by Luke Delaney
‘Good,’ Graham welcomed the distraction and began to clear space on the table for the plates and dishes his wife carried. ‘Everybody just help yourselves. It’s just a kitchen supper, not a dinner party.’
The others politely began to place selected items onto their plates, but King just looked on, the mundane normality of the scene making him want to turn the table upside down and flee from the house. The only thing that stopped him was his affection and respect for Scott. But it was hard to sit there surrounded by faces he didn’t even recognize any more – as if they were just old photographs of people from a previous life he no longer ever thought of.
‘You need to eat something,’ his mother told him. ‘You don’t look like you’ve been eating properly at work.’
‘Nor at home,’ Sara added, not looking at him.
‘Fine,’ he sighed, leaning forward and spearing a few small items that he spread out on his plate.
‘All you’re having?’ Scott asked.
‘I’m not very hungry,’ he replied.
‘You can tell you’ve never been in the army,’ his father unhelpfully joined in. ‘You never turn down the chance of a good feed when you’re a soldier. Never know where your next meal’s going to come from.’
‘Well I’m not a soldier and this isn’t the army,’ King snarled and pushed his plate away. ‘I do what I want when I want.’
‘As do most of the police force by the look of things,’ his father laughed mockingly. ‘All I ever hear about is police incompetence. Too busy having public spats with politicians instead of doing the job required.’
‘People should just stay out of our way,’ King argued. ‘Let us get on with what we have to do instead of sticking their noses into our business. What the hell do you care about how we do things? So long as we take out the bad guys and keep our boots on the throats of the little thugs who think they rule the streets – what do you care?’
‘Sounds like you want a police state,’ his father said disapprovingly.
‘Better than one run by the military,’ King baited him. ‘At least we live in the real world.’
‘It doesn’t get any realer than a combat zone,’ his father told him, puffing out his chest. ‘Just ask Scott if you don’t believe me.’
‘So what do you want me to do?’ King demanded, giving way to his rising temper and desire to divorce himself from their world. ‘Join the army and get sent to Iraq or Syria? Drop bombs on women and children?’
‘Don’t go too far, Jack,’ his father tried to warn him.
‘You know,’ King ignored him, ‘all I ever hear is how useless the police are. How useless I am. That it was my fault some fucking madman stuck a knife in my back.’
‘Jack,’ Sara appealed to him, tears welling in her eyes.
‘What the fuck do you want me to do?’ he refused to relent. ‘Go to some shithole in the Middle East and stand on an IED? Maybe this time you’ll get really lucky and I’ll get my arms and legs blown off and then you can prop my torso up in the corner of your sitting room and point to me every time one of your old friends comes round so they can see just how much you’ve fucking sacrificed – because Scott wasn’t enough, was he? Now he’s out of hospital you can hardly tell he was even wounded at all. He’s still in one piece – except for his fucking mind of course.’
‘Jesus Christ,’ Sara said, turning away from him and looking at the floor before finding the courage to look at Scott. ‘I’m so sorry, Scott. I’m really sorry.’
‘Forget it,’ he told her, even managing a slight smile. ‘Jack’s been through as much as I have. It’s not easy adjusting to everything after something like that.’
‘Don’t make excuses for me,’ King fuelled the fire. ‘I’m glad it happened to me. It woke me up. I was sleep-walking towards a life like yours,’ he addressed everyone in front of him. ‘Life’s for living – being on the edge for as long as you can until you fall off, but at least you are alive – even if just for a while. You think I want to be sitting round a table like this in thirty years’ time with grown-up kids who can’t stand me and a wife I haven’t fucked in years? Do I fuck. That’s your lives not mine.’
‘That’s enough,’ his father shouted across the table. ‘That’s enough.’ He breathed deeply, calming himself enough to speak with quiet authority. ‘I think it’s best if you just leave.’
Everyone sat in silence looking at the floor, except King and his father who stared into each other’s eyes, their faces twitching with hate and rage.
