He had come back feeling a little useless, but glad to not have to worry so much about just living for a few moments. He wandered through the garage now to watch the work on the truck frame.
A frame, motor, axles and suspension is what it was. There was nothing else left, and Billy and Mac were gone, somewhere off in the junk yard searching out parts. A wiring harness was coiled up on top of the motor, and another snaked its way back along the frame. Adam shook his head. It amazed him that Billy and Mac could understand this work. He would have been lost.
He walked back through the garage to the area where the children, Cammy and Iris were. He heard the children giggling before he got there. They were in what had been an office area. Iris looked up and smiled as he walked in. Cammy was still perturbed at him for something. He wasn't sure what, but she looked up too. She looked away just as quickly, and then back at Iris.
“Could you watch these guys for a while,” she asked Iris.
“Go... Go,” Iris said. Cammy rose from where she had been sitting and faced Adam. He met her gaze levelly.
“Let's go for a walk,” Cammy said.
She didn't wait for Adam to answer, but headed back out into the garage area. Adam's eyes slipped up to Iris, but she looked away. He turned and walked out behind Cammy into the garage.
Cammy walked out of the garage into the sunshine before she slowed for Adam to catch up. She turned and waited, and then they walked in silence down through a row of wrecked cars. As they walked, Billy and Mac came up the row with the wrecker, Mac driving, Billy steering a van that was being pulled behind the wrecker.
The actual tow unit on the rear of the wrecker had been damaged in whatever had happened with the fence. Adam had looked it over. If he'd had a welder, it would have been an easy fix, and Billy had been looking at a junked generator sitting farther back in the yard that he was sure he could use to run one of the welders that sat inside the garage. But then he had got caught up in the truck frame work, the tires, and Adam had heard nothing more about the wrecker. It seemed like it made no difference to Billy and Mac. They had still figured out a way to use it for what they needed. Adam lifted a hand as they drove past and then turned his attention to Cammy.
The silence held. She seemed to be searching for words to say. Her head was down, staring at the dirt as she walked along. He thought about speaking, but decided not to. He turned his eyes up to the skies instead.
The sky was deep blue, so deep it made him dizzy to look at it. Clouds on the far horizon, somewhere up to the north. Maybe rain for them later today.
“Adam,” Cammy said from beside him.
He looked down at her.
“I don't love you... I like you, but... trying to love you is just making me hate you.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide, dark, serious.
Adam stopped, and Cammy came to a stop beside him. She burst into tears and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his chest. “I'm sorry,” she sobbed. And the rest of her words were muffled, unclear.
“Oh, Cammy,” Adam started. He was no good with this, especially once a woman started to cry. It made him feel like he could cry too. A flat bed truck sat nearby. He picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the truck. He sat down, and she scooted forward onto his lap, reburied her face and continued to cry. Adam sat and held her as she did.
He buried his face in her hair and held her as the time slipped by. Eventually she stopped and lifted her puffy face to his.
“Do you hate me?”
“Nope. I don't even see how you could think that I would.”
She held his eyes. “You're a nice guy. I...” Her eyes started to leak again.
“Cammy, listen... what made you think you had to feel that way?”
“Because people think it... People expect it.”
“So burst their bubbles. You can't live your life to someone else's terms or... What's the frigging word?” He snapped his fingers together.
“Expectations,” Cammy supplied.
“Exactly,” Adam said. “You can't live your life for someone else.”
Cammy laughed. Her eyes were still leaking, but it was obvious her mood was changing.
“So... this has been what was wrong? I've been driving myself bat shit trying to figure it out.”
“No, you were already bat shit,” Cammy joked. She laughed again, her mood clearly going the other way. “You are the sort of man who lets all sorts of stuff bother you... drive you bat shit, as you say. You have a huge heart. You make me wish I could be happy with you, but I can't.”
Her tone became more serious.
“My woman died too... as this was starting. She had a bad heart,” Adam said. “Walked out of the house and didn't come back. I looked for her.” He shook his head.
“I didn't know that,” Cammy said.
“I know you didn't know that. There's more to it. You didn't know it because I didn't tell you. I guess I said I lost her, but I didn't actually speak about it like I just did. I can't share that part of me that easily. So it isn't just you, Cammy. I do feel something for you, but I'm not in love with anyone... I...” He stopped.
“Anyone?” Cammy asked.
Adam laughed. “Don't you think we're sometimes telepathic? I mean, out of everything I said, you knew to go right there.”
“And you decided not to answer,” Cammy said.
“No... No... I just. I just don't know, Cammy. I don't know what my feelings are. Could be.... given the right... Oh, Christ. I'm no good at this, Cammy. I'm not in love either. I'll leave it there, but you should not be worried about hurting anyone. Be happy. This world is so fucked up, Cammy. Be happy. If you're not happy, how can you make anyone else happy?”
She was still pressed against him, her head resting against his chest once more. She felt like a little sister who was going through a crisis. “I guess the truth is I see you like a little sister. I don't mean that badly, Cammy.”
She started to cry again.
“I didn't mean it badly, Cammy. I truly didn't,” Adam said quickly.
