18
1st October – Week 17 + 6 Days
This morning being Saturday I’d of course woken up early, it’s the unwritten law that Monday to Friday when you have to get up it’s near impossible to drag yourself out of bed, but on the weekend when you could lie in bed quite legitimately you wake up early of your own accord, and even if you’re still tired it’s impossible to get back to sleep. Or is that just me?
I’d just got back from my weekly run to Sainsbury’s and was going for the world record in how much shopping you could squeeze in the freezer, calling into use all the ‘jig-saw’ technique’s I’d learnt since leaving home, when the doorbell went. It’ll be James I thought. I hadn’t seen him since Wednesday and he’d said he might drop by this morning when he’d sent me a text message yesterday asking how I was.
I abandon the jig-saw Olympics mid jig, and opened my front door to be confronted by a huge pile of box’s, stacked high enough to hide the face of the person carrying them, all I could see were his legs.
‘Hi Marsha sent me up with this lot,’ a disembodied and somewhat breathless voice said from behind the pile of boxes that were threatening to topple over any minute. ‘She said you were expecting it.’
‘Yes come in.’ Of course this must be Mac.
‘Um if you could just . . ‘ he said as the pile leaned sideways even more precariously.
I grabbed the top two boxes just as they were about to fall and looked up into the eyes not of Mac but of Rob, the Rob, my Rob.
‘Thanks,’ he murmured automatically while staring at me as dumbfounded as I was.
‘Rob!’
‘Judy!’
The conversation might not have been riveting, but discovering Rob hiding behind a stack of baby stuff from the downstairs flat certainly was. We both continued to stare at each other while holding a pile of boxes each, both rooted to the spot in frozen silence.
Hold on, Marsha had said ‘I’ll volunteer Mac to bring it all up when he gets back’, and now here was Rob. My pregnant brain-cell-dying head couldn’t work it out for a second, then like a neon flashing sign it became all too clear, crystal clear. Rob was Mac. He was married to Marsha.
All this time I’d been feeling guilty about not telling him I was pregnant, and then seeing him in town with James I was worried he’d think I was a tart of the first order, and all the time the scum bag had a wife . . he was married . . . and had two children. And worse still he lived downstairs.
What a lying cheating bastard. I wonder if Marsha knew what he got up to when he went out with his mates. Was she the naïve little wife at home totally oblivious, or did she know and turn a blind eye, or were they both at it, you know an open marriage? Somehow I knew it had to be one of the first two options, and most probably the first one, that she hadn’t got a clue. I couldn’t see Marsha indulging in a bit of extracurricular herself, or knowingly even if unwillingly pretending she didn’t know what he was up to. No it had to be that she didn’t have any idea. And he worked away for days at a time, he was probably at it non-stop. Poor Marsha. Thank God I hadn’t . . I mean I’d never be able to look her in the face again.
All this had occurred to me at the speed of light while we stood just staring at each other, until eventually I said ‘you’d better put that lot down somewhere’.
‘Right.’ He said still not moving. ‘Um . . there’s more downstairs, the cot and several other . . what are you doing here Judy?’
‘I live here.’
‘Yes I can see that, but how . . I mean . .’
‘I work with Gill, the girl who used to live here . .’
‘Yes Gill, I know Gill she moved to . .’
‘Yes she moved, and I . . well when she told me . . I thought it sounded . . so I . . . and here I am.’ I garbled.
‘But . .’
‘Well obviously I didn’t know you’d . . or I’d never have . .’
‘No . . obviously.’
‘So where’s the Chippendale.’
‘The what?’
‘The buff guy I saw you with the other day.’
‘You mean James?’
‘Yeah him, if that’s his name.’
‘He’s . .’
But I didn’t get a chance to answer because the buff Chippendale came bounding up the stairs in person.
‘Hi Judy,’ he said all chirpy, then sensing the strained atmosphere said somewhat less chirpily ‘everything alright?’
