by Robin Roseau
"I'm sorry, Elisabeth."
"You gave your entire self, and it is my own fault."
"I am sorry anyway," I said. "Will this hurt?"
"No. As Portia said, she is mine, and as you are her mate, you are also mine. But I believe Michaela's claim on you is even stronger. You have made her very happy."
I smiled up at her.
"Now, your mate waits for you, and Francesca is waiting to announce breakfast." She turned me around. Portia was standing with Lara and Michaela, pretending not to be watching me. Elisabeth leaned down to speak into my ear. "Go to her and use your body to ask for a kiss."
I began walking, and somehow, the pathway between us cleared. She waited until I was half way before she watched me openly. And so I walked straight into her arms, closed my eyes, and lifted my chin.
She enveloped me in her arms and tipped me back further before her lips descended.
It was a long, thorough, amazing kiss, and I clutched at her. I forgot where we were. I forgot everyone was watching. I accepted her kiss and her passion, and I reflected it as much as I was able.
And I know I moaned.
The kiss ended, and she pulled me tightly against her. I laid my head against her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her.
And then the assembled wolves applauded.
When that died down, Francesca's voice rang out. "Breakfast is ready."
Michaela and Lara pulled Portia and me to the table. I found myself between Portia to my left and Michaela on my right. The other adult wolves took places, although there wasn't room for everyone. Then a bunch of the students brought platters of food into the room and set them onto the table.
"We have more in the kitchen, so you may eat in shifts or find a place to sit," Francesca said. "Zoe, everything is vegan unless it is clearly not vegan."
"Really?" I asked. "Pancake mix has milk it in."
"I did not make these pancakes from a mix. Everything is from scratch. You may safely eat."
I actually teared up a little at that. She had gone through a great deal of work to do that. Under the table, Michaela clasped my hand and whispered into my ear, "Pack."
"Wolves," said Francesca, "I will want to know what you think of the various dishes. Zoe is pack. She is part of us now. And pack shares. You all know what this means."
"They're going to eat vegan food?"
"It's pancakes," Portia said. "Everyone loves pancakes."
Of course, the entire meal wasn't vegan. They were carnivores, after all. There was bacon, eggs, and breakfast sausages, and around me, the wolves dug in. But they ate the pancakes and banana bread, although the bowl of fruit made its way between Michaela and me and stayed there.
"Scarlett's parents aren't here?"
"They have a quaint tradition," Michaela said. "They attend church."
I laughed. "That is hardly quaint."
"It is for wolves. We can be very spiritual, but religion is unusual. I don't think Tara believes, but Nick does, and she goes with him. They are mated, after all, and it makes him happy, so of course she goes."
It was a lovely meal. I ate more than I wanted, in part because Francesca had gone to so much work for me. I was deeply touched, and when she finally sat down, I told her that.
She cocked her head. "Zoe, you are pack. I adjusted a few recipes. I was going to cook anyway, and I had a great deal of help. But now I wish to know, wolves. What did you think?" She lifted her voice. "All the wolves. I want to know what you think of the food."
Several of the teenagers got up from their seats on the floor, and the adults let them speak up first.
"I liked the pancakes," Conner said. "And this bread." But then he looked uncomfortable. "But I put butter on it."
"Conner," I said, "For you, there is nothing wrong with that."
"I buttered mine, too," said Kimber. "And I haven't had... What is this? This mush?"
"Oatmeal," Francesca said.
"There was oatmeal?" I asked. "I missed it, but now I'm full."
"I haven't had oatmeal before," Kimber said. "None of us had. So we each tried things. I didn't like it plain, but I put brown sugar on mine. That was good."
"I do that, too, sometimes."
"I used honey," Lindsey said. "Is honey vegan?"
"No, but don't worry about it," I said. "I like to put fruit in mine, but based on the location of this bowl of fruit between Michaela and me, I doubt that would help any of you."
"All right," said Francesca. "Did you like the pancakes because you poured so much syrup over them you couldn't taste them?"
The kids didn't answer that. That was fine, too.
"I liked them," Karen said. "But... they were a little nutty?"
"Did you like that?" Francesca asked.
"I did," she said. "I'd eat them again."
Francesca took more opinions, then nodded. "We will try a few other things over the coming weeks. That's all I had."
Everyone went back to her conversation, but I leaned to Michaela. "They don't eat fruit, but they eat banana bread and drink lemonade and apple cider? I don't get it."
"Neither do I," she said. "Orange juice isn't popular. It's too sweet. I only drink it when I really need the energy."
Shortly after that, the kids handled the cleanup. I tried to help, but I was forcibly pushed back into my seat by at least two pair of teenage hands. They laughed as they walked away, carrying my things, and I heard one of them say, "Humans are fun."
Another said, "I wonder if I can get one. Do they make good pets?"
That generated more laughter as they walked into the kitchen.
Portia smirked at me then leaned over and asked, "Maybe I should fit you with a collar and leash." On my right, Michaela snorted a laugh.
"You think that's funny?" I asked.
"I certainly do. Let me show you the pictures of me dressed like a yappy dog sometime."
"You don't look at all like a dog!"
