Slowly Lisa got up off the bed and sat down at the table. For a long time she just sat there and thought about what had happened that day - the good and the bad. All the adventure and heartache that had come with a trip to the city for a horseshoe and a few nails to put it on. Who would have thought any of that was even possible?
It just seemed like a dream that she needed to wake up from, or some kind of fantasy that went horribly wrong and she needed to escape. She put her head down in her arms in the hope that when she raised her head back up, there wouldn't be anything like there was now. When she lifted her head again, she wanted it to all be back to normal.
Chapter 6
The day was beautiful. Lisa sat on top of Ted's shop, on the roof, sipping a cocktail and waiting for him to bring up their lunch. She had been living with him for a few weeks now. It had been that long since she had ridden back into town covered in blood with her tale of woe. She had been in a state of shock that made it hard for her to communicate with anyone. After awhile a doctor had gotten the story out of her. Then Ted had shown up and taken her in.
For all this time Lisa had been sleeping in a different bed than Ted. He hadn't just assumed that they would be sleeping together because her husband had died and there was nowhere else for her to go. Lisa appreciated this more than she knew how to express to Ted. But now she was afraid of losing even Ted.
Just before Ted had closed the shop so they could eat lunch together the sheriff had come in to tell Lisa that the town was forming up a kind of militia that was going to go out and get justice for Frank. Lisa had said she didn't know why that was necessary, considering that the Indian that had killed Frank had already died by Frank's hand. The sheriff hadn't wanted to hear anything like that though. He'd looked at her strangely and walked out.
“Ted,” Lisa said. “Have you heard the talk around town about the men going out to hunt Indians down to avenge Frank?”
Ted paused before he set their food down on the table.
“I have,” Ted said. “But I don't agree with it. I think it's foolish to risk more lives. Nothing will bring Frank back. Like you, I was quick to tell that sheriff, that the Indian that killed Frank is already dead.”
Lisa nodded in agreement.
“You know how I feel about it,” she said. “I just don't understand why everyone is acting like they cared about Frank so much now that he's dead. No one cared when he slaved away all day and night on fields that weren't growing the crops we needed. No one cared when we went hungry. Until an Indian killed him, not a single person in this city cared about my husband.”
Ted nodded sympathetically.
“The sheriff talked to me on his way out,” Ted said. “I'll be taking part in the search for any Indians who are stationed around the woods surrounding the city. I know that will be hard on you, but try not to worry about me. I don't think there are any Indians to find out there, to be honest. I think this was a singular event that happened to Frank.”
“What do you mean? Are you helping?” Lisa said in horror.
“I have to,” Ted said. “I don't have a choice. When posies form up, all the able bodied men of the town are expected to come together and do what needs to be done. This time we need to look for Indians. Besides, I think I'd rather be there if some are found so I can be a voice of reason and hopefully spare their lives.”
Lisa didn't know what to say. First she had lost her husband and now she might lose the other man in her life. She started weeping at the table. Ted got up and ran over to her.
“Please don't be upset,” He said. “I promise that I'll be all right.”
Lisa held Ted close and listened to his heartbeat. She hoped she never had to hear it stop beating.
“I don't understand all of this business about getting up in arms over Indians who might not even be there. It was only one Indian that was giving me and Frank a hard time. Just one!” Lisa said sobbing. “I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I know Frank wouldn't want anyone else to get hurt. This just doesn't make any sense.”
“I know, dear,” Ted said, looking sad. “But sometimes people need justice and that's just the way it is for some things. Right now, you're right that most people are choosing to be very worked up over certain things when they don't have to be worked up at all. But here they are, getting worked into a right rabid froth about something that happened that didn't even really involve them at all.”
Lisa calmed down gradually. They both sat and tried to eat their lunch, but all either could manage to do was pick a little at their food like there was something wrong with it. Lisa kept looking over the town with tears streaming out of her eyes. She couldn't believe that people were being so vengeful. It hurt her to think that Frank's memory was somehow being used as a catalyst for a manhunt.
Secretly, in places she would never reveal to Ted, she also blamed herself for Frank's death. No matter how many times she replayed the events in her mind, she would never be able to go back and unsleep with Ted or be given a chance to stay at the house instead of leaving to get a shoe for the horse. She realized that it didn't do any good to get down on herself about it. She knew that nothing would bring Frank back, but she still felt guilty.
“Don't look so sad, sweetheart,” Ted said. “Tomorrow is a new day. We don't really know if all of this fervor to go looking for the boogeyman is really going to hold or just all blow over by the morning. You know how people are sometimes. They are so quick to speak of big, bold plans to do this and that and most of the time it doesn't amount to anything anyway. We both know this. So let's not get upset about it, all right. It doesn't do anyone any good to be upset about it.”
However, despite Ted’s reassurances, Lisa couldn’t shake off the sadness or the worry. That night when she went to bed, it was with Ted. When they made love she thought about Frank and what she had lost. Afterward, as she thought back over the physical act, she realized she was lucky to have Ted around now. Maybe it was time to let go of the past. She knew it would be hard, at least until all of this were through.
