by Robin Roseau
"What happened to your mom?"
"She was human," Ember said. "He got her pregnant and never told her what he was. Imagine her surprise when I shifted to wolf the first time."
"Oh my god." And I wondered if the reason she was here with me was because I was human and so I reminded her of her mother. I was okay with that.
"She was a drug user and thought it was a trip. But after I did it a few more times, she realized it wasn't the drugs. She remembered my dad was from up here, and so she stared calling every Klein in the book, looking for relatives. She asked if they knew Clay Klein and described him as 'particularly hairy'. She found my uncle. So she put me on a bus and told him to pick me up at the bus station."
"Oh honey."
"No, it was best. She couldn't take care of me. Young wolves need structure. I was turning really wild, and I didn't understand what was happening. And it hurt. It really hurt. My aunt and uncle took me in. But they have their own kids."
"You live here now."
"Yeah. Michaela and Lara said I may stay as long as I want, and I study really, really hard in school."
"What about your aunt and uncle."
"I haven't seen them since they dropped me off last year."
I thought that was terrible, absolutely terrible.
"Did they adopt you?"
"No. I suppose I still have a mom, somewhere, if she didn't die. But I was seven, and I haven't heard a word."
What kind of mother puts her own daughter on a bus and never sees her again?
"Well," I said, "Now you have lots of mothers. You have Michaela and Lara and all the enforcers and me. Don't you?"
"I do?"
"Yes."
"So does that mean you'll buy me a camera?" She laughed. Then she grew still. "It's not the same though."
"No, I suppose not. But if you ever need someone older to talk to, or just for hugs, I'm only a human, and I'm not very strong. You have to be gentle with me. But I give really good hugs. For a human, anyway."
"Thanks, Zoe."
We lay quietly for a good five minutes before I asked, "What are you thinking about?"
"I'm trying to think of good games," she said. "If I think of any, will you help me work on them?"
"I would love to."
"The keep away game was the best, but tag was funny."
"Yeah."
"And you liked paintball, too, but you didn't think you did well. Even though you shot me." She laughed.
"What?"
"Walking slow so I'd give in on helping you. I'm glad you did. That was fun."
"You know, I thought so, too. Now Portia wants to build an entire house."
"Will she let me help?"
"I'm sure she will."
"You two are perfect together," she said. "I never knew girls and girls could be together."
"How do you feel about it?"
"I think it's cool, but I know some people think it's wrong."
"Yeah, some people think it's wrong. Those people worry too much about what other people do and should be more concerned about taking care of their own lives."
She didn't respond to that. Instead she asked, "Are Monique and Cassie dating now?"
"I gave Monique some advice, and I am going to give you the same advice. I told her she should start to ask people out, boys or girls, but she shouldn't become mated with anyone yet. She's too young, and it's too easy to make a poor match at this age. I told her she should ask different people for a while. So I think perhaps she is going to ask Cassie, but then next week she might ask Dawson or Connor or you."
"Me?"
"Sure. If you don't want to go on a date with her, you don't have to, but you should be nice about it. Just say, 'No, thank you. I just want to be friends'. Nothing more than that is necessary. She'll be fine with it."
"What if... she asks, but she asks me to do something I don't want to do?"
"Then you tell her you'd love to go out with her sometime, but ask her to pick something else. And if it happens a second time, then you have to suggest something, or she might think it's an excuse."
"How do you know if it's a date or just hanging out?"
"You know, everyone wonders that. When I ask, I use the word 'date'."
"You ask people."
"I asked Elisabeth."
"Oh. You asked Elisabeth? Really?"
"Yep." I thought about it. "If you're not sure, you ask. You can say, 'Is this a date or friends?' Sometimes people mean a date but aren't willing to say it cause they're afraid of rejection. So they'll make it sound like friends, but really, they want a kiss at the end of the night."
"That's stupid. They should say what they mean."
"Maybe wolves aren't like that, but humans are totally like that. I was really wishy-washy when I was younger. I had all sorts of ways to ask a woman out without ever admitting I wanted a date. And you're right, it's stupid, but I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Feeling foolish if they didn't like me that way. And what if I think they're gay, but I'm totally wrong?"
"Oh, that could be embarrassing." She looked up at me and grinned. "Is it as embarrassing as yelling, 'Portia! Portia! Portiaaaaaaaa!' ?"
I laughed. "Okay, maybe not as embarrassing as that. But I thought wolves didn't think that was embarrassing."
"We don't, but I'm smart, and you're human, and humans find everything embarrassing. That's stupid, too. I haven't even seen you naked, and we see each other naked all the time. Humans think it's a big deal. I bet you aren't embarrassed to see us in fur, but you look away when we're in skin. Why?"
"Um. God, I don't know, Ember. If you were raised by a human mother and didn't know you were a wolf, why aren't you more like me?"
"It was a long time ago and I don't remember very well. Zoe, do you have any tattoos?"
"Not a one. Do you?"
"No." She paused. "Do you know about bride ransom night?"
"Michaela explained it tonight," I said.
"I bet you think it's terrible."
