All the Pretty Hearses

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by Mary Daheim


  “Who?”

  “Reggie Beard-Smythe. He stiffed Bill on his bill, and it sounds as if Reggie’s in big trouble. He’s been taking discarded animals from the hunt club and turning them into hamburger, which is why those kids at SOTS school got sick. Somebody at the club was onto him. The carnations were pinks, as in the colors of the coats, the leather belt was a horsehide reference, and . . . I forget the rest, but Bill can tell you at dinner. See you.”

  Judith had barely hung up when the phone rang again. “Big headlines,” Uncle Al said. “Hey, kiddo, you’ve got to work harder at staying out of trouble. Why don’t you take up another hobby, like toxic waste sites or getting shot out of a cannon? Nobody’s luck lasts forever.”

  “I know,” Judith said. “But you played a part in this one. What makes me sad is that this crazy man who tried to kill me was someone you helped. I guess that wasn’t so lucky after all.”

  “No good deed goes unrewarded,” Uncle Al said. “Sure, you can’t win ’em all, but I made a bundle off that guy. Two days after I fed him, I made a Trifecta bet on three long shots at a California track and won over fifteen grand—I wheeled ’em. Foxy Loxy, Café Au Lait, and Downandout. Hey—got to go. Here comes a newspaper reporter to interview me. Whoa—he’s got a looker with him. Talk to you . . .”

  “What newspaper guy?”

  “That Addison Kirby. You read his work?”

  “I know him,” Judith said. “What does the woman look like?”

  “Hang on,” Uncle Al said. “I have to let them in.”

  Judith heard the door being opened, followed by her uncle’s greeting. Addison said something she couldn’t quite hear. The woman’s voice came through more clearly, but it was Uncle Al who made the positive ID. “Pleased to meet you, Paulina. Have a seat while I say good-bye to my niece.”

  Joe sauntered into the kitchen just as Judith hung up the phone. “What are you smiling about?” he asked.

  She put her arms around his neck. “Earlier, I was thinking of how much pain the Paines had brought to so many people, themselves included. But I just realized that sometimes a Paine can be a pleasure.”

  Joe pulled back slightly, staring at his wife. “Huh? Have you been in the brandy again?”

  “It’s a long story,” she replied, still smiling. “Move. I have to peel some potatoes.”

  “I can do that,” Joe said, opening the utensil drawer. “I figure you may have a lot of stories to tell me about what happened while I was gone.” He took out the vegetable peeler and suddenly clapped his hand on the counter. “Oh—I forgot to give you this.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper. “One of your guests left this for you.”

  Judith unfolded the handwritten message. Mrs. Flynn—those men from Kentucky didn’t want Son of Scarlet for their buyer in Dubai. Said the price was too cheap!!! The contact, Zoë something-or-other, is willing to give us the horse, so we’re making arrangements to take it to Kamloops. We’ll be coming back here in February to get SOS (!!!) and to meet again with the animal shelter people. Is it possible we could stay the weekend of Feb. 18–20? Thanks again for everything!!!

  The note was signed Cindy Owens, complete with a Happy Face.

  “Well?” Joe said. “You’re still smiling. What’s that all about?”

  “A horse.”

  Joe paused. “A horse?”

  Judith nodded. “Of course.”

  Shrimp Dump

  1 tbsp. butter

  1 tbsp. flour

  ½ cup chicken broth (I recommend using Watkins Chicken Soup and Gravy Base, but any basic chicken bouillon will do)

  Salt and white pepper to taste

  ½ cup milk

  1 hard-boiled egg, cut up

  3 cups small shrimp

  Melt the butter and stir in flour in a quart-size pot over low heat. Blend in the broth, salt and white pepper, and milk. Turn up the heat just to boiling, while continuing to stir. Add the egg and shrimp.

  Turn down the heat and simmer 3–5 minutes. If you’re too impatient to wait, go ahead and pig out—I do recommend, however, removing it from the pot first.

  Pour the mixture over toast or Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Shells. Toast takes only a minute or so; pastry puffs take much longer and should be heated in the oven before preparing the filling.

  Serves one, but then that’s just me—I really love this as a late-night snack.

  About the Author

  MARY RICHARDSON DAHEIM is a Seattle native with a degree in communications from the University of Washington. Realizing at an early age that getting published in books with real covers might elude her for years, she worked on daily newspapers and in public relations to help avoid her creditors. She lives in her hometown in a century-old house not unlike Hillside Manor, except for the body count. Daheim is also the author of the Alpine mystery series and the mother of three daughters.

  www.authormarydaheim.com

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

  Also by Mary Daheim

  Just Desserts

  Fowl Prey

  Holy Terrors

  Dune to Death

  Bantam of the Opera

  A Fit of Tempera

  Major Vices

  Murder, My Suite

  Auntie Mayhem

  Nutty as a Fruitcake

  September Mourn

  Wed and Buried

  Snow Place to Die

  Legs Benedict

  Creeps Suzette

  A Streetcar Named Expire

  Suture Self

  Silver Scream

  Hocus Croakus

  This Old Souse

  Dead Man Docking

  Saks & Violins

  Scots on the Rocks

  Vi Agra Falls

  Loco Motive

  Credits

  Cover design by Richard L. Aquan

  Cover illustration by Bill Mayer

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALL THE PRETTY HEARSES. Copyright © 2011 by Mary Daheim. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  FIRST EDITION

  EPub Edition August 2011 ISBN: 9780062092403

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Daheim, Mary.

  All the pretty hearses : a bed-and-breakfast mystery / Mary Daheim.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-0-06-135158-7

  1. Flynn, Judith McMonigle (Fictitious Character)—Fiction. 2. Bed and breakfast accommodations—Fiction. 3. Insurance crimes—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3554.A264A76 2011

  813’.54—dc22

  2011010566

  11 12 13 14 15 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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