“Violet lives in the Sylvester Building. She won’t have any place to go. I think we should invite her to live here. She could have the bedroom with the China roses. It’s a lovely big room, and there’s a bath right across the hall. After all, she’s been living in that tiny apartment, so it shouldn’t be too hard for her to settle in there.”
Sarah swallowed a grin. Just what she’d hoped for. She’d counted on her mother coming up with the idea all on her own. But she’d play devil’s advocate, just to make sure her mama was sure about this. “That’s very generous of you, Mama. But would you be comfortable with someone here all the time? You weren’t very happy with that caregiver. And I’m not sure you’re really all that happy having me here.”
“Having you here is fine. And Violet has been my best friend since kindergarten. I’ve thought about this all night, and I think it would be good. Unless you object. You should have a vote, too. It would make more work for you to have another person here.”
“I think it’s a great idea. And very generous of you. “I’ll talk to Rob today at work, if you like. I think he’s still working on some project there.”
Her mother gave her the patented stare that was as effective as a verbal scolding. “Violet’s an adult, dear. I thought I’d ask her myself. Or did you think she might need Rob’s permission?”
“Sorry, Mama,” Sarah murmured. “Of course she doesn’t.”
****
A few weeks later, Rob pulled up into the driveway with a rental truck and a wildly excited Violet.
Casey’s thunderous barks left no doubt that she was a watchdog. Sarah took her out to the big, shady dog run that now graced the back yard and rushed to shut Fred in her bedroom. “Mama? They’re here. Were you expecting Violet to bring furniture?”
Her mother frowned. “No.”
“Well, they brought a truck. Where are we going to put a truck full of furniture? It’s not going to fit in the Blush room.”
“I must say,” Hilda said, struggling to her feet, “that this is most unlike Violet.”
“Morning,” Rob said from the kitchen door. “Are we too early?”
“No, of course not. But we might have a problem.”
“Oh, Sarah, dear. Good morning. Isn’t this too exciting?” Violet burbled.
Rob stepped aside to let her in the room.
“Good morning, Hilda. How are you today? Isn’t this like moving into the dorm at school? It will be just like old times.” Violet sank into the chair Sarah held for her and accepted the proffered cup of tea. “Now, if you’ll just show Rob where my things go, Sarah dear, I’ll be all settled in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
“Of course, but I don’t know where all the furniture is going, Violet. Your room already has about all it can hold.”
“Oh, I’m not bringing furniture. Your mother and I talked about that, didn’t we?” She nodded at Hilda. “Rob is going to take my furniture on to a storage place, a very good one, with insulation and everything. So I just have a few boxes of things in the truck. Just as we agreed, Hilda.” Violet jittered to a stop and smiled at everyone.
Sarah smiled back and tried not to look embarrassed. Of course Violet would never have done anything so thoughtless.
****
Rob pulled the U-Haul truck to a stop in front of locker B87 of StoreMore, Crowley Falls’ only storage rental. His mum was right. If things didn’t work out at the Gault’s, she’d want her furniture for whatever new apartment she found. He couldn’t help but wonder, though, if he wasn’t going to end up paying for this space for as long as she lived.
His mind shied away from that thought. Ditzy as she was, she was his mum and he couldn’t imagine a world without her in it. Even when he’d been doing unbelievable things in unpronounceable places that scarcely showed on most maps, she’d been a warm place in his mind, a place that said home.
He swung down from the truck and got to work, packing the furniture carefully so nothing would get ruined and knowing full well that if his mum wanted a piece it would be sure to be the one at the very back of the storage unit. And under everything else, to boot.
That was his mum, all right. He could count on it. And wouldn’t have it any other way, to be honest.
Furniture properly settled, he got in the truck and started down the driveway. Susanville was a good hour away, and he needed to return the truck before he racked up overtime charges.
Too bad Mel hadn’t been around. It would have been a lot easier to borrow the Dockside Tavern van for the move. Of course, Hilda probably would have had a cow, proper lady that she was, if she’d seen the van with its topless dancer blazoned in living color on both sides.
