by S. M. Parker
“I’ll apply to a bunch of places, just in case.” My words fall flat and unconvincing.
I wriggle on my favorite jeans and watch Lizzie’s reflection in the mirror, how suspicion draws over her features. Before she can call me out, though, my phone rings with Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Lizzie plunks down onto my bed, picks up Baba and pulls at the nubby balls of his remaining fur.
Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number so call me may— I dig my phone out of my bag, see HOCKEY BOY pulse on my screen and press accept. Lizzie grins at her latest handiwork.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Zephyr actually. You miss me?”
“Who is this?” I bite my lip, smiling.
Alec laughs softly. “I need to see you tonight.”
I blush. My entire body tingles. I look at Lizzie and mouth, It’s Alec.
“Yeah, got that.”
“You with someone?” he asks.
“No one special.” I smirk at Lizzie and she rolls her eyes.
“So, tonight?”
“I told you we’re having a girls’ night.”
“I need to see you. I’ll die.”
“Dramatic much?”
Alec laughs. “Just for a few minutes. Please? I’m at that Waxman kid’s house.”
I hear a whoosh of noise. “Tomorrow,” I whisper. “Promise.”
“Look, a bunch of people just stormed the room I’m in. It’s kind of hard to hear. Come see me. Just for one kiss.”
What can that hurt? “Just one.”
“Can’t wait.” I hear the smile in his voice. “Wear something sexy.”
“See you soon.” I flick off my phone and beg Lizzie with my eyes.
She huffs. “Fine. We can stop by and see him.”
My body zings with an electrical current. I never imagined I’d be this girl.
I shake off my jeans and trade them for a skirt and pair of knee-high boots.
On the way to the party I ask Lizzie, “How can you and Jason stand being away from each other?”
“It sucks sometimes. Most times. But what’s the alternative? Give up my life and live his life? No thank you.” She turns onto Waxman’s road and has to double-park because the street is already jammed. “Besides, it’s always better when we see each other after a break. We have more to talk about.”
Lizzie puts the car in park and I want to ask her if there was ever a time when it killed her to be away from Jason. But I don’t. Just in case she’s never felt the way I do now.
“I’ll wait here. I’m not really in the mood for crowds.”
My hand is already on the door handle when my phone rings. Kurt Cobain’s sultry voice tells me, Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be. I shoot Lizzie a look of quiet admiration and tell Alec I’m just outside. “Hurry,” he urges.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” I tell Lizzie.
“Tell him I said hi.”
“Will do.” I pop open the door, the sharp, winter cold air surprising my lungs, and my bare legs. Dubstep beckons from within the house. I go inside, my entire body zipping with the promise of seeing Alec. I spot him seated at the large dining room table, his posture easy against the high-backed chair as he surveys a game of quarters.
His gaze settles on me as I walk into the room and his smile grows, lighting his eyes. He cuts a quick glance to the room behind him and throws a nod. The corners of my mouth twitch up at this secret communication. Alec gets up from the table and I make my way through the crowd, following him. I’m halfway through the throng when someone grabs my forearm. I stop short. Gregg.
“Remember me?” he asks.
“H-hey,” I stammer.
“We met once or twice.”
I look down at my arm. “Let go.”
His fingers lift immediately. “There are other things—other people—in the world besides Alec, you know.” He takes a short swig of beer.
“You’re drunk.”
“Or maybe I’m the only one willing to tell you what you need to hear. In vino veritas.” He raises his glass.
“I’m confused. You’re calling me out for hanging with Alec when you’re the one who chose not to speak to me for the longest time? And then we saw you at breakfast and you acted like everything was okay?” It’s surprising how much anger that stupid breakfast can boil in me even now. I turn from him, move through the crowd to Alec.
Alec grabs my hands, spreads my arms open, drinks me in. “Damn.” He leans in, kisses my neck, strokes one finger along its length. “I never thought it was possible to miss someone’s neck.” His words purr into my ear, so soft against the noise booming from the other rooms. “Where’s Lizzie?”
“She’s waiting outside. I’ve got ten minutes.”
He plays up dejected eyes. “Sad news.”
“It’s better than not seeing you at all.”
“Too right.” He adjusts his stance, moves the toe of his sneaker against my boot. “I saw you talking to Slice.”
“Yeah, it was nothing.”
“Exchanging words is never nothing.”
“Nothing important.”
“Did he mention me?”
I nod.
“What did you say?”
“I told him I was here to see you. Only you.”
He kisses me on the nose. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“I don’t know. For coming.” He gives a shy laugh. “Or maybe, for choosing me.”
“It wasn’t a contest.”
He bites gently on my earlobe. “How about I prove to you that you made the right choice?”
“You can do that in ten minutes?”
He raises his hand to trace the crease of my smile, the way my lips run into the swell of my cheeks. His eyes fire. “Maybe I’ll surprise you.”
Oh my. “Consider my interest piqued.”
He smirks a devil’s grin and directs me into a spare bedroom.
