by Lara Temple
‘For heaven’s sake, Sam, leave it be!’
‘Just like you left me be? Or did I imagine you prodding me and harassing me to make this trip? Even then I meant to tell you I would not, but what did you do but come and tell me about Ellie and I knew I had no choice because I realised that for the first time you needed something from me, even if you were still blind to how much. I knew before I even met her you were in love with her and that is why I forced myself to suffer that voyage from hell and didn’t put a pistol to the captain’s head and force him to turn the Seahawk around that very first night. And, yes, I’m very glad I came here, for myself, but that doesn’t change the facts, Chase. You need her and I would wager my very last farthing you never told her how much. Why on earth should she consider your proposal when you are concealing the truth from her?
‘Sam...’
‘You were always the one to face the truth first, Chase. I remember the day you told me Mother wasn’t strong enough to change, that she would be a rudderless vessel for ever, tossed about by other people’s currents. I hated it because it meant abandoning the hope she could be strong for me when I needed her more than ever, but I knew you were right. At least you and Lucas were always there for me and now you have found someone who can also be as strong for you as much as you are for her. Go back, tell her the truth. Tell her you need her. That is what she must decide upon.’
Chase raked his hands through his hair. She was right. He’d taken the coward’s way, hoping he could still reach his destination. He’d asked her to spend her life with him and lied, even if only by omission.
He knew he had to fix it, but he was terrified. If she rejected a real proposal based on his love, he would have nothing left. He would be like Huxley, living in the shade of what he could not have, but without Huxley’s acceptance of his fate. He could not be like Huxley and be pleased the woman had found happiness with another. It would be unbearable. He needed her.
‘Now, Chase.’ Sam squeezed his arm and turned back to the palace entrance. He watched her go and went to find Abu-Abas.
‘Please convey my apologies to Sheikh Khalidi, Abu-Abas. It is imperative I return to Bab el-Nur immediately. Oh, and I need a horse.’
Abu-Abas tugged at his white beard and sighed.
‘You Sinclairs have not been back in Qetara one day and already there is trouble, al-Jinn?’
‘This time it is only trouble for me, Abu-Abas.’
* * *
‘She went where? With who?’
‘Whom, Chase dear, with whom. And do not shout, I can hear you quite well.’ Mrs Carmichael patted his arm soothingly. ‘Miss Walsh went up to the Howling Cliffs with Mr Mallory. She said she wished to see the view. You needn’t look so thunderous. She is quite safe with him, you know. After all, it is only Mallory.’
Chase refrained from saying what he thought about ‘only Mallory’.
The cliff path from the garden was not a difficult one, it switched back and forth along an old goat path and the first level of the cliffs was little higher than the Tor back at Huxley. But even at the pace he set it felt far too long for Chase.
Once he reached the first plateau he scanned the view—the sun was sinking towards the far desert to the west, turning the Nile into a twisting snake of olive green shot with gold, winding its way through a fur of reeds and palms, and the eastern hills into a palette of orange and purple. But Chase neither saw nor cared. His mind shrank the universe into a single object—the woman seated on a boulder at the edge of the cliff.
‘Where is Mallory?’
Ellie surged off the boulder and his heart lurched in fear, calculating her distance from the edge and his distance from her, but she merely stood, the afternoon desert breeze making her skirts bloom about her, the lowering sun spinning honey and gold into her hair and eyes. She looked lovely and free, and as vivid as the desert around them. She’d not arranged her hair since the garden and it was gathered only by a ribbon which was losing the battle against the wind. The thought that Mallory might have contributed to her state of disarray...
‘Where is Mallory?’ he demanded again and she smiled.
‘Behind you.’
Chase whirled. He hadn’t even noticed Mallory standing rather warily by the path coming down from the upper plateau.
‘You were looking for me, Chase? Miss Walsh asked I show her the cliff path. I did suggest waiting until the others returned, but...’
‘But I insisted,’ Ellie explained. ‘I wished to see the cliffs before the sun set. I needed some place quiet to think. Thank you for accompanying me, Mr Mallory.’
‘My pleasure, Miss Walsh. Perhaps... I should return to the house now?’
‘Perhaps you should.’ Chase nodded, trying very, very hard to remain calm. His heartbeat was still racing from catapulting himself up the path, from his jealousy and from the sight of her. She looked very much like a desert sprite herself, his own fantasy conjured from the emptiness of sand and stone to a being of warmth and light.
‘Chase...’
‘No, please, before you say anything, I need you to listen to me. Please. I want to tell you the truth.’
Her warmth receded into fear, but she straightened her back, clasped her hands before her and nodded. The look of a woman expecting bad news and used to it.
He took hold of her hands. ‘I made a hash of things today, Ellie. Not just today. In fact, judging by my dealings with you, I couldn’t be trusted with even the hardiest of the seventeen pugs. I kept telling you what was the right thing to do because I was... I am scared it is wrong for you. You deserve someone like Arthur Whelford—stable, reliable, with a home to offer you. I don’t think I can qualify as offering any of those three. I could cheat and say I can offer you a home, but that’s not quite the truth because though I could purchase a house I’ve never had the kind of home you have at Whitworth. You deserve someone to give you that rather than once again have to assume responsibility for creating it. I will probably fail, too. I try to imagine myself in a house like Whitworth and I split down the middle—I want it, but I want to run for the hills because I don’t know if I have it in me.’
