Emma didn’t get to finish her sentence.
Patrick leaned towards her and ever so gently pressed his lovely warm mouth against hers. Her breathing hitched, her whole body filled with warm liquidy goodness. It wasn’t the raunchiest of kisses—there’d be plenty of time for those later, when she was completely well again—but it was a kiss full of promise and, most importantly, love.
When Patrick finally pulled back, Emma smiled so hard she thought her face might snap. He enveloped her hand with his and said, ‘I hope that wasn’t the anaesthetic speaking because I’ve been wanting to do that for a very, very long time.’
‘Why didn’t you?’ she asked, grinning from the inside out.
‘You’re not the only one who was scared,’ he admitted. ‘When we first met you were married and off limits, then when Max broke up with you, you were so broken-hearted, I didn’t think I could ever compete. There was also the tiny thing about you being my employee and me not wanting to take advantage. Not to mention you thinking I was gay.’
Emma’s cheeks flushed at the thought. ‘Thank God you set me right on that. After that kiss, I’m hoping you’ll start taking a lot more advantage.’
He laughed, a lovely deep chuckle that echoed around the small room and rippled right through her body. ‘It’s a promise.’
With that knowledge, Emma fell asleep again—Patrick by her side and a warm contentedness in her heart that had been missing for far too long.
Chapter Fifty
Felicity
‘Hello, Sofia, Felicity, so lovely to meet you.’
Flick forced a smile at the bohemianly dressed woman called Learna and then, following Seb’s lead, accepted a handshake as they were ushered into her office. They’d only had a short wait at the gender support clinic, but Flick would have waited all day. She wasn’t sure she would ever be ready for this meeting, but … here they were.
‘Please, take a seat.’ Learna gestured to a funky multicoloured couch in her very chilled office. Some kind of herbal incense wafted from a burner in the corner—Flick got the impression it was supposed to be relaxing, but it didn’t have that effect on her at all.
Flick and Seb took the couch as they were told, and Learna sat in the armchair opposite them, smiling a few long moments before speaking.
‘Now I don’t want to overwhelm either of you with too much information on our first session together, but I want to start by commending you for taking this first step.’ She positively beamed at Seb. ‘Sofia, it shows a great deal of courage to make this decision. And Felicity, it shows true strength of character to be able to support your partner along this journey. You obviously have a very special and very strong relationship.’
‘We do.’ Seb squeezed her hand. Flick tried to smile, but quite frankly she felt like throwing up.
‘One of the most important parts of the transition process,’ continued the woman who would be their contact at the gender clinic going forward, ‘is a strong support network of family and friends, but also of non-biased parties, which is why we insist on psychological counselling for the transgender candidate and strongly recommend couples counselling. Felicity, I’ll recommend a counsellor just for you as well. It’s important for you both to remember that you are not alone in this situation and you will not be alone on your journey. Sofia, there are group sessions you can attend with other transition candidates and Felicity, I’m going to put you in touch with other partners on this same journey. We should never underestimate the power of conversation.’
Flick nodded, wishing this woman would stop calling Seb Sofia and stop referring to whatever this was as their journey—as if they were about to embark on some expedition or safari.
‘So, do either of you have any questions before I start asking a few of my own?’
Flick raised an eyebrow and summoned up her mental notebook. It was bursting with so many damn questions she didn’t even know where to start. But maybe her questions would be better asked in couples counselling or when she talked to someone on her own.
As if Learna were a mind reader, she gave Flick a sympathetic smile. ‘I know this is a lot to take in. Although you’ve made this decision to stand by Sofia, you should give yourself time and permission to process your thoughts and feelings. The good news is, you will have plenty of time. Whatever route Sofia chooses to take in her transition, it won’t happen overnight. Hormone replacement therapy won’t begin immediately and it can be months, sometimes years before physical changes start to become apparent.’
Out of the corner of her eye, Flick saw Seb physically deflate at this news, but inwardly it felt like a victory.
‘Surgery, if it happens,’ Learna continued, ‘will be even further down the road. What we ask of you, Felicity, is to try to learn more about what it means to be transgender so that you can help Sofia on the journey. I won’t lie; it’s not always going to be an easy and straightforward one. And Sofia won’t be the only one who could be ostracised from friends and family, but learning and understanding what transition involves and talking to others in your same situation will help you to navigate this road. It will also help you support your children. I understand you have two?’
Seb nodded. ‘Yes, that’s right. Zoe is twenty and Toby seventeen.’
Zoe and Toby. Flick didn’t know how Seb planned on telling them his secret but the mere thought of sitting down for that chat twisted her up inside. Never mind how it would make them feel about Seb. Would it also change their views on her? She sniffed, not wanting to show any sign of weakness in front of Learna, and tried to focus on the rest of the session, which was more of an overview of what meetings going forward would entail. There was so much to think about, to discuss and to plan—from the actual physical transition to the financial implications and everything in between.
They left an hour later, armed with brochures containing everything she could possibly want to know (or not, if she were honest) about gender transitioning, including hormone therapy options, breast augmentation and even electrolysis. Flick had never even considered the latter herself so it was hard to get her head around Seb’s excitement.
