by Laura Gibson
But Rachel would never let that show. Because letting it show meant that her father would contest the board’s ruling. And that meant talking about everything that she just wasn’t quite ready to talk about yet.
That meant discussing Ryan Prescott and Melody Jeffords. That meant bringing up Jefferson Williams. And that meant Kelly Hill. Everything led back to Kelly Hill.
That meant not being able to just move on.
Rachel Gunn was never a person to air her dirty laundry in public and she sure wasn’t going to start now. She had always lived by the belief that a person’s outwards appearance should always conceal the personal matters that lingered beneath.
She didn’t want everyone else knowing her business, and she didn’t need to talk about it.
Rachel made her way over to her perfectly organized closet and decided that she was in a yellow mood that day.
Having taken several psychology courses, Rachel knew just what that meant for herself, but she didn’t mind. Everyone would look at the color and find it cheery and bright, they wouldn’t remember that it was closely associated with cowardice, impatience, and criticism.
She pulled out a yellow and white dress with a crocheted floral pattern on it and picked out a large brimmed, white sun hat to match.
There was more walking that she would have to do and she wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to burn.
Rachel was one of those people cursed with far too fair of skin. It was too pale in the winter time, like an alabaster doll, and in the summertime, when others were able to turn a golden brown she burned and wilted, staying a lobster red for several weeks.
To match the hat and sundress, Rachel grabbed her white satin heels with the bows on the backs and proceeded to pick out her jewelry.
Of course, her signature gold watch was a part of the mix, as was the gold heart pendant her father had gotten her for her tenth birthday.
Rachel’s eyes lingered on the jewelry that she kept away from all the rest and sighed. It was all handmade things from her mom dating back to when she was just a baby. Things that Rachel didn’t have the heart to throw out, but never really wanted to wear.
It wasn’t that Rachel didn’t like her mom. No, she loved her mother. Always had, always would. It was just that... they were two completely different people.
Helen DeVross lived by the philosophy of loving life and letting everything else fall where it may.
Rachel did not share her sentiments. A fact that was rather contentious at most family gatherings.
After Rachel was satisfied with how she was going to present herself to the world for the day, she went into her bathroom that connected to her bedroom and the hallway via two separate, locking doors.
Technically speaking, it was a guest bathroom, open to everyone in the house, but Rachel was the only person residing on the third floor and no one ventured up there except to find her, so she always just referred to the bathroom as her own.
Rachel started the water for her shower and let it warm up while she got undressed.
She gingerly stepped into the shower and let the hot water pelt her body. Rachel lingered there for a moment longer than she had to, allowing herself a second of relaxation before she began her morning regimen. Showers were a ritual for her. They signified the start of a new day. They helped wash off all the painful feelings from the day before.
It was when her hands were full of bubbles from the shampoo lathered in her hair that she heard a knock at the door.
Rachel stopped moving and listened, thinking that maybe she misheard it. No one should be awake at this hour, Ethan and his friends had stayed up late into the night and should still be sleeping. Her father was out of town for the week and wasn’t expected back till next Thursday.
She should virtually be alone.
But, as if to prove her wrong, there it was again.
A simple, polite, knock.
“Hello?” Rachel called out; it was probably Ethan, wondering if he could eat the quiche that was slow cooking. Hoping that it wasn’t anyone else.
For a split second, Kelly’s face flashed through her mind and she pushed the thought down.
That was the last thing she wanted to worry about.
“Rachel?” said a voice that she didn’t recognize as her brother’s.
“Just a minute!” Rachel shouted back, rinsing the shampoo from her hair and beginning to condition it.
“I’ll uh.” There was a pause. “I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?” the voice said, sounding less bold than before.
Rachel rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and finished up her shower.
Quickly, she dried off and got dressed.
Rachel took the time to apply a light layer of foundation and some mascara, just to help define her eyes, nothing too gaudy, she wasn’t the type of girl to over apply her facial products, she wasn’t trying to sell anything but she did want to look like she cared.
After it was all said and done Rachel looked at herself in the mirror. She looked just as she had expected to look. Everything was in place and put together. Not a piece was out of order. She was Rachel Gunn and she looked the part.
Now, to deal with the oddity in her kitchen.
Rachel made her way down the stairs in her bare feet, leaving her shoes and hat upstairs for the time being.
She glanced at the grandfather clock on the second floor landing as she passed it and felt more confusion rising in her gut. It was barely eight.
The quiche wouldn’t be ready for another ten minutes and she was almost positive that Ethan, Logan and Kelly were sleeping.
They had complained bitterly all the day before about being sleep deprived and needing a good rest.
They had no interest in the itinerary that Rachel had made up for them to follow and all they wanted to do, it seemed, was drink beer and play video games in the basement.
She had left them to do their own thing around seven o’clock at night and had heard the bombs going off from some Xbox game well into the night. They should be sleeping.
But as Rachel turned the corner her eyes laid on the thin back of Kelly Hill. High school dropout. But really, so much more than that.
“Hey.” Rachel alerted him to her presence and he turned around, looking almost startled.
