by N. Godwin
“You couldn’t possibly know whom I pray against meeting!” With deadly eyes I move my hand away from his before he can touch me.
“What?” he taunts, “you don’t think I look the part? Maybe the uniform confuses you? Now, it’s my turn. You tell me something; I’m curious about the unorthodox reaction you just had to me two minutes back, or do you smell all your stalkers so intimately?” He laughs good and hard as I look down. I can feel my face burning under his constant gaze.
“Go away.”
“Ah, my dear, I think you’d better take a closer look at me.” He holds out his huge hand between us, palm up. “Touch me and see what happens,” he coaxes. “Take my hand, Helen. Touch me and feel what happens.”
I groan and just stare at his hand as his fingers curl backwards, enticing me to touch them as I fill another mug. I try to ignore his hand as best I can and wish he’d stop talking.
“You’re a regular cowboy aren’t you?” I finally say and place another filled mug on Andrea’s tray.
He draws his hand back carefully. “No, ma’am, I’m a soldier. And I’m damn proud of the job I do.”
“Yeah, you said you were the best.”
“Do you think I was bragging?”
I look at his hands. My eyes travel up his arms, which anyone can see are exceptionally muscular even beneath his coat, and I look up and across his broad shoulders with their epaulets of gold strips and stars, and travel up to his determined face. I notice the comfortable way he holds his power in check. I notice the arrogant, natural-swagger of a man very comfortable in his own skin.
“No,” I say, “I think you were merely stating a fact.”
“Good, girl,” he says as if I were a puppy.
Horst crashes into view and thrusts an order for five bottles of Coronas in my face. “Busy tonight,” he says and takes a slide glance at Apollo while he reaches for the lime wedges.
“Uh huh,” I say and grab the beers from the cooler and begin quickly uncapping the bottles and trying to ignore the deadly, baited silence from this beast.
He watches as Horst grabs the beers and disappears. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he asks, anxiously tapping both index fingers against the bar.
“I was hoping you’d just disappear,” I finally say with a long sigh. “They usually do, you know.”
“Tell me who disappears, Helen. Tell me who?” he asks softly.
“None of your--whatever!” I say and stomp my foot.
He says nothing, only smiles at me when I look back and up into his face, way up.
“Is my seventy-five seconds up?”
He studies his watch and shakes his head no. “You have seventeen seconds remaining.”
“How tall are you?”
“Six eight and a half.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” I laugh as I study the ceiling for lucidity. “Shoo. Go away.”
He grabs a filled mug of beer off Andrea’s tray and takes a long, hard drink, then finally smiles. “This is fascinating,” he says, indicating the beer in his hand. “Fascinating!” He takes another chug and begins to laugh quietly. “I haven’t needed liquored-courage with a woman since I was thirteen!” Even though his laughter is deep and booming, I can tell that he’s not drunk, not by a long shot, and I suspect he is using some form of covert strategy. “Fascinating!” he says again.
“You’re too spooky, dude.”
“I am many things, my dear, as are you.” He closes his eyes for a moment and draws his forefingers to his lips in contemplation. When he opens his eyes he looks at me and lowers his voice. “Here’s another secret, woman. You are my exact counterpart, and you need to know that I am utterly fascinated.”
I choose my words carefully because, God knows, I don’t want to anger this beast. “Ding! Ding! Ding! That’s it-- you get the prize, Popeye, because you are definitely the most annoying and egotistical man I’ve ever met! And that’s saying something, sailor-boy.”
He is fast on his way to becoming a contender on my stupid list--because I have come to enjoy imagining annoying people in that role. “I need you to stop talking to me,” I say in frustration and snap my fingers, willing him to disappear.
“But I want to talk to you, Helen. I want to tell you everything, everything. But I can’t yet, because I know if I move too quickly I’ll frighten you away, probably for good. I’m wise enough to know that I have to move very slowly around you.”
“Oh no, Commander, you really don’t have to do anything around me,” I insist, knowing I shouldn’t be talking to this dangerous man any more. “You can choose to go away instead.” I say and try snapping my fingers again.