‘Fine,’ King calmly replied, getting to his feet. ‘You think I want to stay here anyway? You’re doing me a favour. Let’s go, Sara.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she said, glancing at him briefly. ‘Not with you.’
He shrugged his shoulders as if he’d lost nothing more than some small change. ‘Whatever. Have it your own way.’ He threw his chair out of the way and strolled out of the kitchen as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
After a few seconds Scott jumped to his feet and headed after him. ‘Let him go,’ Graham told him. ‘He’s not worth it.’
‘He’s my brother,’ Scott reminded him. ‘I have to try.’ By the time he caught up with King he was already climbing into his car. ‘Jack, wait,’ Scott implored. ‘Just wait a minute.’
‘What the fuck d’you want, Scott?’ he asked almost sympathetically, shaking his head to warn him anything he tried would be useless.
‘Come back inside,’ Scott pleaded. ‘Come back inside and apologize. They’ll get over it. I’ll tell them you’ve been under a lot of pressure at work lately and that you’ve been having a hard time dealing with what happened to you. They won’t push it – trust me – I know.’
‘Why you doing this, Scott?’ he asked. ‘You think you can save me from whatever it is you think I need saving from?’
‘Only you can do that,’ Scott insisted. ‘But you’re still my brother. You don’t turn your back on your brother – whether it’s your blood brother or the guy standing next to you in a dried-out river bed when the Taliban are closing from all sides. You don’t abandon your brothers.’
‘Jesus, Scott,’ King answered, shaking his head. ‘It’s just the world’s changed now – everything changed. I don’t know why it happened – it just did. But I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back.’
‘It’s not too late to put this right,’ Scott tried to persuade him. ‘For Christ’s sake, just come back inside.’
‘No,’ King finished it, climbing the rest of the way into his car. ‘There’s nothing back there for me.’
‘Then at least call me,’ Scott told him as King started the car. ‘If you need to speak to someone. If you ever need help. If you’re ever in trouble.’
‘I just need to sort a few things out,’ King lied, pulling a pen and a piece of paper from the centre console and scribbling something on it before handing it to Scott. ‘If for some reason you can’t get me on my mobile, that’s where I’ll be.’
Scott looked at the address – some place called Millander Walk. ‘What’s this?’ he asked.
‘It’s on the estate I told you about,’ King explained. ‘It’s where I’m staying.’
‘Not at your flat?’ Scott questioned him. ‘Not with Sara?’
‘No,’ King said bluntly. ‘I can’t think there. Not at the moment. I need a few days to work things out and then I’ll go home.’
‘Really?’ Scott asked – not believing anything he was being told.
‘Really,’ King repeated, before shrugging his shoulders. ‘I don’t know. Maybe.’
‘And Sara?’
‘Take her home for me,’ King answered. ‘Tell her I just need a little time and space. If she doesn’t want to give it to me I’ll understand. She’s a good-looking girl. It wouldn’t take her long to meet someone else. She’ll soon forget about me. I didn’t want to hurt her, you know. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was the last thing I wanted. Sara – she’s such a good person, but fuck
… shit just happened. I’m no good for her now. She’s better off without me.’
‘Sounds like you’ve already made your mind up about everything,’ said Scott.
‘I haven’t made my mind up about anything,’ King told him, ‘other than I want to feel alive – really alive – for a while at least.’
‘The world won’t wait for you, Jack,’ his brother warned him. ‘By the time you’ve worked whatever this is out of your system it could already be too late to come back. I don’t want to lose you, Jack. I’ve already almost lost you once – remember?’
‘You’re not going to lose me,’ King tried to convince him. ‘No one’s going to lose me. I just need some time.’ He put the car in gear and released the handbrake. ‘Just make sure Sara gets home safely.’ He pulled the door shut and drove away – leaving Scott clutching the paper with the address on Millander Walk in his hand and an almost overwhelming sense that the brother he once knew and loved was lost to him forever.