He drove out of the storage facility and waited to be sure the gate closed properly. Before he could pull out into traffic, a car swooped into the driveway and stopped in front of him.
Mercedes. Driven by a little old lady. Correction, substantial old lady. Miranda Hogbinder. He resisted the urge to crawl under the seat and climbed out of the truck. “Morning, Mrs. Hogbinder. Haven’t seen you driving yourself in a long time. Hope James isn’t sick.”
“No, no. I like to drive myself. I only use him on Sundays to go to church.”
Where the most people could see her arrive in chauffeur-driven glory. “What can I do for you this morning?”
“You can tell me what in the world you’re doing here, Robert. Is your mother moving in with you? I do declare this whole business of tearing down the Sylvester building is such a bother.”
Sure, it was a bother, but also the most exciting thing that had happened to her in years, the old gossip. “Yes, it surely is,” he agreed. “But Mum isn’t moving in with me. She’s moved in with Mrs. Gault and Sarah.”
Miranda’s jaw dropped and her face flushed. “In with Hilda?” she said in a strangled voice.
He pretended not to notice. “Yep. Seemed like a really good solution for both of them.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to take them back. He wasn’t about to discuss Hilda’s health or the Gault finances with this old harridan.
Thankfully, she didn’t seem inclined to chat any longer. “Yes, a splendid idea,” she said. “I won’t keep you, Robert. Ta-ta now.” She minced back to the Mercedes and left.
Weird. Well, none of his business. He got back in the truck and headed for Susanville. Having Mum live at Hilda’s was a mixed blessing. On the one hand, he’d have a built-in excuse to spend a lot of time with Sarah. His high school crush had resurfaced with a vengeance when he’d gone to her house to put up the safety bars, and had only gotten worse since. Something about Sarah shot him straight back to school-days awkwardness. He’d never been a sailor with a girl in every port, but he’d never been exactly clumsy with women either.
He wouldn’t mind being not clumsy with Sarah, but damn, he just couldn’t figure out how to go about it.
She didn’t seem to be interested. Except for the occasional glimpse he’d seen in her eyes. Almost as though she were attracted in spite of herself. Was it him or was she massively disinterested in all men?
He hoped not. In addition to that juvenile crush, she was first woman in a long time he genuinely enjoyed being with, just to talk, and he had every intention of following up on that and seeing where it led.
****
“So,” Beth said at lunch. “Violet’s been living with you for a month now and I don’t see any big changes. I guess you’re a little bit less worried, but I was hoping you’d have more time...” She shrugged. “How’s it working out? I mean, really, not just the ‘oh, everything’s wonderful’ bit.”
Sarah laughed. “Pretty well. My mother loves it. And the money is a big help. Especially now. My car died. I walk to work a lot of the time, so I didn’t even notice until last night after work. Thank goodness Rob was there to drive me to the grocery.”
“Bummer about the car.” Beth unwrapped her sandwich. “Not bummer about having Rob on hand to help.”
“Oh, Beth, will y
ou stop? Rob is very helpful because he’s a genuinely nice person and his mother lives there. That’s it. I can’t keep leaning on him to take me places, and I’m not getting involved.”
“I’ll bet he could take you places you’ve never been.”
“Beth,” Sarah warned. “Don’t go there.”
“Can’t you use your mother’s car?”
“Sure. In fact, I guess I’ll have to use it until I can figure out how to pay for getting the VW fixed.”
“Why bother?” Beth mumbled through ham and cheese. “Just use the Caddy. God, it’s so Retro. I love it.”
“I don’t love paying for the gas. It gets about six miles per gallon.”
Clearly uninterested in the price of gas, Beth reverted to a more interesting subject. “Is Rob at the house every day? Talk about fringe benefits.”
“Honestly, Beth. You’d think you were still in junior high. I don’t know if he’s at the house every day or not. I’m here, remember?”