He watches my fingers snapping under his nose. “We’ll definitely have to keep this strictly on a need to know basis for now,” he says as he studies my frustration, then leans in closer to me and whispers. “Now, you tell me a secret, Helen. Tell me anything your heart desires.”
“I wish you’d go away!” I say and snap again.
“That is hardly a secret. And, woman, if snapping your fingers is the best trick you’ve got up your sleeves then you’d better be very afraid!” he laughs, shaking his head and taunting me as I give up snapping or looking at him. “Okay, if you’re not ready to share the secrets of your soul with me just yet, I’ll tell you another one of mine.” His pause is deliberate and unnerving.
“Oh, God, please not another one.”
“I’ve watched you many more times than you know. I’ve seen the charming way you study everyone while pretending to read. I’ve watched you pacing and praying. I’ve seen you tenderly hiding away your little roommates. I’ve even seen you shadow-dancing alone in your room when the moon was full and the lights were out and you thought no one could see you.”
“Uh huh. You can stop now. Seriously.”
“ Ooh, I’ve seen--” he breaks off suddenly and looks over my head and pauses. “I’ve even watched you undress in the dark. It was accidental since I’d allowed you that privacy until then… Well, let’s just say fate stepped in that night.”
His eyes dart down to mine as he probes my reaction. ”Don’t look so alarmed. I’m not a voyeur by nature, only by vocation. You must understand I have never in my professional career watched any person undress solely for the torturous pleasure of it. You need to try and understand what it’s like having incredible technology and an obsessive fascination at my command, Helen.
“You need to be more careful! Take last night for instance, when you were brushing your hair and bent over, I even saw— Damn, Helen,” he whispers looking down and shaking his head as he smiles. “You should never bend over half naked when your blinds are open, not even in the dark. What if some deviant is watching you?”
“Please stop,” I beg, shivering.
“Understand that had last night been a professional stakeout, I wouldn’t have felt a shred of yearning while I watched you undress, and that wasn’t the case.”
“Uh huh,” I say trying to placate him as I look around the faces in the crowd for Ken. I look everywhere and he is nowhere I can find.
“Helen,” he tells me softly, “who’d have thought that such an epiphany would hit me as I watched you? It was more than physics, more than animal. I realized that I—need you. I need you and I’m invincible.”
“You’re just like the others,” I say with disgust. “You’re confusing lust for need.” I laugh as his eyes turn cold and his war mask slips back into place. “You just want to have—your way with me.”
“I don’t want to merely fuck you, or fuck you over, or even fuck with your mind. That is not my MO and it would be foolish to underestimate me, sweet Helen.”
“Are you some kind of psychopath?” I finally give in and ask as I scan the faces in the crowd looking for anyone remotely familiar. “Because I’ve dealt with them before, too,” I try to say convincingly.
“I think I could be a psychopath about--you.”
“Great, you’re just what I need!”
> “Oh yes, I am exactly what you need,” he says with a stern nod, “and that is precisely what I plan on hearing coming from your lips. Someday soon, you will look me in the eyes and tell me that you need me, too and that you’ve come to feel for me everything that I’ve come to feel for you as I’ve watched you tending your flock.”
“And what if I don’t want you to feel anything for me, Commander? What if I just want you to disappear off the face of the earth?”
“Then this could get downright messy,” he replies. “Face it, that one annoying factor of yours won’t be enough to keep me away for much longer.”
“Only one? I’ve been remiss.”
“Oh, we both know what that factor is. Shall I say it out loud?”
I look desperately around in vain.
“Because only you, sweet Helen, can know the depth of it, real, imagined or otherwise, only you can tell me how deep those roots go.”
“Stop!” I cover my ears from all the sounds in my head.
“Oh yes, I know about your magic, Helen and it’s time you learned about mine.”
“I have no magic! I’m only human!”
”Yeah, Helen, me too,” he chuckles.
“Go away go away go away,” I whisper like a mantra.
