“Hai!”
“Sweet!”
“If you please, I respond in the affirmative!”
“Simpatico.”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am!”
“Hear, hear! In that case, let us pledge together: We do hereby pledge and avow to stop the unstoppable! We shall free planet Earth from the ineluctible threat of the super-monster, Kitkara!”
Chapter Twenty One:
Icky vs. the Specter of Total Annihilation
“REEER-REERLL!”
“Ha, ha! This entire Earth city is mine to romp and play on!”
“REEER-RAWRLL!”
“Surely my playful antics display the complete contempt that the superior planet, Planet Eckes has for the ant-ridden mudball that is the inferior of the two planets, planet Earth.”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“Let us now go and find new cities to destroy...”
“Boom! Chaucka Laucka Laucka”
“Boom! Chaucka Laucka Laucka”
“Boogity Boogity Boogity Boogity-Boah!”
“This world’s not big enough”
“For both of us”
“Somebody’s got to go!”
“REEER-REERLL!”
“Inconceivable! A hideous creature of Earth dares to defy us!”
“REEER-RAWRLL!”
“The foolhardy Earthling is their next best excuse of a super-monster! A softly glowing, almost translucent, gelatin confection.”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“How dare the creature taunt us with his silly song and ridiculous dancing.”
“Boogity-Woogity,Boogity-Woogity”
“Boogity-Boo!”
“A super-monster butt whooping”
“is coming for you!”
“I got rhythm in my head”
“Wiggle in my butt.”
“Knowing what’s coming”
“Puts a jiggle in my gut.”
“You insolent, insignificant, super-monster! You shall pay for those ill-considered words!”
~pounce!~
~dodge!~
“You’re a real gone cat”
“We say Sayanara”
“Adios, dosvidania”
“Arrivederci, Kitkara!”
~pounce!~
~dodge!~
“I have you now, you little candy-ass! There is nowhere for you to dodge away from me now!”
“Sweep the Halls!”
“Clear the Decks!”
“Choke on Earth’s reply”
“To Planet Eckes”
“We have you now”
“Standing on our metal net”
“You’re in for a shock”
“And that’s what you’re gonna get!”
“Sic ’em, Icky!”
“Yessir, Mr. Gumibara!”
“Hunh-reerl?”
~PER-GHIZZXXCK!!!~
~ZZSCK~ZZSCK~ZZSCK!~
“Woo, Hoo! We got him! How do you like them apples, Kitkara?”
“REER!REER!REER!”
“REER! UNH! ...”
“I say, Kitkara does not appear to like the electric apple that you have so quickly and adroitly prepared for him in the least, Mr. Temperance. You may now break the current’s connection to our hastily prepared electric trap. How very fortuitous for our party to have access to vast amounts of this unusual fence material. The sturdy manner of linking wire into long lengths of fencing rolled into easy-to-handle, coiled bales was just the thing we required to knit our net of electricity-conveying steel. I say, let us hurry and push our advantage while we have the brute momentarily incapacitated, and knocked unconscious by the powerful electrical connection, eh hem?”
“Hai, Persephone, let us all hurry to connect our assigned copper wire to Kitkara’s four primary limbs.”
“It looks like we all got our wire connected just in time, y’all! Kitkara is coming back around to wakefulness! Everybody hurry back to safety off of the electrical net workings!”
“...RRRLLL...”
“Now you just settle down and behave yourself, Mr. Kitkara. We have you at our mercy so you better behave! You are bound to our behavior modification net works!”
“Reerll!!! Puny human! These wires will not hold the invincible Kitkara!”
~PER-GHIZZXXCK!!!~
“Reerll!!! That hurt!”
“You better behave!”
“Never!”
~PER-GHIZZXXCK!!!~
“Reerll!”
“Mr. Temperance, Kitkara has scratched the electrodes right off! He is now pulling himself free from our electric welcome mat!”
“I’m giving him all the juice we got, Miss Plumtartt, but it ain’t enough to stop him!”
~PER-GHIZ-BOOM!!!~
“Uh-oh, Miss Plumtarttt, it looks like we blew a fuse. We just lost all our power!”
