by Laura Pavlov
“That sounds great, Mom. Lunch at the Rusty Pelican?”
“Yes. And a little shopping in town. We can run by Lenny’s and get a hot chocolate,” she said, and I knew she was smiling without seeing her.
I glanced over at Crew who was watching me from the driver’s seat as we drove to his parents’ house.
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, darlin’.”
I ended the call and gazed out the window.
“You okay?” Crew asked, reaching for my hand.
“Yeah. I just feel like the lies are piling up, you know? I have a secret sister. I have a secret boyfriend. I’m having dinner next door to my family home and she doesn’t even know I’m in town. How is this going to play out? I can’t do it for much longer.” I swiped at the tear running down my cheek.
“I’m sorry, baby. Two weeks until your internship is up and then we’ll figure it out.”
“What does that mean? What’s going to happen?”
His shoulders stiffened. “Well, we’ll come up with a plan to tell your father about us. We won’t have to hide it anymore. We can go out to dinner like a normal couple.”
I nodded. I wanted all of those things, but I didn’t see how we’d get there. I was going to spend time with Crew’s family, and I didn’t want to be thinking about all of this. This was my first time to his house since we were officially dating. Well, officially secretly dating.
“You’re right. It’ll all work out. I’m excited to spend time with your family. It’s just your parents this weekend?”
“Right. Knox is preparing for finals. Blade went to Austin this weekend to visit Dax. So, I thought it might be nice to spend a night with my parents. I want them to get to know you. And my mother’s been nagging me for weeks to bring you home.” He chuckled. “Tomorrow you have to spend the night at home, right?”
Crew and I hadn’t spent a night apart since the day that we’d said I love you.
I loved him more than anything. More than I ever knew I was capable of. But that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to fix what was happening with my own family. It didn’t mean that one day I didn’t want to bring Crew home to have dinner with my family. That I didn’t hope that things could be repaired between my father and my mother. Between my father and Piper. Between my father and Crew.
“Yeah. Coco’s home this weekend. She’s going to come grab me in the morning at your house, if that’s okay. I’ll just tell my mom that Gigi and I met up with her for breakfast and she gave me a ride. And then Coco will bring me back to your house on Sunday before we head back to Dallas.”
He nodded, and I didn’t miss the war going on in his features. The way his jaw ticced, and his eyes hardened. We were in a deep predicament, and neither one of us knew how to get out of it. The lies were piling up with my family, and I desperately wanted to get everything out in the open.
“I don’t want to be without you for a night.” His voice was so vulnerable, and my heart nearly exploded.
“I don’t want to be without you either. But I have to spend some time at home.”
“I know. I want you to spend time with your mom.”
There it was. He couldn’t even speak of my father without spewing venom. And trust me, I understood it. But I didn’t know how to fix it. Piper had written my dad a letter and asked me to give it to him. I hadn’t read it as she didn’t ask me to, but I was going to tuck it in his desk drawer in his office for him. I’d text him after I left to tell him there was something there. Piper wanted to say some things to him, and I understood it.
We pulled in Crew’s driveway and he came around and opened my door. He wrapped his arms around me. He always knew what I needed. “Relax, baby. It’s all going to be fine. I promise you.”
I nodded and looked up to him. “I know it will.”
Crew’s parents were all warm and welcoming, just as I expected. They’d been kind to me, in spite of all that my father had done to them. We made small talk and sat down at the table for dinner. Their home was so comfortable. The large farm table had a grand wood and crystal chandelier hanging above it. Crew and I sat on one side of the table, while his parents sat on the other.
“So, you’re getting ready to graduate. Are you going to have a party?” Delilah asked.
“Yes. My parents want to have a big party.” I paused. I wanted to invite them. But I knew that could never happen. And that’s when it hit me. My boyfriend couldn’t even attend my party. Would he even go to my graduation? I’d be done with my internship by then, as it ended a few days before graduation. But my father would lose his mind if he saw Crew there.
I decided in that moment that I wanted my boyfriend there. So that would mean telling my father before I graduated. There were a few days between the internship finishing up and graduation, and I’d make a point to come home to Willow Springs and talk to my father about it.
“That will be so nice, sweetheart. And will you stay in Dallas after you finish school or come back home?” his mother asked before taking a bite of her steak.
The realization that Crew and I hadn’t talked about any of this was setting in. I’d always planned to come back home, but everything had changed. My relationship with my father would probably never go back to what it was. But my relationship with Crew was most important to me. I wanted him to be my future. We were so caught up in our secrets that we’d failed to discuss what would happen once this was out in the open.
“I actually don’t know. I had planned to come back to Willow Springs, but I’m leaning toward staying in Dallas,” I said, and Crew’s hand found my leg beneath the table.
It was as if he were thanking me, yet he’d never talked to me about anything past graduation.
“Do you think you’ll continue on at Carlisle?” Davis asked, and his smile reached his eyes.
