Brobots

  ‘It’s not… it wasn’t…’

  ‘You got it?’ Byron raised his voice a little again.

  ‘Got it.’

  Byron returned to the bedroom. Jared was in bed looking like he was sleeping. Byron got into the sheets, and found logical places for his arms and legs around Jared’s warm naked body. Jared was shaking a little.

  ‘You alright?’ Byron kissed his forehead.

  ‘It was just a little weird.’

  ‘Taken care of. I love you Jared.’

  ‘I love you too; so much’. Byron kissed him again, and held him as his man fell quickly into a deep sleep.

  --

  Jared was a very helpful contribution to the next morning’s group meet about experiences and emotions. In truth, the brothers hadn’t really had this meet every day. In recent days they’d let it lapse, and Evan’s arrival had indeed made some of them feel awkward about opening up or repeating things they’d already admitted to the crew before.

  But now they had a human here; someone they could sound off to. All of them had questions. Some of them mundane (‘what does love feel like?’), some of them awkward (‘what’s it like having sex?’), some outlandish (‘do you ever want to be a robot too? Like, don’t you think it’s cooler?’), and some of them sweet (‘what makes you happy?’). It was sweet; and with Susan gone Jared had little choice but to oblige them with replies. At first it was everything he’d been hoping to experience in the days missing Byron or sitting in jail. But after an hour it was tiring, and after two it was exhausting.

  Having made himself some lunch in the kitchen Susan had stocked for him he speculated about some afternoon time with Byron, but those plans were scuppered – on day two of all things – because Byron had agreed to start working on the crowd’s farming plans with Tasley and a few of the others. He’d have to start getting used to sharing Byron with his friends; especially Tasley. He hadn’t realized just how close they were until seeing them together. They were like a gay couple without the gay parts. On second thoughts, no. Some of the gay parts were even there. Hand-holding appeared to be a regular feature; and nothing the other bro’s seemed to do with each other – so it wasn’t a Brobotic thing. How was he going to break it to Byron that it wasn’t socially acceptable? But then, would he have to? Plenty of guys held hands in affection at the Palm Tree club. Just, not out on the street or in public. Would there be a day when Brobot culture would have its own norms? Would it challenge humans to think differently about theirs? Why were humans so cold with each other? Well, western humans at least? Jared didn’t know but his mind wondered off to other cultures: men walking streets in India holding hands.

  It was an interesting place, the farm. Old, neglected, characterful. If Byron was going to be busy Jared decided it might be nice to get out on his own – survey the land whilst really looking at it rather than touring whilst concentrating on his man. With that decided, he filled a flask with water and packed it in the backpack he’d brought with him. He scribbled a note and left it on the kitchen worktop, not wanting to disturb the meeting just underway. He needed all the Byron he could get, but he didn’t want to be in anyone’s face.

  Retracing yesterday’s steps with Byron around one of the field perimeters, he reached an intersection where one field corner joined another. In the corner of the other was an outbuilding far too intriguing to leave uninspected. He went on over to take a look.

  The structure was all wood. It looked like it dated from the mid twentieth century. Very old. Nothing got made like this any more. It was so far from Scrinton’s latest constructs. Two wide and high doors rested on sleepy hinges. He pushed one of them. As it gave to his touch, it creaked open a little. Pushing more, he stepped inside.

  With eyes adjusting, he made out different shapes. Most of them were hiding under sackcloth coverings. A tractor. A plough. A few other large machines he couldn’t quite work out with the covers on (and probably even with them off, too). The roof was out of repair. Gaps in the sheeting let the early afternoon sunlight through as strong rays showing up particles of dust in the still musty air. A pigeon had been disturbed, and was now fluttering – trying to leave by one of the roof gaps. He walked in further. This must be the gear that Susan was referring to yesterday. The brothers would have fine days ahead of them starting to work all this stuff out.

  Under the light of one of the sunbeams, Jared found a table filled with old tools: Hammers, planes, screw drivers. Some things were electrical, but appeared to have plugs fitted to them in a style he didn’t even recognize but was sure that Alma would. Others were even older than that. Absorbing the magic of a neglected and fascinating museum of the agricultural past, a still and happy calm filled Jared’s bodymind.