Her hands flickered in his and he tightened his hold.
‘No, please, let me finish. This is the difficult part. I wanted to marry you from the moment you told me you weren’t betrothed. It is true I would have been happy to give you the money for Whitworth even if I hadn’t felt anything but friendship for you, but in that case I would never have manoeuvred you into becoming Sam’s companion. That was purely selfish—I needed you near me. I hated the thought of leaving for Egypt and not seeing you for months. I told myself the voyage would give us time to become acquainted and I promised myself I would behave in a manner that would rival Whelford’s. But I knew the moment I saw you with Mallory I was lying to myself. I will never be like him or Whelford. I don’t know if I can create a home for you—I have no real experience in the matter. I have no real experience being stable, either—I’ve never stayed in one place more than a few months at a time and, to be honest, I never thought I would. I hope I am reliable, but perhaps not in the way you would wish.’
His heart was thudding, all his instincts telling him to veer away before he went off a cliff again, but he trudged forward.
‘I know I am not what you need, Ellie, though I wish to heaven I was. I also know you are what I want, what I need, what I crave, what I cannot contemplate living without. I have never been so at ease and so ill at ease with anyone in my life. You make a fool of me every time I look at you, but I can’t look away. I do not know if I can create the home you want, but I will try to my last breath if you give me a chance. Because you are the only home I want. All I ask is that you take time to consider my offer during this trip and grant me some leeway as I try my best to become better. And if at the end of it you tell me you would rather ascend in a hot air balloon with Inky and seventeen pugs t
han ally your life with mine, I will try to accept that. Or not. I shall never force your hand, but I cannot promise to stop trying to convince you to care...’
As if a wave rose under her, Ellie suddenly flung herself at him and he found himself clutching her warmth against him.
‘Oh, God, Chase, I love you so much.’
Chase steadied himself before they both ended up over the cliff. His heart was slamming so hard he was afraid it would do lasting damage. He could barely hear her tumble of words over the rush of blood in his ears.
‘I never knew you could be so blind. I was absolutely certain you knew I was in love with you and that was another reason you felt obliged to offer. Sam knows and Olivia knows and I am rather certain your brother knows. Why on earth do you think I came to Egypt? It wasn’t for the pugs, I promise you...’
‘You came...for Whitworth. For adventure.’
‘I came because it meant three more months with you. It was as simple as that.’
‘Simple!’ He laughed, tightening his hold on her. ‘And I object to being called foolish. By the same token how could you not realise I was in love with you? I can hardly keep my hands off you.’
‘Well, I did think it was strange you wished to bed someone as plain as I, but for all I knew it was merely a case of my being in the vicinity and there being no other presentable females. It made little sense to me otherwise.’
His arms tightened around her, unsure whether to laugh or be thoroughly offended.
‘Good God, woman, if this is your opinion of me...’
‘It isn’t; it is my opinion of me. At the ball I began to hope it was more than just friendship and lust. But then you barely spoke to me on the dahabiya.’
‘How could I when Mallory was hovering over you like a shadow? All I could think was that around him all my faults would become as plain as day and you would realise just how far I was from someone like Whelford.’
‘What on earth is your obsession with poor Mr Whelford? Yes, I cared for him, but not in the way you think and I certainly am not in the least interested in Mr Mallory. And Whitworth was never, ever my dream—it was my home and it became my obligation. You say you don’t have a home to give me, but you give me something much more precious. I don’t think I ever fully allowed myself to be myself until I met you and suddenly there was room for me—you always make room for me. I never realised how lonely I was until I wasn’t any longer, and that has only ever happened to me with you. This is my dream—being myself, with you, exploring and learning what I can be, seeing you with people you love, seeing you happy. This past month—I’ve been in heaven even if I knew it could not last. The only home I want is with you, wherever that is. And I want to believe you love me so very, very, very much.’
Hope was a strange beast. He hadn’t much experience with it and it shocked him how powerfully it swept everything aside and staked its claim on him. He closed his eyes for a second, allowing it to finally reach him and settle. Then he raised her hand, resting his mouth on it, breathing in her warmth and sweetness.
‘That is two of us, then,’ he said against her skin. ‘I love you, Ellie. I have from the first week. You knocked me off a cliff and I’m still falling which might explain how abysmally I have handled myself. I will try to do better from now on, but I cannot guarantee I won’t make an utter fool of myself again. Just please don’t let that cloud the issue—I love you. I’ve been yours from the moment you knocked me off my feet in the Folly.’
Her hands stiffened in his hold, her body gathering, and he could almost feel the surge of resistance. For a moment he thought of heading it off, but then he just waited. She had a right to her fears as much as he.
‘I want so much to believe you, Chase, but what if in a few months you realise this is all because you met me at the wrong time—when you were hurting because of Huxley and your parents and because of you being al-Jinn and fixing things, and perhaps a...a carnal attraction that clouded your judgement. But you might meet someone lovely and wealthy and sweet and...everything I’m not and you will regret this. It would break my heart.’