She pulled her head away. Her hands tried to straighten his shirt which was wet and stuck to his chest. “I feel the same. I would like to be friends though. Maybe it will change, Adam. Maybe it will.”
He stroked her hair. “Maybe... Maybe,” he agreed.
Cammy pulled away, and rubbed at her face and eyes. “I get so emotional. I don't mean to.”
“Don't apologize for being you.”
“Did you know that Maddy saved my life more than once, Adam?”
“No, but I knew there was something there. And I know she loved you.”
Cammy nodded. She fell silent and then looked away toward the front of the junk yard.
Adam sighed. “I have to be there. It's my shift. Are we going to be alright now? I mean...”
“I know what you mean...” She straightened and patted at her hair, swiped at her eyes again. “Yeah... Yeah, we're going to be okay now,” Cammy said quietly. “I think you do love someone, Adam. Maybe you just don't realize you do.”
Adam stayed quiet. “I loved someone. I'm pretty sure that's where it stays for now.” He helped her up and back down to the ground. They walked together back down the car lined path toward the front of the junk yard.
FOURTEEN
The Nation
The main meeting area of the cave was huge, measuring more than one hundred feet across in the middle and nearly twice that deep back into the rock before it narrowed and split into tunnels leading into the heart of the small mountain.
The entire community was there. They'd had a community dinner. That happened more and more, as the larger projects drew more people who worked together all day long. Dustin and Annie worked in the cave with Sandy, Susan and Janna. Lilly ran the school for the children down in the valley, but she was up at the cave the rest of the time, and Jake was tied up with projects with James all day long too. It was easier for all of them to not have to be concerned about cooking.
Conner and Arron had been finishing up Arron and Amy's stone house in the valley. They had come up to the main cave area after work rather than go home. Besides, they had reasoned, Katie, Amy and a few others were working on the storage areas in the cave, so they would be there too. They had met them there, and they had all eaten dinner together in the main area.
Sandy had taken Katie, Amy and Lilly away with her right after dinner to the clinic that was in one of the smaller rooms off the main area. They had both just finished a long talk with her and returned to the main cave area.
Sandy was a nurse, the closest thing to a doctor The Nation had, and she was busy almost every day with one thing or another. They walked back out into the main cave area as Conner and Arron were coming in from the ledge where they had been talking with James and Jake.
“Oh, oh,” Arron said.
Conner smiled.
At six months pregnant, they were both showing. Lilly came out nearly behind them. She was much bigger.
Katie came to Conner and looked up into his eyes. “Tell me you didn't have anything to do with that,” she said.
Conner frowned. “I wish I could. Honey, you have to look at it sensibly. This is not going to be a fast trip. And it's going to be...” She placed one finger on his lips.
“Okay,” she said
“Okay?” Conner asked, surprised.
“Yeah, I was mad, but really, you told me last night. I guess I had most of today to talk it over with Pats, think about it, and I decided you were right. Sandy was just the icing on the cake. Look at me,” She stepped back and turned sideways.
“Um,” Conner said.
“Um?”
“Well, um, you are getting bigger, but it looks good on you, Babe,” Conner said.
Katie laughed. She looked over at Amy who had locked her arms around Arron and rested her head on his chest. “Such a suck up,” Katie said.
Amy laughed, but her eyes were red rimmed as though she had been crying. Conner supposed she had been. He looked back at Katie. Her eyes were red too.
“I wish it could have been different,” Conner said.
“Yeah,” Arron agreed.
Amy looked up at him. “It speaks,” she said.
Arron laughed as Lilly walked over with Jake.
“Guess we better get this show on the road,” Conner said.
James came over, Molly, Nellie, Arlene and David with him. Janna was right behind them.
The Nation's council consisted of Conner, Katie, Arron, Amy, James, Janna, Molly, Lilly and Arlene. They had not settled on nine members and then elected them, the nine had instead volunteered soon after they had arrived in the valley. They had simply taken everyone that volunteered.
They rarely met, preferring to talk things over as needed, maybe in the barn over milking, up in the cave sorting potatoes, out in the field stripping the seed from the wheat; it didn't matter. This would be only the second formal council meeting.
“Folks.” Conner raised his voice and the small talk in the room died down. He was surprised how many new faces there were. “I don't like formal stuff, I don't want any of us to start thinking one is better than another. The old world stuff, I just want to leave it alone. But we have decided we need to make a trip out into the world.”
There had been a small amount of conversation, all low, respectful. But it died completely, so quiet that Conner could hear the wind whistling around the bad fitting edge of one of the main doors.
He nodded. “We want to leave in about two weeks, the sixteenth... well, twelve days. We talked about two weeks, but the sixteenth seems to be the actual date. We are not taking a lot of people. It's going to be a dangerous trip. You guys listen to the radio, so you realize what's going on out there. Some of you just came in. You have a better idea than I do, and I would like to speak to a few of you before we go. I'm thinking six people. No pay, long hours, and, no pregnant ladies. You have to talk to Sandy about that. Believe me you won't get anywhere.” He paused for a moment, but the silence held. He had not expected much else.
