by K. S. Smith
“Alright, drive safe. I’ll see you soon.” I said before ending the call.
Less than five minutes later the sound of the door opening alerted me that my wife was home. Leaving my office I made my way into the foyer when I spotted her. My stomach knotted right when we made eye contact. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying and it looked like she hadn’t slept in days.
I instantly rushed over to her and rested my hands on her hips, “Hey, how are you holding up?” I asked, knowing that she was obviously still upset, as she should be.
Reagan plastered on a fake smile and looked up at me, her beautiful brown eyes glazed over, emotionless, as if all of the life had been sucked from them, “We need to talk, Cole.”
She reached for my hand and led me into the living room and took a seat on the couch, tapping the cushion next to her with her free hand, “Please, have a seat.”
I took the seat next to her and leaned back as she began to speak, softly, doing her best to hold back the tears, “I can’t do this anymore, Cole. I’m packing my things and moving in with Theo and Teresa until I can find my own place.”
My heart stopped beating as I processed her words. We’d only been married for a couple of months and she was leaving me. How could this even be possible, sure we’d just gone through a tragedy, but that didn’t warrant her walking out on this marriage. Miscarriages aren’t unusual for first time mothers, we’d try again, and again until we had healthy, perfect babies of our own.
My brain was going one hundred miles per hour when my mouth finally caught up with it and for once I wasn’t going to take it easy on Reagan, not this time, I was going to tell her how I really felt. “You can’t do what anymore, Reagan?” I shouted as I rose up off of the couch, “be with me? I don’t buy it.”
I tore my fingers through my hair as I began to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace, “When did this relationship become one sided? All about you and what you want? Last time I checked we were in this together, you and I, till death do us part. And by the looks of it we’re both still standing.”
She sat there, legs crossed and hands in her lap as she looked down at her twiddling thumbs.
“Damnit, look at me!” I shouted and her body flinched, but she still kept her eyes down, unable to make eye contact with me.
“You are not leaving me. I know you love me and you know better than anyone else that there is no one else on this earth that I want to be with. Without you there is no me.”
“You’ll be fine, Cole.” She whispered.
“Fine!” I screamed, “I don’t want to be fine, I want to be madly in love with my wife and I want her to be madly in love with me. I want to come home at night and have my family run into my arms when I open the door. I want you here and our children, all of that. And I can’t have any of it if you leave.”
Reagan began crying and her head snapped up, “I can’t give you that Cole, isn’t it obvious.” She took a deep breath before going on, “I tried to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, but I failed, I killed our baby. There’s no coming back from that.”
Kneeling down in front of her I took her hands into mine and held them. I was so angry with my wife, but I knew she was hurting just as badly as I was and I couldn’t just sit here and scream at her. I needed to be her support system, the rock of our family.
So I softened my tone and tried to keep myself calm as I spoke to my heartbroken wife, “Reagan, you didn’t kill our baby. Things like this happen; it’s all a part of life. It’s terrible, but we can try again. You’ll get pregnant again, we won’t give up, we’ll just keep trying.”
She sat there for a moment, tears pouring down her cheeks as she stared into my eyes as if trying to memorize this moment and then she spoke, “I can’t, it’s over, we’re over. Everything in my life dies Cole, I can’t kill you too.”
Reagan stood off of the couch, grabbed her purse and walked out of the front door as I stayed in place, frozen, my heart no longer in my chest as Reagan had ripped it out completely and taken it with her, right out the front door.
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
I’m not sure how long my body stayed in that position, but all I do know is when I was finally able to move, to breathe again, I was seeing red. My body turned and my arms shoved everything off of the coffee table, glass shattering all over the room. I began to scream out in a fit of rage as I went object by object and flung them across the room praying to God that it would break into so many pieces that I’d never have to see them again.
And then I reached the framed picture that was placed on the mantle, the picture of Reagan and I on our wedding day. It was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. Not only had I just married the woman of my dreams, but she’d just told me that we were having a baby as well. Unable to look at it for a second longer I threw it as hard as humanly possible at the all glass wall that led out into the pool area and watched as not only the picture, but the wall shattered and came crumbling down around me, just like my life was doing.
I stood there, enraged, defeated and utterly heartbroken when I tasted a hint of salt on my lips. Quickly wiping the tears that had fallen down my face I made my way over to the bar, grabbed the biggest bottle of bourbon I could find and drank my sorrows away.
Seven long, drunken hours ticked by as I went through three bottles of liquor all on my own before my body couldn’t take it any longer and my eyes were filled with black darkness as I slipped into a drunken coma.
****
The next morning, or afternoon, I really wasn't sure which; I woke up with the sun blazing in my eyes. A bird that flew in through the hole in the glass kept chirping in my ear so loud I thought my brain would explode.
I was doing my best to keep the glaring sunlight at bay as I glanced around the room through squinted eyes, but nothing was helping. I needed a dark room and I needed it now before my head burst into a million pieces just like everything in my house had the day before.