From around me, several wolves said, "People see what they expect to see."
"To be clear," I said into Portia's ear, "There will be no collars and no leashes."
"We'll see," she said. She grinned at me, but I couldn't tell if she was teasing.
"I think I'm going to get you a water bowl."
Michaela snorted again.
"Sorry," she said. "Ignore me. Another story."
Breakfast wrapped up, and Michaela took possession of me. Then she pulled me to the side. "There's someone else you need to talk to." She turned me, and I saw Monique standing in the corner of the room. She looked miserable.
I turned to Michaela. "Oh, no. Michaela..."
"It will be okay. Treat her like an adult. She knows she's being silly. But she thinks no one will ever love her. She thinks she's ugly and stupid. She is neither of those things."
"She's stunning. You're all stunning. But she's fifteen."
"Fifteen is a hard age for wolves just like it is for humans, and until three years ago, she attended a human school. To human kids, she is big and ugly, and she had to intentionally hide her athletic abilities besides. The kids weren't kind. And she was kind of gangly besides."
"She's not gangly now. She's beautiful, Michaela."
"She doesn't think so. And she's so self-conscious around my science program kids. She'd have dates if she wanted them, but she's an enforcer, and no one is willing to ask her. She has to ask, but she assumes the worst."
"Are you sure about all that?"
"Yes."
"And I may tell her all this?"
"Yes. I have, but she needs to hear it again."
I nodded. "We'll be gone for a while."
"Thank you."
When I looked back, Monique was still watching me, looking at me with such longing, my heart burst. My god, I was older than her parents! I crossed the room towards her, but as soon as she realized it, she turned away, and then she began walking towards the door, but I cut her off.
"Monique."
"I have to go, Z
oe. I have homework."
"Well, you weren't heading for homework. You were trying to run from me. You're one of my dearest friends here. I thought maybe we could go for a walk."
She'd been looking anywhere but at me, but she turned to face me. "I am?"
"Come on," I said. "Can we run if it's just you pulling me?"
"Not as fast."
"Come on." I took her arm and pulled her outside and down the steps. "Take us somewhere we can sit and talk where I won't get too dirty."
We shifted grips. She took my arm, adjusted her hold, and then we were running. She was right. It wasn't as fast as with two. But it was a lot faster than I could run.
I laughed with the joy.
She took me deep into the woods, finding a fallen tree. We came to a stop, and she made a show of brushing it off for me. Then we sat, and I immediately took her hands.
"Well," I said. "Monique, I am older than your mother."
"No you're not," she said. "You're barely forty. My mother is fifty-one."
"She looks thirty-five!"
"She's a wolf. We mature fast but then age slowly."
"Oh. Someone else said something about that to me, too. How old is Portia?"
"Older than you," she said. "You'll have to ask her."
"Elisabeth?"
"Older than you."
"Lara?"
"Older than you."
"Michaela?"
She paused. "No comment."
"You're a brat."
"I know." She looked away. "I'm being stupid. I know I'm being stupid. I'm just a kid. I know."
"You thought I would wait?"
"I don't know. Maybe hoped. That's stupid, too."
"Honey, compared to you, I'm old. And wrinkled."
"You aren't wrinkled."
"You haven't seen me naked."
She didn't respond to that.
"Tell me, does Prudence look like a typical 90-year-old wolf?"
"No. She looks perhaps sixty-five."
"I would have guessed late forties, if even that. What is a wolf life expectancy?"
"If we don't die violently, then about one-twenty-five," she said. "Sometimes older."
"All right. I want you to think about something. Let's say I waited."
"You're mated."
"Let's say I wasn't. I waited until you're twenty-one."
"I'm an adult in three months."
"Not to my human eyes, Monique. And even at eighteen, you're a kid. Twenty-one and out of college, or it is just so amazingly creepy I can't begin to tell you."
"Fine. Twenty-one. That's not so long."
"No, not so long. So, you would be twenty one, and I would be." I sighed. "Fifty."
"Okay."
"A human at fifty is starting to fail. Knees going bad. Grey hair. Menopause."
She didn't say anything.
"Average life expectancy for a human who made it this far and is relatively healthy and takes care of herself is 80 or so. 95 is uncommon. Let's use 80. At 80, I am going to die. You are only 51 and still healthy with 75 years in front of you, more than half your life remaining. Do you know what it would do to me to leave you behind, Monique? I would die of a broken heart, knowing I was deserting you while you still needed me."
She turned towards me, and there were tears in her eyes.
"I don't want to think about you dying," she said.
"I don't want to think about you being lonely," I added.
She nodded, then she hung her head. "It's worse."
"Oh?"
"I am a dominant wolf. I would want to be able to support my mate properly. I won't be able to do that for a while. I can't ask you at fifty to live in a tiny apartment in the barracks. But it hurts, Zoe."
"I know it does, honey," I said. "So we're going to think about it differently."
"We are?"
"Honey, you are one of my dearest friends. I have human friends, but not that many. They are acquaintances more than friends. Most people think I'm a crackpot, and they sort of edge away from me. I can't help but share my views, after all. But you're a dear, dear friend. You matter to me a great deal."