Lisa couldn't help but feel like she had another part yet to play in the unfolding of what would be remembered as the Great Scalp Hunt. However, at the time she didn't know it would turn into such an ordeal. The only real idea Lisa had in her head while she was by Ted in bed was to be make sure to appreciate the moment for what it was.
Part 3: Ted’s Decision
Chapter 1
Lisa's new life in the city was one she could have never imagined while she had been living with Frank at the homestead. Ted let her live with him with no charge, and didn't expect her to have sex with him if she didn't want to. It wasn't that Ted didn't want to make love to her. It was just that he didn't want her to if she didn't want to. He'd tried to explain all that to her in the first month of their living together but she had blushed so deeply and looked away embarrassed that he decided to drop it.
At first Ted had been gone much of time, leading the townspeople on small patrols through the surrounding hills, and that had left Lisa time to get to know the people in town. Lisa had been shy, though. People in town treated women very differently than Frank had treated her when they had lived together on the homestead. People seemed to think that women couldn't do anything on their own, and if they were on their own, it could only be for a short period of time.
None of them would have thought it wise if she'd suggested a ride out to the homestead by herself. So she didn't suggest it, and instead just rode out there if Ted was gone for the week. Lisa would ride out to the homestead and go through her old things, thinking that the rags she used to wear seemed so quaint compared to the expensive clothes Ted had made for her upon her arrival back at his shop. Lisa sat on the bed and ran her hand across the comforter, thinking about all the nights that it had been the only thing that had kept her warm while Frank was out hunting.
Lisa was afraid to lose her life with Frank from her memory. The more time she spent away from the homestead in town, the farther away their ti
me together started to feel, like somehow it was shrinking away from her and becoming smaller and less real. She would take Frank's old clothes out of the closet and press her face into them, drawing deep, slow breaths while imagining him standing their watching her. Sometimes she was sure she felt another presence in the room beside her own. But if there was one it never announced itself in any tangible way Lisa noticed.
When she'd turn around expecting to see Frank standing there looking at her and found no one she'd sit for a long time at their table, now covered in dust, and cry for hours.
Although Ted had sent men to get her things, there were still a lot of it left behind: from the cups in the cabinets to the bowls and plates. They'd never had enough money to have pictures taken so there were none on the walls or on the night stand.
When she stood in the middle of the homestead cabin and surveyed it now, it seemed little more than a hovel. It seemed like something from a time in her life long since passed. It was like her life with Frank hadn’t really happened, or that it had all been some kind of dream that she now couldn't quite remember during the daytime. She tried to hold on to the memories, though. While Ted spent time gallivanting around the woods Lisa spent more time than she would have ever felt comfortable admitting to Ted, at the homestead. But she always left in a more sullen mood than when she arrived. It was just hard. Lisa didn't understand the hurt that assailed her heart.
Even though she had slept with Ted while being married to Frank, she'd still loved Frank and wanted to carry on the life that they'd built together. It wasn't that she'd lost faith in Frank, or in their marriage. Looking back now her reasons for cheating seemed almost petty. Frank had been a good lover. It was only when he decided to be selfish that she grew really upset with him.
Frank had also believed in her, that she could do anything, and the fact that she was a woman never contributed in a negative way to his thoughts. It just didn't matter to him at all. She was who she was to Frank - or had been to him. Frank had looked at the world as being against the two of them. He never would have conceived it possible that she would cheat on him with a very well to do shop owner in town when she rode there that day.
Lisa couldn't help blame herself for what happened. Would the Indian have come to the house if she wouldn't have spent so much time with Ted? She knew that all that wondering made no sense but she did it anyway, everyday. She had a hard time seeing past the situation for what it really was - a tragedy that most likely would have happened in the near future if it didn't come to a head that day. But Lisa didn't like to think of it in those terms because it made her feel helpless. She liked to think she had more control over the world than that, even though it wasn't true.
Maybe she just liked the illusion of having some kind of control over the world, or the idea that her actions mattered. Whatever it was exactly Lisa wasn't sure but she knew that she had a sea of regret in her, along with shame, and everyday it tried to drowned her. She would have looked to Ted for support and solace in those early days but it was tough because he was always gone running around after phantom Indians in the hills surrounding the town.
When she tried to point out to him that most likely the Indian was a lone person, and not part of some larger group, he just shook his head and said that it didn't really matter one way or the other. What mattered is what people wanted to believe, and most of the townspeople were terrified at the idea that there was some kind of horde of Indians lurking out in the shadows, waiting to kick in their doors and shoot them until they died.
Ted was in a strange spot and Lisa did her best to appreciate that. She thought about it often, how strange it must be for him to have an affair with a woman and then have that very woman come back into his life with a strange tale of an Indian killing her husband; a tale that ended up stirring the townspeople up into a frenzy. It made her wonder if there was a God and if he was up there what kind of design he had for her.
