within themselves, their families, and their communities. The challenge for improving the situation for men without disadvantaging another group of people, such as girls and women, will require a combination of effort from individuals and institutions alike. The challenge for women will be to create enough economic independence so they do not compromise their values in exchange for a financial safety net, while men's challenge will be to understand how his traditional role of protector sets him up for detachment from intimacy with his wife and closeness with his children. Men must give themselves and each other permission to be more involved.
Progress is a bumpy road, but the destination cannot be reached if we pay attention to only one side of the equation—otherwise we'll just be going in circles. We cannot call it progress if, as women gain momentum, they are not any more empathetic to men's issues than the men who they had felt oppressed by were to their issues. Traditional career paths are changing; traditional gender roles are changing; the notion of marriage is changing. Navigating this changing landscape is not easy.
We must applaud the efforts of those wise men and women who have gotten us where we are today, but we must also continue moving forward and build on those foundations as a team. It's not about putting our differences aside; it's about recognizing the differences so we can utilize every individual's strengths for our shared future. The only way we can make things better is if we are willing to look at both sides, are proactive about providing support to everyone who needs it, and are willing to cultivate balanced roles for both sexes.
We hope we have been able to highlight not only the why behind many young men's distressing academic, social, and sexual symptoms but how to implement larger solutions that will guide them to a better place. Despite being endemic, these problems can be solved or ameliorated only if many people and institutions are willing to change the game plan. Finally, though the problems we have described are now global, we remain optimistic that solutions can be enacted, so that the only sequel we might write to this book would be to announce that the alarm has been silenced!
APPENDIX I
TED Survey Results
Year conducted: 2011
Total number of participants: 20,000
Gender: 75.7 percent male, 23.9 percent female, 0.4 percent other/prefer not to answer
Age:
0.1 percent were 0 to 12 years old
4.3 percent were 13 to 17 years old
35.5 percent were 18 to 25 years old
28.7 percent were 26 to 34 years old
20.4 percent were 35 to 50 years old
10.9 percent were 51+ years old
In all the questions we asked, participants were allowed to select multiple answers, so percentages will add up to more than 100 percent.
What factors contribute to motivational problems in young men?
Survey highlights
64 percent of boys aged twelve and younger chose “Pressure to perform combined with fear of failing causes young men to not bother trying in the first place.”
62 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen chose “Digital entertainment (i.e., video games, pornography).”
66 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five, and 63 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four, chose “No clear direction/Lack of goal setting”
How would you change the school environment to engage young men?
Survey highlights
64 percent of boys aged twelve and younger chose “Ensure there are both male and female counselors.”
73 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen chose “Offer more advanced learning programs for students who show interest or ability.”
75 percent of men aged eighteen through thirty-four chose “Teach more practical subjects and skills”
How will the increased dropout rates and slipping test scores of young men affect the United States' success?
Survey highlights
The following groups all chose “Young men in the US will not be as innovative or capable as their peers in other First World countries”:
65 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen.
66 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five.
75 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four.
74 percent of all participants aged thirty-five and older.
How can we empower young men in safe, pro-social ways?
Survey highlights
The following groups all chose “Give young men a creative space where they can express themselves”:
89 percent of boys aged twelve and younger.
72 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen.
74 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five.
68 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four.
Why are video games and porn so popular among young men?
Survey highlights
78 percent of boys aged twelve and younger chose “Provide a sense of mastery and control.”
84 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen chose “They're fun and easily accessible.”
85 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five, and 84 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four, chose “Provide instant gratification.”
How do young men benefit from playing video games?
Survey highlights
63 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen chose “Games can be social and provide an environment for male bonding.”
67 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five, and 69 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four, chose “Increase in problem-solving skills.”
How do young men benefit from watching porn?
Survey highlights
58 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen, and 60 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five, chose “Stress reliever/Positive psychological effects.”
51 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four chose “Fulfills sexual needs.”
51 percent of all participants aged thirty-five and older did not agree with any of the statements, often writing in the comments that they believed there were no benefits at all, and chose “None of these/Other.”
Do you think there is a strong relationship between excessive video game playing and/or porn watching (two or more hours per day) and any of these areas of a romantic relationship?
