by Ravenna Tate
He crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face as his stomach grumbled. Maybe he was just hungry? Yeah, right. Because you have fucking horrible dreams all the time when you’re hungry.
What the hell time was it? Why was he starving? He picked up his phone and wanted to laugh. It was already ten o’clock. They’d slept through the afternoon and evening, not to mention dinner. Everyone was likely in bed already since he’d told the group about eight hours earlier that they were leaving at first light.
His quick trip to the storage room came back to him, as did the looks they’d all given him when he’d run out there, dressed in nothing but his shirt and jeans. Everyone now knew he was in here with Nadine, and that they’d had sex.
Addison didn’t give a shit. He’d been waiting for this for years, although he’d never have imagined it would come about this way, or after she’d gone through such a horrific experience. He wanted to find out the man’s name who had raped her, find the prison he was in, and pay him a little visit. With a concealed weapon.
He sat down next to her and watched her sleep. It had been a very long time since he’d made love to a woman with so little experience. Not only had it been like a breath of fresh air to do so earlier, but it had been special because of who Nadine was. She hadn’t sought him out for his name or his money. She wasn’t interested in his power or his social contacts. He had no idea what she saw in him, but he was happy beyond reason that she’d said “yes”. If he got his way, she’d be part of his life for a long time. Maybe forever.
Addison shook his head. He was assuming a lot here, and they still had a mission to complete. She needed closure one way or the other where her father was concerned. Only then could he address the secret she’d entrusted to him. Whatever happened after that, once they were underground again, he’d have to deal with it. She might want no part of him after this adventure. Or, being his lover might prove to be too much for her to handle.
Either way, he’d crossed the bridge and he couldn’t uncross it. He’d held the girl of his unending fantasies in his arms. He’d kissed her mouth, he’d touched her body, and he’d made love to her. He couldn’t undo what had been done, and no matter what happened on this trip, he didn’t want to. He’d cherish this for the rest of his life, even if she told him to get lost one day.
His stomach rumbled loudly again, so Addison pulled on his jeans and t-shirt. He peeked into the room next door, just to be sure no one had claimed it for their own, but it was empty except for Nadine’s things on the bed. If he had his way, she wouldn’t be sleeping inside it even if they came back here during their mission.
This bunker would be the place they’d return to if possible each night, but they might end up sleeping on the floor of a cave, or cramming inside a shelter to wait out a storm. He had no idea what they’d find in the caves, or how much of them they’d be able to explore each day.
No one was in the common room or the kitchen, just as he’d expected, but he could still smell the chicken they’d cooked. He peeked into the fridge and smiled. Someone had left two covered plates for him and Nadine. This was why he loved these people. He removed the dishes and uncovered them, breathing in the scent of grilled chicken, rice, and broccoli.
They might be in a bunker, but they had some fabulous food, thanks to his teams. They kept this one well-stocked because it was used so often. He warmed up the food and then rummaged in the storage room for the perfect bottle of wine. He took the food and wine back to his room, then returned to retrieve a corkscrew, two glasses, and bottled water.
Nadine was awake, dressed, and had just come out of the bathroom when he walked into his room the second time. She glanced at the spread. “What’s all this?”
“The dinner we missed.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh no … oh my God. What time is it? How long did we sleep?”
He grinned, putting his arms around her. “We’ve been in here about eight hours.”
She flushed, her expression guilty. “They all know, then. That we had sex in here.”
He tried not to feel anger at her reaction. She was coming at this from an entirely different perspective, and he needed to remember that. “Yes, I’m quite certain they do know we had sex.”
She pulled out of his embrace. “I’m sorry.”
“Why? I’m not. We’re adults. We’ve done nothing wrong, sweetheart.”
“Won’t you be embarrassed to face them? You’re their team leader.”
“I’m a man.” He’d never been embarrassed about making love to a woman, and he’d never had one react this way. He had no clue how to handle this.
“So, you bring women along on these trips routinely?”
He frowned. Was she jealous of his past? “Of course not. When I come to the surface, it’s all business.”
“I’m sorry, Addison. I really am. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He pulled her close again. “I’m not upset, but you have nothing to apologize for. Neither one of us do.”
“I’m so damn lost here.”
He was acting like a jerk, and she was worried about her father. That hadn’t disappeared because he’d fucked her. He really was a pompous ass. “We’ll find him.”
She pulled away again. “I don’t mean that.”
Now he was thoroughly confused. “What did you mean?”
“I mean I sound like I’ve lived under a rock all my life.”
Addison took several deep breaths to try to collect his thoughts. This girl had never had a real relationship. He realized that now. She might be closer to thirty than twenty, but her experience was limited to a horny teen to whom she’d been nothing more than a conquest, and a rapist. What the hell was he supposed to do here? He felt helpless, and he hated that for her sake.
“Let’s eat before this gets cold again, okay?”