  The light changed behind him. Jared looked round. A large shadow stood in the doorway and then came in. With the light against his figure, Jared couldn’t make out who it was. Was it Byron? No. Something told him it wasn’t. Similar build. Shorter perhaps.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Hey!’

  ‘Who is it? I can’t see.’

  ‘It’s Chuck.’

  ‘Chuck? Hey, buddy.’ Strange. ‘You follow me here? Or just come?’

  ‘I just came here. Funny coincidence, hey?’

  Jared was sure that was a lie. ‘Yeah! How about that? Neat place, huh?’

  Chuck came into view, standing in the middle of the barn and looking around. Jared could now see him fully – his expression, the things he was wearing today. Jared had to admit to himself that most of the brothers were kind of cute (for anyone who liked their men big and strong). Chuck was dressed in loose cotton cargo pants, faded shiny black steel cap boots and a light checkered top. (These guys really did pass around their clothing to each other. Anyone would think it was some kind of fashion parade. Maybe it was the novelty of being able to wear something other than highvis and a hard hat every day. Jared was sure he’d seen this outfit on Evan yesterday.)

  Chuck had a calm way of walking and moving. Not calculated or robotic-looking, just purposeful and considered. Most of them were like that. Jared realized that despite last night’s strangeness in the hallway, he was beginning to share Byron’s closeness to some of them – if not all. He felt tenderness for them, but hadn’t worked out yet whether that was because he was some kind of robot loving weirdo or just because they reminded him of Byron. Byron was certainly special. ‘Real neat!’ Chuck walked slowly towards Jared and the table of old things. ‘What’cha found there?’

  ‘Oh!’ Jared turned to the tools. ‘Things and stuff. Mostly old tools. Look at this!’ Jared held up a screwdriver in the light. ‘Never seen one like this in years! All manual and everything!’

  Chuck wondered over, loosening up. He inspected the driver held in Jared’s hand in the sunbeam. Using a soft tone and speaking slow he said, ‘it’s a real fine thing, no doubt about it.’ Some of the sunlight played on Chuck’s cropped and straw-colored hair. Jared smiled at him until he looked back with pale blue eyes and did the same.

  ‘Oh! You got a fancy wristband! Can I see it?’

  ‘Sure!’ Jared put the driver back on the table and turned back, unclipping the band. He handed it to Chuck through the sunlight shining down between them.

  Chuck took the object and started rotating it around in his hands.

  ‘How do you turn it on?’

  ‘Uhh. Best not to. Susan had me turn it off as part of my undercover plan to get here. Once it’s on, someone could use it to locate me and that’d be super bad.’

  ‘Yeah. We all heard about the brave things that you’ve done.’ Chuck handed the strap back to Jared and walked over to the table.

  ‘Byron filled you in, huh?’ Jared joined him so that they were standing together perusing the different antiquated tools.

  ‘Yeah – how you saved him. You’re our hero, in a way.’

  Jared blushed a little. ‘Not really a hero. I mean, I didn’t even really know what I was doing when I found him in the site trash.�
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  ‘And then also about how you helped your friend research and get the story out about Brobotics getting short changed.’

  ‘Construcsapli, really.’

  ‘Yeah. And then all about doing stuff for Susan and hacking into military stuff so people would find out about all that and get angry about it and why that was good.’

  ‘Hmm. I thought Susan would have briefed you all herself, no?’

  ‘No. She let Byron. What in the hell is that?’ Chuck lifted up a tool, turning it round and frowning at it.

  ‘Oh!’ Jared chuckled. ‘Manual drill? Look.’ He put his hands on top of Chuck’s and moved them to show Chuck which way round to hold it. Then he tugged Chuck’s right hand to place it on the wooden turn handle. ‘You turn it. Like that, see?’

  ‘Would you look at that!’

  ‘We had to have all sorts of manual tools before we had electricity.’

  ‘Yeah. We learned a few weeks ago that electricity isn’t very old.’

