Liberty Ranch

by Temperance Johnson

  Finally, Francesca stopped the screaming and then opened her eyes. Her eyes were bloodshot and dilated. When she looked up at Katrina, the only light coming in was the sun beginning to lighten the sky. She closed her eyes again and her face paled.

  Katrina did not loosen her hold, Francesca might need to feel this safe.

  Francesca sighed and opened her eyes. Her voice was rough, just above a whisper. "I never had nightmares before. Had never had the time to have them. I knew women who had them after leaving that life. I don't know which is worse, living that life in body or living it in my mind."

  Katrina kissed her forehead. "We will move on from the nightmares. They will end someday."

  Francesca moved from her arms. "How do you know?"

  "All of my sisters had them, and I did after the fire for a long time. Giving your fears to God and receiving His everlasting peace is what worked for Julia. And Gloria just had to trust God with all she felt. For me it was forgiveness. Sometimes the nightmares come back to us after, our mind plays games on us, but we heal if we trust and depend on God with our hearts."

  "Why doesn't God take it away?" Francesca was waking up.

  Katrina felt like this was the first time Francesca was open — no sarcasm or anger hiding her true emotions. Katrina said softly, "God heals, but Satan plays with the doubts and replays the nightmares when God has healed our hearts. We have to let go and sometimes the nightmares will stay. I have been getting them bad lately."

  "Are your nightmares from takin’ us in?" Francesca said sarcastically.

  Katrina shook her head. "They’ve come since we lost Ellen. I wake up crying for her." She felt vulnerable saying that. "Just so you know you're not the only one with nightmares, we all had them."

  "Even the boys?" Francesca asked in disgust.

  "Yes, the boys were hurt just as us girls."

  Francesca looked at her like she couldn’t be serious.

  "Francesca, some boys hurt just as much as girls. One of the brothers still wears the scars that his drunken father gave him. Another one of them carries around scars on the inside, they cut deep. A big brother still cries for his twin brother. A boy wears scars from a kidnapping that happened to him and his younger sister. Believe me when I tell you that the men in this world wear their own scars. But it also means they are still being healed by the grace of God."

  Francesca nodded.

  Katrina kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'll make sure the girls don't wake you up. Get some rest." She got up and shut the door as she left. She decided to just go downstairs and start her day. It was early, but she probably couldn't get back to sleep anyhow, so she might as well get some bread started. She liked when the girls did it with her; they liked to pound and kneed it. She also found it funny when they had flour all over their faces and hands.

  Chapter 18

  “We want to make sure we don’t tax our land with too many cattle. Next year when we get some hay up, we can get more, but we got too late of a start this summer," Izzy told Jesse as they sat around the fire eating supper. It had been fun working with him and it gave her a glimpse of what their future would look like. Izzy was becoming open and honest with herself. He could see it as well. He just remembered to keep her trust so that light would always stay in her eyes.

  Jesse nodded in agreement. "You know this land more than I do, so I guess I better listen to you."

  Izzy laughed. "I can get used to hearing that."

  Jesse made a face. "Don't get too used to it, I won't say that too often." He put another biscuit in his mouth. "Izzy, you got to be the best cook ever."

  Izzy raised a brow. "You have Julia who knows how to cook as well. I can’t match her."

  Jesse shook his head. "I can taste your food. Julia's food is so hot. After my mouth stops burning, there is no more taste. You cook like Gloria, though she has a sweet tooth."

  "I know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Izzy laughed, feeling a sense of playfulness she hadn’t felt in a long time.

  Jesse said playfully, "Let me show you the way to my heart."

  Izzy made a shocked face, but got up and ran into the cabin, laughing all the while. The cabin wasn't that big, so she stopped at the sink as Jesse's arms came around her. He took out the hair clips and her hair fell in a mass around her shoulders.

  She moved out of his arms, needing room to breathe. She looked around what would be her home for the rest of life. "When we add another room for our future children and maybe even a guest room, it should be on this wall." The cabin held a large bed on the left side of the door and a big fireplace. The kitchen held a stove he had brought from town on his last trip. There was also a sink, but no pump yet. Talking about the house helped him refrain from kissing her.