She took a seat next to him on the bed, and he handed her a glass of wine. Then he poured himself one and lifted his glass. “To us, and to finding your father.”
She clinked her glass against his but said nothing. He was determined to bring this around. “What do you think of the food?”
“It’s good. I’m surprised.”
He grinned. “Did you think we existed on beef jerky and dried prunes up here?”
That earned him a smile in return. “No, but I didn’t expect to find a bunker that’s larger and better equipped than my apartment.”
“We won’t spend too much time here unless we can get back to it each evening once we lose the light.”
They ate in silence for a few moments, but Addison couldn’t take it any longer. “Nadine, do you regret what we did, or are you simply worried about your dad?”
She put down her fork, and that’s when he noticed her hands shaking slightly. “Both.”
Shit. “Okay. I’m listening.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
His heart sank. “As for your dad, we will find him. I gave you my word, and I never go back on it.” Images from his dream came back to him, but Addison pushed them away. Best to keep that to himself.
She finally met his gaze, but it hardly mattered now. He could see the pain in her eyes, and it confused him even further. “And the other?”
“I don’t know what to say. You have me at a disadvantage since I don’t know why you regret making love to me.” The words were difficult to say. He could see the struggle on her face, and it nearly ripped his heart in two. What the hell had he done to her?
“Addison, I’m not like the other women you go out with.”
She had no clue how true that was. It was the differences in her that he found so attractive. “In what way do you think you’re not like them? And before you answer, you mean the women I used to go out with, right? I’m not like that anymore. I only want you.”
Her disgruntled sigh had him wishing he hadn’t said that. He’d really put his heart out there, but he couldn’t simply drop this. He thought what they’d shared earlier
was fantastic, and up until a few seconds ago, he assumed she’d thought the same thing. What the hell had changed while they’d slept? Had he hallucinated her reactions during their lovemaking, or was he really that much of a conceited jerk not to have noticed something was off?
“I’m not sophisticated, or … I don’t know. Experienced. I don’t have a pedigree. I work in a high school office, for God’s sake.”
He resisted the urge to smile and pump his fist in the air. This wasn’t about him! She was worried she didn’t measure up to the nonsense the tabloids printed about him. This he knew how to handle. He would make this woman realize how amazing she was or die trying.
“I don’t have a pedigree either, and I’m not even sure what that means anymore. Any background checks I’ve done on dates or potential dates didn’t include the country clubs their parents or grandparents belonged to. It included whether or not they had a criminal history I needed to be aware of. When you own a multi-million dollar company, you have to be a bit careful whom you let into your life.”
“Now you’re teasing me.”
“A bit, but not without good reason.” He put his plate on the bed and took her hands. “Look, I know you have shit in your head surrounding sex that I will never, ever understand, but I meant what I said about you. I’ve had a thing for you for a long time, and what we shared a few hours ago was the most amazing, incredible experience I’ve ever had. I want you in my life when this is done. I meant that, too. This isn’t a fling for me, and you need to know that half the shit about me on the Internet is made up.”
“Including the pictures of you with dozens of different women?”
This time, he had to smile, but not at her words. It was the tone of voice, as if she’d caught him in a great big lie. “No, those are real, but I’m done with that. I only want you.”
“How many times have you said that to someone?”
“Never.”
She looked surprised but skeptical.
“I’m not kidding here. I’ve never said that to anyone. I’m not like that.”
“How can you know something like that after one … encounter?”
Would this beautiful woman ever see herself the way he did? “Because I’ve been fantasizing about you for years. Up until you told me what happened to you, I thought you’ve kept me at a distance all these years because you don’t like me. The only reason I never asked you out again was out of respect for your father.”
She said nothing, but at least the pain and confusion were gone.
“I kept fantasizing about you because I couldn’t give up on you. You’re the woman I want, Nadine. Only you.”
She stared at him for a long time, and he could see the emotions cross her face. It looked like she was going to say something, but she picked up her plate instead. “It would be a shame to waste this. Plus I’m really hungry.”
He breathed a mental sigh of relief and picked up his plate as well. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t respond to his words right now. At least she hadn’t pushed him away. That was a start. “I am, too. Great sex will do that to you.”
She laughed, nearly choking on the food she’d just put into her mouth. “You surprise me, Addison.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t expect this playfulness and humor.”
“Did you expect me just to take you and be done with it?” He smiled so she’d know he wasn’t angry.
“Actually, yes. That’s what I thought might happen.”
Oh wow. Addison realized he was only just beginning to understand where her head had been for years. “Nadine, I won’t hurt you. I swear it.”
“I believe you,” she whispered.
“Good. Now let’s finish this meal.” He had to take this slowly. It would be difficult, but she was worth it.
When they finished eating, Addison took the dishes and glasses into the kitchen and washed them. He re-corked the wine and placed it in the refrigerator. When he returned to the hallway, her door was open and she was in there, clearly getting ready to sleep in that room.
