Morgan awoke with a start at six-thirty. "Damn it!" She grabbed her clothes and walked down to the barn to feed.
Jeffrey was just coming out of the barn as she was walking in.
"I fed them, Ms. Davis. They were making an awful ruckus, and I figured something must have come up."
Morgan shook his hand. “Thank you, Jeff. Something did come up and we didn’t get to bed until early this morning. I overslept, and Jesse's been sick."
"Rico and I can take care of everything down here if you need to go back up. It's not a problem."
Morgan nodded and turned toward the house. “Thanks again."
She walked back and climbed into bed and had no problem falling instantly asleep. Neither she nor Ryland awoke until eleven-thirty.
Ryland got up to check on Jesse, wondering why the aroma of fresh rolls was wafting through the house. When she opened the door to the guest room, she found Mary sitting in a wing chair reading and Jesse sleeping quietly.
Mary closed the book and the two of them stepped out into the hall. "I went to the kennels since we were supposed to work the hounds this morning. Jeffrey told me you guys had a rough night, that Jesse'd been sick. I came up to see if I could do anything." She started for the kitchen. “I've got some coffee on and some rolls in the oven."
Morgan came into the kitchen a few minutes later, looking for an intravenous drip for her morning coffee. “Jesse looks quieter this morning. Something smells wonderful."
Mary pushed the button to turn on the light in the oven and checked the rolls. “I threw together some croissants in case anyone was hungry." She studied the rolls a minute, then turned off the oven light. "Jesse was fevered and restless a few hours ago, but she settled down about eleven."
Ryland glanced at Morgan. “Did she say anything?"
Mary picked up her coffee and brought her eyes up to meet Ryland's. “Nothing that'll ever leave this house."
Ryland let her relief show. “Thank you." She trusted Mary implicitly, knowing whatever Jesse said would be safe. "I feel like I could eat breakfast, then go back and sleep for a month. In fact, I just might do that."
Morgan rubbed her head, messing up her hair and then smoothing it down again. “I'm with you on that."
"Why don't you two go ahead? I'll stay with Jesse. My day's totally unplanned anyway."
They enjoyed the hot buttered rolls as soon as they came out of the oven, visited a while, then excused themselves to go back to bed. Mary grabbed her book, settling into the armchair in the guest room while she thought about some of the things Jesse had said in her sleep. She'd known Morgan for more than thirty years and Ryland for ten, and she trusted their instincts about people, Jesse in particular. Granted, Morgan went through employees like water through a sieve, but she'd been a loyal friend throughout the years who would give Mary her last penny if she thought she needed it.
She moved slowly when she realized Jesse was awake and watching her. The changes in her appearance were startling. Mary's mother used to describe the look as bone weary. That description fit Jesse perfectly. She closed the book and set it in her lap. “Hey."
Jesse didn't respond. Why was Mary here? This was her room, where the outside world couldn't get to her. She rolled onto her side, burying her head deep into the pillow.
"If you're hungry, I just made some fresh rolls. Or I can make whatever you'd like, as long as they have it in the kitchen."
Jesse pulled her covers higher, thinking Mary shouldn't see her like this. Nobody should see her. Fragmented dreams nagged at her. Mary had been in some of them. Or had she? Mary's arms around her, her gentle voice reassuring. Mary's arms around her .
The thought felt comforting somehow as she drifted in and out of sleep.
Mary opened her book and returned to her reading, content to wait for Jesse to open up in her own time. An hour went by before Jesse finally swung her legs over the side of the bed. Mary quickly took Jesse's arm, afraid she would get up too fast and get dizzy, which is exactly what happened. When Jesse lost her balance, Mary put her arms around her and eased her back onto the bed.
"Whoa there. You need to go slow."
Jesse put her head in her hands, waiting for the black spots to disappear.
Mary sat on the bed next to her. "What can I get you? You thirsty?"
Jesse nodded.