“I just think you ought to take advantage of your opportunities, that’s all. And opportunity’s aknockin’ on your door, girl. You might even get a husband out of the deal. You should try one of those.”
Apparently Beth hadn’t heard the gossip about Sarah’s long-ago marriage. The juicy stories that had been passed around covered every possible scenario. Except the one that was true. “Getting married isn’t exactly a big dream of mine. I gave up wanting to get married a long time ago. I like being single.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
Sarah still hoped that the details of that awful time would never make it from Kansas City to California. She surely wasn’t going to tell anyone after all this time. “No one to answer to. No one to leave the seat up. No one to object if I have cold pizza for breakfast or cereal for dinner.”
“No one to talk to when you come home.”
“Casey. Fred,” Sarah reminded her. “And there’s no one to object if I stay up all night.”
“Right. Like Ms. Eight-Hours-A-Night-Every-Night-Or-Else is gonna stay up all night.”
Sarah ignored that. “No one to object to a cat on the bed. No one to argue if I want ten cats.”
“Okay, okay. You don’t have to marry him. There’s always just sex. You’ve heard of sex?”
“Rob is very nice.” As well as good looking. And hot. Very hot. Hot enough to cause a few dreams that she’d never tell anyone about. Not to mention that his quiet strength was more appealing than was good for her common sense. “But back off. I’ve got enough on my plate with the moms right now.”
“The moms. That’s cute. Sounds like bonding to me, but that’s just the trouble. You’re so wrapped up in their lives that you’re not living your own.” Beth looked shocked at what she’d said, but she didn’t back off. She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to say that. But you’re a grownup. You’re not supposed to live with your parents. It’s like you’re still attached to the umbilical cord. It’s not healthy. You need your own life.”
Anger and frustration blazed through Sarah, loosening her tongue. “There is such a thing as responsibility, Beth. Also love. You might stop and consider that the current norm in our country isn’t ‘the way it’s supposed to be’ at all. We’re supposed to live with our families and take care of each other. I think you’re letting your problems with your mother blind you, and you might just be very sorry one day.”
Red-faced but defiant, Beth squared her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I shouldn’t have said all that. But it’s true. I thought after Violet moved in you’d have some time for your own life. You need to take time for yourself. You need to have some fun.”
It wasn’t true. She had plenty of time for herself. Beth was just too damned young to understand what it was like to have an aging parent whom she loved. Sarah’s anger dissolved in the face of the obvious concern that she could sense under her friend’s selfish pushing. “I’m sorry I yelled. I do have fun.”
“Playing rummy with two elderly ladies? Give me a break.”
“Also walking Casey.”
“A real laugh riot, I’m sure.”
“And I’ve got my stained-glass stuff set up out in the old workshop. I’m repairing the original leaded windows for the whole downstairs. You didn’t think stained glass was a bad thing for me to do when I made those windows for you.”
“True,” Beth admitted. “I love them. But you need to have fun with people.”
Like Beth. Sarah really had been neglecting that friendship, but she just couldn’t be all things to all people. She stood and scooped the trash from her lunch together. “I’m with people all the time. What I need is peace and quiet.” Especially from you right now.
“Don’t be mad, Sarah. You know I wouldn’t hassle you about this if I didn’t care about you.” Beth got to her feet.
All the irritation vanished, and Sarah hugged her. “I know you do. And I’m not mad. Not really. But it’s time to get back to work.”
“Okay. But I’m not giving up.” Beth stood back and gave Sarah a measuring stare.
One that made her very nervous.
****
Two weeks later, Sarah sat in the lunchroom waiting for Beth and still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Beth didn’t make idle threats, and there was no telling what she might do. She’d be constrained only by money, not good sense.
“Hey, Sarah.” Beth jogged into the room and plunked into a chair. “I thought I’d never get off the phone. So, what did you do for fun last night?”
Oh, great. The “what do you do for fun? When do you do something for you?” conversation she’d hoped Beth had forgotten had come back to bite her. “I thought we settled this,” Sarah began.