"I think I have to think about it a lot more. I can understand it for wolves, but as a human, I don't think I'd do very well."
"We wouldn't really hurt you, like, we wouldn't break your hands or anything."
"What?" I shrieked. "You break hands?"
"Well, if she isn't begging, eventually. Or other things. I mean, she has to beg, or her groom has to pay anyway, but usually they wait until the bride begs. If the ransom is too high, he might still not pay. At least, that's what happened with one of my cousins. But we shift a few times, and it's all better."
"That's all it takes?"
"Yep. Want to see?"
"No!"
"Are you sure? You can break my hand, and then I'll shift. It hurts, but I'd show you."
"Now you're just teasing."
She laughed. "Yep. So, you know about bride ransom. And you've seen Michaela's tattoos. And Lara has tattoos, too."
"Michaela said hers are from her ransom nights."
"Yeah. Well, I hope my kidnappers make me take a tattoo. I want my skin bare until then, and then wear a tattoo for my new groom. Or bride. I haven't decided."
"When you're older, and you know for sure who would be kidnapping you, or at least some of them, find a way to tell them. If that's allowed. Is that allowed?"
"I don't know. But there isn't a bride ransom night police force, so who is to say it isn't?"
I laughed. "Good logic," I said.
"Are you and Portia going to get married?"
"She hasn't asked me."
"If she asks you?"
"I think she should be the first one to hear my answer."
"So that means 'yes'. So you'll have a ransom night. Is there anything you want them to do to you?"
"Foot massages, pedicures, facial treatments..."
She laughed. "I don't think it works that way." She changed her voice. "Portia, they're rubbing my feet. It feels so good. Oh god, it feels so good. Please pay my ransom so they'l
l stop." She laughed again. "Yeah, I don't think it works that way. What do you want them to do?"
"I don't know, Ember. Michaela told me some of the things they did to her, but they were things Lara wanted, not things Michaela wanted done."
"Oh, I suppose. Well, what if Portia has a ransom night? Do you want them to give her a tattoo?"
"No. If Portia gets a tattoo, I want to be there."
She huffed. "You're not very good at this game."
"I'm sorry. This isn't the sort of tradition that humans would look forward to."
"But-" She paused. "I suppose not. Some brides try to get out of it. Are you going to do that?"
I thought about it. "No. Michaela said it's important."
We grew quiet again. I closed my eyes. It was getting chilly, and I wouldn't last much longer, but I was hoping the wolves would get back so Ember wouldn't be alone.
"Zoe?"
"Ember?"
"How do you get someone to ask you out?"
"You could ask him. Or her."
"No I can't."
"Why not?"
"Um. Because the people I want to ask me out are dominant wolves, and I'm not. I try flirting with them, but they still don't ask. Maybe I don't flirt very well."
"I don't believe in playing games to get asked out," I said. "I ask. Who did you want to ask you?"
"Anyone," she said. "Maybe Monique, but anyone. I've never gone on a date. No one asks me."
What was with teenagers coming to me for dating advice?
"Boys or only girls?"
"I don't know, Zoe."
How could she not know? I always knew.
"So if one of the girls asked you, you'd go?"
"Yes."
"Anyone you wouldn't go out with?"
"Kaylee's a little young."
"How about the boys?"
"They can be immature."
"Boys are like that."
"But they're cute. Sure. But not Shelton or Nash."
"Why not?"
"They're bossy. I mean, they're going to be enforcers, but they're bossy about stuff they shouldn't be. They're not supposed to do that."
I made a mental note to tell Portia about that.
"Well, I don't know how you get someone to ask you out. I never waited. If I wanted to go out, I asked. Let me think about it."
"Okay. Thanks."
I was getting really cold on from the ground.
"Ember, I'm really sorry, but the ground is cold. I'm freezing."
"Oh. Oh. I'm sorry. It feels good to me." She sat up. "You have to go in."
"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm having a nice time here with you."
She turned and pulled me upright, which was sweet.
"Are you going to bed? Or something? Could I hang out with you, just until Portia comes home?"
"I'd like that, honey."
* * * *
Later, much later, Portia and I lay together in bed, sweaty and spent. "You need more practice," I said.
"I do not."
"Oh yes," I said. "Lots and lots and lots of practice."
She laughed and kissed my head.
"Did you have a nice time with Ember?"
"Do you know her story?"
"Not really. Just that her mom took off."
"It's a horrible story!" I sighed. "It's been a very strange 24 hours."
Shortly after, I was asleep.
Settling In
Monday we woke, made love, worked out, then made love again while showing. At the gym. I was quite scandalized, but Portia was very determined.
I discovered I couldn't say 'no' to her. Well, I could, for a few minutes, but she could turn my 'no' into a 'yes'. And I would learn over the next few weeks that she would get better and better at turning my 'no' around.
"Time to decorate," she said after. "What color do you want?"
"If we're moving in the spring, does it matter?"
"Yes. That's six months away, and then we have to build the house. So yes, it matters. The room downstairs is too small for both of us for a home office, so we'll convert the second bedroom."