"Well then, you need to lie back so I can go get something. I'm not leaving you here to fall on your hind end without me."
Jesse raised her head and Mary saw a hint of a smile. She lay back, letting Mary pull the covers over her again. "Be right back.
Don't move or I'll brain you so hard you'll have a reason to be dizzy." She smiled to soften her words, but she had an idea this woman would get up just to show her she could.
Jesse kind of liked having Mary do things for her. As a matter of fact, having Mary's arms around her had felt pretty good.
Waking up in this room always made her feel comfortable and safe, and Mary seemed a natural addition to the surroundings.
When Mary returned with her drink, Jesse couldn't help but smile.
Mary handed her a glass of orange juice. "What are you grinning at?"
Jesse drank the juice, then set the glass on the night stand. "A beautiful woman."
As Jesse leaned back again, Mary took the sheet and playfully flapped it in Jesse's face.
Jesse startled herself by giggling at Mary's antics. Her cheeks flushed pink, and to save herself, she said, “I guess I am kinda’
hungry. I can come out to the kitchen though."
Mary shook her head. "No. It won't take me long, and you don't look that steady on your feet yet. What do you feel like?"
"Like shit."
Mary chuckled. “I meant, what do you feel like eating."
A blush spread from Jesse's throat all the way to the top of her head. Knowing Mary saw it made her flush even more. "Well, I guess shit probably wouldn't be on the top of my list then."
Mary's laughter came easily. “No, I guess not. I'll fix something and bring it in to you."
After Mary left, Jesse waited a few minutes, then headed into the kitchen. When she walked in, Mary was scrambling eggs at the stove and cooking bacon in the microwave. "I wondered how long it would take you to get in here. Grab a seat and I'll have breakfast ready in a sec."
Jesse sat at the counter and watched as Mary stirred the eggs.
"You do the second flight, huh? They the people who can't ride?"
"No, they're the people who enjoy riding a little slower than the rest, that's all. It's also a good way for new people to learn the rules and etiquette of the hunt without disrupting the first flight."
"There's etiquette?"
"Yup."
"And I suppose Morgan's in charge?"
"Right again."
"That could be a problem."
"Why? She's already your boss. It wouldn't be any different during the hunt than it is at work." Mary set the eggs and bacon in front of Jesse and pulled out another stool at the counter.
"Does Sandra Adams ride in the second flight?"
Mary reached over and stole some bacon from Jesse's plate.
She bit off a piece and smiled at Jesse as she chewed.
Jesse grinned back. “What?"
"You live in a small town, now, Jesse. You need to remember that."
Jesse took a bite of bacon and swiveled her stool so that she was facing Mary straight on. She felt a twinkle in her eye she hadn't felt in over a year. "Yeah, I hear she's a good rider."
Mary's laughter started low in her throat and rolled out so easily that Jesse surprised herself again by laughing along with her.
She hadn't laughed in so long, she'd actually forgotten she knew how.
Mary took another bite of bacon. “In answer to your question, yes, she's ridden with my group a few times, but she's more than ready to move into the first flight. My guess is the next time she rides, Morgan will invite her to ride with them." When Jesse didn't ask
any more questions, Mary watched her eat with quiet amusement. When she'd first seen Jesse working with the horses, her impression had been of a beautiful young woman who spoiled her looks with a scowl and held everyone she met at arm’s length.
Now, a different impression was forming, and the stirrings she was beginning to feel were welcome, if not a little disconcerting.
Jesse knew Mary was watching her, and when she finished her breakfast—or supper, since it was close to three o'clock—she rinsed her plate in the sink and loaded it in the dishwasher. "I'm going down to the barn. I need to check all the horses to make sure they're doin' all right. Thanks for cooking."
"Um, no...actually, you're going back to bed. I told Ryland I'd watch you, and that's what I intend to do."
"I don't need a babysitter."
"Tough."
The two women stared at each other, neither willing to back down.
"So, how do you think you're gonna stop me?"
