by A. K. Evans
“We finally made the decision to go through with the intrauterine insemination, which means they’re going to put Jason’s sperm right in my uterus. All they’ll need to do then is fertilize an egg. I really hope one of his swimmers can get the job done since we’re taking all the work out of it for them!”
Poor Gwen. She was so frustrated. I knew she was handing me her usual brand of sarcasm, but deep down she was aggravated and upset.
“I’m sure it’s going to work out,” I tried to reassure her. “His sperm won’t have far to travel, so there’s no excuse now, right?”
She sighed. “You would think so, but the chances of success aren’t very high on the first try. It’s between ten and twenty percent. The doctor said that a lot of couples end up doing a few rounds before a pregnancy takes. At three thousand dollars a pop, I’m not sure how many rounds we can afford with such low odds.”
“Is there another option?”
“We could do IVF, but the costs are significantly higher. I haven’t researched all of the details of it yet because our doctor recommended that we start with the IUI and see what happens. Since Jason and I are still considered young, we have time.”
“So, you’ll have this done today. What happens next?” I asked.
She was quiet for a long time before she replied, “I experience the most agonizing two weeks of my life, praying that this works. In two weeks, I’ll go in for blood work to see if I’m pregnant.”
“Stay positive, Gwen. I’ll be sending you all the love I can from here. And if you need to vent, you know I’m here for that as well.”
“I know, babe. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. As such, I need to fulfill my best friend duties by hearing all about what’s happening with you? The last we actually spoke to each other on the phone you told me you met a guy. Since then I’ve only gotten texts from you and none of them have told me anything about this man.”
I felt my insides get warm at the thought of Pierce. It was now Friday, and it had been nearly three weeks since the Mother’s Day weekend when Pierce bought food from Tasha’s Café and ate with me at my place. I’d seen him nearly every single morning since then. And those days had not only been the best days since I’d moved here but also the best days of my entire life. There were a couple of days he couldn’t meet me in the mornings because a fire had occurred the night before and he needed to get to the scene to investigate. The fires hadn’t stopped, but there’d been a significant reduction in the number of fires being set. While that was good news, it didn’t mean business owners were feeling any less concerned. An arsonist was still out there and he could strike again at any time.
“Pierce is the most amazing man I’ve ever met,” I began. “Three weeks ago, after my long week fulfilling Mother’s Day flower orders, he bought me food and ate with me at my loft. We talked for a while, but I was so tired, I ended up falling asleep. I woke up the next morning in my bed, Gwen. He carried me to my bed and saw himself out.”
“Did anything happen between the two of you?”
“No. We’re just friends,” I insisted. “I told him I wasn’t ready for anything other than friendship, and he’s been a great one. When I told him that I wanted to start hiking again, he shared that his husky requires a workout every day. So, Pierce and Blaze have picked me up every morning since then. I’ve already lost five pounds.”
“Friends?” she shrieked. “Zara, babe, when I talked to you a few weeks ago you told me he was hot. If he’s hot, single, and into you, why aren’t you at least making it friends with benefits?”
I sighed. Truthfully, I had no idea. Pierce was the perfect guy. He was patient, kind, protective, hot, and every time he touched me, whether it was his hand on the small of my back if he was guiding me on our hike or his hand brushing against mine whenever he was close, I felt shivers run down my spine.
There was no doubt that there was an attraction between us, and the more I got to know Pierce, the more I liked him. During our hikes, I’d learned a lot about him. He told me a bit about his job, the work that he does, and some of the bigger cases he’d been involved in. He also went on and on about his nephew, Theo, and I found that incredibly heartwarming.
In addition to our hikes, Pierce met me once a week for lunch. We still hadn’t gone on an official date; though, it hardly seemed necessary when we were doing a great job of getting to know one another as it was. We had exchanged phone numbers, but we didn’t really talk often on the phone. Pierce only reached out if he needed to cancel on me because he had a case to investigate. Other than that, he’d typically shoot me a text in the morning just to let me know that he and Blaze were on their way to pick me up.
Through all of it, I couldn’t figure out why I hadn’t pushed for more. The level of my attraction to him was insane, but ever since I told him that I just wanted to get to know him as friends, he never really pushed for anything else. And now that Gwen was asking me about it, I hated that I had to admit it.
“I don’t think he’s interested in me like that anymore,” I guessed.
“Are you joking?”
“No. I’m completely serious. He hasn’t really done anything over the last few weeks to indicate that he wants anything more with me. Other than the times he calls me beautiful, which makes me feel all giddy inside, he hasn’t done anything to make me think he’s interested. He hasn’t even tried to kiss me. A few weeks ago, he told me he wanted to take me out on a date. Even though I’ve seen him nearly every day for the last few weeks, we haven’t actually had an official date. My guess is that he’s gotten to know me a bit and is content to be friends, but there’s probably something that no longer works for him. It’s cool, though. I’m cool with it. He’s a really great guy and I enjoy being around him.”
When I finished rambling, I quickly began wondering if I was trying to convince Gwen or myself that I was cool with Pierce no longer being interested.