I dragged my heavy body up the stairs with a gallon of water and collapsed into bed, tossing the water jug on the empty spot next to me that belonged to Reagan. The thought of her not being there caused my stomach to lurch and I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom in enough time to make it to the toilet. It felt like my insides were trying to expel themselves from my body as I heaved over the white porcelain toilet.
Way to keep it together, Cole. You’re a real winner, no wonder your life is falling apart. I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked older than I did a few days ago. The scruff on my face had gone from sexy to disheveled. My skin was pasty white, probably from alcohol poisoning, and I was still wearing the same clothes I’d gotten dressed in yesterday morning.
I splashed my face with water and tugged my palms over my wet skin before I disrobed. Then I looked at myself again, unable to even identify the man who was staring back at me.
Having seen enough of the mess I’d become I walked out of the bathroom, fell into bed and passed out, again.
Five hours later I woke up, took a piss, puked some more, drank some more liquor and went back to sleep.
This went on for three days straight.
Wake up...piss...puke...drink...sleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
On the fourth day I’d cleaned out every liquor bottle in the house, so I took that as a sign that my binge drinking was over and it was time to wake up and face reality. I stepped into the shower as the cool water worked its magic and sobered me right up. It was so cold, but it still felt good, so I didn’t move, I just stood there allowing the pain to course through my veins. Half hour in I stepped out, wrapped the towel around my waist and walked back into the bedroom only to come to a dead halt when I saw who was standing before me.
“Hey.” I said quietly as I ran my fingers through my wet hair.
Reagan’s eyes grew as she examined my soaking wet body that was only covered by a towel from the waist down. “You smell like a liquor store.” She said as she stood there in
the middle of our bedroom.
Not thinking before I spoke I just let the words slip from my lips, “I guess that’s what happens when your wife makes the decision for the two of you that she’s leaving.” Pain twinged inside as soon as I said it, but she needed to hear it.
I walked into the closet and Reagan followed behind me. I couldn’t look at her so I dropped my towel and started changing into a pair of shorts and a pullover. When I turned back around she had a suitcase in her hand.
“So that’s it, you’re just here to get your clothes and leave again?” I asked angrily.
Her head nodded.
“Take whatever you want, I don’t need any of it lying around. It’ll just make it harder.”
I picked my wallet up off of the dresser and shoved it into my pocket before heading toward the bedroom door. As I stepped into the hallway I heard Reagan speak.
“What happened downstairs?” Her voice a faint whisper.
“Just another thing that happens when your wife leaves you.” Not able to face her I kept walking straight out the front door, passing Teresa who was sitting in her car along the way.
I hopped into my truck and tore out of the driveway, ignoring the fact that Teresa had gotten out of her car and began making her way over to me. I couldn’t deal with her too, not right now.
****
I knew I looked like hell, but I needed to get some work done. Toni was running the show and there was only so much more she could do before needing my assistance. The elevator chimed and I stepped out into the lobby of my office.
Toni’s eyes scrunched together when she saw me as I’m sure she’d never seen me like this before, “Good morning Mr. Conrad. Is everything okay?”
I knew better than to open up to her, especially right now, but I had no one else to talk to so I unleashed, “Oh yea, everything is perfect. My wife just had a miscarriage and then, two days later decides to tell me that she can’t be married to me anymore and leaves me. It’s just fucking marvelous.”
I stormed passed her and straight into my office, slamming the door behind me. I collapsed into my chair and shook the hell out of my mouse bringing my computer to life. Of course the first thing I saw was the computer background, a picture of Reagan and I in Bora Bora on our honeymoon.
Picking up the screen I unplugged it from the computer tower and chucked it across the room watching it bounce off of the wall and crash onto the floor of my office.
High heels clicked on the tile outside of my office and before I could yell for her to stay out Toni was in my office, “What on earth is going on in here?” She asked looking from me to the computer monitor and then back to me.
“The damn thing is broken, order a new one, now!” I shouted.
Toni stood there, arms crossed over her chest, “Look Cole, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through right now, but that gives you absolutely no right to treat me like this. I’ve been busting my ass here in the office to hold this place together and this is how I’m repaid?” She glared at me, her eyebrow raised and I knew I was in the wrong. She was right, she’d been taking care of everything while I was taking care of Reagan.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s been a terrible week. I’m sorry I was such a dick, I just haven’t been able to really unleash on anyone and it’s all building up inside. I need to go to a gun range or something. Shoot out some pent up aggression.”
Toni couldn’t help but laugh, “That may not be the smartest idea right now. Why don’t we just start with a new computer screen? We’ll take baby steps, maybe in a few weeks we can make an appointment at the gun range, but only after we rent the entire place as to not put anyone’s life in jeopardy.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her suggestion, “Sounds good, Toni. Thanks.”
She smiled and exited my office in search of a new monitor. A half hour later my new screen was up and running and the background was one of those pre-programmed screens which guaranteed this monitor had a better chance of survival than the last one.