"Try me."
Jesse crossed her arms, unsure how to react.
Mary raised her eyebrows and waited, hands on hips.
Jesse started for the back door and Mary stepped in front of her.
"Move." Jesse wasn't about to push her way through those incredible gray eyes.
"No."
Jesse crossed her arms again and glared at Mary, who stood in front of her, waiting.
"Fine." Jesse turned on her heel and walked stiffly back to the guest bedroom. She shut the door in Mary's face and climbed back into bed.
Mary calmly opened the door, picked up her book, sat down and began quietly reading.
Jesse closed her eyes and fell immediately to sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Several days later, Jesse was sweeping the floor, and Morgan came in and went to the feed table. She opened the notebook and casually announced, “Ryland wants to have a one o'clock session this afternoon. She says there are some loose ends we need to tie up."
"I thought we were done."
"I think the hard part's done, but she says we aren't finished, and I guess she knows what she's talking about." She read all the new entries Jesse had written in the book. With ten horses, there would always be one type of minor ailment or another: matter in the eyes, small cuts or an occasional sore. There weren't any new entries that needed Morgan's attention, so she shut the book and re-shelved it. "It's almost noon, why don't you come up for lunch before we start your session?"
"No thanks. I'll be up at one to see what Ryland thinks is so important."
Morgan smiled as she watched Jesse disappear into her apartment. In her fifty-seven years, there'd been a handful of people who'd made a life-changing impact on her overall view of the world. Her mother had been passionate about foxhunting, and had passed that passion on to her only daughter. Her father had given her his love of farming. She still remembered the woman who had introduced her to lesbian love, and of course, there was Ryland, her soul mate, with whom she intended to spend the rest of her life.
Now, as she stared at the closed apartment door, she realized Jesse had been added to her list. Morgan had never had children, had never been the nurturing type for anything except her animals and her lovers. She'd known intellectually why a mother bear violently protects her young, but now she understood it on a visceral level. She shook her head as she walked through the barn door, thinking she needed to talk to Ryland about what was happening with her feelings toward Jesse. The whole concept was more foreign to her than anything she'd ever dealt with, and she knew Ryland could help put everything in perspective.
At one o'clock, Jesse walked into the house and saw Ryland sitting in her usual chair. She sat on the couch, and Morgan threw another log onto the fire. When the fire was just how she liked it, she joined Jesse on the couch and waited for Ryland to start.
"So you thought we were done, huh?"
Jesse nodded.
"Well, this session is more because there are a few loose ends that need to be cleared up and I need to be positive we've uncovered everything we need to know."
Looking down at her hands, Jesse shrugged. "We were done, Ryland. I don’t want to do this anymore.
"Do you remember I said we'd be done when I said we were done?" She waited for Jesse to raise her eyes and then she smiled at her. "It'll be all right, Jess. I'm just concerned that there are some unanswered questions that need to be dealt with, so we're going to go over them to see what we find. If there's nothing there, then we can say we're done." Jesse's closed expression and crossed arms spoke volumes to Ryland.
"Okay, let’s get started then. In our last session, you said you saw a knife in Richard's back and you thought he was dead. What do you remember after that?"
Jesse pictured the blood soaking into Richard's shirt, but she couldn't remember anything else. "I don't know. The next thing I remember clearly is getting out of the mental hospital."
"Were you down in the room when he was whipping you, or were you somewhere else?"
Ryland's questions always brought images that Jesse had no idea were locked in her head. "No...I remember walking up the stairs, and the door at the top of the stairs was open, and Richard was standing outside with the bullwhip."
"Tell me everything you saw."
Jesse remembered her eyes burning from the light. She closed them now and covered them with her hand.
"What's the matter with your eyes?"
"The light was too bright...the sunlight."
"What happened?"
Jesse's heart started racing. "Can't we please stop, Ryland? I don't want to do this anymore."