"I do?"
I nodded. "You helped me fit in. We're scuba partners! You watch out for me. You help me. Monique, we're friends."
"Best friends?"
"I don't use that phrase, because it excludes others. We are dear, dear friends. That's better, because you can have Portia as a dear, dear friend, too, can't you? And you can also have dear, dear friends close to your age, and no one feels bad because she's not your best friend."
"That's smart," she said. She smiled. It was weak, but it was a smile.
"Monique, I need friends. I'm kind of alone here. It would kill me if we couldn't be proper friends."
Her smile grew slightly.
"Now, I'm going to tell you a few more things, and you are going to listen to me, because while you might be the enforcer and a dominant wolf besides, I am old enough to be your mother, and I know things. Are you listening?"
"I'm listening."
"To my eyes, you are beautiful. Stunning. Amazing. I keep using the same words. I use the same words about you that I use about Portia and Elisabeth and Karen and Scarlett and Angel. You are unbelievable, and you are only going to grow more so."
"I'm not pretty."
"None of you wolves are thin waifs or anime characters," I said. "But you are beautiful and stunning, both like this and in your fur. Oh my god, I can't stop looking at all of you in your fur." I reached out and caressed her cheek. "But like this, you are beautiful."
"I'm not."
"You are! I know you don't believe me, maybe because the kids in your old school weren't nice. But kids that age are stupid, frightfully stupid, and they attack anyone who is different."
She looked away, but I pulled her back to face me.
"And you are also exceedingly kind and a whole lot smarter than you think you are. You are strong and brave and a damned good person. Everyone, and I mean everyone likes you. Everyone admires you. Monique, the alphas just taught you the instant shift. They haven't taught anyone on the council, have they?"
"No."
"They haven't taught Eric or Rory, either. They just taught Portia the same time they taught you. They haven't taught any of the other enforcer students, and you know what? I don't think they're going to. But they taught you. Do you know why?"
She shook her head.
"Because you are just that amazing. They trust you. They trust all the enforcers, but they trust you more than the others. They trust you will do the right thing. They trust you will use this skill to protect the pack, to protect Michaela and Rebecca and Celeste."
"And you."
"Yes, and me. And you know what else? All the kids in the science program are jealous, but they all admire you. Every single one. I won't say you could ask just any of them out, and he or she would say 'yes', but I promise you some of them would."
"Why don't they ask? They never invite me to anything."
"Because, honey, you are an enforcer. You don't get invited. You do the inviting."
She stared. "Oh shit."
"Yeah. Oh shit."
She stared for a while, then brushed the tears from her eyes, but she smiled. "Am I really pretty?"
"No. You're beautiful. They aren't the same thing. Pretty is just on the skin, and while you have perfect skin, you aren't pretty. Beauty is deeper. A woman can be pretty, but if she is ugly on the inside, then once you get to know her, she is also ugly on the outside. You are beautiful. You are radiant. And you are very, very important to me, and to the alphas and the other enforcers."
She sat there, and I imagined she was quite overwhelmed with her own emotions.
"I have a few more things to say, and I know you have to let this settle in. First, we are friends, right?"
"Dear friends."
"Dear, dear friends. And you are also friends with Portia, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Good
. And so, I want you in my life, and I want to be in yours."
She smiled.
"I want to ask you something. I don't know how often I'm going to need protection."
"Whenever we leave Madison," she said. "Even Bayfield, although not on pack lands up there, and not as much as when we go anywhere else."
"I would never tell Elisabeth whom to assign, but if I make requests, she'll at least listen. If I request you, is that okay? I know you wanted to be on Michaela's team."
"I'd love to take care of you, Zoe."
"Good. Then I will make sure Elisabeth and Portia know how I feel. Two more things. You're fifteen. You're old enough to date. You're not old enough to become mated."
"Scarlett and Angel were only a little older."
"Yes, but you just learned a great deal about yourself you didn't know, and you need time to get used to it. It would be very easy for you to become mated to the first person you ask out. That is too soon. You need to date. They both dated a little before. Do you understand?"
"I guess."
"So I want you to think about going on very casual dates with a variety of people. Do you only like girls?"
"I like boys, too, I guess." She paused. "I like watching Eric work out."
"Oh honey," I said laughing. "Even I like watching Eric work out." We laughed together.
"I should date kids near my age," she said. "And I should do other things with them, too."
"There may be a few jerks in the science program, but if there are, I haven't seen it. They would be happy to include you, but you'll have to start it first."
She nodded.
"And so, I am going to also say one more thing. I need to talk to Portia, but she'll agree. We are going to start having movie nights at our house. I don't know when or how often. And I want you to come and bring a date. I expect to see a different date each time."
She smiled. "I'll come."
"Good. I'll let you know when." Then I leaned forward and hugged her. "Better?"
She nodded. "Thank you, Zoe." She paused. "Congratulations."
"Thank you."
She grinned. "Is she good in bed?"
"She's amazing in bed," I said. "And on the sofa. And in the shower. And she was eyeing the countertop this morning, but we had to go."
Monique laughed.