Survey highlights
76 percent of young women aged eighteen through twenty-five, and 78 percent of women aged twenty-six through thirty-four, chose “Emotional immaturity or unavailability.”
57 percent of young men aged thirteen through seventeen, 59 percent of young men aged eighteen through twenty-five, and 58 percent of men aged twenty-six through thirty-four chose “Lack of interest in pursuing or maintaining a romantic relationship/Social isolation”
APPENDIX II
Social Intensity Syndrome—Scale and Factors
Phil and Sarah Brunskill have developed a scale that measures different aspects of Social Intensity Syndrome (SIS), which was tested on a survey sample of American soldiers, some active, others inactive, previously deployed overseas or not. The six primary factors
affected by SIS that emerged from their research are: military friends, family, gender social preference, social bonding, nostalgia, and drug use. These factors are presented below, along with relevant statistics for each factor, but first we will explain the various terms used for analysis:
Eigenvalue: Matrices are often diagonalized in multivariate analyses. In that process, eigenvalues are used to consolidate the variance. In factor analysis, eigenvalues are used to condense the variance in a correlation matrix. “The factor with the largest eigenvalue has the most variance and so on, down to factors with small or negative eigenvalues that are usually omitted from solutions” (Tabachnick and Fidell, 1996, p. 646). From the analyst's perspective, only variables with eigenvalues of 1.00 or higher are traditionally considered worth analyzing.
Cronbach's (alpha): A coefficient of internal consistency. It is commonly used as an estimate of the reliability of a survey for a sample of test or assessment measures. Cronbach's alpha will generally increase as the intercorrelations among test items increase, and is thus known as an internal consistency estimate of reliability of test scores.
Mean: The terms arithmetic mean and sometimes average are used synonymously to refer to a central value of a discrete set of numbers: specifically, the sum of the values divided by the number of values. The arithmetic mean of a set of numbers x1, x2, . . ., xn is typically denoted by M = or x.
Variance: The variance is the expected value of the squared deviation from the mean. It measures how far a set of numbers is spread out. A variance of zero indicates that all the values are identical. Variance is always nonnegative: a small variance indicates that the data points tend to be very close to the mean (expected value) and hence to each other, while a high variance indicates that the data points are very spread out around the mean and from each other. An equivalent measure is the square root of the variance, called the standard deviation. The standard deviation has the same dimension as the data, and hence is comparable to deviations from the mean.
Standard Deviation (SD): Measures the amount of variation or dispersion from the average. A low standard deviation indicates that the data points tend to be very close to the mean (also called expected value); a high standard deviation indicates that the data points are spread out over a large range of values.
Factor loading: Defined by how many unique groups of items/questions group together from the survey. Loadings represent degree to which each of the variables “correlates” with each of the factors.
Social Intensity Syndrome—Factors
Military friends: This sixteen-item factor describes an irreplaceable bond among those who have also served in the United States military (eigenvalue=9.04; 15.58 percent of variance explained; M=3.32, SD=.95). Examples: “I like spending more time with my military friends than my nonmilitary friends,” “I can be myself when with my military friends,” and “I spend time in places where other active and inactive military personnel tend to be.” Average factor loading was .69 (α=.95).
Family: This eleven-item factor reflects an overall negative disposition toward one's family (eigenvalue=6.65; 11.47 percent of variance explained; M=2.23, SD=1.03). Examples: “I feel down when with my significant other,” “I feel bored when with my family,” and “It is easier to trust my military friends than my significant other.” Average factor loading was .69 (α=.92).
Gender social preference: This seven-item factor outlines a distinct male preference for social gatherings and camaraderie rather than female (eigenvalue=5.12; 8.82 percent of variance explained; M=2.69, SD=1.10). Examples: “Women just don't know how to have fun like guys do,” “I feel less comfortable around female friends than male friends,” and “It is not as fun if there are women in the group.” Average factor loading was .77 (α=.92).
Social bonding: This eleven-item factor focuses on the general need for social bonding and to be around others (eigenvalue=5.05; 8.71 percent of variance explained; M=2.68, SD=.81). Examples: “I often need to be around others,” “I feel an intense need to be around friends,” and “I would rather hang out with a group than hang out with just one friend.” Average factor loading was .66 (α=.87).