"Just a little more, Jess. We need to make sure all the memories have been dealt with. Now, you're standing at the top of the stairs and the light is too bright. What happened next?"
Jesse heard Richard's whip crack. “Ryland, stop it! I'm not going through that again!"
"I think you can say it and remember it without pain now, Jess."
She shook her head. “No, I can't."
"All right—start with seeing the knife."
Jesse opened her mind a tiny amount, just enough to check her controls. She pictured the knife shoved into Richard's back all the way up to the hilt, and when she was sure the pain wouldn't return, she sat back and let out a breath of air. "There's a knife, and the blood." She looked down and to the left. She stared for a long time, watching memories move through her mind.
"Can you tell us what you're seeing?"
"Yeah, I remember a woman...an old woman, and she's...I don't know. I'm in her house, and she's taking care of me. She's really old—wrinkled...saggy cheeks...long, grey hair.” She shrugged and looked at Ryland. “I don't remember how I got to her house."
"Does she have a name?"
Jesse shook her head. "I don't think we ever spoke. I don’t think she spoke English anyway. She'd come in several times a day and put some kind of plant thing on my back and my wrists and leg. I remember she’d feed me and make me drink some horrible...something...and then she'd leave. But—"
"But?"
"Well, there was a man who'd come into the room sometimes." She stopped while the images played out in her mind.
She closed her eyes and listened, trying to hear what he was saying.
Ryland watched her cock her head slightly, concentrating on something.
Jesse opened her eyes. "I can't hear him. It's like a buzz, or just a low murmuring."
"Okay, that's actually good. It probably means it's not a hidden, painful memory, it's just a memory. Try to remember your conversation with him the same way you'd try to remember a conversation you had with Morgan two months ago. Don't try too hard, just let it come."
Jesse thought back to the discussion they'd had about the fox clock Morgan had hung in the barn. "It's weird, but when I remember about the dirt room, the memories feel heavy, but when I remember talking to Morgan, they're more light. Does that make sense?"
Ryland nodded. "It does. So, think about your conversation with Morgan, then
lightly switch to the conversation with the man."
Jesse tried what Ryland suggested. She blinked rapidly. They were forcing the man's head down onto her face, and she closed her eyes and shook her head to stop the memory.
Ryland watched her. "Tell me."
Jesse ground her teeth and turned left, trying to control the images. "How do I stop seeing what happened?"
"I doubt you'll ever totally forget, Sweetheart. But your memories won't control you anymore. When you remember things or see images in your mind, come find Morgan or me and talk to us about them. Don't try to stuff them." Ryland put her fingers to Jesse's chin and turned her face towards her own. She smiled and put her forehead down onto Jesse's and playfully growled. "Like you're trying to do right now." Jesse pulled in a long breath and nodded, and Ryland sat back. "What were you seeing?"
"Them forcing the man's head onto my face. That guy in the house was his father.”
Morgan rested her foot on the coffee table. "Richard had killed his son, and he'd come to kill Richard, right?" She shrugged.
"That's what I'd do anyway."
Ryland smiled again. "Morgan, would you let her tell the story, please?"
Morgan shrugged sheepishly, knowing she shouldn't fill in the blanks. "Well, it makes sense."
Jesse nodded. "The man and some other people had come to kill Richard, and they were watching him, waiting for the right time. When they saw him whipping me, they rushed him and stabbed him in the back.” She looked at Ryland. “Then one day the man took me away from the old lady’s house, put me in a car and dropped me somewhere...and then I retired."
Ryland smiled. “There's a little bit of a gap in there. What happened between the man dropping you somewhere and retirement?"
Jesse focused angry eyes on Ryland. "I ended up in a hospital, then a psych ward. Then the department said I was too screwed up to be a cop anymore, and they gave me a retirement and sent me on my way."
Morgan shifted on the couch. “Were you always such a pleasant employee to have around?"
Ryland chuckled. “Morgan, would you stop?"
The Door at the Top of the Stairs Page 25