‘Everything’s fine.’ I said stoically, feeling anything but fine. ‘Rob was just leaving.’
James did a bit of a double take as it suddenly dawned on him that this was the guy I’d seen in town that day and said I didn’t really know, but had gone a bit gaga over anyway, and now here he was in my flat.
‘So?’ James said meaningfully looking straight at Rob with undisguised dislike.
Of course this just emphasised the mistaken idea Rob had, that I was actually with James, you know as in we were together. He flung a sneer in James’s direction and said to me tersely ‘shall I bring the cot up now or would later be better?’
‘Oh . . um . . maybe . .’
‘Why don’t you just leave it out in the hall and I’ll bring it up, save you the bother.’ James growled with fake politeness.
‘Fine, I’ll do that then.’
Rob practically shoved the boxes he was still holding into James’s arms, turned on the spot and went back downstairs.
‘I thought you said you didn’t know him, just met him once?’ James challenged.
‘I did just meet him once, I don’t . .’
‘So what was he doing here?’ James said with undisguised jealousy.
‘He lives in the flat downstairs, and Marsha, I told you about Marsha didn’t I, said she’d give me all her old baby stuff and he was just . .’
‘He lives downstairs?’
‘Yes, he’s Marsha’s husband.’ I said to which James smiled.
‘Husband . . so he’s married. And she’s got kids, two of them, didn’t you say?’ James said smiling even more.
‘Can you just stop smiling. This isn’t at all funny.’
‘No you’re right, sorry.’
But James didn’t stop smiling. In fact he smirked away silently to himself for the next half an hour while he went up and down the stairs bringing up the cot and then the baby bath and the car seat, and then the rest of the baby toys. He piled it all up in the smaller bedroom, while I made tea for us both.
When he’d finished he came out to the kitchen and lounged comfortably against one of the cupboards as if he belonged there, and looking altogether too smug for my liking.
‘Would you like me to put the cot together?’ he said all testosterone’d up.
‘No.’
‘It’s no trouble.’
‘No it’s fine, just leave it.’
‘Are you annoyed with me about something?’
‘No.’
‘You seem annoyed.’
‘I’m not . . okay then I am.’
‘Why? I didn’t do anything.’
‘I suppose you think this moves you up a notch, the guy she liked is married so that makes me a better option, isn’t that what you’re thinking?’
‘No . . but it is sort of funny don’t you think?’
‘No I don’t think it’s funny at all. And whether he’s married or not, or even if he turns out to be Jack The Ripper, it doesn’t mean I like you any more than before.’ Huh, that wiped the smile off his face.
‘D’you want me to go?’
‘No you don’t have to go, but I did warn you I’m not looking for a relationship, we’re friends that’s all. In fact it was you who said . .’
‘Yeah I know.’ James said solemnly, but at least he’d stopped smirking.
‘Look if you want to change your mind it’s okay I understand.’ I said.
‘Do you think you might . . ever . .’
‘I don’t know, I don’t think so.’ I said trying my best to let him down gen
tly.
‘But you might?’
‘Maybe, but you shouldn’t hang around thinking it’s only a matter of time, because I really don’t think I’m ever going to feel any different.’
‘I’ll risk it.’
‘You really shouldn’t, I wouldn’t want you to think . .’
‘It’s up to me isn’t it, you’ve made it quite clear how you feel and if I choose to carry on trying, then that’s my business.’
‘Oh James, what am I going to do with you.’
‘Well I have one or two idea’s about that, care to hear them?’ James said suggestively and back to the smirking again.
I had to smile, I mean you had to give the bloke bonus points for persistence. But seriously what was I going to do? The guy I liked was a married lying arse, but I wasn’t interested in the one that liked me. How bloody typical, for me anyway.
