by Laura Pavlov
“He’s not the only one suffering. You know I’ve never been one that cared for sex. Maybe I just haven’t done it enough to find the pleasure in it, or maybe my partners weren’t very good at it,” I said as we both laughed. “But Ive, I think about it all the time with Crew. When he kisses me, I can’t see straight. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want him.”
I covered my face, mortified that I’d admitted it. But this was Ivy. I could tell my best friends anything. We never judged one another. We listened. But admitting this to myself was also new.
“Oh, yowza! My sexy meter is going off. You’re on fire, Maura Benson,” she shouted and barked out a laugh. “Coco predicted it and she was right. This is going to happen.”
I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from smiling.
“Just because you want something to happen doesn’t mean that it should. We’re in a secret, non-relationship, with very few benefits—yet it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. How is that possible?”
“Because you have been dating duds for years. We all saw it. Probably some sort of deep-rooted daddy issues. Your father is emotionally vacant. You just realized that you don’t want that in the big picture. So, you found yourself a sexy, hot, boss man. I love everything about this. He’s all professional by day, but then he’s a small-town, horse-loving cowboy on the weekends.” Ivy was on her feet now pacing the room. “We’re about to graduate. Aren’t you tired of playing it safe? This is our time. We’re in our prime. Go after what you want. Carpe diem and all of that mojo.”
I rolled my eyes. “And what about all the reasons why we can’t be together for real? Sleeping with him would be a very bad idea because I’m too emotionally attached.”
“Stop being so logical, girl. A bad idea was dating those duds. Don’t be afraid of being with a guy you actually really like. It’s nice to see you like this. All the girls have noticed. We’re happy for you.”
“Like what?” I shook my head and cleared our dishes and set them in the sink.
“Happy. Inspired. Excited. It looks good on you.”
“It’s nothing serious. It’s not going anywhere.” I didn’t even believe the words as they left my mouth. Because Ivy was right. Crew Carlisle was the first man I’d ever been head over heels for. Sure, I’d been in deep like before, in my safe little relationships with no passion and no excitement. But this was all-consuming. I’d never experienced anything like it.
There was a call on the intercom. Ivy picked up. “Oh really? Yes, send him up.” She turned to face me, and her smile spread clear across her face. “There’s a Mister Crew Carlisle here to see you. Apparently boss man can’t stay away.”
“What?” Crew had never come to my place. He lived alone, and although he knew Ivy knew about our situation, this was a condo owned by my father. Once again, another complication. I told him my father had never visited once since we’d moved in. But Crew thought it was safer to spend time at his place. He always came with Brad to pick me up, but he stayed in the car. He was occasionally photographed by photographers when he was out and about in the city, as his company was a big deal in the Dallas business world so he didn’t want to risk it. They had some high-end clients, and Crew was also part of a well-known, philanthropic family here in Dallas. Apparently, his grandfather had even considered running for mayor back in the day.
So, we played it safe.
This was definitely unexpected.
It was the first night we had planned to spend apart in two weeks.
I opened the door when he knocked and he smelled like whiskey, which was rare. Crew never had more than a glass or two of wine.
“Hey, I hope it’s okay I’m here. I tried calling you. I really need to talk to you.” His words were a bit slurred but nothing too bad.
“Of course. Come in. You remember Ivy.”
“Yes. One of your willow club girls,” he said proudly. “Nice to see you. Sorry to interrupt your girls’ night.”
“Oh, the pleasure is all mine.” She beamed and I tried not to laugh.
“Let’s go to my room and talk.” I reached for his hand and led him down the hall. I glanced over my shoulder to see Ivy wriggling her brows at me and I tried not to laugh.
Once we were inside my bedroom and I shut my door, he nearly lunged at me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug.
“Maura, I fucked up so bad.”
I pulled back. “What do you mean? What happened?”
He took my hand and led me to my bed and we both dropped down to sit.
“I had dinner with my grandfather. He told me all about a few friends of his. He said that they could have never handed the reins to their companies over to their grandsons who are my age, because they’d fuck it all up. He was so proud that he’d never have to worry about me making a misstep. And with all these companies cleaning house on their CEOs sleeping with their secretaries, how would this look that I’m sneaking around with my intern?”
My eyes searched his. “This isn’t like that. First of all, I’m not sleeping with you. And if I were,” I cleared my throat. “It wouldn’t be because I was trying to climb the corporate ladder. You’re not even paying me. This is so different.” I stroked his face, because I could see the torment.
“Jesus. This is such a fucking mess.”
“It’s not.” I could feel the panic setting in. My chest tightened, my shoulders were stiff, and my heart raced. He was going to walk away. He was done with me. I wasn’t worth the stress that this was causing. “You’re making this bigger than it is.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
He pushed to his feet and undid a few buttons on his dress shirt. “I don’t think so.”
“So what? It’s over? You want to call this done?” I said, keeping my voice calm and controlled while my heart felt like it was about to shatter into a million little pieces.