She glanced up and smiled. “Thank you again for the food.”
He stepped inside. “You’re welcome. Are you going straight to bed? Not a great idea on a full stomach.”
She pulled her phone out of her backpack. “I thought I’d read a bit first. I have books on here that I’ve been waiting months to get to.”
Addison swallowed hard. How could he tell her he’d been hoping she’d spend the night with him? He didn’t want things to get all weird between them again. “Need some company while you read?”
She averted her gaze for a second or two, and he knew he’d be trying to sleep alone next door tonight. “I need time to think about everything you said, and about what happened between us.”
He nodded. “Okay. I understand. Just promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“That before you make any final decisions, we’ll talk about it. Will you do that for me?”
“Of course. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Addison pulled her close and held her, resisting the urge to kiss her again. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them, especially her. He inhaled her scent, mixed now with the smell of sex from earlier, and he wondered how in the hell he’d ever be able to give her up if it came to that.
One evening with this woman and he was smitten. That had never happened to him. Then again, Nadine wasn’t merely any woman. For years he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. What the fuck was he going to do now, after making love to her? How in the hell would he be able to forget her for the rest of his life? Short answer, he wouldn’t. No way. Not possible.
Chapter Twelve
Nadine couldn’t read. She did try, but her mind wouldn’t focus on the words. Instead she kept seeing the email from Merrill she’d received Saturday. On the heels of that image came the memories of what she and Addison had done mere hours ago. What the hell was wrong with her? Her father was missing and probably dead, and what was she doing? Having sex with a man she’d never even dated, in a bunker full of strangers!
How had he been able to help her past four years’ worth of terror and disgust, and bring her to such heights of passion? Was he human? Shouldn’t she be thinking about their mission? Shouldn’t she be filled with grief and dread? Why wasn’t he?
She rose from the bed and paced the tiny room. Guilt consumed her as she let the sensations wash over her once more. She could still feel his hands and mouth on her. She could feel him inside her, and she wanted him right now, all over again. What the hell had he done to her?
Nadine plopped back down on the bed and put her face in her hands. “Dad, I sure wish you were here right now,” she whispered. “I need advice.”
They had to find him. They had to. As soon as they did, and right after they made sure he was okay, she was going to tell him everything. He had always been the one she’d turned to as a child for advice on anything from which color crayon to use, to whether or not she could tell if a certain boy liked her.
Even when her mother had still been living with them, she never had time for Nadine’s endless questions, or for much of anything outside of her own pursuits. It had been her father who taught her to ride a bike, drive a car, and stay safe online.
After Lonnie used her, she finally told her father about it, two weeks later. While he was very pissed off at the boy, he wasn’t upset with her. He told her that in the future, she should give her body to man, not a boy, and that to be sure she cared about that man and he cared about her first.
When they finished their talk, she’d heard her father on the phone with Lonnie’s father. At the time, she’d been mortified and actually afraid to return to school the following Monday, but by mid day she came to realize no one had heard about her father’s threats to Lonnie’s dad on the phone. At the end of school term, about two months later, Lonnie’s family moved to another state. To this day, Nadine still wondered if that had anything to
do with the things she’d heard her dad say on the phone.
Nadine stared at the wall. On the other side of it was Addison, a man her father had known for over twenty-five years. Addison cared about her, and she cared about him, but what would her father say if she told him that she and Addison had made love? Would he be happy, or would he kill Addison? Had she made a horrible mistake to have let this happen?
It didn’t feel wrong. That was what had her so confused. It felt like something she’d been waiting for. As if the act of coming together with Addison was the beginning of healing for her. How could that be possible?
Nadine had never been one to believe in fairytales or soul mates. She’d always assumed it was her parents’ nightmare of a marriage that skewed her belief in true love. All she’d wanted was to know what it felt like to have sex without being used for it, or to have it forced on her. Now she did know, and it was wonderful. It was perfect. It was everything she’d ever imagined it could be.
So why then did she feel so conflicted about this? Was it only because her father might be dead, or was it due to the fact that the man who had finally shown her what this could be like was Addison? She’d known him all her life, but not in this way. And to find out the feelings he’d harbored for her were this intense wasn’t really a surprise, but she hadn’t allowed herself to think about it in years.
Even so, she barely knew him. Not in the way one should know a person they had sex with, right? Hell. How in the fuck would she know? Her experiences had hardly been vast or deep. For all she knew, this was how everyone got together.
Was she truly ready for this? One did not simply heal from a traumatic experience within a matter of hours. Was she ready for a physical relationship? A real one? An adult, mature one? She wanted it. She’d wanted it well before that horrible afternoon. She used to wonder what was wrong with her that she couldn’t seem to find a guy she wanted to go out with more than a few times, or with whom she could imagine having sex.