She felt like she was on a scary roller-coaster at some theme park—she didn’t want to stop and get off, she just wanted it to slow down a bit.
‘Well, that went well,’ Seb said brightly as they emerged into the clinic’s car park. It wasn’t too far from his office and she couldn’t understand how he couldn’t be concerned about the possibility of being seen by a colleague—or worse, a client. ‘Thank you for coming with me.’
‘You’re welcome.’ She dug her car keys out of her handbag, itching to escape.
‘I told the boss I wasn’t sure how long my medical appointment would last,’ Seb said, seemingly unaware of her anxiety, ‘so do you want to go get some lunch before I head back to work?’
Lunch? As if she could eat right now.
‘I’m not really hungry,’ she confessed, hoping Seb would take that at face value. ‘And I have a lot of work to catch up on after the New York trip and then everything with Emma and Will. Do you mind if we take a raincheck?’
‘Not at all.’ Seb half-smiled. ‘But are you sure that’s it? Are you sure you’re okay with everything … you know?’
‘Okay is a broad term Seb, but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. We’ll talk later.’ Then before he could argue or ask any more questions, she leant forward and kissed him on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you at home.’
As she stalked off towards her car, Flick closed her eyes briefly and endeavoured to swallow the lump in her throat. The last thing she really wanted was to go home and spend time alone with her own thoughts.
She got into her car, started it on autopilot and found herself driving towards Emma’s place instead of her own. As she slowed in front of the house, she saw Neve’s little hatchback approaching from the other direction. They parked one behind the other on the driveway, then climbed out of their respective cars and greeted each other with a hug.
‘Great minds think alike,’ Neve said as she pulled back from Flick’s embrace. ‘How are you today?’
‘Fine,’ Flick lied. ‘And you?’
‘Going slowly crazy,’ Neve admitted, ‘but Will is alive and out of hospital, so who am I to complain? I decided to give him and James some alone time, but to be honest, I couldn’t stay under my own roof with both of them a moment longer.’
‘I can imagine this must be hard,’ Flick said, as they started up the path towards Emma’s front door.
Neve rang the bell and they waited a few moments for Emma to answer.
‘Hello,’ she said as she peeled back the door. A massive grin sat in pride of place on her face and despite her half-shaved head and pyjama-clad body, she looked way too good for someone who had been through life-threatening surgery just over a week ago. ‘Come in.’
They followed Emma into the kitchen and sat down on stools at the breakfast bar. Although Emma had a perfectly good lounge room with a perfectly good couch, they rarely made it out of the kitchen.
‘Coffee?’ Emma asked.
‘Let me,’ Flick insisted, standing and forcing her friend to sit on one of the stools. ‘You’re supposed to be taking it easy.’
Emma smiled. ‘Thanks. Honestly, I’m feeling much better than I imagined.’
‘You look good too,’ Flick said as she picked up the kettle to fill it.
‘Do I smell curry?’ Neve asked, sniffing the air.
Emma’s smile grew. ‘You do indeed.’ Her cheeks flushed as she confessed, ‘Patrick made it for dinner last night.’
‘Ooh,’ Neve said, that one word weighted with speculation.
Flick grinned. ‘I think you have some explaining to do, young lady.’
Emma actually giggled as if she were the young girl Flick accused her of being.
‘Yes.’ Neve nodded as Flick set about making the drinks. ‘We want details. What’s going on with you and Patrick?’
‘Well … we’re together I guess.’
‘You guess?’ Flick smiled at Emma’s coyness.
‘Does together mean what I think it does?’ Neve asked.
The blush in Emma’s cheeks spread all over her face and down her neck; if anything her smile grew even wider. ‘You were right about sex, Neve. It can be mind-blowing with the right person.’
Neve squealed as she reached across and wrapped her arm around Emma. ‘Oh my God, I’m so happy for you.’
Flick frowned. ‘Should you be … you know, doing it so soon after surgery?’
‘Oh, don’t be a spoilsport,’ Neve said, laughing. ‘Let the girl enjoy the ride.’ She laughed some more at her double entendre.
‘Sorry.’ Feeling chastised, Flick blinked and summoned an enthusiastic smile as she placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of each of them. ‘This is truly wonderful news.’
‘So has Patrick been staying while the kids are at Max’s?’ Neve asked, picking up her mug.
‘Yep. I’m making up for all those lost child-free weekends wallowing in self-pity. I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life and I’m gonna live it to the full. But enough about me. I know things aren’t easy for either of you right now.’
‘I’d rather talk about you,’ Neve said, but then promptly admitted, ‘right now I feel like an unwanted guest in my own house.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Emma reached out and patted Neve’s hand. ‘I know I wasn’t very supportive when you first told us about James and I’m sorry about that, but I can’t imagine how difficult it must be having to share your home with him.’
‘He’s not being cruel, is he?’ Flick asked. James had been nothing but polite and friendly at the hospital but she knew looks could be deceiving.