“I’m coming to gobble you up, little Earthling ant! You are the first, but soon I will eat every last living creature on this planet! You are almost in reach! I have you now... hunh? Rowlll! My tail! Ow! Get off! Quit biting my tail, you stupid turtle!”
“I say, good show! TiTaupKamaro has clamped what looks to be a very secure grip on Kitkara’s dangerous tail!”
“Rrr, rrhee, rrhi, rrr, rr!”
“Don’t try to talk, TiTaupKamaro, just hang on!”
“Reerlll! I will shake you off, you tiresome tortoise!”
“Oh no you won’t! I’m coming to help you, TiTaupKamaro! Hah! With both of us clinging to your tail, you are grounded, Kitkara!”
“Reerll! You stupid bear! You must weigh fifty tons! Get your sticky paws off me, sugar-britches! Ow! Tell that stupid turtle to stop biting my tail!”
“Eek! Run, Miss Plumtartt! We are being followed by the angry Kitkara! Despite the many tons of super-monster bio-mass clinging to his tail, he still claws himself along, his hungry kitty cat heads snapping at us in an attempt to gobble us right up!”
“I long to dine on an Earthling’s flesh! You despicable little sub-Ecksian species will be a delicious chow for the mighty Kitkara! Especially these four puny humans that dare to defy the greatness that is Kitka-glik, Kit-gulk, Super-Controller!”
“I say, Mr. Temperance, despite Gumibara’s and TiTaupKamaro’s best efforts, Kitkara is still able to drag himself in pursuit of our little quartet of humans, eh hem?”
“Unh, unh. You stupid super-monsters clinging to my tail are a real drag! Unh, unh, but I will still devour these scampering, talking ants!”
~snap!~ ~snap!~ ~sn-”Ow!”
“I got ahold of a whisker, y’all!”
“I say, Jubei, would you be so kind as to assist me in keeping a grip upon our Mr. Temperance, eh hem? His hold upon Kitkara’s whisker is quickly elevating him up into the air. Ah good, I am just able to leap up and catch the questionable opportunist by his unusually large feet.”
“Hai, Persephone, I, in turn, have caught you by the ankles, holding onto Ichsa-bod, holding onto the long, feeler, eyebrow whisker.”
“If you please, I now have a hold on you, Jubei, who has caught Persephone by the ankle, who in turn, clutches Ichsa-bod who clings to Kitkara’s eyebrow whisker, high up off the ground. I have, if I may, if you please, managed to gain a cross-legged grip on this convenient stanchion, thus providing a tenuous tether for the grapevine cleat of our human rope in this over-powered tug of war.”
“Thanks, y’all, but if you will notice, Kitkara ain’t pulling as hard as he could against us. This whisker I got is probably pretty sensitive!”
“Ow-wow-ow! That hurts! What a cheap and cowardly trick! I should have expected such a less than heroic maneuver from the likes of you pitiful Earthlings! Ow! Why don’t you fight me fair, hunh? Let go of my whisker! Reerll!”
“Nossir, Mr. Kitkara, sir. With my pals Gumibara and TiTaupKamaro clinging to your tail and the rest of my pals clinging to me in a bizarre, suspended chain, we momentarily have you immobilized fore and aft. I only wish I had a plan to proceed from here.”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, I am reasonably sure that what is hurrying in this direction is the irrepressible King of all super-monsters!”
“Hai, Ichsa-bod, if we can only maintain this neutralizing hold on Kitkara a few more moments...”
~ploink!~
“A-a-a-aug!”
“If you please, what a revolting development this is. Kitkara’s forehead feeler has plucked off in our collective grasp!”
“There goes our whisker of a chance, y’all”
“Reerll! Now I will destroy you all!”
“If you please, I feel a tremendous rumble rising up through the ground.”
“Hai, however, rather than clutching my heart in an icy grip of fear, suffusing the organ with the proverbial nameless sense of dread, the rising Terran tribulations gladden my troubled heart, filling it with new-found hope.”
“Quite so, Jubei, the bouncing terrain can only be credited to one source.”
~whoom.~
~WHOOM.~
~WHOOM!~
~WHOOM!!!~
“Kitkara is flapping his wings and taking off! He is carrying Gumibara and TiTaupkamaro up into the air!”
“Yikes! I have to let go!”
“A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-unh!”