15
King knocked quietly on the door before stepping back and looking both ways along the walkway – wary of anyone or thing that could be lurking in the shadows of the night-time estate. To his relief the door was soon opened slightly as Kelly peered out, looking him up and down – the slight smile on her naturally pouted red lips instantly enough to seduce and excite him.
‘It’s late,’ she told him, opening the door a little further so he could see slim athletic legs. Her torso was covered with nothing more than a cut-off t-shirt, her long wavy brown hair tumbling over her shoulders and throat.
‘You alone?’ he asked.
She inhaled deeply on the joint she’d been hiding behind the door – blowing the smoke high into the night sky before answering – enjoying making him wait for the simplest thing. ‘Yeah. I’m alone.’
‘Can I come in?’ he asked, smiling despite his anxiety that she didn’t want him any more.
‘OK,’ she shrugged, pulling the door wide open for him to enter and then closing it quietly behind him. He breathed her in as he passed her – his fingertips brushing across her naked stomach, making her take a short involuntary breath, her eyes for a split second blazing with desire for him. He noticed it and slipped an arm around her waist, feeling the warm velvet of her pristine skin, pulling her towards him, his other hand coming to the side of her face and guiding her lips towards his. Gently she stopped him – holding his head in her hands.
‘Slow down,’ she told him, looking into his red eyes and recognizing the signs of someone on crack or cocaine – something she’d witnessed in dozens of people throughout her young life. ‘Coke’s got you all wired up,’ she warned him. ‘Here,’ she offered him her joint. ‘This’ll bring you back down softly.’
He took the joint and drew deep and hard, holding the smoke in his lungs until he could feel its first effects beginning in his brain and replacing the mad energetic rush of the cocaine he’d taken almost as soon as he’d left his parents’ house with a gentle calming, his heart rate dropping and his racing mind slowing. He took another deep hit and handed the joint back to Kelly who increasingly felt like something to be cherished and savoured, instead of devoured in a rush of drug-enhanced passion.
‘Feeling better?’ she asked.
‘Yeah,’ he replied, already sounding relaxed and content.
‘It’ll help you get some sleep,’ she told him.
‘Sleep?’ he smiled as he pulled her close. ‘I don’t want to sleep.’
‘Oh,’ she smiled back. ‘You want some more of that, do you?’ He kissed the side of her neck in reply. ‘Well, I suppose it’ll relax you,’ she said. ‘Help you rest.’
‘I need to be with you,’ he whispered into her ear before gently biting her lobe – feeling her quickly and efficiently unbuckling his belt and unzipping his trousers – her fingers diligently pulling him free and softly stroking him hard.
‘Well, well,’ she said, never looking up from his swelling. ‘What we gonna do with this?’ She turned so her back was pressed against him and stepped towards the kitchen table, dragging him with her. When they reached it she leaned forward over it and pulled her own shorts and knickers down enough so she could feel him behind her and began to search for him – her hand finding him and guiding him inside her. They both moaned in pleasure as he began to rhythmically move in and out of her until King suddenly stopped. He wanted more – more than this.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked him, looking over her shoulder. No man had ever done anything other than just take her once she’d offered herself. She was as confused as she was concerned.
‘Not like this,’ he explained. ‘I need more.’
She turned to face him, sitting on the edge of the table with her legs wrapped around his waist, arms draped around his neck as they searched for and found each other’s lips – kissing somewhere between uncontrolled passion and a tenderness Kelly had never felt before. She broke away and spoke softly in his ear. ‘What do you want?’ she asked. ‘What more do you want?’
‘All of you,’ he whispered back. ‘Body and soul.’ He lifted her from the table and easily carried her across the room to the sofa – his powerful physique hardly straining despite her athletic body. He gently laid her down and slowly slid her shorts and knickers the rest of the way from her legs, letting them fall to the floor before pulling her tiny top upwards, Kelly assisting by straightening her arms over her head. Once she was completely naked he kneeled next to her, taking time to absorb all her unspoilt beauty – her natural perfection – skin, legs, breasts, shoulders, stomach, all perfect, as were the long wavy ringlets of her shiny mahogany hair and her irresistible red lips. But more than anything else it was her deep black eyes like a swirling nebula from which there could be no escape, only destruction.
