stompity-boppity, stompity-boppity
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Stamp, bamp, buh-dampity
Stamp, bamp, buh-dampity
Wham, Bam, Slamity-Bam!
“How’s that?”
“Ain’t no sign of them little ol’ IndiGoGo Girls yet, Gumibara. I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“I say, gentlemen, if I may make an observation, eh hem? It would seem that our Koalan friend has a penchant for thrashing himself about, in a manner that is very much anathemic to our desired visitors. I would suggest that our gracious Gumibara send out a dancing summons more in accord with the ladies’ preferred musical format.”
“Oh, sure, I get you, Persephone! Less stomping around, and more stationary, side to side, hip bounces! Hey, Persephone, is this right? Am I getting the arm movements like they do? Hey, Persephone look at me! Are you watching? Is this it?”
“Yes, Gumibara, that is it precisely! Dance with an emphasis on hip maneuvers! Hear, hear! That is wonderful dear fellow! Your forward and backward pelvic thrust, while arguably an indecent public display, are certainly of an energy and enthusiasm which the young ladies prefer. That’s it, Gumibara, your natural wiggling and jiggling attributes are perfectly suited to this sort of popular culture gyration sweeping the island nation. Hear, hear, I quite approve of your twitching shoulders old boy! Work in a double hip bounce to each side as you keep time, as these should coincide with the side to side tossing about of your great head.”
“How am I doing, Persephone?”
“Splendid, Gumibara, I absolutely adore your interpretive stylizations. I see that you are able to incorporate your frenetic arm movements in a counter-point to your hip bounces and hula-loops. Feel free to interlace your fingers behind your head to provide a point of stasis while doing the wide hip circles if you think it will assist you in any way.”
“Far out, Persephone, I am feeling groovy!”
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
“Come see us little cuties,”
“We want to say hello!”
“We need some advice,”
“I’m quite the troubled fellow!”
“Though my belly it wiggles,”
“Like a barrel full of jello!”
“The Island calls her Fairies,”
“Guardian Girlies, IndiGoGo!”
“Bah! You silly bear! Cease the incessant shimmies of your fructose sweetened butt! You have no idea how silly you look, you big sugar-britches, super-monster! Monstrous Island’s fabled guardian angels, the IndiGoGo Girls are a myth!”
“That ain’t true, Doctor Lionelstein! Gumibara, the IndiGoGo Girls do exist! Please continue with your pleas.”
“Okey-dokey, Icha-pokey.”
“Hai, and maybe a bit more go-go-ish.”
“RRRRAWR!!! My movements are totally ’go-go-ish’! RRRRAWR!!!”
“Hai, hai, hai. Of course, Gumibara! I only meant in terms of your singing, oh mighty sticky one!”
“Yes, you are correct Jubei. My singing should reflect a manner that is more in line with the IndiGoGo Girls’ trendy vocals. Hmm, I think too that I want some back-up.”
“Oh, if you please, mighty Gumibara, I beseech you, allow Jubei and myself to be your back-up dancers and singers!”
“So be it, Rhianico. With you and Jubei dancing alongside of me, combined with a more suitable singing style, surely we will make ourselves heard to the white-booted ones! Now I shall better channel the energy needed to summon the twin faeries.”
“Hey, hey, hey!”
“Yeah!”
“Hey, hey, hey!”
“We need a little guidance,”
“We need it today!”
“Monstrous Islands, Faerie Protectors,”
“Come out and play!”
“We’re in lots of trouble,”
“Danger swirls,”
“We really need the help,”
“Of the IndiGoGo Girls!”
“Enh, henh, henh, henh! What a bunch of superstitious idiots! You are the most meddlesome, bothersome, and troublesome kids and stupid super-monsters I have ever seen! You and this planet are doomed!”
“Oh no we ain’t, Miss Laurie Petier, Ma’am! Come on, Miss Plumtartt, let’s do our part and get in on some of this IndiGoGo Girl dancing.”
“Yes, quite, I say, perhaps it does behoove one to channel a bit of boogie to one’s bustle if the fate of our imperiled planet rests upon it, so to speak, eh hem?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am.”