  Jesse watched as Izzy talked about the house. She was his life. The reason he had made the cabin was for her and their future children. He didn't mind if they had to adopt a Mexican baby. He had hoped to have his own, but he couldn't give up a woman like Izzy. No one had ever wanted him, but she really accepted him.

  He felt a voice tell him he should leave. It was getting dark, and he hadn't slept well. He never slept well after talking or thinking about his past. From the look on Izzy's face, she hadn’t slept much either. She drank nearly two entire pots of coffee by herself.

  Leave now. I provide a way from temptation. Take it and leave.

  He frowned. He could handle himself. He wouldn't fall off the edge, and he was strong enough. Anyway, now that Izzy couldn't bear children, if they did something, she wouldn't be with his child. He shoved that thought away. He would never do that to his Izzy. She was the one good thing in his life. And if he did, he couldn’t bear the look that would come from Julia's eyes or the anger from Maverick. Cole would probably kill him. There were things you just couldn't cross in the Starry family and he had crossed almost all of them. However, doing this with Izzy would be the end of his family being there for him. He couldn't lose them, so he just wouldn't.

  She is My Beloved Daughter and you are My beloved Son; remember to honor My ways. Love is patient.

  He ignored the voice. He didn't care what anyone had to say. He would give her one last kiss. Then head out to the cold barn.

  He started walking towards her with such an intense look in his eyes, Izzy knew she should send him to the barn for the night. It wasn't right being alone this late. It was like falling off that cliff Andrew talked about. To make it worse, she hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. She couldn't keep living off of a few hours of sleep. "Jesse, we should go to bed," she told him.

  "Just one last kiss then." He smiled and took her in his arms.

  She kissed him back, feeling his passion more than last night. She got lost in his kiss. She knew this wasn't right. She told herself to stop. She didn't really have a desire to be with him, just like she had told Francesca, but she wanted to feel loved for once in her life. She wanted to know what it felt like to be treasured by a man.

  His kisses got deeper, as his hands tangled her hair. She finally snapped and pushed him away, but he didn't move.

  "Izzy, I love you more than I ever loved anyone," he said breathy, and kissed her again.

  She kissed him back and let herself get lost in his arms, forgetting everything she knew to be right, keeping the thought that she wanted to be loved and feel love in her heart. She gave him her body, but she kept her heart far from him.

  IN THE BARN, IZZY FELT every part of a fool. How could she have done that? Defiled herself. Forsaken all she believed in. After brushing Phoenix, she saddled him. Hearing Jesse come in, she ignored him.

  He started, "Izzy, I am so sorry. I never should have..." He cleared his throat. "I’m sorry. I should have never done that to you."

  She put the bridle on and said nothing.

  "I am sorry," he pleaded. "What else do you want me to say?"

  She turned to him and glared. "Did you do it because you know I can't bear your children? That no consequence could co
me from this?"

  The look of guilt on his face showed too much and then shock. "No, Izzy that was not it. I was a fool. I thought I was strong enough. But I ain't strong. I should have treated you like the maiden you are."

  She looked at him in disgust. If he only knew. His words meant nothing. She had also been a fool. It wasn’t only Jesse, it was her too. She shouldn't let herself be in that position. Andrew was right. They had walked and danced around the cliff until they fell off. The fall left her feeling ashamed and cheap. She mounted the horse, ready to take off.

  He walked up to her and took Phoenix’s reins. "Izzy, please let's talk about this."

  She let the tears run down her face. "I can't." She wiped her eyes. "Let go, Jesse."

  "But we need to talk." He tried again.

  She wiped at the tears so she could see him. "No." Phoenix took a bite at Jesse's arm. He let go. Taking off at a full-speed run, she didn't look back. Digging her fingers in Phoenix's white mane, she let his mane dry her tears. Remember how Phoenix came to have his name — rising above ashes. She was in ashes when Phoenix found her and now she was in ashes again. This time by her own making.