19
11th October – week 19 + 2 Days
I’d reluctantly adjusted to the fact that Rob lived downstairs, I still wasn’t happy about it but there was nothing I could do. My treasured memory of our one night in Zee Zee’s that I’d stored away so carefully had morphed into something else, and was now consigned to the ever growing pile of losers, liars and scum bags that had come into my life. Nowadays top of the list was Matt the twonk of course, but Rob was a close second.
I avoided visiting Marsha for the rest of that weekend, but on the following Wednesday morning when I was getting ready for work I’d seen Rob load a largish sports bag in the back of his car and drive off so I assumed, correctly it later turned out, that he was working away again, and that evening when I got home from work I stopped off at Marsha’s on my way upstairs.
I needed to suss out if Marsha knew the sort of bloke she was married too. Surely she couldn’t be so naïve that she didn’t know, I mean all women know in their heart of hearts when their partner’s a bit of a player, even if they don’t admit it to anyone. Even if they don’t admit it to themselves. Somewhere deep inside they know, or at least suspect. Of course I couldn’t just ask her, but I liked her, she was already a friend, and a bit of me stupidly wanted to make sure she was alright. Daft really, I mean she’d probably been living with the situation for years, so even though it had all been a bit of a revelation to me, it was probably old news to her. Still though I needed to get confirmation of some sort from her as best I could that she was okay, without of course actually letting the cat out of the bag that I knew, and especially not how I knew.
‘Hi Judy, come on in.’ She said as soon as she’d opened the door wide enough to see it was me.
‘Is this a good time? I can come back later if it’s . .’
‘No it’s fine. The gruesome twosome have had their bath and are just having their last energy surge before crashing out for the night, at least I hope it’s their last.’
Harry and Flora were engrossed watching the telly, In The Midnight Garden was on and they were acting out all the parts. It all looked a bit weird to me as I’d barely even heard of it never mind seen it, and Marsha had to explain to me what exactly In The Midnight Garden was and how it was a ‘must see’ at bedtime for all pre-schoolers. Both wanted the prime spot immediately in front of the screen and were arguing over who should get it, with a lot of pushing and shoving going on while their mother was distracted by her visitor, me, at the front door. Marsha masterfully put two cushions on the floor side by side, then firmly placed two bottoms on them effectively calling a temporary ceasefire to all hostilities. I watched her expertise in awe.
‘Come through to the kitchen, we’ve probably got about ten minutes peace before world war three breaks out again,’ she said to me, and adding sternly ‘I’m watching you even though I’m in the kitchen’, to Harry and Flora.
En route to the kitchen amid the eclectic pile of bric-a-brac littering her usual bomb site living room, I spied a photo of her and Rob and another guy, probably a friend or relation, hanging on the wall along with several others. There was one of the children but a bit younger than they were now, another with the same guy again and the children, and Rob and the guy on their own. In all of them they were all smiling happily, but they would wouldn’t they, in a photo anyway, you’d hardly be likely to hang photo’s of family or friends looking ticked off or fed up. She noticed me looking and said ‘that’s Mac and my brother when we took the kids for a day out to Chessington zoo last summer. It was a good day at least until Flora threw up all over everyone on the way home’. Mm I thought as we continued to the kitchen, so he does spend some time with his family then.
‘So how have you been?’ She said flicking on the kettle, clearing the table, and piling dishes in the sink, all in one seemingly fluid action.
‘I’m okay, bit tired after work, you know.’
‘Yes don’t I just. I’m glad I’m not doing the nine to five anymore.’
‘Don’t you miss it, I mean going to work and everything, getting out, meeting people, and all that?’
‘No not at all. All that back biting and one up stuff, no I don’t miss that. Mind you there’s plenty of back biting and one up going on between other mums, you know who’s kid was potty trained first, and who’s was youngest to drink out of a cup, that sort of thing.’
‘Really?’
‘Oh yes, it can get very competitive.’ Marsha said handing me a mug of tea, and settling herself with her mug of coffee at the now cleared and wiped down table.