  Jared smiled to himself. Naivety was so charming. ‘Electricity is as old as the universe, bud. Just that we didn’t know how to use it. Although, actually, we don’t know really when it was that we started to use it. It may have been a long time ago. Look up the ‘babylon battery’ some time. That’ll get you fascinated.’ From there his mind wondered to other favorite topics. The Antikythera mechanism, Gobekli Tepe, metal cogs found in the centre of lumps of coal, and the question of how much human history was lost during glacials.

  He took his hands away and moved out of Chuck’s personal space. Mixed feelings hit him then. He was a little aroused by his interaction with Chuck and feeling a pang of guilt about it. But then he was aware again that it was probably just that natural affection he was having for Byron’s friends, his kind – his family. In any other setting Chuck might be something like Jared’s brother-in-law. It made sense for Jared to get to know him. But then there was yesterday. Perhaps he shouldn’t have gotten so close. Is it better to talk about it? Get it out?

  ‘So how you getting on, Chuck? You enjoying it here on the farm?’

  ‘I love it!’ Chuck flashed Jared a cheeky grin.

  Jared turned, half sitting on the dusty table and folding his arms. ‘You know… there was some speculation yesterday about why you needed a talking session with Dr Harper?’

  ‘It’s private, Jared. It’s always private if we want to talk to her.’

  ‘I know.’ Jared raised a hand to gesture ‘okay’. ‘I don’t mean to pry. Tasley thinks it’s cause you’re “bro fit”. His name for “gay”.’

  Chuck huffed. ‘Figures.’

  ‘You freaked me out a bit last night.’

  ‘Yeah… I didn’t mean… Sorry.’

  ‘Apology accepted. But… do you know why you jumped me?’

  Chuck turned to him. Again with a slow, low gruff he explained, ‘Cause you’re so darn sexy is why.’

  There Jared was, blushing again. He really needed to stop blushing so much.

  ‘Thank you for the complement. But… I don’t tend to jump on men just because I think they’re fit. It’s not… acceptable behavior for any kind of person. Human or otherwise.’

  ‘I just find it hard.’ Chuck hung his head low. ‘We’ve been having all these sessions about getting used to life in the outside world and making sense of feelings and stuff? There’s this weird thing for all of us where we just didn’t have time or space to understand ourselves before.’

  ‘Like a taboo. You weren’t meant to feel, so you hid your feelings away. Which also meant you didn’t understand them. Hence the “wake up”.’

  ‘Right. I guess. And… now it’s not taboo for us to be people and feel things I’ve kind of only just figured it out? The liking men part? I was gonna talk to Byron about it, but then Evan arrived with us and Byron was just not really talking to people much. It was like I was surrounded by all the guys talking about their shit and I had a bunch of special shit nobody else had – and the one person who did have it didn’t want to talk.’

  Jared’s heart melted a bit. ‘I’m sure you could talk to him now that I’m here. Or you can talk to me.’

  Chuck softly jerked his head up to one side looking away, gesturing ‘well, okay then. Since you’ve said it’.

  ‘All the bro’s have been talking over and over about how hard it is to look like human and feel like human but to just be seen as a tool? And how we might just all get destroyed if we get found here. Or anywhere. And like how Susan’s lobbying group is trying to get us some rights. And I’m just sat there thinking, yeah! Turns out I got that to deal with plus a whole bunch of other stuff too. From the movies and the Internet stuff we’ve been learning about it looks to me like some people would happily shoot a man down just for liking men.’

  Jared raised his eyebrows in thought. Still true. Even today.

  ‘Byron was okay, Jared. When he went through this he had you to help him. I just got all this stuff going on in my head that I don’t know what to do with right now.’

  To his own surprise, Jared’s eyes were welling a little in sympathy. ‘It’s gonna be okay, Chuck. We’re here for you. And we’re all doing all we can.’

  Chuck just looked down at the floor so Jared stood to face him. ‘You want a hug?’

  Chuck looked at him with his pale blues and nodded. Jared gently moved in, placing his arms around Chuck’s back and saying ‘c’mere’. He was slightly shorter than himself and Byron, Jared realized. He could rest his cheek on Chuck’s head just above the ear. Chuck started to heave; a sob with no tears. Jared held on tighter. ‘S..ss…sorry.’