  JESSE WATCHED IZZY ride away as her hair blew in the wind and her skirt flared from the ground-eating gait. She ran like he had burned her. She ran away from him, and that hurt more than he could explain.

  How could he have been so stupid, thinking he could do anything? He had been such a fool, Ellen would have told him that. He would have gotten on a train to Alabama to talk to her. She was one woman who would have listened and tried to fix his problems. He hadn't mourned her death, and now he ached to talk to her one more time. He just wanted to feel her motherly touch on his face. He longed to see the look in her eyes that she really loved him. Ellen cared for him even after knowing all that he had done. She was the one woman who loved him unconditionally and could make his heart soft again.

  Jesse didn’t want to grieve losing her, but it had caught up with him. It was one reason he had left Alabama — to get away from the memories. He needed time because every time he saw her children he thought of her. Every time he looked in Charity's eyes, he saw Ellen.

  Now Jesse had made the biggest mistake in his life and she wasn't there to help him through it. He knew the family might assist him, but he wanted an adult to help him out. Suddenly, the image of Mabel came to mind. She had a way about her that looked right through him like Ellen had. He ignored it. Mabel could never take Ellen's place.

  Jesse fell to his knees and wept for making Izzy feel used and for not treasuring her. He also cried for his mother that he would never see again.

  Chapter 19

  Katrina could tell this would be a long day the minute she didn't find Francesca and Sara in their rooms. The bells had been taken down from the door above their room, so they couldn't be heard. However, she found Carlissa still sleeping and her bells still there.

  When she didn't find Francesca and Sara in the barn, she went straight to Andrew. This was a runaway. However, it didn't come as a surprise to her; the girls were pushing their limits with Katrina and Andrew to see whether the Starrys would go after them. After the last few nights of Francesca's nightmares, she was bound to run away.

  Andrew was in the kitchen. "Andrew, Sara and Francesca have run away!"

  Andrew looked up in surprise. "Are you sure?"

  She nodded. "My guess is that they couldn't get Carlissa past our bedroom."

  "I should have heard them." He ran a hand through his hair.

  “They took the bells down. My guess is Francesca took her bells down and then took Sara's down, and then opened the door. She is the only one tall enough."

  Izzy walked in from her room, dressed in her ranch clothes — a big shirt and divided skirt. She had been back for a couple of days and was very quiet. "This is bad if Sara gets caught by the asylum. Liberty House got her out of it, but there would be no way to get her out again. Francesca probably wouldn't go back to Denver, but it doesn't take a bright person to find out what she was from."

  Andrew nodded. "I'll find them." They knew he had gone to find his brothers because that is what the Starrys did.

  Katrina sat on a chair by the table. “What if the Starrys can’t find them?”

  Izzy went over to her. "Pull yourself together. Andrew and the Starry brothers will bring them home. I will go look for them as well, but it would be good if you stayed with Carlissa. She doesn't know Annie or Gloria enough to stay with them, but she might stay with Mabel." Izzy began operating like she had done this before. "Just make everythin’ stay normal. I'll run by and tell Mabel, but don't let another soul know that the girls are gone."

  Katrina nodded. One of her worst fears came true. What if the saloon owner came for the girls? Sara would be trapped in that saloon life. What if a bad, vile cowboy found them? The way Francesca acted had her worried. Oh, God, keep my babies safe. What if...

  Izzy made her look at her. "Katrina, snap out of it. We will find your girls."

  Katrina nodded. Her mind cleared. "I can do this. Find my babies."

  Izzy headed out the door, ready for a lengthy ride. These girls knew how to hide, and they didn't want to be found.

  ANDREW HAD SEARCHED for children and women for years, but never thought he would have to do it for his own daughter. Andrew tried to imagine the lies Francesca and Sara believed in order for them to go back to the saloon. Walking in, he looked at the men of all ages and races looking to fulfill a need that only God could touch. He saw all the saloon girls that got caught in this saloon life because of lies, deceit, or just for the money. He saw the emptiness in their eyes. Again, only an emptiness God could fill.