“You are certifiably crazy,” she asserted. “You can’t honestly believe that some guy who calls you beautiful and picks you up nearly every morning to go hiking with you has no interest in you beyond that. What do you think he could have possibly learned about you over the last few weeks that has suddenly put him off?”
“I have no idea whatsoever considering I’ve done everything possible to hide all my crazy stuff,” I assured her. “Though, given that I’ve done that, I guess it only leads me to believe that it’s my physical appearance that’s not up to par. And trust me, Gwen, this guy is off-the-charts hot, so he has a right to be picky.”
Gwen burst out laughing. She did it for a long time before she managed to argue, “I love you, Zara, but you are absolutely ridiculous.”
“What?”
“You are one gorgeous woman, babe. The man is calling you beautiful for crying out loud! You’ve got some seriously twisted shit in your head. I’ve been telling you this for years now. I realize Brad is a douche, and one that’s grown to epic proportions as of late, but it’s precisely because he is one that you can’t take his infidelity as an indication of your worth.”
As wonderfully supportive and encouraging as my best friend was trying to be, something she said had me quickly changing topics.
“What’s happening with Brad?” I asked.
“What? Nothing. Why?” she replied, doing it quickly and indicating to me that she was hiding something.
“You said him being a douche has grown to epic proportions as of late. That means, something happened recently or is currently happening. You have to tell me what is going on,” I demanded.
Gwen let out an audible sigh before she huffed, “Word on the street is that Melanie tried to stick it out with him, but a couple months after she learned he was engaged to you while he was seeing her, she realized she couldn’t trust him. She ended up leaving him. Now, he’s asking about you. Apparently, Brad has suddenly had an epiphany and wants to make things right between you and him. He knows he screwed up, but he wants you back.”
My min
d was instantly bombarded by images of my ex-fiancé in the throes of passion with another woman. Oddly, and for the first time ever since it happened, I didn’t feel the pang of jealousy or anger. He did what he did, and it forced me to reevaluate a lot of things in my life. In doing that, I ended up in Windsor and was finding each day that went by was better than the last. Even still, I thought it was ludicrous that he thought I’d even consider giving him another shot.
“Where did you hear about this?” I asked.
Gwen sighed again. “It wasn’t exactly word on the street,” she cautioned. I braced for it. She gave it to me. “He was waiting for me in the parking lot one day after school. He knows how close we are and wanted me to tell him where he could find you. I knew he was a douche; I didn’t know he was also that stupid. Like I’d really tell him where you were.”
“He’s going to keep pushing,” I warned her.
“Don’t worry about it. I won’t ever tell him anything, Zara.”
I shook my head, feeling angry about what he was doing. “It’s not that, Gwen. You’ve got enough stress in your life right now, and you’re trying to have a baby. You do not need to be dealing with his nonsense, too.”
She chuckled. “You know me, though. I have no problem holding my own, and if he starts pushing it, I’ll lay it out for him.”
“I’m sorry you have to worry about this,” I lamented.
“It’s not your fault,” she tried reassuring me. “I’m fine, and I’m not worried about Brad.”
“Okay, but promise me you’ll let me know if he comes around again,” I demanded.
“I will.”
Gwen and I chatted a few more minutes before we let each other go. She needed to get to her appointment and I needed to get back to work. While I did, I thought about how much I missed my best friend. I hadn’t seen her since I moved. Going back to Pennsylvania hadn’t really been a thought in my mind, but there was no way, especially if she ended up pregnant, that she’d be able to come out to visit with me. It was then I realized that if I wanted to see her, I was going to need to figure out a way to make a trip back to the northeast happen. As much as I wanted to see her, I wasn’t sure I was prepared to go back and face everything else that came with it.
I didn’t know what I was going to do.
It was a few days after I’d talked with Gwen and admitted that Pierce no longer seemed interested in me. We were on a hike. It was hot. And Pierce was wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt.
This was when I realized just how much I had an appreciation for a man’s forearms.
Not just any forearms.
Ones that looked like Pierce’s.
They drew me in because one of them happened to be covered in ink. But my eyes couldn’t help but linger on them because they were everything that they were.
Forearms were a good indicator of a man’s strength. And looking at Pierce’s forearms now, I had no doubts just how strong he was.
While his overall strength might be impressive, it was the grip strength that I was most interested in.
Grip strength.
The ability to hold on when most people would have to let go.
Pierce’s forearms indicated he’d have no problem holding on.
Now that I was on this hike, sexually frustrated, and Pierce’s arms had a sheen of sweat on them, all I wanted was to have him show me just how powerful he was. Unfortunately, as I mentioned to Gwen, Pierce no longer seemed interested in me as anything more than just a friend.
I thoroughly enjoyed being around him and wouldn’t want to lose the friendship and kindness he’d shown me, but I didn’t know how much torture a woman could take.
And I knew it was my fault I was in this predicament. I’d told Pierce I needed to just get to know him better as friends. I truly appreciated his willingness to honor and respect that. It was just that I was now at a place where I was finding it more and more difficult to be around him without anything even remotely intimate happening between us.