He pulls the door shut behind me. “You look beautiful.” He opens my coat, runs his palm over my neck, my collar bone. My body faints against the door. His hands rest at my waist and his fingers tuck under the band of my skirt. My breath shuffles out in erratic bursts. He pops the clasp.
I grab his hand. “Not here.”
He plucks my hand away. “Why not?”
“What if someone comes in?”
His lips meet my neck. I dissolve when I feel the heat of his breath on my skin. “Don’t worry, I locked the door. Now stop interrupting me, I’m up against a serious deadline here.”
A small laugh trickles out as I relax. His mouth hovers between my face and neck and I wonder if his kiss will land on my jawline or my lips. His hands find my shirt, float over my breasts. He pushes up my top, exposing my bra. He smoothes his lips over my chest, making my breathing heave, forcing my hands to fumble in the softness of his hair. He crouches and nestles his head against my stomach, lowering until his mouth finds my skirt.
My eyes dart open to the dark room as his teeth open my skirt’s side zipper slowly, methodically. I feel the metal open, catch by catch. Then he’s slipping the skirt down over the spiked rise of my hips and letting it drop to the floor.
I should tell him to stop. I want to tell him to stop. But I don’t want him to stop. Not yet.
I step out of my skirt. He guides me to the bed.
He kisses me, reclines me onto my back before his fingers brush the inside curve of my knee, the soft length of my inner thigh. My back arches. My hands search for fabric, anything to steady my whirling head.
Oh god.
And then, he stops. My breath is ragged, wanting. Alec stands over me, studying me. He hooks a finger through the spaghetti string of my underwear and tugs. “Do you think you need these?” There’s a laugh sitting under his words, but it’s mixed with something darker. A desire for more?
My body stiffens. Does he want to have sex? Here? Now? I am so not ready. I shuffle back on the bed. Suddenly, the music ou
tside our door is too loud. The pressure too great. “Alec, I can’t . . .”
“Can’t what? Feel good?” He steadies me, studies me. “That’s all I want for you, Zephyr. I’ll stop if you want me to . . .”
“No.” The word is out before I can stop it. And I don’t want to take it back.
Alec plays with the side string of my underwear. “Would it be all right if I took these off?”
I nod because anticipation wins out over fear.
He tugs and my hip wrenches toward him with the force. Material splits. One side, then the other. Ecstasy floods through me in a flash of endless, soaring white. He slips the material from my body. I watch him ball the severed cotton in his palm and tuck it into his back pocket.
He crawls slowly over my body, lies next to me. I feel his fingers at my temple. The way he softly brushes the curls from my forehead. “I want more than ten minutes.”
“What?” My head is spinning. My mouth dry.
“Our time’s up. Your friend is waiting.”
Lizzie. Shit. The real world. Part of me wants to cancel my plans and stay here forever. And the whole of me pulses with the echo of Alec, the want I have for him.
“Do you think it would be okay if I helped you dress?”
I nod, wanting his hands on me still.
Alec is so delicate as he guides my legs through my skirt. He helps me to stand, fastens the clasp of my skirt. “You go out first,” he says. “I’ll hang back for five.”
He opens the door and a jolt of bright light spills in from the hallway. Muffled conversations fill my ears. I hear chanting, a piercing squeal. Then the laughter. A house full of laughter.
My knees quiver and I have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Until I am almost outside. Until Gregg bumps into me. He sidesteps, registers my flushed face.
“Seriously, Zephyr?”
Gregg stands before me, judging me. But I don’t care. I am trapped by the undertow that is Alec and how I want it to drag me under and bury me with its force. I didn’t know a person could make another person feel like this. And I won’t let Gregg make me feel guilty about it.
I move past him and step outside. The cool night air eddies around me as if I’m drunk. Through my haze I spot Lizzie’s car, engine running. Inside the cabin the dim overhead light seems too bright and I squint against its glare.
She snickers. “I see our little pit stop was worth it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you have total sex hair.”
My fingers rise to my hair, try to smooth down my curls.
“Did you . . . ?”
“No! God Lizzie!”
She gives a short laugh and shakes her head.
By the time we reach her house, I can almost think clearly again. Lizzie gets a phone call from Jason and chats with him as she unpacks an enormous bag of snacks onto her kitchen island, filling a mixing bowl with gummy worms and M&M’s. I head to the bathroom.
I lift my skirt and search my hipbone for the pinch I feel there.
There’s a cut.
Thin as a whisper but warm and fresh red.
Alec’s watch must have nicked me.
I press my finger across the cut and it reopens. The tiniest red river of blood.
Alec has marked me.
I let go of a small grin, one so secret I’d only show it to the mirror. And my reflection returns the smile, proud of this new version of me made more alive by Alec.
When I join Lizzie on the couch, my phone buzzes. A text from Alec: Ten minutes isn’t enough.
Chapter 15
I’m grateful Lizzie has plans with Jason today. She drops me at my house so I have time to shower and change before heading to the mall with Alec. He needs a new pair of sunglasses and the process is akin to picking out a prom dress. There are a lot of choices. When he finally finds the right pair, we get ice cream and talk about hockey, next year, his signature take on pesto sauce, how much he envied Lizzie being my overnight host. I fear there aren’t enough minutes in the universe to share all the things I want to share with Alec.