  He walked up to the bar, looking like a normal cowpoke, only with a full beard. He kept his eyes from searching for her too much. He didn't want to raise suspicion. He never planned to do it this close to Deer Trail; it was dangerous. Dangerous for his reputation and if the saloon owner came back for her.

  "Whaddaya want, mister?" The bartender asked.

  "Straight whiskey." His voice had no accent. "And some company if I can." He cleared his throat. "A young Mexican girl."

  The bartender poured his whiskey and smiled, his brown teeth showing over his full beard. "I got a couple of those. They came from Texas, didn't you know? A young one came in last night, but she won't let a man touch her yet. She just wants to serve. Like that will happen for long." He gave a humorless laugh. "She ain't fresh, I can tell you that. But she ain't too used up." He whistled and called out, "Franny, got a man interested."

  Andrew was careful to hide his face, but he saw her walking up and looking as mad as a wet hen. "Whata yaw want? I told you I ain't ready for that!" Francesca spat. They did her hair up in curls, which made her look like a child who got into her mother's powder and curlers. However, her dress fit like a second skin. She had gained weight while living at the ranch.

  The bartender raised his arm, but Francesca put her arms up to protect herself. Andrew was faster than Francesca and pulled her back so the man hit Andrew in the arm instead. It didn't even make Andrew flinch, but would have hurt Francesca's tender skin. He glared at the bartender.

  Francesca looked up at him. Her eyes widened even as she stepped closer to him.

  "I like treating my own women my way." Andrew spat at him. He looked at Francesca, and hated doing this. "You will do. Come with me."

  Francesca's eyes got wider. She bit her lip, and Andrew could feel her shaking under his arm. He prayed like never before. God help her. He felt weak in the knees. He hated doing this to his little girl, but God gave him a peace like he had never felt before. He could do this to save her — even from herself.

  He put more than enough money on the counter and pulled her roughly into the back room. He hoped there was a back door or window. He didn’t want to take her out the front door. He knew she might be too afraid to go. She was used to men's control. In her mind she thought they were saving her. He knew what the room would be like before
he entered it. It would have a small horsehair bed, a nightstand with a wash bucket, and maybe a rug on the ground. As they entered, he was right, only this room smelled of cheap whiskey and who knows what else. Right away, Francesca ran from him and leaned against the wall. Her whole body was shaking. Andrew had to ignore her and went to the only window in the room; it was locked and boarded up well. "If you wanted me, Andrew, why didn't you just do it at the ranch? Were you afraid Katrina would find out?!" Francesca spat at him. "Why pay to have me now?"

  He glanced over his shoulder to find her glaring at him, blood running from her lip to her chin. "I will not touch you, sweetie.” He touched her arm. “Do you want to go home?”

  She looked up at him. Her eyes wide. He could hardly see a nod. But that was enough for him to get to work. “I need you to start crying and make it loud."

  She looked confused. "I don't cry."

  He didn't argue with her. When he had passed her bedroom on other nights, however, he would often hear her sobbing in her sleep. He wasn't about to tell her. "Well, then act. You are pretty good at acting."

  She gave him a small smile. "You got that right." She winked at him. "I learn from the best." She leaned against the door and started to cry.

  Andrew turned to face the window. He looked towards her and nodded for her to get louder. When she let out a scream, he ripped off two boards. He set them down softly and kept on working while Francesca cried. He had to shut down his feelings as he listened to her cry because he knew this wasn't the first time they had hurt her. The pain she felt was so great, not even tears could wash it away. Taking his knife, he broke the window seal and slowly opened the window only to find more boards. He felt like swearing. If girls wanted to work at the saloon, why lock them up?

  He moved fast and got the boards down. Francesca ran to him. He helped her out, and then got out himself, which wasn’t easy for his big size. He felt his back rip open. Ignoring it, he took Francesca's hand and ran to the back alley where his horses stood. He picked her up and set her on a horse. Mounting his own horse, he took the lead and ran at a ground-eating gait.