by Laura Gibson
But it wasn’t just all those things, no, there was more to Ryan Prescott than even Rachel knew, and that’s what she was drawn to. He seemed to be an untouchable idea. The perfect, charismatic Ryan Prescott of Phillips Academy.
He was the best match for her at Phillips and everyone knew it. Even headmistress Grear seemed to sign off on the arrangement with a happy heart, encouraging the relationship more so than any other couple at the school.
Ryan was set to graduate a year earlier than Rachel and then he was going to attend Harvard Law in the fall while she finished up her senior year. It made perfect and complete sense.
Rachel knew, or she liked to pretend she knew, if she hadn’t been so enamored by Ryan, so distracted by his very presence, she would have seen it.
And if Rachel was really being honest with herself, which she rarely ever was, she would admit that it had been Jefferson first that had caught her eye and not Ryan. Yes, it was Ryan Prescott that she was smitten with in the end, but it was Jefferson that she first noticed.
Top of his class. Best in show. Sharp defining features she hadn’t learned to relate to some type of carnivorous animal. Alarmingly blue eyes that seemed almost a frozen color when the sunlight shone on them just right and a well-toned physique that showed he cared just as much about appearances as she did.
It was in fact, the first day that Rachel met Ryan she had been trying very carefully to be noticed by a one Jefferson Williams. They had met the week prior and Rachel had tried not to spend most of her time thinking about him.
But when she found out he played Lacrosse for Phillips she couldn’t help rearrange her schedule to walk past the field at just the right moment.
Now, she was walking with Melody, her books held against her chest, her outfit carefully picked out for its hints of gold on a very soft lilac. She knew the colors would bring the best out of her complexion and in the mid-morning sunlight, she would look positively pristine.
Melody chattered on about something of little to importance and Rachel pretended as if she really cared when she was really just looking for the right moment to lift her head and look.
She could hear the players running down the field now, the shouting was getting closer, and Rachel recognized the commanding voice of Jefferson.
Looking back, Rachel would always wish that she had listened to what Melody was saying. If she had listened to her friend she might have heard something important that would have turned her away from her crusade of getting Jefferson’s attention, because, if she had never gotten his attention then maybe none of this might never had happened. But then again, it was Jefferson. He might have been working just as hard to get her attention as she was his.
Someone had shouted something about a head’s up and then all of the sudden a ball was rolling across the ground and stopping against Rachel’s heal. Naturally, Rachel bent down to pick up the ball, hoping this was her moment. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t Jefferson that greeted her but rather the beautiful sweaty Ryan Prescott with his charmingly sparkling eyes.
The sun had tanned his skin to a warm golden brown and the perspiration almost seemed to glitter. It was in fact, the perfect moment. Almost as if Ryan had planned it and not the other way around. Ryan and not Rachel who wanted to be noticed.
“I think you’ve lost something.” She smiled at him and handed the ball back through a hole in the fence.
“I keep trying to tell it not to run off, but it just doesn’t listen.” Ryan responded, his charming tone of voice holding a hint of laughter. “I’m glad now though.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow, “Glad? How so?”
“Because now I get to talk to you.” Ryan winked at her.
“Come on, Ryan, let’s go!” Jefferson shouted from further down the field and Rachel looked in his direction. He was scowling as the sweat ran down his face.
Ryan rolled his eyes, “Well the master calls.”
Rachel couldn’t help herself from giggling, “You better go then, before you get into any trouble.”
Ryan flashed her a sly grin, “I won’t so as long as you tell me your name.”
Rachel laughed, embarrassed and flattered, “Its Rachel.”
Then Ryan was off, running back to his teammates who were waiting on him.
Rachel caught Jefferson’s eyes and shivered, his face was a stone, not at all as welcoming as the day he had walked her to the main building. She turned away from him and continued on with Melody, assuming she would finish her story.
“Ryan is such a dork.” Melody laughed and shook her head.
“You know him?” Rachel’s head perked up, looking at her roommate.
“Yeah, our families have been friends with each other for ages. I’ve seen him through every awkward stage, and trust me, that boy has had a lot.” Melody joked.
“Well he looks all grown up now.” Rachel teased, looking back towards the lacrosse field.
“Rachel Gunn!” Melody shouted in fake astonishment, “That’s not very lady like of you!”
Rachel shrugged and made a face, “Who says I’m a lady?”
“You know who I’d like to get to know more?” Melody nodded back at the lacrosse team, “Jefferson Williams. Talk about hot.”
Rachel laughed, “I don’t know he’s so serious all the time. Is that really something you’re attracted to?”
“He’s dark and mysterious.” Melody grinned, “I could warm that cold heart of his.”