‘No. Definitely not. He’s being a perfect gentleman actually and he’s so great with Will—they’ve been playing the Xbox together and watching guy movies. It’s lovely to see them bonding and I’m so happy and relieved for Will, but it hurts like hell, you know. I still love him and living under the same roof is all kinds of torture when I can’t tell him.’
‘If that’s the truth, then I think you should tell him,’ Emma said.
Flick looked to Neve and they exchanged a glance. Although they were happy about Emma’s new romance, that didn’t mean life always had happy endings. ‘When does he leave again?’ she asked, filling the silence that Emma’s suggestion had made.
‘In a few days.’ Neve looked close to tears. ‘But the thought of him not being there doesn’t make me feel any better either.’
Flick honestly didn’t know what to say to help her friend. Maybe Emma was right and she should throw caution to the wind and confess her feelings to James. Then again, maybe that would make everything even worse—they had to think of Will’s feelings. ‘If only life came with a handbook on how to deal with all the obstacles it deals out,’ she said.
As Neve nodded her agreement, Flick thought again about the first session at the clinic. It was never going to be easy but she’d jumped the first hurdle and she would manage the rest as well.
‘You’re quiet this afternoon,’ Emma said, jolting her from her thoughts.
‘Am I?’ She tightened her grip on her mug. ‘I just had a session at the gender support clinic with Seb. Or should I say, Sofia?’
Silence hung between them for a few moments.
‘Wow,’ Emma said eventually. ‘I can’t begin to imagine how tough that must have been.’
‘You want to talk about it?’ Neve asked.
Flick sighed. ‘I wouldn’t know where to start. There’s so much to consider as we navigate the journey ahead.’
Neve and Emma frowned at the way she mimicked Learna’s words. She explained how the counsellor had grated on her nerves. ‘There’s just a lot to take in,’ she concluded.
‘No kidding,’ Neve said. ‘But you’re handling this a whole lot better than most would.’
Emma nodded. ‘I’d be a total mess.’
Was that what she was inside?
‘You know,’ Emma began, ‘we respect your decision to stand by Seb and in turn we’ll stand by you, but are you sure this is the right thing for you, Flick? Have you really thought this all through?’
‘With all due respect, Emma,’ Flick snapped, ‘I’ve barely thought about anything else in weeks. And a little like you feel about Patrick and Neve feels about James, I can’t imagine my life without Seb in it, so yes, it might take some time, but this is what I want to do.’
‘In that case,’ Emma said, reaching over and taking Flick’s hand in hers, ‘I support your decision one hundred percent and I promise to be here for you in any way I can.’
‘And so do I,’ Neve added.
Flick tried to swallow the lump in her throat long enough to thank her friends; instead she burst into tears.
Chapter Fifty-one
Genevieve
James pushed Will in the wheelchair and Neve walked beside them as they headed towards the airport for his flight back to New York. Neither of them wanted him to go—at least Neve didn’t and she got the feeling James was dragging his feet as well, but perhaps for different reasons. He’d been in Perth for just over a week and what a highly charged, emotional week it had been.
It felt like forever; it felt less than a second.
In that time, Will had been transferred from ICU into a ward and then a couple of days later he’d been given the all-clear to come home. Two broken legs meant he still needed a lot of care and assistance. Neve and James had fallen into this role as easily as if they’d been a team of two their whole lives; overlooking the tension between them to focus on their son. Part of her was thankful that Will wasn’t completely recovered—it meant she could fuss over her baby without him being able to object too much but it also meant that while he and James got to know each other, she was never too far away.
James had accepted her offer to stay in their spare room and this was both a blessing and a curse. She loved watching the way he doted on Will a
nd the relationship that had blossomed quickly between the two of them, but seeing this made her feelings for James even harder to ignore. For Will’s sake, he treated her with respect and politeness; occasionally she even thought she saw a flash of something more when his eyes met with hers, but it was probably her overactive imagination. James might be civil because of Will, he might be back in her life for the same reason, but after what she’d done, she had no illusions that anything besides joint-parenthood would ever happen between them. And she couldn’t help the ache in her heart whenever she thought about it, which was all the bloody time.
Once inside the international terminal, James stopped pushing the wheelchair and took the small suitcase Neve had been dragging along behind them. Their fingers brushed against each other in the exchange but she’d learnt to school her facial features this last week so that she didn’t react to accidental touches.
‘I’ll check in and then do you want to head up and get a drink before I go through customs?’ he asked, addressing the both of them.
Neve would rather not prolong the agony of being in his company, but she nodded and took the reins on the wheelchair. Will wanted to stay with James until the last possible moment; father and son wanted to spend every second they could together and due to Will’s temporary handicap, she had to tag along as well. If it weren’t for being confined to the wheelchair, Will might have held onto his anger towards her longer—perhaps indefinitely—but the crash had shocked him as much as it had his parents, and his brush with death had, like Emma’s, made him realise what truly mattered in life.
He hadn’t forgotten what Neve had done, he might never completely forgive her, but he didn’t want to gain a dad only to lose a mum. He’d made that clear in the hospital, making her prouder than ever of the son she’d raised. Surely if she’d created a boy like him, she’d done some things right and she hoped in time James might come to this conclusion as well.
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