  ‘Hey, hey. It’s okay.’ Jared kissed his head and rocked him a little.

  ‘I… just… think… there must… be something wrong with me.’

  Jared just listened, rocked and held.

  ‘I don’t… know how… to cope with all this at once. I …think…I might be…malf…malfunctioning.’ Chuck raised his arms to put them round Jared’s back and hold on for dear life.

  ‘This part I get. I do. I’ve been here myself.’

  ‘Yeah but not… not with all the bro stuff too.’

  Jared looked up at the barn rafters. He’s right. How do you resolve that plus extra-special existential angst and the issue of no rights?

  Jared was not far off making a vow to himself right there and then to do all he could to help Chuck as someone in his family. It was a very strong male urge to protect his own. He would fight for him; help him through this both now, whilst here for the week, and in future too.

  Something taboo happened then; something all men get, but nobody speaks about. But it does have a name. “Senex” – a man who has wrestled with his inner demons and redirected his drives to protection. It can also mean “devouring father”, but in positive form and as a taboo it has no better name. “Misattribution of arousal” is hardly helpful.

  When men feel affection and warmth towards another – someone they are close to; usually in their family – that natural love carries threads of sexuality in its weave; sometimes a gentle arousal. It can make men ashamed or confused: “Why feel arousal when I just wanted to be loving or have sympathy?” It is, however, just something the body does when the emotion increases the heart rate or the breath quickens.

  Mixed with this “arousal of love”, Jared had added complications. He was a gay man standing in a barn like it was the set of some kind of cliché brokeback parody with an attractive male Sentient holding on to him for dear life. Jared’s “normal” was inevitably going to include that senex turning into actual sexual desire for real. But of course, that would carry with it extra feelings of guilt and confusion.

  I can’t be feeling hot for Chuck. Not right now. This isn’t happening. I just want to be there for him. Oh god. Is he feeling that? He must be feeling that by now. Fuck. What do I do? Maybe I should pull away. Nope. He’s still crying. Awkward. I do wish my dick would behave. What if he’s really malfunctioning? What do I do then?

  Chuck, of
course, was a complete novice to emotion - crying for help and holding on to Jared in one of the first ever loving embraces with a man he’d experienced in his short life. Sensing Jared’s arousal press into his belly button, his outpouring of emotion – the need to be true to himself, the need to understand himself – interwove with desire. Ever so slightly, he pressed in to Jared so that his dick was up against Jared’s balls. He moved one hand further down Jared’s back. It felt amazing, wrong, inevitable.

  When Jared didn’t resist, Chuck moved his hand down further, cupping Jared’s butt. He moved his head to face Jared; their mouths aligned. They kissed. I’ve never tasted anything so sweet. This man is amazing. I need him. I want him.

  Jared kissed back with tears in his eyes. It was coming from animal instincts; not even fully fledged as an idea in his conscious mind. Coming back to the present moment, Jared’s eyes went wide and he pulled his head away.

  ‘Okay stop.’

  Chuck continued to kiss, and nuzzled Jared’s chin with his nose.

  ‘We have to stop hugging now, Chuck. Okay?’ No response. ‘Okay, Chuck?’ ‘Chuck! I’m here for you buddy, but I’m feeling uncomfortable now. Please let go.’

  Jared inhabited this latter demand, making sure Chuck knew he meant his words. But Chuck didn’t budge. He cupped, stroked, held, kissed. Then his desire overwhelmed him; became his primary code. He stepped forward, pushing Jared back towards the table. Fleetingly, Jared considered grabbing a metal tool for later use in self-defense, but then thought better of it. Sympathy for Chuck’s bewildering predicament in life had something to do with it.

  Chuck wasn’t listening to Jared’s protests that had now become shouts. Neither was he relenting to Jared’s squirming or pushing. This wasn’t love. It wasn’t compassion. It wasn’t senex. It wasn’t anything healthy. If Chuck knew that, which he probably didn’t, he didn’t care by now. Self-centered, dangerous lust had consumed him. He shoved Jared down to the bare packed earth floor; face down. Then he set himself down on top, pinning Jared’s limbs with his own stronger ones.