“Okay, guys. Enough of the intense questioning. We haven’t talked about any of this stuff, so let’s just focus on today. One day at a time, right?”
His mother cocked her head to the side. His father’s eyes widened, and I tugged my hand away beneath the table. His words stung.
I held my chin high and pushed the tears away that were threatening to fall. “I actually have a few interviews set up with some smaller firms in Dallas. And I have an interview with Al Johnson’s ad agency here in town as well.”
Crew barked out a laugh. “You are not working at that hokey company. You don’t want to come back to Willow Springs.”
He was right. I didn’t. But he hadn’t asked me to stay either.
“Hey, we love Willow Springs. And Al’s a good guy,” Davis said, and he winked at me.
“She’s too good for that place.”
“Where do you think I should work?” I asked, turning all of my attention to Crew. I wanted an answer. Needed an answer.
“We’ll talk about it after graduation.”
“Excuse me?” I turned to face him. “I’m not waiting to plan my life out until after graduation. And let me guess, once graduation comes, you’ll tell me we’ll talk about it after summer. You can keep postponing all of it because you’re afraid to talk about the future, but I’ll be planning it on my own if that’s the case.”
The table grew completely silent, and I forked a scoop of mashed potatoes and took a bite. Delilah winked at me, and Davis covered his mouth with his hand, so I was guessing he found my little outburst humorous. I loved their son, there was no denying it. I was here, at the home of a family my father despised. I was next door to my own family home and wasn’t seeing them until tomorrow. But I’d be damned if I’d put my life on hold because Crew was afraid to discuss the future.
“I think that’s more than fair,” Delilah said. “Do you intend to attend her graduation?”
Crew’s mother was definitely on my side in this argument, and I couldn’t say I minded it. I hadn’t realized how much he’d been
putting things off until now. I thought it was all about the internship, but maybe there was more to it. Maybe Crew wasn’t all in? But if that was the case, why was I here? Why were we together every single day? What was the point if he couldn’t see a future?
“I’d like to,” he said, looking over at me and smiling. My chest squeezed. I knew he was trying. Our situation was complicated for more reason than one.
“I’m going to give you both a little advice,” Davis said before clearing his throat.
Crew tensed beside me.
“Life is not perfect. No relationship is without its obstacles. But if you love someone, really love someone, you’ll figure it out. But you’ve got to be willing to fight for it.”
“Jesus. I thought we were going to have dinner. I didn’t know this was a therapy session. I feel like I’m with Judy,” Crew hissed. Why was he so defensive? What was he so afraid of?
“I think it’s lovely advice. Thank you.” I smiled.
“So, Maura, tell me about your brothers. How are they doing?” Delilah asked.
“They’re great. Wes is still dating his high school sweetheart, Mare Holland, and Lyle has been dating Sarah Stone for two years. They work for my dad and will eventually take over the company.” I knew his parents knew who the two girls were, and they didn’t flinch at the mention of my father. Not the way my boyfriend always did.
“If he ever lets them. He’s probably dangling that carrot pretty hard. It’s kind of his style.” Crew’s tone had an edge to it. He reached forward and picked up his wine glass and drank all of it in one long sip. “I mean, the man is a professional liar. That’s why you aren’t speaking to him, right?”
My entire body stiffened. He promised me he’d never tell anyone about my father’s secret. Had he told his family? Would he do that to me? I didn’t bother asking him, because I was fairly certain that he’d tell me that he couldn’t discuss it until after graduation.
“Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle, thank you so much for your hospitality. I hope you’ll excuse me.” I pushed to my feet, grabbed my plate and set it in the kitchen because even though my blood was boiling, I still had manners. I still wanted to impress my boyfriend’s parents even if I didn’t know if we had a future anymore.
“Of course, sweetheart,” Delilah said as I grabbed my purse and pushed the back door open.
I’d had enough. My bag was still upstairs but I really didn’t care. I had clothes at home. I could make something up. Hell, there were so many lies out there right now, what was one more?
The field was dark, only lit by the stars in the sky. I swiped at the falling tears and continued my brisk pace toward my home.
“Maura. Baby. Please stop,” Crew shouted from behind me, but I kept walking.
A hand came around my wrist and I came to a stop. “Are you just going to run away every time things get tough?”
I whipped around to face him. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A perfect reason to say it wouldn’t work. But you’d wait until after graduation, right? Why don’t you just admit it? You don’t have a goddamn plan for us. You don’t see a future with me because I’m Arthur Benson’s daughter.” My words broke on a sob. “And you promised you wouldn’t tell anyone about Piper. I trusted you.”
There was just enough light to make out his features and he looked tormented.
Pained.
Sad.
Broken.
“I didn’t tell them anything. I shouldn’t have made that snide comment. And I do see a future with us, Maura. Of course, I do. I love you so fucking much. I just…” He ran a hand through his hair.
“You just what? You don’t love me enough to get past the fact that you hate my father.” Tears were streaming down my face. We’d tabled this conversation for far too long. “You hate him more than you love me, is that it?”