“Twelve days is not much time. If you have an idea of something we need, tell one of us. Better yet, tell Janna. I just volunteered her, but she's been through this before. She knows what to do. See her; she'll make sure we know about it.” He looked over at Katie. “I might be forgetting something, but I don't know what it would be. We'll be gone no longer than we have to be gone. Fall is coming, and we have more groups on the way.”
“Nellie and I want to go,” Molly said. Conner had talked to both of them earlier. They both really had wanted to go. He had done no convincing.
Conner nodded now. Dustin's hand raised. “Dustin?”
“Annie and I want to go.” This was not a surprise either. They had talked it over. The only thing Conner did feel ill at ease with was taking Annie.
“Arron and me and that makes six, unless anyone has a different idea, or wants to go.” Conner waited to see if anyone would speak. There were a few he would make it eight for, if they wanted to go, a few who he would not budge for at all, but no one spoke. No hands were raised. Conner nodded after a few moments. He looked around the large room. “A few of you who just came in... Bud... Johnny... Tammy. I don't want to exclude anyone either. But I would like to talk to you over the next few days. I just want your best advice. Anyone else with recent experience out there too. Guess that's it.” Conner sat down at the nearby table where Katie, Amy and Arron sat with James and several others.
“Well, I think that went well,” James said.
“Except you volunteered me for the lists, Michael,” Janna said.
“Sorry,” Conner said.
“Twelve days,” Katie said. Her eyes were shiny.
“Twelve days,” Conner agreed.
Hazleton
Adam climbed up the steel ladder they had leaned up against the bus. Beth sat looking out at the street in an aluminum lawn chair. She turned as he made the top and smiled. Adam smiled back, turned and looked back into the junkyard for a moment. The view was unobstructed. The yard stretched away before him. He turned back to the front. A house lined street, like any house lined street, in any city. He assumed it went on into Hazleton, but they had not followed it.
“Quiet?”
“Very,” Beth agreed. “There are people here, but they don't seem all that interested in us.” She shrugged
Adam nodded. “But I wonder if it works the same. I mean, I wonder if the shoe were on the other foot whether we would be so eager to meet them.”
Beth looked back at the house lined street beyond the bus. She had been watching the street, occasionally turning to the junk yard, and watching the fence line for hours now. She had seen two people. Both had been farther down the street, a good quarter mile away, so far that it may have been the same person both times. She had not really gotten much of a look the first time. “I guess I'm just glad we don't have to fight them like we were. The brain rest is good.”
They both fell silent. Adam crossed and sat in the other lawn chair that had been set up on top of the bus.
“We should probably move out in a few days,” Adam said. “It's nice, but it's not getting us any closer to where we want to be.”
Beth looked over at him. “Where do we want to be, Adam?” she asked.
“South... west?”
“You thought much more about these people that have this city all set up?”
“Yeah, except I haven't heard anything at all about them on the radio. I wonder, if it truly did exist... if it has fallen... Just because they aren't moving in on us here doesn't mean they aren't there.”
“So you don't want to look for it?”
Adam laughed. “Have you considered that maybe I am not a man who can live a settled life, that maybe my life will always be in flux? I mean, in...”
“I know what flux means.” She smiled again “I am no dumb girl, Adam.”
“Oh, I didn't mean to...”
She held up a hand. “I know you d
on't think I'm a dumb girl. I over explain sometimes. Or react,” she colored. She turned away and looked over the street.
The woman was back, wandering the street, stumbling from house to house, slamming into the houses as she found them, apparently unable to see them or stop herself. She and Adam watched as she wandered up the street toward them and the bus that would block her way.
“I guess a place to call home,” Adam said. “The year is going by so fast. We need people who know how to plant gardens, raise cows, things like that.”
Beth laughed. “You? A farmer?”
Adam looked at her and smiled. “Uh, no. I'm not going to pretend either. What I would like is to be working steel again. That's what I did all of my life, but that's not going to happen. This will sound crazy, but I think... This really will sound crazy. I've thought about it, and it sounded crazy to me when I said it to myself, but I think I might drift.”
“Drift? You mean like a cowboy in a movie?”
Adam laughed. “More like a biker movie I saw once, but I think I did get the word from a western. Yeah... Just drift. I don't think I want to settle down yet. I've been here one day and it's old... Lonesome Dove ... McMurtry. I think that was where I read it.”
“Good book,” Beth agreed. “So a woman can't tie you down.”
Adam had been watching the woman stagger up the street: Drunk or sick, he thought. She was heading straight for them so they would know soon enough. He turned now and looked at Beth. She met his eyes and held them. She looked away first
“Sorry... Not my business,” she said.
“It would depend,” Adam said. He picked up a pair of binoculars that lay on the roof of the bus and focused on the woman Sick. Something bad. Her face was blackened and her throat was swollen. Mucus ran from her eyes. He had seen a few like this back in the City. Bad news. Some sort of sickness from the disease and filth. He handed the glasses to Beth.
“We'll have to shoot her... Can't chance it if she comes here...” She set the glasses down and turned back to Adam. “On whose business it is?” Beth asked.
Earth's Survivors: box set Page 74