Together they unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to one side as he stood and let Kelly pull his trousers and boxer shorts down – dragging his socks off as he kicked everything away, leaving him standing in front of her naked – his skin pulled taut over young conditioned muscle as he showed himself fully to her, enjoying their shared vulnerability of nakedness – their eyes washing over each other in a mutual wanting and admiration.
She could feel his strength without even touching him. Not the wiry strength of the feral teenage boys from the estate, made lean and powerful by the constant struggle to survive and borderline malnutrition, but a deep-set power from thick muscle tissue stretching across his chest and abdomen. She could wait no longer, leaning forward and placing her palms on his lower stomach muscles before gently sliding them up his body until they rested on his heaving chest, her mouth slightly parted as she bit down on her own lip. He slid one arm under the base of her back and with one smooth, effortless movement sat on the sofa and lifted her so she was now sitting astride his lap. One hand softly caressed her breasts while the other supported her weight as she leaned back, her eyes closed in anticipation of the pleasure to come. But he hesitated, making the moment last before they joined together – taking his hand from her breast and wrapping it around the back of her neck, gently pulling her swollen lips towards his own until they touched, generating an almost static shock between them as they both parted only millimetres from each other for a brief last moment before committing to the kiss completely until Kelly eased her mouth away from his and spoke softly into his ear.
‘I’m ready,’ she told him. ‘I want you now.’ He responded by kissing her neck and lifting her weight, allowing her to move her hips upwards and forwards as her hand searched between her own legs until she found him, lowering herself slowly and only slightly until the tip of his erection slid easily inside her. They both froze as if they knew they were at the beginning of something neither of them would ever forget and may never surpass – their eyes locked together, mouths slightly open as they panted gently in anticipation until Kelly could wait no longer and sank him as deeply inside her as she could, moaning loudly as she felt him beating and pulsing within her.
They moved slow
ly in effortless rhythm together, never breaking eye contact, allowing their souls to experience the same joining their bodies were sharing. While they were coupled, she owned him and he knew he owned her.
‘You think you’re in control, don’t you?’ she whispered into his ear. ‘That you control me like you control everything on this estate.’
‘No,’ he quietly spoke his reply as she rose and fell on him, moving ever faster, their eyes still never moving from each other’s. ‘No. You control me,’ he told her. ‘You control me completely.’
‘I know,’ she smiled slightly and closed her eyes, moving in harmony with him for a few more seconds until she fell forward, pressing herself down on him as deeply as possible, their lips once more sealed together while their hips twitched with pleasure as he released his seed inside her, making her reach simultaneous climax. They held each other in place, taking short, stunted breaths as their singing bodies slowly returned to something like normal until finally she could speak again.
‘Fuck,’ she told him, still holding him tightly. ‘It’s never felt like that before. Never.’
‘That’s how it’s supposed to feel,’ he replied. ‘It’s supposed to make you feel alive – more than alive. It purges the bad – leaves only the good. Takes away the fear and the pain.’
‘Fear?’ she asked. ‘I doubt you fear anything. It’s you everyone’s afraid of.’
‘Really?’ he asked, the effort of ecstasy leaving his muscles taut and twitching. ‘I doubt that.’
‘You shouldn’t,’ she assured him. ‘I hear what people think.’
‘Never mind them,’ he smiled and lifted her forward, releasing himself from inside her. ‘Fuck,’ he laughed slightly. ‘I need something to smoke,’ he told her. ‘Make us something to smoke.’
‘Why not?’ she agreed. Turning her back on him she walked across the room like a leopard moving silently through long grass. She stood casual and confident next to a small side table as she prepared the joint, twisting her head back towards him only slightly as she spoke, her long hair obscuring her face. ‘So,’ she asked him, ‘what was that? What just happened?’