“Is it effective when I bend in a slight crouch, grip my knees, and then work the posterior attributes?”
“Yes, Ma’am. Golly, I didn’t know you could bounce your bustle up and down that fast, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am!”
“It is imperative that one disengage one’s pelvis and then trust in the application of the inertial momentum stored within.”
“Yes, Ma’am. We’re with you, Gumibara! Where do you want us to do our IndiGoGo Girl dancing?”
“RRRRAWR!!! Jubei and Rhianico shall position themselves on my right! I will push my brilliant, ever-changing body-lights to their brightest levels! Further, I shall allow the pulsations of my hyper-active hips to control the pacing of the lights movements! This will surely evoke the surroundings of a mythical, fantasy, discotheque that will prove irresistible to our Monstrous Island Monarchs! RRRRAWR!!! Where was I? Oh, yes, Icky and Persephone shall line up on my left. Let’s see, what are we missing?”
“GRONK!!! You are missing me, TiTaupKamaro! Surely I am the greatest back-up IndiGoGo Girl summoning dance dancer! GRONK!!!
“RRRRAWR!!! Yes! TiTaupKamaro, join us in our song and dance!”
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
“You Girls are so sweet,”
“You Girls are so nice.”
“Please come and share,”
“Some good advice.”
“Bah, these foolish younglings and super-monsters do not realize how silly they appear with their elbows working back and forth in a mechanical rhythm in measured counterpoint with their unseemly swishing bottoms.”
“Ehnn-yes, Herr Daukttor, let us join in the dance, if just to show our coarse derision. Though our hands are securely tied behind our backs to prevent us from stabbing these children in the backs, which we would surely do if given half the chance, I think we can still participate as far as the general body shimmying is concerned.”
“Bah, you are right, Laurie. I feel as if my righteous dance moves will put these youngster kids in their place. Move over, Ichsa-butt, let me show you how the grown-ups do it!”
“Ehnn, Herr Dauktor, all this wiggling and jiggling feels to be very therapeutic for my hunchback spine! Perhaps I shall join a dance troupe when I am thrown in the prison playhouse.”
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
wiggle-dy, wiggle, wiggle.
Jiggle! Jiggle! Jiggle!
“What a toll on our atoll,”
“It really does not bounce well.”
“Oh magic IndiGoGo Girls,”
“We need some wise council!”
“I see a tiny speck of light in the hazy overcast sky, y’all. It’s pink! It must be the IndiGoGo Girls, responding to our song and dance!”
“Oh, if you please, Jubei, look! Ichsa-bod is right! That tiny speck of light is growing larger to reveal itself as a small bubble, moving through the turbulent atmosphere, and headed our way.”
“Yes, and look inside! The sphere of fuchsia holds two tiny figures. Twin girls in short skirts and white boots are energetically dancing in synchronicity! I think it must be the IndiGoGo Girls!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”
“Hey, hey, hey!”
; “Hip-hip-hooray!”
“Hip-hip-hooray!”
“Our heros celebrate,”
“Their victory day!”
“Eh hem, not exactly, my dears. Though we have, indeed, liberated Monstrous Island from the diabolical domination of the evil Doctor Lionelstein and Laurie Petier, alas, we were unable to prevent one final detonation of the ‘Excoriation Process’.”
“This news is not good.”
“It must be the static reception.”
“If what you say is true”
There has been a new monster conception.
“Quite so, Ladies, an enormous super-monster. It resembles a bloated Tyrannosaurus Rex, but with smaller head and standing many hundreds of feet tall.”
“What are you saying?”
“Your words are implausible.”
“In you we put our trust.”
“This situation is impossible.”
“More trouble than a flotilla”
“of pirates drunk on tequila,”
“You have unleashed the destructive power,”
“of Mighty ZodGila!”
“Yes, Ladies, in fact, this ‘ZodGila’ creature has proven too much for us. The monster is massive beyond comprehension. We called upon you, not in a cheer of victory; rather, we were hoping to gain some sage advice in dealing with this brute before he kicks and stomps our entire planet into dust.”