‘I see. This is where we each don our hair shirts and I go on about not being like Arthur Whelford and you spout some nonsense about giggling debutantes.’
‘I’m serious, Chase. I’m too old and plain and managing and...’
Chase pulled back a little, cradling her face between his hands.
‘We are both are guilty of a great deal of nonsense. Saying you are old is a four-year insult to me. As for being plain, I have never in my life derived so much pleasure from looking at anyone or anything as I enjoy looking at you. I can’t help myself. Just seeing you smile lights me up from inside. I’m not fully alive every day until I meet your amazing honey eyes. And as for managing...well, that is quite true. You are.’
‘Well, then, so are you.’ Ellie leaned her forehead against his chest and he could feel the tension slowly ebb from her body. He smiled. There would more such waves, but he would hold her through them until they learned to trust each other.
‘You are far worse than I,’ he coaxed, smoothing his hand over her hair and settling her more comfortably against him. God, he loved holding her. He loved that she nestled against him so trustingly. However much her mind distrusted him, her body was proving a very useful ally.
‘Impossible. You are merely less obvious about it.’
‘You have a point. Any other objections to your admitting I love you?’
‘Plenty, but I don’t want to think of them at the moment. I would much rather you kiss me again.’
‘Finally you said something that makes sense.’
* * *
Ellie smiled up at him. She’d come up to the Howling Cliffs to search for answers and for the strength to make hard decisions, but one look out over the bleak and beautiful landscape confirmed she’d already made her decision—Chase was her home.
Meeting the warm glow in the grey eyes, she wondered how she hadn’t seen the love that was so obvious to her now. He needed her as much as she needed him.
‘Well?’ she prompted.
He touched her cheek, his fingers leaving ribbons of silvered warmth as they slipped over her skin, her neck, dislodging the ribbon holding her hair as they eased through her hair. Her body clenched about the flares and sparks shooting through her at his touch, at the promise of so much more.
‘Very well,’ he murmured. ‘Better than I’ve ever been in my life. There is no going back on an oath spoken on the Howling Cliffs, Ellie, and a kiss here is sacrosanct.’
The glow in his eyes turning dusky and dark as his head bent to hers, the words shaping themselves in soft brushes against her skin as his mouth explored where his fingers ventured. Finally his lips settled on hers, rested there for a moment, the whole of the world radiating outwards from the warmth of his skin on hers. The bare world around them, the orange warmth of the setting sun was a blanket holding them together, holding in such a wave of love and pain her eyes burned with it, with gratitude and fear and love.
‘Chase...’
That single, half-breathed word cracked the peace and his control. His arms pulled her against him with almost desperate strength, his mouth fusing with hers, and her lips parted on a gasp, at the shock of heat and near pain at the contact.
‘Ellie. God, Ellie, I want you. I want to be inside you now.’
His breath seared her lips, blood scorching through her like the crudest spirits, and the tingle burst into flame, hot, pulsing flame. She wanted to do something, take hold of him, but the kiss was encompassing her, taking her will away, melting her under him.
She could not help it or stop it. Her body arched against his, her arms wrapping about his neck as she rose to press her mouth to his, kissing him as if she was sinking away into quicksand and this would be the very last time they touched.
By the time he let her go the sun wa
s just the remains of an orange-red puddle melting into the distant desert. He took her on to his lap as he sat on the boulder and they watched it drain away into dusk.
‘I think I’d best get you to Cairo as soon as possible.’
‘Oh, no, Chase, must we leave here?’
‘Most definitely. There is no place for us to wed in Egypt but at the Embassy. I want to ensure you’re safely tied to me before you meet someone far more worthy than me.’
‘And before you meet someone beautiful and far less managing than me. But I hate to ruin the trip for Sam and Olivia.’
‘It will only be for a week and I can’t deny Lucas the pleasure of gloating over my downfall as I gloated over his. But I think I will arrange for our own dahabiya once we are safely wed; I want you to myself on the return trip to Qetara. I will have Hamid put plenty of those soft cushions on the upper deck so we can watch the stars while I convince you categorically you and I are meant for one another.’
‘I already know that. And you were wrong, by the way.’
‘Impossible. About what?’
‘A good kiss is far, far better than a good book.’
Chase’s laugh was as soft as the breeze wrapping around them, pressing the musky warmth of the desert air between them and sneaking like smoke under skirts and up sleeves, as if the spirits were absorbing them into the desert itself. Then Chase gathered her against him, leaving no room for anything, anyone, but him.
‘I’m glad, because I am in desperate need of the next volume before we return to Bab el-Nur.’
Epilogue
Bab el-Nur—one month later...
Bab el-Nur was settling into the quiet of the night when Chase entered his room. He stopped in the doorway and smiled at the woman curled up against the pillows wearing a very flimsy cotton nightdress. Ellie smiled back.
‘I have something to show you.’
‘Good.’
Chase had shed his clothes by the time he reached the bed and slid in beside her. Ellie pulled the sheet over them, but he twitched it back.