“Rrr! Rhi! Rhawg!”
“Gro-o-o-o-o-o-o-nk-unh!”
“If you please, though our friends, Gumibara and TiTaupkamaro tumble back to Earth, our own Monstrous Island messenger, he rises!”
“I say, his reptilian virility is thrilling to behold!”
“The Earth trembles beneath his awkward, wide-legged, swinging stride.”
“The inescapable onslaught prepares to leap after our winged foe, and prevent his escape!”
“With a titans strength, he bounds into the air, y’all! Altogether now, it’s, it’s, it’s...
“ZodGila!”
“Eee-Aye-rRoark!!!”
“Eek! It’s ZodGila! Augh! Let go of my tail, you stupid Earth super-monster!”
“Not by the scales of your chinny, chin chins, Kitkara. ZodGila has you in his crushing grip!”
“Indeed, Mr. Temperance, ZodGila is employing his considerable inertia via taloned clutch upon the Ecksian threat’s dangerous tail before Kitkara can get up enough wing power to overcome the mighty ZodGila’s leap and weighted grip. Transferring this energy of momentum, the continuous motion allows the ultra lizard to twirl the incredible Kitkara in a generous amount of wide, giant, circular, swings before giving our uninvited guest a proper introduction to planet Earth with both our compliments, and a resounding thud.”
{ { { ~THUD!~ } } }
“If you please, that has got to hurt. In fact, the impact of Kitkara’s impact on terra firma may even leave a mark, both on Kitkara, and the Earth.”
“Hai, Rhianico, however, if you continue to observe, you will witness our fiendish foe to rise back up and shake off the high-powered super-slam he just received from our Monstrous Island benefactor.”
“REEER-REERLL.”
“Stop the ride! I want to get off.”
“REEER-RAWRLL.”
“Did anybody get the number of the continent that just hit us?”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“Snap out of it you guys, ZodGila is back!What’s the matter, didn’t get enough the first time? This time we finish you for good!”
“Great spaghetti meatballs, y’all, what a collision between these two behemoths! Now as they roll about the landscape, squirming and struggling for an advantage, they are a roiling cloud of claws, talons, wings, tails, and teeth!”
“Hai, Ichsa-bod, each combatant seeks to gain a position behind the other. Ah! Kitkara has succeeded in gaining a position behind ZodGila. The high, double ridge of triangular spikes running along ZodGila’s back are making it difficult for Kitkara to latch himself in tightly.”
“Just so, Jubei, and with a drop of his head, ZodGila is sliding back and under Kitkara’s left foreleg to reverse the positioning! Hear, hear, good show, ZodGila! Much to the angry protestations of an enraged Kitkara, ZodGila has thrashed himself around the gryphon’s lion legs, only to be stymied by the creature’s wing. Nevertheless, this is far enough to grant ZodGila a broadside-mount, mandibular purchase on one of Kitkara’s necks!”
“If you please, Persephone, this position gives the advantage of the rear legs, that both beasts have an intense desire to use on the other to rake the other’s tummy, to Kitkara. ZodGila desperately tries to bring his feet to bear while suffering the raking rear feet, and the bites of the two remaining heads of Kitkara.”
“Oh my Goodness! ZodGila has been forced to release his biting hold on Kitkara! They are both immediately on their feet to meet again in a titanic clash! Gripping each other’s shoulders they bite away at each other!”
“Oh, look, ZodGila has leapt upwards with his great lizard haunches, to come back down with his feet straight into Kitkara’s abdomen while continuing and dramatically increasing his considerable momentum, swung his tail through the legs of the standing, three-headed cat. Good show, ZodGila has performed a Congan ‘Orangutan Toss’ with some skill and alacrity, I say. His push with feet and pull of head, has sent Kitkara on a distant flight with, undoubtedly, a stout accompanying landing, eh hem?”
“If you please, some measure of doubt must now be given to your undoubted prediction, Persephone, for as you can see, Kitkara, like all felines, has an uncanny ability to always land on his feet!”
“REEER-REERLL!”
“REEER-RAWRLL!”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“We dirty our paws, fighting this battle on your terms. This battle shall be fought on the terms of Kitkara!”