“No! No! No!”
“Your words we do not want to hear!”
“You were supposed to save us!”
“The Faery dust made it very clear.”
“No! No! No!”
“Something is very wrong!”
“You terrible bunch of cowards!”
“How can you sing this song!”
“No! No! No!”
“Where is the ’Ancient One!”
“The greatest among you,”
“Where is mighty TuRuDan?!”
“Howdy there, Misses IndiGoGo Girls Ma’ams. Our pal, TuRuDan, got hit by a disruptive beam of diabolical design while battling Doctor Lionelstein. We ain’t seen him since.”
“Shameful disappoint.”
“Eater of Earth, ZodGila born.
“Sorrow, forever.”
“Oh IndiGoGo Girls, ain’t there nothing you can do to help?”
“Do not speak to us!”
“We state with eyes askance.”
“We are sickened by your summoning”
“with the IndiGoGo dance.”
“ZodGila will”
“upon your cities, prance,”
“You have failed us,”
“Ichabod Temperance!”
Chapter Thirteen:
Icky and the Glorious Forces of Victory
“There, there, Mr. Temperance, don’t be dis-heartened.”
“If you please, there, there, Jubei, be of strong heart, hai?”
“There, there, Gumibara, congeal your melting heart.”
“There, there, Dauktor, it is poor form to openly laugh with merciless mirth and derision at these miserable fools in their moment of supreme failure.”
~sniff~ “What are we gonna do, y’all?”
“I say, sitting here, wallowing in despair and defeat is exactly what we are not going to do. Everybody up! Let us resume our pursuit of this, ‘ZodGila’ fellow, eh hem? Yes, quite, double time in fact.”
“Well, I don’t think we’re gonna have to pursue him for very long. I hear and feel the return of his heavy footsteps.”
“Ach, ZodGila has already circled the island, presumably destroying anything worth destroying. He seems to leave the natural formations of the island alone, preferring instead to destroy the constructs of Man and super-beast, as demonstrated by his hateful destruction of my castle, the wreckage of Gumibara’s orchards, and TiTaupKamaro’s careful, artistic, rock gardens and lagoon.”
“If you please, Gumibara, dim your lights and let us all take cover so that ZodGila does not see us!”
“Hai, good idea, Rhianico. Hm. It looks as if ZodGila is wading out into the Ocean. He has paused, and is looking around. Holding his snout aloft, he is sniffing the air, in search of his next quarry. He has now apparently decided upon a course that he is satisfied with and is even now, swimming in that direction. Perhaps ZodGila is leaving Monstrous Island, in search of more satisfying stomping grounds. My gut instincts tell me that he is on a course for the Japanese home islands.”
“I say, I am at a loss as to how we shall now maintain our pursuits, eh hem? Mr. Temperance and I arrived on this wondrous isle by way of magic soap bubble. Doctor Lionelstein, I presume that you are in possession of a ship of some kind, yes, eh hem?”
“Bah! I did have a ship, but that stupid ZodGila has smashed it to tiny splinters!”
“Ehnn-we are trapped on this island!”
“No, I have a boat, hai.”
“Hi! Hey, that’s right! Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir, how did you get here?”
“I am in possession of a powerful steam-speedboat. My clever camouflage has kept it safe from ZodGila’s search for destructive targets.”
“Holy giant lizards, Jubei! As you peel away those earth-tone tarps, you reveal a steam launch that was hidden in plain sight! That is the sleekest, fastest looking boat I ever did see! I reckon that there is the most super-ultra extra modern speedboat there ever ought to be! In a strange way, its styling is reminiscent of your highly technically advanced, closely fitting, body armour, that still retains a strong hint of traditional Nipponese Samurai armour patterns. If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get a super-boat like this?”