Suddenly he reaches towards me in a flash. I cry out as he forces my hands down from around my ears. “Listen carefully, Helen. Listen! I will never bullshit you.” I jerk away, quickly stepping back and staring at my hands, staring hard at where his flesh had touched my own.
“I can show you the world and teach you the secrets of the universe if you will only let me in. And you will, eventually, one way or the other.” He stops to consider something and shrugs. “You see, I am a very patient man and I will wear you down, inch by inch, time after time.”
“Alright, here’s a secret for you, Commander. Are you listening to me? Yeah, well I don’t want to add your name to my list.”
“Ooh, a list? How intriguing. Tell me why not?”
“Because you’re even nuttier than I am and I think I just might lose!”
“What list, Helen?”
“That’s not my name!”
“All right, I’ll try it your way, Miss Jimmy-Sue Maddox. What list?”
“And your name would be--?” I say rolling my hands and noticing again that he doesn’t wear a name tag on his chest, only a gazillion metals and ribbons, and even if he did have a name tag, what could it possibly read other than Satan, or Beelzebub, or--
“Lieutenant Commander Rawly Hawkings from Santa Barbara,” he says and casually salutes me, “at your service.”
“Of course you are,” I sigh and thankfully spot Andrea approaching us.
“What list, Helen?”
I push the tray loaded with all the beers over to Andrea and reach for her new order and lean in to catch her eye but before I can draw her into the conversation she winks at me and zooms off, purposefully leaving me alone with this beast again. Just then, Rawly from Santa Barbara, reaches over and suddenly captures my hand in mid-air. I cry out from his touch and watch as he wraps his hand around mine. I tremble when he entwines our fingers because his touch is molten against my skin.
Blessedly, I spot Horst and Ken from across the café, working their way to me through the crowd as quickly as they can. I can hear Horst making loud growling noises and I can hear many other sounds around and inside me, yet all I can do is stare dumbfounded at this giant hand pulsating into my flesh.
“Let go!” I try to pull away but I am frozen in place as he takes my hand and lowers it down on the bar between us. He provocatively spreads my fingers open wide with his own and gently begins tracing around the inside of my fingers. My hand tingles from his touch and I am suddenly lightheaded because his scent is intoxicating. I feel dizzy and confused.
“Take a leap of faith with me, Helen,” he whispers. “Trust me, it’s the only way. Follow the wind a step closer. There’s this great party on the 4th, barbeque, sailing, snorkeling, the whole nine yards. I won’t even try to touch you, not once,” he promises and mimics crossing his heart the way I do.” You can think of me as your guardian angel. I will protect you and teach you about the stars. I know you like stars, Helen.”
His hands are like warm honey as they travel up my shoulders and I cannot move so I hold my breath as he leans down to study my burning face. He gently puts his finger under my chin and turns my head up so he can see into my eyes, and I still can’t move my hands or feet. I swallow hard and quickly turn my head away so his probing eyes cannot see into mine.
“Go out with me on the 4th.”
Suddenly, thankfully, I hear this wonderful laughter coming from Ken and Horst as they step up to my rescue. Ken is laughing over the irony of my situation and Horst looks like he’s spitting out laughter just to see how it feels.
“If you’re talking about the 4th of July, Jimmy-Sue’s got a date then, man,” Ken tells Rawly, acknowledging the helpless look in my eyes with a wink. “As a matter of fact, she’s his date,” he says pointing to Horst with a wide grin.
Horst looks a little dazed at first but covers any sign of confusion quickly and winks at me, too. “Remember, you’ve already promised me,” he says, wagging his finger at me. “You’re bringing your oatmeal toffee cookies.”
“Yes!” I tell Rawly Hawkings with gusto, quickly going with the flow of my saviors at hand. “Horst and I are--, um, you know, like…going on a date. We have a date on the 4th to—eat and stuff.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” he says.
“Boating and swimsuits,” Horst says. “Just me and you in your white bikini a--”
“Killer!” Ken breaks into Horst’s blather by high-fiving him and shouting to the room. “Horst and Jimmy-Sue sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
“Horst finally has a date with Jimmy-Sue!” Hobie yells from somewhere in the background. “About friggin’ time, too, if you ask me.”
