by Ravenna Tate
So why, then, did she have an overwhelming urge to tell Addison everything? It must be the strain of knowing her father was missing. That was a logical explanation, so she clung to it. “When do you plan on leaving for the surface?”
“As soon as possible. I’m trying to get everything in order today.”
“I’m not saying I doubt your abilities, but what makes you think you can find him when there are already Storm Troopers looking for him? They worked with him. It’s just as personal for them, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” He moved his hand, and the gesture caught her gaze. She watched his hand move toward her, but this time it never touched her. He pulled it back, and then she finally lifted her gaze to find him watching her with concern and uncertainty on his face. “It is personal, and you’re all he has left. I’m doing this for him and for you. I’ve known you all my life, after all.”
She let out a small sigh that was halting, uncertain. She had no idea what to say. She was both overwhelmed by his statement, and frightened of the memories that now assaulted her. She had to be alone and think through this. “Stay safe up there.”
“I will.”
His expression left no doubt he wished she’d say something else, but the air in her apartment was suddenly too thick. She needed to be alone right now.
“Nadine, have I done or said something to upset you?”
Shit. “No. No, not at all. I’m just … I’m worried about my dad.” Her voice didn’t sound convincing even to her own ears. He’d never buy it.
“Of course. I understand. I am, too. I’ll let you know when we leave, and I will email you as often as possible from the surface.”
She let out the breath she’d been holding. “Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.”
“My pleasure. You have my Internet phone number and my personal email. The phone obviously won’t work once I’m topside, but email me anytime. Even if all you want to do is talk. If I’m in a shelter we can even set up a video chat if you want to.”
“Thank you, Addison.”
He stared at her for a long time, and Nadine was certain he would say something else, but then he turned and left her apartment. She stood with her back to the door for what felt like hours while tears ran down her cheeks.
Everything she’d gone through four years ago came crashing down, along with the realization that she might never see her father again. All mixed up with those emotions was Addison’s handsome face, that stubble on his chin, and her overwhelming longing to be held in a man’s arms, and be kissed, and for those experiences to erase her memories from that horrible afternoon four years earlier.
A pipe dream. That’s all it was. It would never happen, and certainly not with Addison Carlyle.
Chapter Two
Addison stood outside Nadine’s apartment building, staring up at her windows on the fourth floor, debating whether to go back up there. What the hell had he done to upset her so much? He knew it was more than her father missing. He’d seen her tiny flinch when he wiped her tears away, and felt the change in the air immediately afterward, like a wall had gone up. But why? Was it him, or something else?
Dixon’s daughter was fourteen years his junior, but a woman’s age had never stopped him from pursuing her. The fact that she was Dixon’s daughter had stopped him once, a long time ago. What had stopped him for the past few years was the same behavior he’d glimpsed just now. It was almost as if she were afraid of him, but why would she be?
Addison shook his head. How crass would it be to make a play for her when her father was missing, and when he was going to be on the surface for who knew how long? That, and his overblown ego. She’s just not into you! That was more than likely the real reason she’d always kept him at such a distance. When he’d been younger and more of an ass than he was now, that possibility would never have entered his mind, but it did now.
This was insanity, and he needed to get a grip. She upset about her father. He was probably dead, and she wasn’t stupid. She knew that. He was letting his conceit get the better of him.
He’d watched Nadine grow up, and had been with Dixon when everyone had moved underground almost seven years ago. Dixon had been so worried about her, and had stayed underground for a few months while the Storm Troopers got organized. He checked on Nadine every day to make sure she was settled in and liked her job.
She still worked in the office at NorthWest high school. Addison kept tabs on her, but not nearly as much as he would like to. She was so damn pretty, with her short blonde hair and those big blue eyes. She had her father’s eyes, and that’s part of what kept Addison at a distance. He respected and even feared the man too much to piss him off.
If Dixon knew how many times Addison had fantasized about his daughter for years, he’d kick his ass into the next century. If he could look into Addison’s mind and see the things he’d pictured doing with Nadine, he’d kill him first and then kick his ass into oblivion, just for fun.
So instead, Addison filled his lonely life with relationships that never quite satisfied him or brought him what he craved these days. It had been fun when he was younger, and before the world changed forever and he had to move underground with everyone else.
He’d been a giant shit and had used women for his own pleasure, but he no longer did that. Hell, he would have likely done the same thing to Nadine if she’d gone out with him. Now, he was glad she never had. He would have hated something like that to be part of their shared past.
These days, he wanted what his friends had. Four of the twelve were engaged, and Ace was married. Emmett and Liane were getting married in two months. Ten years ago, if anyone had told Addison they’d be at this point in their lives, he’d never have believed it.
Time changes a man. None of them were getting any younger, and the carefree days of disposable relationships and never allowing themselves to be tied down were now more of a hindrance than an amusement. His closest friend Grayson Jensen, who lived a few blocks away and owned Jenson Software and Web Development, didn’t even know how truly lonely Addison was. It wasn’t something Addison felt comfortable discussing.