“I am a special agent in the Emperor’s Guard! Though I have worked hard to gain my position, part of my high level placement comes from being my father’s son. Over twenty years ago, when the United States Commodore Perry sailed his Black Ships to Kanagawa and signed a treaty with our Shogun, a period of turmoil enveloped our land! Many royal persons and high ranking officials were in danger. My father would have been singled out as a danger to the rebels, had he not feigned a sissy demeanor. He was thought to be too weak and effeminate to be of a threat to those that would defy the new direction of Nippon. He used this camouflage as a protection to then go out and perform super-heroic actions in resistance to the resistance. In daring fashion, he prevented the deaths of many high ranking dignitaries and families of royalty. He came to be known as ‘The Crimson Sakura Blossom’!”
“The Crimson Sakura Blossom? Oh kind of like ‘The Garlic Pumpernickel’!”
“Eh hem, I believe, Mr. Temperance intends to say, ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’.”
“Hai, It was thanks to his efforts that peace was restored in 1868. Thus began Japan’s race of industry. An incredible, and sudden adoption of western industrial practices was institutionalized across the land. This was a fortuitous circumstance, for only a year later, our planet was visited by the ‘Revelatory Comet’. Our revolution of invention expanded ten-fold and more!”
“If you please, the Earth passed through the tail of the ‘Revelatory Comet’ in July, of 1869. It is now 1877. Several thousand citizens of Nippon became highly gifted engineers and scientists, as occurred the world over. If you please, pardon the pun but Japan was already at full steam and had the full force and focus of the entire country behind its engineering drive when we entered this ‘Age of the Comet’.”
“Hai, Rhianico. As a high ranking security samurai, I was assigned to the Doctor Atwell Lionelstein and Laurie Petier case when it was learned that these international criminals had returned to Japan. I was a part of the detachment in charge of protecting Rhianico from her psychopathic sibling. It was here that I failed in my duty, for I broke the first rule of being a bodyguard. I fell in love with the subject that I was charged to protect. The beautiful Rhianico reciprocated my love completely. Foolishly, I had allowed myself to be distracted by affection when the cruel Doctor Lionelstein kidnapped his own sister, despite my own efforts to stop him. Even as we were supremely well-equipped, or s
o we had thought, Doctor Lionelstein and Laurie Petier’s mechanical army caught us unprepared. I and many of my task force were incapacitated in the kidnapping raid. The depth of my shame in this failure is bottomless. My stiffened resolve led me to ignore my official orders. I chose to seize the initiative of pursuit on my own authority. As a high level super secret agent operative, I have access to the latest state of the art equipment such as the advanced, high-density weave armour, and belt of utility items I wear.”
“My word, if I may say, I do enjoy how the lay of the body contoured body plates would seem to enhance your own body’s well developed musculature, eh hem?”
“Domo arigato, Persephone. If I may be so bold, your western style of dress goes to great lengths in showing off to a maximized degree, your own pleasant feminine charms, hai.”
~sigh~ “If you please, Jubei is correct. Where your bustled emerald dress, with built in bodice, gives the effect of wearing a charming, embroidered, corset on the outside of your clothes to enhance your bounty, showing off and glorifying your splendid womanly figure, in a bold and flirtatious manner, sadly, my own kimono does everything it can to hide my own female attributes.”
“I say, not to worry, Rhianico, I will happily escort you on a shopping excursion at the first opportunity.”
“In the mean time, at least we have a way off the island.”
“Hai, it is imperative that we go and warn all available military units! I must get word to Navy Command!”
“Looks like there is just enough room for six people in that speed-boat, Mr. Trevorgawa-San. I reckon we’ll be saying good-bye to Gumibara and TiTaupKamaro.”
“Ha, ha! Like, no way, dudes! I am going to swim after this monster! Nobody stomps on my gardens and gets away with it!”
“No, TiTaupKamaro-San, I am sorry, my great super-monster friend, but this boat is way too fast for you to keep up.”
“Mmm-bwah-hah-hah-ha-hah-hah! Are you serious? Did you really just say that? Somebody tell me he did not just say that. Jubei, I may be a turtle, but I am a Sea turtle! I am the fastest thing in these waters! I can swim circles around your puny boat! It will be agonizing to have to follow your land turtle paced dinghy!”
“Hai! Very well then, TiTaupKamaro, it seems that we will enjoy the honour of your inestimable assistance!”
The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) Page 9