He wrapped both hands around my wrists to hold me still and he rested his forehead against mine. “That’s not it at all. I’m not a fan of your father, that’s no secret. But I could get past it, I swear I can.”
“Then what is it?”
“It scares the shit out of me that I love you so damn much. I don’t want to lose you.”
I put my hands on each of his cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere. But Crew, you have to know that even though I’m furious at my father and I don’t like him a whole lot at the moment, he’s still my father. I love him. And you can’t punish me for that.”
He picked me up, and my legs wrapped around his waist. “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I don’t have control of anything. I love you so much that I’d walk away from my company for you. I love you so much that I’ll accept the fact that your father is my least favorite person on the planet. I promise you I’m in this.”
He dropped down on his knees and set me on the ground, my back cushioned by the long grass. He propped himself above me and I looked into those emerald green eyes. “I love you too. I’m not asking you to do any of that for me. But I can’t put off the future because you’re afraid to commit to it.”
He stroked my face. “Not afraid to commit to it. I just don’t know how it’s all going to play out. What if your father forces you to choose?”
My eyes searched his, and I saw genuine fear. “He won’t.”
“What if he does, Maura? You don’t think that thought has crossed my mind? I wouldn’t put it past him. And what then?”
“I’d choose you,” I said, and the lump in my throat made it difficult to speak. “But I need to know that you choose me too.”
“Always.” His mouth covered mine, and we kissed one another like our lives depended on it. Because I needed Crew Carlisle like I needed to take my next breath.
And the fear of losing him was strong.
“I need to find me a hot man like Crew. I love that he chased you down in the field and you had hot grass sex,” Coco said after I filled her in on our night.
“Hey. You promised you wouldn’t bring that up.” I laughed. But we’d made love out in the field before returning to his house and making s’mores with his parents who’d acted like nothing had happened at dinner. I loved his family for that. They were genuinely supportive and open. And they made me feel like part of the family.
“It’s hard not to. No pun intended.”
I covered my face with my hands. “Why do I tell you everything?”
“Because you love me, and you know I’m happy for you. You deserve this, Maur. So, what’s the plan with your mom?”
“I honestly don’t know. This secret is eating me up. I want to tell her about Piper, but I don’t want to ruin their marriage. I wish my dad would just come clean so I wouldn’t have to carry this secret. And I want to tell her about Crew. But what if she tells my father? He’d definitely cause trouble for Crew if he found out. I have to wait until I’m done working there.”
“Okay. So, everything is on hold. Go to lunch with her, talk about the graduation party. Just focus on that for today, and we’ll deal with the rest when the time comes.”
I nodded. “Thank you for picking me up. You know that Knox thinks you’re really hot. He keeps asking me to set you up with him.”
“He’s a boy.” She rolled her eyes.
“He’s one year younger than us.” I laughed.
“You know relationships aren’t my thing. Not really. Although with all you girls settling down, it makes me think I might want to find someone I like enough to stick around for. But for now, I need to secure a hot date for Whitney’s wedding. That’s as far into the future as I go. I have a few guys that I see back in the city, but none are quite right for a wedding date. I need a guy with some edge, you know? Really piss off Cricket.” Cricket was Coco’s mother, who blatantly favored her older sister, Whitney. And wedding palooza was in full effect.
“We’ll have to find you just the right date for
the wedding. Maybe a few tattoos?” I said over my laughter.
“Oh yes. That would send her and Whitney sideways. I’ll be on the lookout for the perfect rebel.”
I leaned over and hugged her goodbye. “Love you, Co. I’ll see you in the morning. Thank you for being my cover this weekend.”
“I’m the Thelma to your Louise. I’ve always got your back, girl. Love you.”
I hopped out of the car and made my way inside. My mother was waiting in the kitchen and hurried toward me and wrapped her arms around me.
I wanted to let it all out.
I hugged her tighter than usual. “I’m so happy to see you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, darlin’.”
I pushed away all the guilt and pulled back to look at her. “Are you ready for lunch?”
“Yes. I talked to your father this morning. He wants us to spare no expense on your graduation party, So we can discuss all the details. I already booked a banquet room in Dallas, and I phoned Ivy’s mother and we’ll make a joint celebration. I also want to hear all about this internship. How is that going, by the way? Thankfully, Dad never found out. This is one of those times that keeping a secret from your father was most definitely the right choice. We’ll take this one to the grave, sunshine.” She chuckled.
My mother didn’t believe in secrets normally, and she had no idea how big the one being kept from her was. My father was a master manipulator. He avoided telling her about Piper and decided to just throw a big party instead.
“It’s going well, Mama. Let me just go freshen up real quick and then I’m ready.” I reached in my bag and grabbed Piper’s letter and hurried to my father’s office. There were photos of all five of us hanging on the walls. Family vacations to the beach and ski trips. I tucked the letter in his top desk drawer and hurried upstairs to splash some water on my face.