And so we picked some gentle colors, bought paint, and spent the day painting. We started in my new home office. Then we did our bedroom and started on the living room, but Portia said, "Monique will be here in a little while. We'll finish tomorrow."
She arrived at 3:30. We had changed out of our paint clothes and were cuddling on the couch when the bell rang, then a moment later, the door opened. "Zoe? Portia?"
"Come in, Monique."
She appeared a moment later carrying a computer bag. It was exactly the one I had recommended. She was lugging her tripod, too. It was also from amongst the ones I had recommended.
"Am I interrupting?"
"Nope," I said.
"I smell fresh paint!" She glared. "You didn't let me help."
"Sorry," Portia said. "It's just a few rooms. You can help when we build the house."
"Okay," she said, easily mollified. She sat down in one of the chairs.
"Well, what did she buy you?"
She opened the bag and showed me her equipment. Faith had gotten everything on the list under the 'basic kit'. It was perfect for what we would do.
"Okay, good. We'll use the tripod for some advanced techniques and when I let you borrow my really long lenses. I'll let you know. You can leave it home otherwise."
Portia had her camera, too, and so I had both of them take similar photographs. Then we moved to Portia's little office. We loaded her photos into her computer, and I went through basic editing.
"What about those videos where they totally Photoshop someone?"
"I don't do that much," I said. "But I can show you what I do. Let's start with some photos. Lets go back outside." I grabbed some of my special equipment, and we assembled with their cameras. "We need a subject. We'll start with Monique. Portia can photograph her, then we'll switch. Then I'll let the two of you work with me."
I had Portia take a bunch of photos. Then I pulled out some of my light reflectors.
"Portia, zoom out and photograph us both so you can see what I'm using and doing, then zoom in and take another dozen photos of Monique." I used the reflectors to fill in her face and add some gold tone. Portia took the photos.
"What does that do?" Monique said.
"Easier to show you," I said. "Okay, you two switch." I helped Monique. After she had taken a bunch of photos, I handed her my reflector and said, "Now you two take turns with me."
Ten minutes later, we were inside. We had to use my computer, as Portia didn't have all the right software yet. I loaded Monique's pictures. Then I put several of them on the screen.
"Okay, which one do you like the most?"
"This one," they both said.
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"This is one with the gold reflector. Does that help?"
"It feels warmer, and you can see more details here." Portia gestured.
"Understand? You can also use the reflectors for shade when it's too bright. After that, it's art, and you have to experiment."
I loaded Portia's pictures, picked my favorite of Monique, and then spent just ten minutes, doing the things I might normally do. When I was done, I showed the picture of her full screen.
"I'm... I'm...."
"A hottie." I said.
"That's not really me."
So I showed her the before picture. "You're still a hottie here. You are still you when I'm done, but I fixed a few specs of dust on the lens, adjusted the lighting a little, things like that. Want to see what you would look like with long hair?"
"Yes!"
That took longer. I had to play for a while. I didn't go for long, long, but I brought it down past her shoulders. Finally I was really pleased.
The two of them sat there quietly the entire time, not saying a word. But when I was done, Monique said, "I don't know what to say."
"Monique," Portia said. "You are a wonderful woman any way you loo
k. The alphas and all the enforcers have nothing but the best impression of you. You're diligent in your studies and will be a very good enforcer. You are bright and inquisitive. Furthermore, you are kind, generous, and fun to have around. But you have a confidence problem with your appearance, which is both a little shallow and, as you can see, unjustified besides."
"Everyone wants to be attractive though," she said. "Don't they?"
"Yes," Portia said. "Most people want to be attractive."
"Well, I didn't do this to make any points about your appearance, Monique. I was showing some of the things you can do."
"Still..." She stared at the screen. "I've always worn my hair short, because that's how enforcers wear it. Portia, is it required to be short?"
"No, Monique. If it's too long, it gets in your way. And if you're in a hurry, which we often are, then it slows you down in the morning. But I know of female enforcers in other packs with long hair. Wear your hair how you want, but keep it out of your face when you're on duty. Braiding it is best, if it's long enough to interfere. If it becomes problematic, one of us will tell you."
She nodded.
"Well," I said. "I've given both of you things to get started. So I have assignments for both of you."
"Homework?"
"Fieldwork," I said. "I want you to find a model and practice photographing people. Present me with your ten best shots. You may borrow my reflectors, if you want, but it might be more fun to find other things that work instead. You can use poster board or almost anything. That's assignment one. Assignment two is to go on a nature shoot. I want to see ten good, interesting photos. You both have Macs, so you can do basic editing in iPhoto. Our next class is next Monday afternoon unless either of you have to move it for something. Class dismissed."
* * * *
For the three days of Portia's mini-vacation, we set our patterns. She got us up early each morning for a trip to the gym, and that was a pattern we would maintain moving forward. I had never been afraid of exercise, but it had never been a main factor in my life, either; what exercise I got in the past was ancillary to the other activities I did. I knew Portia would be getting me into better shape.
After our showers was breakfast. Some mornings we ate at the alphas', and there always seemed to be plenty of food, although I would bring my own with me. Other mornings we ate at Portia's house.