The tabloids had a field day every time one of them who wasn’t now engaged or married was seen in public with a different woman. Although Addison knew every single one of them had brought down that publicity on their own heads, the stories now read more like they were pathetic middle-aged men than eligible billionaires.
It was time to stop acting like a horny teen. Addison wanted to get to know Nadine as more than the daughter of one of his best friends, but the likelihood of anything developing in that direction seemed as far away as their old lives on the surface.
Or, it seemed unlikely until they found Dixon. Dead or alive. Yes. Exactly. Dead or alive, although Addison prayed it would be the latter. If anyone could survive a tornado it was Dixon Jarvis.
Addison headed for the downtown area, past his office building, to his home on Western Pine Lane. Only five houses lined this street, and each one was surrounded by five to ten acres of land.
Addison knew the other homeowners but rarely saw them. This particular piece of land had originally been earmarked for a planned park near the downtown area, but Addison had snatched it up before the papers could be finalized by the city commissioner because he wanted one of the plots for his home. He’d sold the others to people he knew could afford them, and would value their privacy as much as he valued his.
The park commission had been pissed off as hell, and had then wasted no time in buying the land around this little enclave for their own. They’d stayed quite pissed off at Addison for several years afterward, but he didn’t care. He had his retreat, and that’s all he’d wanted. The park commission could take a flying leap as far as he was concerned.
Addison had known they’d buy up the land surrounding his plot. He had wanted it that way. To be surrounded by protected park lands instead of more housing or office complexes was perfect for him.
E
very other Weatherman had an apartment in a high rise, most of them close to where the men worked, but not Addison. He’d been born and raised on Mercer Island, and he still needed space and a view of the water, even if it was a manmade lake.
From his bedroom on the third floor, Addison had a clear view of the largest lake in NorthWest. It never hurt to pretend, after all. They all had dreams of taking back their planet and returning the surface to its former glory. Maybe this time around they’d do a few things the right way, and make sure nothing like this could ever happen again. Maybe.
He glanced toward the bed and imagined Nadine lying there, as he did often, her lush body glistening with sweat and the aftereffects of their lovemaking. Would it ever happen? Doubtful, especially now. He’d promised her he wouldn’t stop until he found her father, and that’s what he needed to pour his energy into. Not because it would make him a hero in her eyes, but because Dixon was an old friend and it was the right thing to do.
Yeah. Right. You’re not doing this for her one little bit.
He sighed. Of course he was doing it for her as well, but he did want to find his friend. Even if all he could do was give him a proper burial.
****
Nadine tried all day to find something to take her mind off her father, but she might as well have tried to forget how to breathe. When Merrill had emailed her back, he told her that Addison was putting together a second team that would go in search of her father. Since she already knew that, she let Merrill know that Addison had come over to tell her in person. Nadine was so grateful her father had friends and team members who were willing to put themselves out there and find him, because she couldn’t imagine doing it herself.
She busied herself by reading about the Storm Troopers online again, even though she found nothing she hadn’t read a million times. Then she went to the Carlyle Imports website and read about some of the adventures his procurement teams had. There were pictures of Addison on the surface with them, and she found herself fascinated by the description of their trips up there. Why had she never known how often he went up there?
She had no idea these men were foolish or brave enough to face the same kinds of conditions the Storm Trooper sought in order to collect data. There were pictures of the existing shelters, plus a few of one of the new ones, and the differences were staggering. There was even a sidebar article about Damien Rivera and his construction company, and how long and hard he’d fought for the new shelters.
Nadine had listened to her father talk about the Weathermen for years, but she never really understood how often they worked on projects like this, or how much they’d each tried to give back to their communities, even before everyone had been forced underground to survive. The more she read on each man, the more impressed she was, and the more she realized how she’d misjudged all of them, especially Addison.
She’d known him all her life, and had taken his presence for granted. She knew he was interested in dating her, but had always assumed she’d end up one more notch on his bedpost, so to speak. She hadn’t wanted that, and of course she hadn’t wanted any man for the past four years. So she’d pushed Addison into the background, and had missed a lot because of it.
Each of the Weathermen had accomplished more by the time they’d reached the age she was now than she’d ever hope to do. She was twenty-seven years old, had a degree in general business, and worked in the office of NorthWest high school. Her life consisted of updating the website, and making sure absences were recorded, as well as keeping an accurate record of which kids were late to school.
By age twenty-seven, Addison had built an empire above ground that imported rare artifacts from every continent on the planet. He had clients from all over the world, and routinely traveled the world with his teams.
When he moved underground, his business came with him, and he’d found a way to keep it going by hiring risk-takers who weren’t afraid to go to the surface and look for things the storms hadn’t destroyed.