“Hey.” He said back, his face showing little to no emotion on it, then he smiled, not a lot, but enough to let her know that he was thinking about something.
“Was that you...?” Rachel trailed off, trying to think of the words that would finish her sentence without alluding to the fact that they had spoken while she was in the shower.
“Yeah,” Kelly didn’t make her finish, “I was wondering if you wanted anymore help with breakfast.”
Rachel stared at him a little longer than was proper. Why was he even here?
“Um. Sure.” She nodded at the fridge, “You can help cut up the fruit.”
“Sounds good.” Kelly put his hands on the tan counter top of the island in the middle of the kitchen, “Where do I start?”
“We need to get the fruit, first.” Rachel blinked, her face unable to come up with a pleasant expression. He clearly had something more he wanted to say. Why wasn’t he just out with it?
Kelly opened the refrigerator door and started poking around before he was given proper instructions.
“Grab the cantaloupe and strawberries.” She had made sure to go grocery shopping before she had to pick them up, but she was afraid that maybe she hadn’t gotten enough food now.
Once the specified fruit was out on the countertop and Rachel had acquired a cutting board and knife, she began to wash the fruit.
Kelly instinctively began to wash the items and lay them out on a folded up towel to dry, “It was really nice of you to help us out yesterday,” He said with his back turned to Rachel. “Sorry we were late.”
Again, surprised by Kelly’s attitude, Rachel was taken aback, but she brushed it off like she hadn’t even noticed it. “Oh it was no problem
. It’s hard to gauge those things when you’re traveling.”
She got down a green bowl and began slicing the cantaloupe. “I mean, it’s not like you were that late.”
Kelly gave her a sideways look while he started to prepare the strawberries, a small smile playing on his lips, “Are you sure about that?”
Rachel forced a chuckle, “Of course I’m sure. Ethan’s never been on time for anything a day in his life.”
Kelly didn’t take his eyes off of Rachel and she could feel him studying her as she concentrated on the melon.
“I think it was a little rude.” Kelly said, not letting the subject go, “I mean, we didn’t even call.”
Rachel felt her molars grind together in frustration but she didn’t say anything, she forced a larger smile and met his green eyes head on with her own blue ones, “Nope.” She solidified. “I didn’t mind at all.”
Kelly grinned but didn’t say anything. They held one another’s gaze for a few seconds more before Rachel looked away.
When the fruit was done, Kelly got down two glasses and filled them with orange juice.
“Grab two more.” Rachel instructed, preparing the quiche to serve four people.
“Oh no, they’re not going to be up for a while.” Kelly explained away. “I think it’s just you and me.”
“Oh.” Rachel looked down at her quiche, disappointed that Ethan wasn’t going to get to try it.
She hadn’t seen her brother in three years, there was so much that she felt like they were missing out in each other's lives. The least she could do was make him a decent breakfast.
And with Kelly up and about, Rachel had just assumed that Logan and Ethan would be making their presence known soon, it had never dawned on her that Kelly was acting on his own. Of course, it had never dawned on her that he would be here either.
As if he noticed her sour tone, Kelly cleared his throat, “I just heard you up here earlier and I didn’t want you to eat alone.”
Rachel looked at Kelly again; a lot of things had been said that last night they were together. Was he just looking for some sort of validation? Was he looking for some kind of apology?
“I mean, you went to all this trouble, I just figured you’d like the company.” He looked away, as if he was looking for something, as if he had run out of things to say.
“I’m used to eating alone.” Rachel stated, unable to stop her lips from forming the words. She didn’t know how else to respond, Kelly Hill was standing here, in her kitchen, cutting up her fruit and talking about simple things like breakfast. It was too much for her to process.
“Well, we’re gonna have to change that, aren’t we?” Kelly flashed a different sort of smile and Rachel raised an eyebrow. What did that mean?
“It’s okay.” She pushed away, “If you want to get some more rest, you can.”
She didn’t want him to leave, not in so many words, but she also didn’t want to have the conversation that she knew was coming.
Rachel had always been on her own doing things. It was what she was used to. It was exactly where she wanted to be. That way no one could see the cracks. The small bits of her that were wearing just a little bit thin.
“But I don’t want more rest.” Kelly handed her a glass of orange juice, “I wanna have breakfast with you.”
Kelly picked up both plates with little to no more words on the matter. He looked to Rachel to lead the way and instead of trying to over analyze the situation she just nodded and walked towards the patio door. She unlatched it and opened the door for him but he just stood there and waited for her to exit first.
Rachel wanted to sigh in exasperation, she really did, but she knew she couldn’t. She knew that he was watching with those too green eyes and he would notice everything; he always did.
“We can sit over there.” Rachel nodded towards the patio furniture, covered with a large umbrella.
Silently Kelly walked over. He set the plates of food down and jogged past Rachel back into the house, a moment later, he had reemerged with their orange juice, “Can’t forget this.” He was smiling at her still. Always smiling.
“I could have grabbed those.” Rachel offered, trying to remain polite and helpful, but he was effectively removing all the duties of hostess in one bright shining morning. Taking away all of the things she could use to get away from the topic that was coming.