“Oh gosh, you’re terrible.” Rachel laughed at her friend, feeling odd she wasn’t more upset someone else found an interest in Jefferson. For a moment she had been attracted to him, had even talked herself into believing that there was something there between them, something she might like to be a part of, but it seemed to have disappeared the instant she met Ryan.
Whatever she thought she had felt for Jefferson was over in an instant. She only wished later he could have felt the same.
Agoura Hills, California
June 8th 2010
Ethan
Ethan sat on the back steps with his legs out in front of him, his hands jammed into the clammy fabric of his jeans, praying for a miracle.
He had made up some bullshit story about him and Kelly working on the van just to get Logan off his back and now he was left completely alone, the heat from the summer sun burning down on him in an angry blaze that mirrored his own mood.
Ethan didn’t want to feel this way. He didn’t want to know that every turn he took was in the wrong direction, he just wanted to be right for once. Wasn’t that enough? Couldn’t life just give him that?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Wasn’t that what they said all the time? Ethan sighed. Well, life had sure given him some rank ass lemons to deal with.
He considered the option of driving back to Hartford that night, of leaving his dad and Rachel and their smug sense of self-importance behind. He thought of the way he would leave a note behind that would just read, ‘Bye shit heads.’ and then he would be out of there, gone, never to be heard from again.
Ethan bit his lip and kicked a rock near his right shoe; that wasn’t the way that he was supposed to handle things anymore. He needed to get his life together, and in order to do so, he needed his dad, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it.
Ethan tried to push the frustrated feelings down and pretend like they weren’t there, but he knew they would come vomiting back up at a moment’s notice. Probably in Rachel’s face, or his father’s, whichever one decided to insult him first.
Ethan cleared his throat and grumbled a little, he wasn’t really mad at Rachel. He needed to stop lumping her in with him. She was going through a lot, even if no one wanted to talk about it.
That new thought brought on another wave of anger for Ethan. Why wasn’t anyone talking about it? What was the deal with that? From where he was standing, Rachel was a hero and everyone needed to know. Why couldn’t they just bring it up? Why did they let the families of Phillips just sweep it under
the rug like that?
Rachel deserved credit and recognition for what she did, not what she was getting. Sure, a car was nice and all, but it wasn’t enough. It didn’t tell the full story.
Did their dad buy it just to make himself feel better? Was it a strange form of hush money? Was he buying Rachel’s forgiveness?
Ethan was angrier now than when he had sat down, he had hoped to calm down, but everything was a giant mess of bullshit and he didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
Why couldn’t they talk about it? Why had everyone let Phillips cover it up? Pretending like they could sweep this under the rug… this wasn’t just a bunch of spoiled posh kids misbehaving, this was a big deal, and they were just going to let the sociopath walk. For what? Because they had to protect the Phillips name? And what about the other people involved?
Kelly had told them the whole thing. Even down to the part that Ethan just didn’t want to hear.
And Ethan thought that he could handle it. He could handle this, couldn’t he? He could go back home and see Rachel and know that she was still his sister.
But, now, being here, surrounded by the oppressive heat, feeling the sweat slowly pool in the folds of his bangs and trickle down the side of his face, he knew he couldn’t do it.
He had to say something.
Somebody had to say something.
There was a disturbance on the ground next to him and Ethan looked over to see Kelly’s familiar shoes standing there.
Ethan tilted his head up and shielded his eyes from the sun with one hand, inhaling the stench of Kelly’s cigarette smoke.
Kelly didn’t smoke often, but now, it seemed like he always had one lit, always sucking away at the poison that was no doubt infecting his body.
“You okay, man?” Kelly asked, his voice gravelly and low, just the way he talked when something else was on his mind. Just the way someone would talk when they were hiding a secret.
“I’ve been better.” Ethan had to be honest with his friend, even if he knew it was Kelly who wasn’t being honest with him. Not completely. He would only tell Ethan and Logan enough of what he thought they needed to know, and even then, Ethan guessed, there was some heavy editing in there.
Kelly put his hands on his lower back and stretched, hearing an audible crack he stopped and took a seat next to Ethan, his eyes hiding behind his dark sunglasses.
“I don’t think Rachel knew what he was gonna say.” Kelly pulled the cigarette away from his mouth and looked out into the backyard, refusing to have eye contact with Ethan.
Everyone knew what this trip was about. It wasn’t about Ethan figuring stuff out, sure that was the opening line, but deep down, it all pointed back to Rachel. Rachel and the secret she was hiding.
Ethan shrugged, feeling uncomfortable about Kelly’s insights into his family’s dynamic.