‘I had no idea.’ I said sitting down opposite her.
‘It’s all stupid if you ask me, what difference does it make really if little Jimmy, or whoever, starts drinking out of a proper cup at twenty six weeks or a hundred and twenty six weeks. Kids will do things when they’re ready and not a day before, no matter how hard you try to push them. It’s no wonder so many adults are so screwed up, they probably had really pushy mums who had them potty trained before they could walk . . . don’t get me started, once I get on to the subject of scary mothers there’s no stopping me and I could rant on for hours. So you all unpacked and everything?’
‘Yes all unpacked. Thanks for all that baby stuff, I really appreciate it.’
‘No trouble and like I said you’re doing me a favour. So you met Rob then?’
‘Yes. Does he work away a lot?’
‘Sometimes, depends a bit on what he’s offered and if he’s feeling up to a trip or not.’
She was so, I don’t know . . upbeat I suppose you could describe it, when she said this, that it was obvious to me she’d long since come to terms with his going away all the time, and maybe about all his affairs as well.
‘When’s he due back this time?’ I asked needing to know so I could be sure I wouldn’t run into him if I could possibly avoid it.
‘Not sure, depends on how the job goes, probably the weekend. So what’s the story with this guy who helped you move and carried all the baby stuff upstairs?’
‘James? He’s a friend that’s all.’
‘A friend? Rob got the idea he was a bit more than that, said he got a bit territorial the other day when he caught him upstairs.’
‘He’s just a friend, but . .’
‘But he’d like to be more?’
‘Yes, I keep telling him but . . I know he likes me and I suppose expecting a baby and everything I should be grateful that anyone’s interested, but I don’t . .’
‘You don’t fancy him.’
‘No, I like him and we get on, and I’ve even told him it’s never going to be anything more than just friends, but he won’t take no for an answer, he says he’ll take his chances.’
‘Yeah Rob said he seemed a bit intense. What about the father do you still see him?’
‘No, like I told you he was a one night mistake, a big mistake as it turned out. I don’t ever want to see him again.’ Which was ironic really as I was seeing his identical twin brother a couple of times a week, but of course I didn’t say that to Marsha.
‘Well maybe you’ll grow to like this James, maybe he�
��ll wear you down in the end.’
‘Maybe.’ I said but what I thought was ‘I don’t think so’.
The television programme finished and Marsha was right about world war three breaking out, it did. So I made a tactful retreat and went upstairs to my peaceful haven.
James came round on Thursday and we ended up watching a film, some bloke thing all macho men trying to outdo each other, I can’t even remember what it was called and fell asleep half way through, that’s how good it was. And on Sunday he took me out for lunch, he probably figured there was more chance I’d actually stay awake if he saw me in the day time, but he didn’t come back to mine after, said he had something on. But that was alright I had something of my own on anyway, like dozing off in front of the telly watching the re-run of X Factor, damn Martin and his bloody addiction to this banal programme, he’d got me watching it now.
That was a week ago and Rob stroke Mac hadn’t come back on the weekend, so maybe living upstairs wasn’t going to be as bad as I’d first thought if he was going to be away most of the time. It still burned me up that I’d been sucked in by his Mr Wonderful persona and that he was cheating on Marsha, but when all was said and done it was none of my business really, and as long as he stayed out of my way, well he could do what he wanted I suppose.
This morning I had another check up, God these monthly check up’s were coming round quickly. Everything was okay, still all normal, the nurse still as patronising as ever. Only one more week until my second scan and finding out if I was having twins. My fingers were almost permanently welded together in a crossed position, and the nearer it got to the scan date the more I worried.
It was exactly this that caused the accident, well sort of. I was fretting as usual and wasn’t concentrating properly as I got out of my car when I got home, so I didn’t see anyone else pulling up until it was almost too late. I tried to move out of the way but didn’t move quite fast enough or far enough, and the other car ended up running over my foot.
39 Weeks Page 13