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
It had been five weeks since I’d seen or spoken to Reagan. Casey had assured me that she was doing better, but I’d yet to see it for myself. Sure I’d heard she was back at work, but I hadn’t seen her out and about and that was a sign that she was still keeping to herself. I missed her so much, but I was also still furious with her for up and leaving me.
I’d of course buried myself in my work to keep from thinking about her every second of every single day and today was no different. Toni knocked on my door before entering, “Sorry to interrupt, but you’ve got fifteen minutes to get to your dinner meeting with the bank on the Channelside development.”
I glanced up from my desk, “Where is dinner tonight?” I asked curiously.
Toni skimmed over her iPad, “It looks like tonight you will be dining at Malio’s.”
I raised an eyebrow at her, “Who picked the place?”
“The bank,” Toni noted, “they are located in that building and thought it would be easiest, is there a problem?”
I shook my head, “No, that will be fine. Thanks, Toni.”
“No problem, see you tomorrow.” She said before gathering her things and leaving for the evening.
Leaning back in my chair I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before releasing, Malio’s is in Reagan’s building.
Obviously nothing I could do about it at this point so I grabbed my coat and made my way out of my building and toward hers. My heart racing the entire way through the lobby. Half of me praying to see her, the other half praying not to see her, but once I was in and seated at my table the half that wanted to see her outweighed the half that didn’t.
I was halfway through dinner when my eyes were caught by a brunette in a red peacoat barreling through the dimly lit bar toward an empty spot. I watched her as she nudged herself in to the opening and hailed the bartender, the same way she’d done it the very first night I met her in the Limelight and I knew instantly that it was Reagan.
I rose from my chair and excused myself, “Gentlemen, I’ll be back in a few moments, I’ve got something that I have to take care of, please excuse me.”
They all nodded and went back to their conversation as I crossed the room toward the bar.
My heart was practically pounding out of my chest as I got closer to her; still unsure as to whether I was going to play it cool or have my way with her right there on the tabletop of the bar. Deciding I’d take it slow, I leaned in behind her and placed both hands atop of the bar on either side of her body and leaned into her neck, my mind going right back to the very first moment that she and I ever spoke, “I’m impressed” I whispered.
Reagan’s body stiffened before she turned around and peered up at me, her eyes as beautiful as I remembered.
“Pardon me?” She asked and her eyes flared with fire while she looked me up and down before darting her tongue out to wet her lips.
That was all it took, I didn’t waste a second of time before I grabbed her arm and drug her through the bar and toward the ladies restroom. I realized that this wasn’t ideal, but I had to act quickly and I figured it would be much more sanitary than the mens.
Thankfully it was clear of any patrons and it would continue to stay that way until I was finished, locking the door behind Reagan and I. When I turned she was leaned up against the grey tile wall, her breath causing her chest to rise and fall at a rapid speed.
I could feel my pants begin to tighten as my erection started to grow. Not wasting another minute my arms wrapped around her and hoisted her up around my waist as our lips collided, Reagan kissing me with just as much force as I was kissing her.
Our breathing was hitched as we ravaged each other and it was obvious we’d both been yearning for the others touch.
“God I’ve missed you so much.” I panted between kisses.
Reagan moaned, “Please Cole, I need you inside of me.” She was begging for me to take her and I couldn’t have been mo
re ready to give her exactly what she wanted.
Forcing her skirt up over her hips I pulled her red satin panties to the side and quickly unzipped my pants before burying myself inside of her. Our bodies pressed up against the wall and I used it as leverage to deepen each thrust, diving further and further inside of her.
It had been sometime since either one of us had been intimate so it was no surprise that we both came fast and hard.
Still inside of Reagan I pressed my body up against hers, our foreheads resting on one another, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”
She surprised me by pursing out her lips to kiss me, “Better.” She said before releasing her legs from around me.
We both took a moment to clean ourselves up and I couldn’t help but look at my beautiful wife in the mirror as she stood next to me, cheeks flushed and eyes fully satisfied, “Come home with me tonight.” I said looking over at her through the mirror in front of the two of us. “I can wrap this meeting up so we can go back home and make up for all of our lost time together.”
My eyes were begging her, but deep down in the pit of my stomach I had a funny feeling that I wasn’t going to like her response.
Reagan turned toward me as she buttoned her coat. Pressing up on her tip toes she leaned in and kissed my cheek, “This doesn’t change anything Cole, I’m sorry.”
And just as quickly as she’d scurried into Malio’s she was gone in a flash, leaving me standing there, alone in the ladies room.
I burst through the door and made my way back to the table, each of the men staring at me as I rushed up to them, “I apologize, but I’ve had an emergency come up and I’ve got to leave. I will have my assistant follow up with you all tomorrow.”
I turned on my heels and darted toward the exit in the hopes of finding Reagan, but of course, she was long gone.
When I finally got home all I could do was lie in bed thinking about what it would have been like if Reagan would have come home with me. I would have spent the next month making love to her over and over again proving that she was the only thing on this earth that I needed to survive.