Rawly watches me sweat and smiles. “Fine, then go out with me tonight.”
I cough and cough again.
“Okay, then tomorrow night.”
“Ahoy there, Lieutenant Commander, old buddy, remember me?” another officer in a khaki uniform interrupts our conversation by slapping Rawly on the back. “I heard you were visiting our neck of the woods. I’d sure love to know where you been hiding? No body’s spotted you. And what’s with the dress whites? What else important was I not invited to?”
“Lieutenant Schumer,” Rawly says curtly without turning to address the insistent man, “I believe you can see I am in a private conversation,” he cautions.
“Yes sir,” the man says with a rusty, half-hearted salute, and as he turns away his eyes sweep across Rawly and open wide in surprise when he notices me. I can tell that this sailor is loaded to the gills and, judging by Rawly’s dismissive attitude, not held in much esteem. “Ah, so this is your goddess?” the lieutenant laughs, nudging Rawly in the ribs, hard.
“Schumer? You’re too drunk to talk about anything, especially if it’s about me, so shut up, now.” Rawly’s voice is low and deep and sounds like the hiss of an angry viper. “Go the hell away before you make a stupid mistake.”
Schumer just looks the beast in the eyes and laughs like a drunken fool. “Uh oh, you blasted out of the water?” Schumer mocks, holding his heart. He looks back at me then back to Rawly. “Well, just tell her how rich you are, from what I hear all the women love that about you!” Schumer jokes looking back at me. “He’s loaded, honey, ancient family money with this one. Go ahead, Hawkings, tell her about all your villas and that island you own somewhere in the clouds. Tell her how Harold Hawkings VI could do anything in the world, but he chooses to play sailor with us peons instead.
“Ding! Ding! Ding!, honey,” he laughs stepping forward and holding out his hands, “you have just scored the interest of the budding heir apparent of the Hawking’s Empire! Like him any better now?”
The light is blinding as I gasp and cover my heart. “No!�
�� I shout as Rawly quickly turns his head away from the doomed man and looks at me oddly. “No, it can’t be! You can’t be Harold!” I shout. “It’s not a sign! It isn’t! It isn’t logical; Harold’s already been eliminated!”
Except, as I look back I remember having a headache and cramps the day I’d eliminated Freckles and Harold in one fell swoop, seeing how Freckles turned out to be a Harold. That was logical, right?
No. It wasn’t logical. It was too easy.
HAROLD, the winds whisper around me.
I should have known I was only allowed to eliminate one name per time, not two. I should have known because it was too easy! “I was wrong again?” I ask the ceiling and moan while I stagger on my feet struggling against the carousel of blinding lights spinning before my eyes.
“Honey, all you gotta do is drop your drawers and you could bag you Harold VI. Well, at least for the night!” Schumer laughs and winks as he takes a step back under Rawly’s insistence.
Harold…Harold. Harold.
My heart is pounding furiously and I feel flushed all over as the oxygen is sucked from the room. Just over Harold’s head the room flashes into sepia white as if a nuclear bomb had just exploded. And everything everywhere is a mind-numbing silver-white, and is so blinding and pure that I am rocked back against the counter. I hear mugs shattering and the power suddenly snap off around me and the room goes black. No one moves or speaks, no music, no T.V. There is no sound other than the voice that whispers “HAROLD.”
The power suddenly flashes back into sepia and in the next flash of white I can see Rawly powerfully slamming his fist down against Schumer’s jaw with surgical precision. The room flashes back into darkness but there is no longer silence because now I can hear Rawly breathing rapidly. I can smell his musk all around me and I cry out softly when my knees begin to buckle. I grab hold of the bar and steady myself as Rawly drops Schumer down into the stool and pulls the man’s head back by his ears as the lights flash black and white.
I hear Rawly’s muffled voice. “You are one step away from becoming a missing person. Are we clear?” Except I can’t tell if he’s saying it to me or Lieutenant Schumer.