“What I wouldn’t give to know what’s going on inside that head of yours,” Pierce declared.
“I’m sorry?”
Letting out a chuckle, he clarified, “I’ve been watching your face for the last ten minutes and it’s gone through a whole range of expressions. There weren’t many that I could read, either. I’m curious what you’re thinking about that’s causing you to look the way you do right now.”
There was no way I could tell him what I was really thinking about, so I had to act fast. Besides, I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I found the courage to tell Pierce I was thinking about his gorgeous forearms and he shot me down. I would be mortified.
Wanting to save myself the embarrassment, I blurted, “What was it like being a twin? Is it true what they say about you being able to sense what the other is feeling?”
“Maybe to some degree,” he began. “But for Alex and me, it’s not the way you might think it is.”
“What does that mean?”
“I mean, Alex was in labor for hours and I didn’t feel an ounce of pain. I’m certain she did,” he teased.
Smiling, I responded, “Right. So what is the degree you were referring to?”
“Alex and I have always been close. Honestly, she’s one of my best friends and I’d do anything for her. What I can feel is probably not much more than what any sibling would feel. Ever since we were little, I’ve always known when Alex was upset or needed someone to talk to. When we were younger, she had no problem coming to me and telling me about it. Once we hit high school, I know she was wishing I couldn’t sense when something was wrong.”
“Why is that?” I wondered.
“Because problems for a girl in high school tend to be related to issues with other high school girls, which I knew nothing about and could offer very little help with. Or the problems, more often than not, had to do with guys. Unfortunately, I was not willing to sit back and watch my sister cry over some asshole who didn’t deserve her, so I stepped in when necessary.”
My brows pulled together. “I don’t understand. That sounds like you were doing right by her. Why does it seem like you don’t think you did something good?”
“I have no doubts that I did the right thing for Alex; however, I’m not so sure she’d agree with that. It only took me making it known one time how I felt about my sister being upset for her to no longer have any guy problems. This was mostly because there were no longer any guys willing to deal with what I’d do if they tried to screw her around.”
“Wow,” I marveled. “I wish I had a twin brother like you.”
Pierce laughed. “I’m not convinced that’s a twin thing. To me, it’s just a brother looking out for his sister and wanting the absolute best for her. I’m pretty sure that’s just a sibling thing.”
Shaking my head, I assured him, “It’s not a sibling thing. Not always, anyway.”
“You have two brothers, right?” he asked.
“Yeah. One older, one younger.”
“Weren’t you close with them?”
“My older brother and I are close in age. That’s about it. There’s no real beef between us, but I wouldn’t consider us close. My younger brother and I used to be close. We aren’t anymore.”
There was no way Pierce wouldn’t be able to hear my melancholy tone.
“What happened?” He wondered.
I didn’t want to talk about this. I couldn’t. Not yet.
In an effort to avoid this discussion, I admitted, “You know, when you asked me what I was thinking about before, I never answered you. I was mesmerized by your arms. Will you tell me about your tattoos?”
I looked up at Pierce and found him eyeing me curiously. He knew I was purposely trying to change the subject. Thankfully, he let me get away with it and launched into a discussion about his tattoos.
It was then that I learned just how lucky Alex was. She’d had someone like Pierce around to always look out for her. She had a brother who would stand up for her when someone
tried to hurt her.
I thought I had that once.
Sadly, I was wrong.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could torture myself.
It had been just over two months since I first met Zara. It was now Wednesday, four and a half weeks since Zara and I ate sandwiches at her place the day before Mother’s Day, the day before we’d agreed to get up and hike with each other and Blaze every morning, and I was meeting Zara for our weekly lunch date. We didn’t always meet on Wednesdays. Her schedule at the flower shop was always the same, but mine could vary from one day to the next. So, we’d go with the flow and whenever it worked out, I made my way over to meet her.
When I first started this thing with her, I thought it would only be a matter of time before it progressed from the getting-to-know-you stage to a deeper friendship, to something romantic.
But it hadn’t.
I was stuck in the friend zone; though, I had to admit that I wasn’t actively trying to push things to the next level.
The truth was that I really liked Zara.
And through our talks, I found that while I was an open book, Zara was not. I understood her reason for being hesitant. I couldn’t have imagined being two months away from committing myself and my life to someone only to find out that person was being unfaithful. She needed time to heal from that and I wanted to give it to her.
I managed to do it.
But there was something else.
Something made evident to me a week and a half ago. I went to her place to meet her for our weekly lunch. When I did, she told me about the conversation she had with her best friend and how her ex was asking about her, wanting to know where she was so he could attempt to reconcile. When Zara first started telling me about it, I was worried she might be willing to entertain the idea. It didn’t take long for me to get rid of that thought.
“I thought I would have cooled off from my phone call with Gwen by now, but clearly, that’s not happening,” she ranted. “I mean, it wasn’t enough for him to make it so I completely uprooted my life and moved across the country, but now he’s barging in on my best friend’s life. She’s got her own things to worry about; she doesn’t need to be dealing with my stuff, too. He’s such an asshole; him cheating on me is probably the best thing that could have happened.”