What had she done?
You’re not being fair.
Nadine closed her laptop and let her mind travel back four years for the second time that day. She wasn’t being fair at all. Her inability to face up to the demons of her past had as much to do with why she’d never tried to do anything else with her life, or why she’d never left her job, as anything did. She was safe in the world she’d created here. She was comfortable. Everyone she’d grown close to her in life underground, with the exception of her father, still worked at NorthWest high school.
It was only when she took a step back and was brutally honest that she faced facts. She was anything but safe and secure in this cocoon she’d spun. That much had been proven this morning when she hadn’t been able to allow Addison to touch her without the memories crowding in. The erotic thoughts his presence conjured up might as well have been poison, judging by the way her body and her mind had reacted to them.
How was she supposed to have a normal life one day if she couldn’t let a lifelong acquaintance comfort her? She couldn’t even allow herself to fantasize about making love to a man who didn’t force it on her. How could she expect to have the kind of life she dreamed about?
Short answer—you can’t.
Nadine had tried therapy. She still saw a psychologist, but her appointments were rote. She felt like she was simply going through the motions. Something had to change, or these kinds of reactions never would. This wouldn’t get better on its own, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t have a clue what she needed to do in order to start the real process of healing.
All she knew for certain was that she didn’t want to live this way any longer. She didn’t want to allow that man to have this kind of power over her anymore. He was across the country in prison and wouldn’t leave for over twenty years. Because she’d been brave enough to come forward about the attack, they’d been able to eventually link him to dozens of rapes around the country. She had nothing to fear from him now, but the effects still lingered.
The memories that afternoon had left behind, and the devastating effect they still had on her ability to trust a man, were all too real. Right now, she had no chance at a future other than the life she was currently living. Not unless she took this by the reins and brought it under control.
The power to take back control of her life and her memories was in her hands, not someone else’s. She’d been told that often enough. It was time to banish the past and live the kind of life she’d always dreamed of. The kind of life where she was the brave one. Where she was the one who faced fears head on and came out the other side. The kind of life where she might be able to love a man one day, and let him love her in return.
Nadine opened her laptop and returned to the website about the Storm Troopers. She found the picture of her father on the day he joined them. His smile said it all. He was proud, excited, and eager for this new phase of his life to begin. These men and women were human beings, just like her, but they were doing something extraordinary with their lives.
Nadine wanted to do the same. She wanted to prove to herself that she could face fears and challenges, and make it out the other side. Only then would she be able to face down what had happened four years ago and finally put it behind her.
She knew what she wanted to do. She’d known it from the moment she’d read Merrill’s email this morning. Nadine brought up her contacts list and stared at Addison’s private phone number for several moments, gathering her courage. Then finally, she picked up her phone and called him. He answered on the second ring.
“Addison, I want to come with you.”
He was silent for a few seconds and she thought she’d lost the call or that her name hadn’t shown up on his caller ID. “Nadine, you want to come with me where?”
“To the surface. To find my father. I want to join your team.”
Chapter Three
Addison had tried for close to an hour to convince Nadine there was no way she could join them on the surface to look fo
r her father, and then finally realized she had more right to go up there and search for him than anyone. He insisted she first get at least basic survival training, and since he planned to leave soon, she had to do it immediately.
By the time he set her up with Gina Westfall, his most trusted team leader, he’d already fielded emails from George Markus, Merrill, and Alesia Gonzales. George was a retired Storm Trooper who had known Dixon since they both worked for NSSL. He was coming out of retirement to join the search. Alesia was only a few years older than Nadine, but had long been an admirer of Dixon’s. None of them were happy that Addison was allowing a civilian to join them, even if she was Dixon’s daughter.
His procurement team members, Gina, Lee Briarwood, and Suzanne Ross, were much more understanding, but still skeptical. Addison emailed all six back in a group email, telling them that Nadine was joining them, whether they approved or not, and that he expected them each to treat her with respect and encouragement.
He reminded them how far back he and Dixon went, and that Nadine’s mother hadn’t been part of hers or Dixon’s life for thirteen years, so Dixon was Nadine’s only family. He finished by telling them that he wanted all communication between them to be in a group because this was a rescue mission, and they needed to be on the same page. Nadine wasn’t to be made to feel like an outsider.
Secretly, he understood why the Storm Troopers and his procurement team members were wary of this, but every one of them had been new to this at some point. Nadine had more right to go up there than any of them, and he didn’t want her regretting her decision before they were topside, or hearing anything from one of them that would interfere with her total concentration.
He then emailed all of the other Weathermen and told them what had happened and where he was going. Grayson Jensen was going to help oversee his teams while Addison was away, and he’d be working closely with Sally Rainer, his Vice President of Operations. Sally had been part of his organization since before they’d moved underground, and he knew she could handle things in his absence, but he also wanted her to have the support of the Weathermen if she should need it.