Nostalgia: This nine-item factor echoes a theme of positive memories and reminiscence about one's time in the service (eigenvalue=4.96; 8.55 percent of variance explained; M=3.63, SD=1.01). Examples: “I often thought about seeking redeployment/reenlisting,” “I have more good memories with my military friends than bad,” and “I wanted to redeploy/reenlist because I missed the excitement.” Average factor loading was .69 (α=.89).
Drug use: This four-item factor focused on recreational drug use (eigenvalue=3.11; 5.36 percent of variance explained: M=1.34, SD=0.79). Examples: “I enjoy doing illegal drugs (marijuana, cocaine, crack, speed, etc.)” and “I often get high.” Average factor loading was .85 (α=.88).
NOTES
Introduction
1 Fry, R. (2015, July 29). “More Millennials Living with Family Despite Improved Job Market.” Retrieved September 1, 2015, from Pew Research Center: www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/07/29/more-millennials-living-with-family-despite-improved-job-market/.
2 Ibid.
3 Miller, C.C. (2014, November 7). “Paternity Leave: The Rewards and the Remaining Stigma.” Retrieved November 7, 2014, from the New York Times: www.nytimes.com/2014/11/09/upshot/paternity-leave-the-rewards-and-the-remaining-stigma.html.
4 Budnikov, M., personal communication, May 28, 2012 and June 19, 2012.
5 Voss, A., et al. (2015). “Case Report: Internet Gaming Disorder Associated with Pornography Use.” Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine 88, 319–324.
6 Robinson, M., personal communication, November 13, 2014; and Wilson, G. (2014). Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction. Kent, England: Commonwealth Publishing.
7 Liew, J. (2009, December 2). “All Men Watch Porn, Scientists Find.” Retrieved October 10, 2014, from the Telegraph: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html.
8 Note: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders-5 (DSM-5) published in 2013 included in the appendix but did not recognize the diagnosis of Internet Gaming Disorder (IGD), noting that it warranted more research for potential inclusion in future editions. Also see Chapter 11 for further discussion on what constitutes excessive gaming and porn use.
9 Abel, I. (2013, January 12). “Did Porn Warp Me Forever?” Retrieved June 24, 2014, from Salon: www.salon.com/2013/01/13/did_porn_warp_me_forever/; and Sanghani, R. (2013, September 30), “Teenage Boys Addicted to ‘Extreme’ Porn and Want Help.” Retrieved June 24, 2014, from the Telegraph: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/better-sex-education/10339424/Teenage-boys-addicted-to-extreme-porn-and-want-help.html.
10 Ogas, O. and Gaddam, S. (2011). A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire. New York, NY: Penguin Group (USA), Inc. pp. 14, 19, 23–34.
11 Ibid. pp. 74, 123–126.
12 Hebert, E. (n.d.). “Busy NYC Restaurant Solves Major Mystery by Reviewing Old Surveillance.” Retrieved July 22, 2014, from DineAbility: http://dineability.com/busy-nyc-restaurant-solves-major-mystery-reviewing-old-surveillance/.
13 Thompson, C. (2007, September 25). “Your Outboard Brain Knows All.” Retrieved May 9, 2014, from Wired: http://archive.wired.com/techbiz/people/magazine/15-10/st_thompson.
14 American Academy of Pediatrics. (2013). “Children, Adolescents, and the Media,” Pediatrics, 132(5). Retrieved June 7, 2014, from http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/10/24/peds.2013-2656.full.pdf+html. pp. 958–959.
15 Turkle, S. (2012, February). “Connected, but Alone?” Retrieved April 21, 2014, from TED: www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.
Part I
1 Disenchantment with Education
1 Brooks, D. (2007, October 26). “The Outsourced Brain.” Retrieved May 17, 2014, from the New York Times: www.nytimes.com/2007/10/26/opinion/26brooks.html.
2 T
urk, G. (2014, April 25). “Look Up.” Retrieved May 7, 2014, from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY.
3 Carr, N.G. (2010). The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains. New York: W.W. Norton. p. 162.
4 “The Personal News Cycle.” (2014, March). Retrieved June 5, 2014, from the Media Insight Project, American Press Institute: www.americanpressinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/The_Media_Insight_Project_The_Personal_News_Cycle_Final.pdf.
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