How did I get here?
How did I fall so fast?
“Is that what you think? That walking away from you would be that easy? That it’s even a fucking choice at this point?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yes. That’s what I think.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not what’s happening.”
“So, what is this? You came here to do what?”
“I came here because I don’t know what to do about the fact that I fucking love you.”
My jaw dropped to the floor and a loud squeal came from the other side of the door and we both turned to look.
“Stop eavesdropping, little willow,” Crew said through the door as he barked out a laugh.
“Go to bed, Ive.” I turned my attention back to the man standing in front of me who’d just stunned me with his words. “You love me?”
“Yes. I love you. Trust me, no one is more surprised than me.”
Tears blurred my vision. “I love you, too. I don’t how or when it happened, but I’ve never felt this way.”
He tugged me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “Well, this wasn’t supposed to happen. But here we are.”
“I can quit the internship,” I said, tipping my head back to look up at him.
“Hell no. You won’t be able to get another internship and you graduate in less than two months. That’s not happening. We’ll just keep doing what we’re doing. Keep it professional at the office and keep a low profile outside of work.”
“I think quitting the internship is less scary than the conversation that is going to happen with my dad,” I said, letting out a long breath.
I was in love with Crew Carlisle.
I’d said the words before, but I’d never felt them.
Never felt anything like this.
It was both terrifying and exhilarating.
Of all the guys to fall for, this one would be th
e most complicated.
But I didn’t care.
Crew walked backward, keeping me tucked into his chest until he dropped to sit on the bed. He rested his cheek against my stomach. “I’m sorry I’ve dragged you into this mess.”
I stroked his hair and waited for him to look up at me. His emerald greens locking with mine. “You didn’t drag me into anything. We hated each other. We couldn’t have predicted this. We worked together and you can’t help who you love. I have no regrets.”
“Your father is Arthur fucking Benson. He doesn’t like me any more than I like him.”
“Well, lucky for you, he isn’t speaking to me at the moment. Let’s just wait until the internship is over and then we can figure it all out.”
“That’s not really my style, but I don’t think we have a lot of options at this point. You’re definitely my blind spot, Maura Benson.”
“I don’t think it’s so bad that we have to keep this to ourselves right now.” I rubbed my nose against his and his hands tangled into my hair.
“As long as you’re mine, I don’t give a shit who knows it.” He tugged me down, and I fell onto the bed on my back. Crew hovered above me.
“I’m yours, Crew Carlisle.”
His mouth came over mine.
His hand slipped beneath my T-shirt and I arched into his touch. He pulled back to look at me. “Mine.”
I nodded.
I was his. No matter what the fallout. There was no turning back.
I sat forward and he tugged my T-shirt over my head. I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, but he stopped me. His hand gently wrapping around my wrist. “I want to do it. I want to worship every inch of this beautiful body, Maura.”
My breath caught in my throat as he kissed his way down my shoulder. So soft. So sensual. My entire body started to shake. His fingers moved down my back, unclasping my bra effortlessly. He helped me fall back against the mattress and he propped himself above me, taking me in.
“Jesus, you’re so beautiful. Do you know how long I’ve been searching for you?”
“How long?” I smiled up at him, running my fingers through his hair.
“My whole fucking life.”
A tear ran down my cheek because I understood it. Crew Carlisle made me feel like I belonged here. I’d always felt it with my friends. I’d never felt it with a man. I just assumed that it wasn’t something everyone would feel. But when I was with him, I felt all the things.
Desire.
Love.
Hope.
“Me too.” I nodded, and he used his thumb to swipe away the moisture on my cheeks.
His mouth covered mine again. He kissed his way down my neck, his lips lighting my body on fire. He covered one breast with his mouth, and I gasped. He took turns worshiping each one. I bucked against him, my body reacting of its own volition.
Desperate for more.
Desperate for everything with this man.
“Please, Crew.”
“I’m going to take my time, Maura. Do you trust me?”
I nodded, because I couldn’t speak anymore. Not with the way his heated gaze was looking at me. His lips plump and swollen from kissing me.
He continued the slow torture traveling down my body. He pushed up on his knees to pull down my sweatpants and I prayed to God that I had sexy panties on. I hadn’t expected to see him tonight, so I certainly wasn’t dressed for this.
“Relax. I’m going to make you feel good, baby.” My stomach dipped at his words. His voice was gruff, and he tossed my pants on the floor and then glanced down at me. I propped up on my elbows.
Thank you, God.
My pink lace panties were my favorite.
“So beautiful. Am I moving too fast?” he asked, and I shook my head with a ferocity I’d never felt before.
Please don’t stop.
He chuckled and his mouth came down on my most sensitive spot. Over the lace. His breath teasing and taunting. I arched my back and gasped at the contact.
“I’ve never done this,” I whispered.
Because I hadn’t. Sex had always been very… Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. Not a lot of foreplay. None, if I’m being honest. So, this slow torture was something I’d never experienced.