What kind of God had creatures like Indians in the world who stalked her for months and months and finally kicked in the door of the homestead and killed her husband? None of it made any sense when she thought about it with the idea in mind that there was supposed to be some kind of higher power involved in all of this. Lisa had always thought of God as some kind of infallible thing that was far removed from the day-to-day activities of his creations.
Now though, as Lisa moved about the homestead looking at the thick layer of dust on the few trinkets she used to hold dear, she desperately tried to define some greater meaning in all of it by way of God's plan. Was there a plan though? If there was a plan what kind of plan was it? Did it have an ending that she liked?
Lisa shook her head as she thought about it as she mounted her horse and turned it back towards town. There was nothing left for her here at the homestead, nothing but dust and cracked floorboards.
As the horse moved her back towards town Lisa realized that this trip to the cabin would be her last trip out here. She couldn't keep doing it to herself. The emotional lows she hit while out at the homestead weren’t fair to her, and she ultimately didn't get anything tangible out of it. No questions were answered, and often times more questions remained.
As Lisa brought her horse to a trot she realized she would give anything to have Frank back, even if just for one day. It wasn't that they hadn't had there problems but Frank had always been a decent husband. Now, as she rode her stead back to town it felt like she was leaving an entire world behind, something that she would never be able to go back to. She wondered if she asked Ted to burn the homestead down if he would understand enough to have it done for her without asking a bunch of questions and making it strange. Lisa decided she'd have to think about asking him for a few days before she could work up any real nerve to do so.
She raised her eyes to the skyline lit in a deep hue of purple and red as the sky plummeted. Would tomorrow bring better tidings from the world? Would there be some kind of answers? Would Ted be around more and would they be able to build a flourishing relationship? Only time would tell.
Chapter 2
Back in town things people bustled through the streets like normal. Lisa left her horse at the stable and walked back to the shop as night turned all the colors to gray. The shop door was unlocked. Lisa stepped through and gingerly shut it behind her, not wanting to make too much noise; afraid she would wake Ted if he was home. If he woke up she would have to explain her whereabouts.
Often she didn’t know whether she’d find Ted home or not. Many times the towns people would call him out to lead whatever fool notion fear had forced into their heads. Ted didn't relish his new position as leader among the townspeople. In fact he found many of them unbearable because of how they clung to old ideas about race, sex and class. Ted was a forward thinker, extremely liberal for his time—a radical. The puritans in the town would probably have called him a libertine, or some other label they bandied about like a scarlet letter.
Both of them wondered what people thought about Lisa sudden move from the homestead to Ted's shop. They were both sure that no one knew about what had happened between them during Lisa's visit because there hadn't been any backhanded sympathy or sneers when people found out that Frank had been killed. Lisa understood that Ted wanted her to live in another part of the house for at least a few months so that people didn't talk. When they went out in public together it was as dear friends and nothing more. Ted hadn't had to articulate any of this to Lisa. She just knew by the way he acted and his tone of voice when they went out.
For the first few days it had bothered Lisa somewhat, having to separate her attraction to Ted from how she treated him. She hated putting up a facade that hopefully the rest of the community wouldn't be able to see through. When Lisa would get a sour look on her face in public after resisting the urge to kiss Ted on the cheek, he'd tell her that he didn't like any of it either, although he never defined what he really meant by it. Ted was in a hard spot with the town because he relied on their business for this lively hood
, a lively hood that had just recently expanded to double what it had been just a short time before. The expansion had been bold and Ted was starting to feel the strain on his account with the bank.
Lisa would nod, as he'd tell her that he couldn't afford to take out a line of credit with the kind of interest the bank wanted to charge him. The contracts with the bank were always long and hard to understand, but Ted did his best to make his way through it and came to understand that the bank wanted to tack a huge amount of compounding interest onto the principle every quarter.
A few of the businesses around town had already started to come to realize that there would never be a way for them to get out from under the financial burden the bank had yoked them with. All of the owners had signed the contracts, but none of them had taken the time understand what was really going on in all of the mumbo jumbo on the page.
Lisa thought about all of this while she powdered her nose in the huge vanity in her room. Ted had told her that morning they would be having dinner with the owners of the new bank opening up in town. Ted hadn't had to explain that it was very important that they make a good impression and also that they not appear too friendly. It wouldn't do to put all their eggs in one basket by warming up too quickly to the new bankers in town lest the old bankers hear about it. Right now there was no guarantee that the new bankers were going to be able to stay open long enough to open a line of credit with Ted that he could afford.
Lisa wrinkled her nose in disgust as she thought about the multitude of fake smiles she would have to flash throughout dinner. She didn’t want to think of how she would have to respond with her own fake smile and everyone would pretend they were real.
WESTERN ROMANCE: A Settler’s Wife’s Dreams (Contemporary Westerns Historical Romance, Cowboy Romance) Page 6