When we get to his car, I pull out my phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“Just texting my mom to tell her I’m on my way.”
“Cool.” He studies his rearview mirror until he can pull out of the parking space.
Mom responds immediately: Be safe. And then a heartbeat, a moment, before another text: Thank you for checking in.
“Everything okay?” Alec asks.
“Perfect. Favorite card in the deck?”
“Ace. It can have two different meanings, depending on the game you’re playing. Favorite song?”
“ ‘Down to Zero’ by Joan Armatrading. This one line, ‘There’s more beauty in you than anyone.’ It sort of wrecks me.”
“There’s more beauty in you than anyone.”
I smile. “That’s not the way this game is played and you know it.”
“Couldn’t help it. Seizing the moment and all.”
“I might be able to find it in my heart to forgive you this once.”
“As you wish.”
Alec holds my hand as he drives and I’m left wondering if I’ll ever find the words to tell him how he’s unearthed the deepest part of my heart. Created it, really. When he turns into my driveway he pulls over at the mailbox. “I believe this is your stop.”
“Hah! You know me too well.” I pop out of the car and open the box, its creaking metal latch echoing in the dark woods. The box is empty, though I thrust my hand in to be sure. How is it possible I haven’t heard from Boston College yet? Tyler Grinnel heard from Penn. Amy Gettes was accepted by USC. Where’s my letter? But then maybe it’s wrong to want more than I have.
“Anything?” Alec asks when I duck back into his car.
“No, and I’m getting seriously frustrated.” He puts the car in gear but I steady his arm. “Not yet. I want to say bye without my mom creeping at the window.”
He returns the car to park and pops his seat belt. The heater spurts out waves of warmth. He pats the side of his seat and I move closer, inhaling the sweet smell of his skin and cologne. “I had a great day with you.”
“Me too.”
“Next time we’ll go out to dinner. I like to sample restaurants, get ideas for”—he sputters a laugh—“for the restaurant I’ll never have.”
“Don’t say never. A business degree will help you run a restaurant. That’s something, right? You can go to culinary school after. Your parents won’t have a say then. You’ll see.”
“I wish that were true.” His words clutch sadness.
“You can make it true. It’s your life, not theirs.” I snuggle closer, drape my arm over his waist.
“Maybe.”
“Not maybe. You can. I believe in you.”
Alec takes my hand in his. His one finger draws down the length of my ring finger. Then again. Even this small touch, this odd exploration, seizes my attention. “How did I get so lucky? Let me take you out Wednesday. Our own Thanksgiving, just the two of us.”
Sounds perfect. But there’s something about Wednesday. . . . “That’s the start of Alumni Weekend.”
“And that matters why?”
“It’s Sudbury tradition. The school band does a parade thing and then there’s an athletics ceremony before the football team plays our school’s biggest rival. A lot of people who graduated come back to watch.”
“And are there alumni you want to see?”
“Not particularly.”
“And you don’t love football?”
“Ah, no.”
“So then why can’t you spend the day with me?”
Why was I planning on going to the ceremony? Lizzie and I hate it every year. Literally spend the entire time talking about how much we hate it. “I guess it’s just tradition.”
He bites lightly at my bottom lip, his breath mixing with mine. “Make a new tradition with me.”
His words e
cho Mom’s. And I want new with Alec. But . . . “I promised Lizzie I’d go.”
“Sure, but if you’re with me we can do a little of this.” His hands glide under my shirt. His lips press along my neck.
“Yeah?” My breath is too faint.
“Yeah.”
Yes. Yes. “Okay.”
He leans his forehead against mine. “Good. Boston College may not have made up its mind, but I can’t get enough of you. You’re mine Wednesday. No friends, no school. Just the two of us. I promise I’ll make it special. You’ll forget all about Alumni Weekend.”
I already have.
He puts the car in gear and we slowly drive toward my house. When I get inside, the air is so still I can hear the hoot of a barn owl outside the kitchen window. I grab an orange and pad to my room, calling, “Mom! I’m home!” There’s no response. I flash forward to next year, returning to my dorm room after a party, no parents to check in with. The intoxicating freedom makes me want Alec with me at Boston College more than ever.
I flop on top of my comforter and it’s impossible to say how much time passes before Mom pops in, sits on the edge of my bed. “Hey Sunshine, did you have a good day with Alec?”
“I did.”
“Are things getting serious with you two?”
“We were at the mall to buy sunglasses, Mom.”
She cuts my attitude with a glare. “It doesn’t matter where you go, Zephyr. Only that he treats you well.”
“He does.” The best.
She pats the curve of my shin. “Good. That’s what matters. You deserve that. Every girl does. And no need to rush things.” She stands to leave and I can’t help feeling like I only got half of a parental speech, that if Dad were home this conversation would have gone differently and included a lot more rules. My brain doesn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved.
“Oh, almost forgot. I need a favor,” Mom says.
“What’s up?”
“I know you’re invited on your own and can bring a date, but I’d like you to be my plus one for Anna’s wedding.”