He pulled back to look at me. “Well, then. I’m never not going to kiss you here. To make up for the selfish pricks you dated before me.”
Before me.
His words sounded so certain. As if there would never be anyone else after him. And I wanted that to be true.
His fingers moved beneath the lace, and he slid them down my legs slowly. His gaze never leaving mine. He buried his head between my legs. His mouth. His lips. His warm breath. The most unbelievable sensation moved through my body.
It was too much.
And too little.
I bucked against his mouth and squeezed my eyes closed, as the brightest stars lit up the darkness and I cried out his name. I was panting and gasping for air, and he stayed there until I rode out every last wave of pleasure.
He moved up and kissed my mouth, while the taste of me was still on his lips. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever done.
And I wasn’t complaining.
Sign me up for more, please.
He pushed back on his knees and unbuttoned his dress shirt, dropping it to the side of the bed. My fingers traced along every cut and chiseled ab. The man was stunning with clothes on, but I never could have prepared for a naked Crew. I’d seen his bare chest before but never up close and personal. He pushed to his feet, shoving his pants down to his ankles before I sat up and reached for his boxer briefs.
“Let me,” I said, and I didn’t even recognize my own voice. It was sated and raspy and desperate.
He nodded as I slipped down his underwear and gasped. He lived up to all the hype. Everything about this man was big and hard and strong.
He chuckled. “You like what you see?”
I nodded. “I do. Do you have a condom?”
He reached down to grab his wallet in his pants and tore open the foil packet with his teeth. “You sure about this?”
“Never been more sure about anything in my life.” I watched as he covered his long, thick erection. I was both excited and nervous at the thought of what we were about to do. “Do you think it will fit?”
His head fell back in laughter, and he bit down on his bottom lip and studied me. “We’ll take it slow. If it hurts, we’ll stop.”
He helped me to lie back and he settled between my legs, teasing my entrance. He moved slowly as I adjusted to the intrusion. Little by little. Inch by inch. I gasped a few times, and he paused every time to check and see if I was okay.
Don’t stop.
The words a silent plea.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, moving a little more and I moaned.
The mixture of pleasure and pain was so erotic and amazing, I knew I’d never survive it if Crew walked away from me.
I nodded. “It feels good.”
I tangled my fingers in his hair, as he pushed all the way in and paused to give me a moment to adjust. My hips started moving against his, and he followed right along with me. Allowing me to set the pace.
We moved in perfect rhythm.
As if we were made for one another.
Faster and faster.
His hand came down between us, touching me exactly where I needed to be touched.
Our breaths coming harder and harder.
I gripped his shoulders as I cried out his name, and he followed me right over the edge.
And I’d never felt anything better.
This man had lit a fire in me, and I never wanted to put it out.
We both fell back on the mattress, and he pulled back gently, making his way to the bathroom to dispose of the cond
om. He slipped back in beside me and rolled me on my side so we were facing one another.
“How do you feel?” he asked, running his fingers through my hair.
“Charmed,” I said, my voice all tease.
“Me too, baby.”
He pulled me to lie on his chest, and I wished I could stay here with him forever.
Chapter Sixteen
Crew
“So, have you talked to your parents about her?” Judy asked. She’d been my therapist for many years, since my parents had encouraged me to talk about the trauma of losing Belle at a young age. I came sporadically over the years, but something was shifting, and I knew I needed to discuss it with someone.
“Yes. They know I have feelings for Maura.” I cleared my throat and sat back on the couch. Maura had encouraged me to start seeing Judy again, as I’d opened up to her about having occasional nightmares about the night that Belle passed away. Hell, I had to tell her. I had a no spending the night rule up until now. But I’d be damned if Maura Benson didn’t wake up in my bed every morning. So it was forcing me to deal with it.
“But you haven’t talked to your grandfather about it?”
“No. Trust me when I tell you. He’s going to be pissed. My parents agree. Maura’s internship is up in a couple of weeks, so I will speak to him about it after she’s finished at the company.”
“And you really think no one at work knows about you two? It’s hard to hide feelings as intense as what you two feel for one another.”
“We’re managing. I think Layla, my assistant, knows something is going on.”
“And what about Maura’s father?” she asked.
I let out a long breath. “I can hate the man and love his daughter, can’t I?”
“That’s not realistic, Crew. If you really love her the way you say you do, you’ll know that it’s not fair to her. You’re going to force her to choose.”
“It’s an easy choice. Her father’s an asshole.” Now I sounded like an asshole. But she didn’t know Arthur Benson the way I did.
“He’s still her father. Yes, she is seeing a side of him that she’d never known by learning he has another child. But that doesn’t erase the feelings she has for him. Loving you will not make her love him less. And forcing her to choose is not fair to her. Loving someone means compromise. Arthur Benson is going to be in Maura’s life whether you like it or not. So, are you willing to draw a line in the sand?”