“You couldn’t even tell me what fun is. I think you’ve forgotten how to spell the word. You need help, and honey, I’m gonna give it to you.”
“I don’t want help.”
“When was the last time you just kicked up your heels?”
She couldn’t remember.
“It was when you still lived in your own house, wasn’t it? It’s been almost a year since your mother’s surgery and, as you pointed out, she’s not getting any younger.” Beth frowned, suddenly serious. “Sarah, you think you have to spend every minute with her because of that, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll burn out and not be able to do anything. And that won’t be good for you or your mother. Or Violet. You have to listen to me.”
“But she needs me. They need me. I can’t just go flipping off whenever I want to.”
“No, but you can go once in a while. You have to. Look, Sarah, I know I’ve been sort of jealous of the time you spend with your mother instead of me, but honest, this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I’m really worried.”
Sudden tears clogged Sarah’s throat, further proof of how tired she was. “Oh, Beth.”
“You have to listen to me. Because they do need you. If you don’t believe me, I can show you dozens of articles about care-giver burnout. And if you think about it, you’ll know I’m right.”
Maybe. Maybe she was just worn to the bone, but she could barely remember when she had her own life, when her mother didn’t own every non-working minute. Not that she minded helping her mother. Of course she didn’t, but...
A rush of something that wasn’t anger or resentment, but wasn’t far off, some mix of all the feelings she’d suppressed for the last almost-year, swept through her. She minded. She was selfish, a bad daughter, a terrible person, but she wanted a life. Her own life. And in time, she’d get it, and it would be everything she’d ever feared the most. And she’d deserve it for thinking about herself instead of her mother.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it,” Beth ordered. “Doing stuff to take care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re selfish or a bad person.”
Sarah jumped. God, had she said any of that out loud?
“No, you didn’t say that. But I know how your mind works. So are you going to cooperate or do I have to use force?
”
****
Hilda and Violet were still upstairs when the doorbell rang. Sarah opened the door to the Reverend Mr. Dobbs. “Come in. Mama and Violet will be ready in just a minute.”
“Thank you, Sarah.” Mr. Dobbs stepped inside. “We’re delighted that they are joining us this evening.”
“It’s nice of you to volunteer to pick them up. Mother doesn’t drive any more, and Violet doesn’t like to drive at night.”
Mr. Dobbs smiled. “I wouldn’t tell Hilda this for the world, but I think the time had come for her to stop driving. I was quite worried about her.”
“So was I,” Sarah admitted.
“Normally people don’t take well to that particular rite of passage, as I’m sure you realize. It’s one of the reasons I’m hoping to raise money for a shuttle van for the church. It might make things a little easier for some of the older parishioners if they knew they could always get a ride to church functions.”
The sound of the elevator on its way downstairs put an end to the conversation. Mr. Dobbs helped Violet and Hilda on with their coats. Sarah stood in the doorway to wave goodbye. “Have a good time, Mama, Violet,” she called, and turned back to the blissfully empty house.
After she closed the door, she stood for a moment listening to the silence. A whole evening to herself. She could do anything she wanted. Or check the doctors’ bills and Medicare statements. Sort laundry to be sure none of her mother’s handwash items got into the machine. Iron her mother’s blouses. Make a new grocery list so she wouldn’t forget her mother’s favorite cereal or Violet’s English muffins.
Or maybe Beth was right. Maybe she should take Casey for an extra-long walk. Or go to the movies. Except that movies cost money, and after the rain this morning it was very clear that they needed a new roof. She sighed. That would take care of the last of her savings, and leave her without the start-up money for Gault Accounting Services.
And didn’t that all sound pathetic? Worrying about a hypothetical business instead of her mother’s well-being. Face it, Beth had a point. She was leading a pretty narrow life these days.
The doorbell rang and she jumped. Someone must have forgotten something. But when she opened it, it was Beth. “Was I expecting you?”
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