~whoom.~
~WHOOM.~
~WHOOM!~
~WHOOM!!!~
~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~
~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~
~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~
~WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!~
“Kitkara has taken flight once again, Miss Plumtartt!”
“Rather, Mr. Temperance, he is quickly able to gather speed as he once again, begins his taunting, orbit of ZodGila. ZodGila turns around and about in his attempt to maintain surveillance of interplanetary invader. Poor fellow, once more, ZodGila dizzies himself in his pursuit of the flying catastrophe of the super-monster Kitkara.”
“Hai, our airbourne antagonist balls his claws together before him to form the hammer of a mighty battering ram!”
~WHAMMO!!!~
“If you please, the great ZodGila has been knocked back an evolutionary step or two with that tremendous blow.”
~BLAMMO!!!~
“Land o’ Goshen, that double fisted strike was per’t near a knock-out whallop!”
“My word, Mr. Temperance, I fear another strike is more than our hero can bear, eh hem? ZodGila stumbles about, trying to find his high-speed and elusive foe, but once again, only furthers his own, debilitating, and dizzying, dilemma. Hello, what’s this? ZodGila is closing his eyes! He stretches out his snout, his arms, and his tail. I do believe that he is attempting to track Kitkara by means of his other senses! Since sight is proving to be an unreliable source of good reconnaissance, ZodGila now uses his super-monster heightened smell, feel, and aural senses, to protect himself.”
“Hai, Kitkara is wary and glides in quietly from behind.”
“If you please, ZodGila now carefully sniffs at the air.”
~WHI-POW!!!~
“Yay! ZodGila spun backwards and downwards in perfect timing with Kitkara’s arrival to lash out with his tail and smack ol’ Kitkara a good ’un!”
~KWER-THWAPPE!!!~
“Dear me, it is undetermined as to whether this outcome were intentional or not. Be that as it may, ZodGila’s strike had the unfortunate
effect of spinning Kitkara in a floating, stationary circle, the end result being ZodGila standing up to get a velocity drenched, weighted gryphon tail to the side of his head.”
“Hai, ZodGila drunkenly stumbles to his left.”
“If you please, he now staggers in an inebriated fashion back to his right.”
“Oh my goodness, y’all, now ZodGila is taking a full, falling tree, dead to the world, square and heavy, face-plant on his super-monster moosh.”
~thud.~
“Reerll! Now you are going to get it! I contemptuously turn my back so that I can lift my deadly, weighted tail high into the air and bring it down with terrible force, like this!”
~THUDDDE!!!~
“And like this!”
~THUDDDE!!!~
“And this!”
~THUDDDE!!!~
“This.”~THUD!~“Is.”~THUD!~ “For.” ~THUD!~ “Daring.” ~THUD!~ “To.” ~THUD!~ “Strike.” ~THUD!~“Me!” ~THUD!~THUD!~THUD!~ ~THUD!~THUD!~THUD!~
“Stop it you big jerk! You’re killing him!”
“Ha, ha! That’s the idea, Earth-ant! You’re next! I’ll just throw in a few more heartless strikes for good measure,” ~THUD~ ~THUD!~THUDDDE!~ “but the monster ZodGila is no more. As you can see, he has been pummeled into monster mash.”
“How dare you, Kitkara? You fiend, I will stop you!”
“Just, eh, how do you plan on doing that, Gumibara?”
“ . . . ? ? ? . . . ”
“Ha, just as I suspected. One swipe of my paw will eliminate you from my concern, you silly bear.”
~swipe.~
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.........”
“You should not have done that, Kitkara. Gumibara was a friend of mine. I am now going to perform my Hah-Chew, or, special war dance, in which I ceremonially proclaim my Pacific Island machismo and fearsome warrior capabilities.”
“Bah, I am not interested in your deep-kneed stance, and vulgar dance in which you pound your turtle legs and chest with your turtle flippers. I shall scornfully swat you away with a quick, fell swoop of my mighty tail.”
~SWOOP!~
“Gro-o-o-o-o-o-onk!”
“All of Earth’s super-monsters are now defeated! Surely I, Kitkara, am the greatest being in the universe!”
“Oh, Kitkara . . . “
“Kitkara . . . “
“Your super-monsters”
“were but little pests.”
The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) Page 15