“Nope, it’s okay.” He set the glasses down and then waited for Rachel to slowly walk over, dreading this breakfast.
When she reached the table he pulled out her chair for her and seated her as if they were on a date. He had always been a little too familiar. More feelings of guilt washed over Rachel and she tried not to think about it.
When he was sitting next to her, and they were both overlooking Rachel’s backyard, he sighed contentedly. “This smells really good.”
Of course it did. Three years of culinary art paid off well in the eating department.
“So Rachel,” Kelly began as if he was starting a strange debate, “How’s it been?”
Rachel cleared her throat and swallowed the food that she was working on. “Well, I’ve lived here, with my dad for the past two years, but you knew that.”
Kelly laughed, “Yeah, I think I remember you telling me that this was where you were headed.”
Rachel took the chance to sneak a peek at him, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was staring off into the backyard, thoughtfully chewing. He swallowed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
As if he could sense her looking at him, he tilted his head at her, “Took me awhile to find you.”
The way he said it sent a chill up Rachel’s back and she shivered. His voice held an air of familiarity that she wished it didn’t. Why couldn’t he just have stayed away?
Again, her mind took her back to her days at Phillips and she wondered if he had said anything to Ethan about it.
Three kids creating a system to buy and sell answers to tests wasn’t all too much to talk about, but the rest of it was. The part that Rachel had too much to do with.
“I’m sorry if I kept you up.” Rachel decided to keep the conversation moving. She didn’t particularly like uncomfortable silences and this breakfast was full of opportunity for just that.
“Don’t be.” Kelly shook his head, finishing off his quiche, “I would have been awake, anyways.”
“Oh? Do you have trouble sleeping?” Rachel was continuing to try and be accommodating, to regain her position as perfect hostess. Maybe there was something she could do.
“Sometimes.” Kelly nodded thoughtfully, he was frowning slightly and his green eyes had darkened, but in a moment the look was pushed away and he was smiling again. “But it’s okay.”
“Kelly.” Rachel’s voice was lower than before, like she was revealing a secret. But wasn’t she? She looked down at the table and her arm that was resting in her lap. Her gold watch read 8:46, “I’m sorry.”
All that seemed to make noise in her backyard were the birds and her own nervous heartbeat, thumping away. Waiting for him to say something.
Kelly looked down at his lap and licked his lips, “You don’t have to be, Rachel, it’s okay.”
If it was okay, why didn’t it feel that way? Why was she still terrified of the fact that he was sitting here with her?
Rachel stood up to take her plate to the kitchen, “Are you finished?” She was trying to change the subject in the only way she saw possible and Kelly had cleaned his plate in the first five minutes of them being outside.
“Uh, yeah.” Kelly stood with her and tried to take her plate from her, “I can do this.”
“Oh no, really, it’s okay.” Rachel held onto her plate tightly, “You’re my guest, I can do the dishes.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Kelly didn’t let go, “I’m Ethan’s guest. You don’t have to take care of me.”
Rachel felt her fingers relinquish the plate into his hands and stood there. That last sentence he spoke
carried more weight than it should have and Rachel knew why.
“I can at least carry the glasses.” She offered up a terse smile and he returned the same.
“That seems fair.” He winked and walked on ahead of her.
But Kelly had said it right; he was Ethan’s guest, not hers. So why was she trying so hard? Because if she didn’t, she’d have nothing to distract from the real reason Kelly was here. Rachel cringed at the honest thought.
Rachel followed Kelly back into the kitchen and he rinsed the dishes in the sink while she put away the leftovers.
She left a note for Ethan on the refrigerator and waited for Kelly to be done with whatever it was he was doing.
Finally, Kelly dried his hands on a towel and looked at her, “Got any plans for today?”
Rachel stared at him.
Of course she had plans.
She had loads of things that she could be doing. Errands that she had meticulously planned out and written down on several different lists.
“Let’s catch up, Rachel Gunn.” He crossed the kitchen around the island and stood close to her, his eyes sincere and his face holding an odd expression. His body was much too close to her own and he leaned in even closer just to get out the next sentence, “I want to get to know you better.”
Rachel took a step back but tried to make it look like the close proximity hadn’t made her uncomfortable. She didn’t like physical contact, or really, even the thought of it.
She very much preferred being in her own comfort zone, and someone stepping into that zone was taking a step too far.
“You already know me, Kelly.” She was shaking her head now, “What’s left to say?”
“I don’t know, maybe, hey Kelly, it’s nice seeing you.” Kelly shrugged.
Rachel felt herself frown a little, it wasn't nice seeing Kelly. It was the last thing she had ever wanted to happen again. “But Kelly, that wasn't a part of the deal.”
Kelly shrugged, “Jefferson's not here. I say we take advantage of that.”
Rachel let herself sigh, “Alright. Let me get my shoes.” He wasn't going to stop in his persistence and she knew it.
Rachel moved passed him and made her way up the stairs to gather her things, hoping that he wasn’t planning on following her. But as Rachel was crossing the threshold of her bedroom to get to her desk she heard Kelly’s voice behind her, “So that’s what you were working on all night?”