This was his own battle, as far as he was concerned, his fight with his dad didn’t go along with what was going on in Rachel’s head.
“You didn’t tell him you got it?” Kelly looked at Ethan now, his cigarette gone, the leftover smoke lingering in the stale summer air. A small whisper of a breeze grabbed onto Ethan’s bangs and ruffled them against his wet forehead, refreshing him and annoying him all at the same time.
Ethan shifted, growing more uncomfortable than before, “What would be the point?”
Kelly shrugged and looked back off into the distance. Ethan knew they both had very little to say to each other. Kelly had told him what happened to Rachel and Ethan slugged him in the stomach. After that, they hadn’t been on the best of speaking terms. It was Logan that kept them together. It was Logan that kept everything moving forward, everyone moving forward for whatever reason.
Ethan did manage to apologize, of course, and Kelly had forgiven him, but after that, things weren’t the same. But isn’t that how these things go? Nothing ever stays the same.
The only thing Ethan knew for sure anymore was that Kelly and Rachel shared a deeper bond than he did with his own sister and there was nothing he could do about it. Couldn’t even talk about it.
Maybe someday he would approach Rachel, ask her what happened. Maybe he would even confront his dad, but what difference would that make?
Ethan was on the outside looking in and he was completely alone.
“It’s just not right, is all,” Ethan finally mustered out. “What they did to her. It’s not okay.”
Kelly sniffed a little and scratched the side of his face, “It is what it is, brother. Not much we can do now.”
Ethan let that sink in, feeling the words more than hearing them. Kelly was right; there wasn’t much they could do. Not really. Not unless Rachel was ready to talk about it. Not unless Rachel wanted to talk about it.
“How much did they give you? To be quiet?” Ethan was looking at Kelly now, knowing that he would tell him the truth, or at least enough of it to get him by.
“Enough.” Kelly pulled out another cigarette.
“And you’re alright with that?” Ethan wanted desperately to wrap his head around the entire situation, but every time he tried it seemed as if there was another part standing in the way. Another piece that just didn’t seem to fit right anywhere.
What had been so terrible to keep Kelly’s mouth shut? Now it was sewn shut and there was nothing getting out.
Kelly’s cheeks hollowed as he took a strong drag, he held the breath for a moment longer while thinking about all the things that he could say about the situation, finally he exhaled out his nostrils, and licked his lips, tasting the words on his tongue before he actually said them, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with it.”
“She acts like she doesn’t know you.” Ethan pointed out, hoping that Kelly wasn’t done talking. Hoping that he wasn’t about to shut the door again.
Another stoic nod from Kelly, another drag, another pause, another stale wisp of wind, touching the emotions surrounding them.
“I know.” Kelly’s face darkened and Ethan could see that he was just about done talking. Just about.
“Is she okay?” Ethan swallowed, not really asking Kelly, but needing to hear an answer from someone, from anyone.
“She looks alright.” Kelly responded, his cigarette spent.
Ethan sighed, “I knew Phillips was a bad idea.”
“It wasn’t Phillips, Ethan.” Kelly’s soft voice murmured.
Ethan looked away, hiding his face from the truth of the matter.
“She’s Rachel Gunn, and Jefferson knew exactly what that meant.” Kelly said holding a fresh cigarette, his fingers delicately playing with the small thing, as if he was contemplating lighting it.
“Yeah well, that doesn’t make it right,” Ethan finished, standing up, hoping that Kelly wouldn’t follow him. He felt a personal validation in his soul; a new measure of certainty in his bones.
Kelly didn’t look up at him, didn’t even move from his spot, and Ethan knew that their talk was over. Kelly was done giving information just as much as Ethan was done hearing it.
He had to have a very personal conversation with his father.
He was Ethan Gunn, damn it, and it was time he started acting like it. Someone had to do something.
But as he took the necessary steps to the house, planning out the very words he would use on Peter Gunn, he stopped. It wasn’t his place after all. Who even knew if Peter would listen? He never had before.
“Damn it!” Ethan shouted at no one in particular, the heat and anger getting the better of him.
He saw Kelly glance in his direction, but there was no response. There was no need for one.
He was Ethan Gunn after all. A glance was all he ever warranted.
Chapter Five
Phillips Academy
Charleston, West Virginia
August 26th 2008
Jefferson
On the east side of Phillips campus there sat an old abandoned sports club. In its heyday it was used primarily for young gentlemen to lounge in while they convers
ed about world events. Now, it stood alone and empty, completely neglected while the rest of the world moved on.
On the second floor of the sports club there was an actual lounge complete with marble flooring and a rather grand staircase. In the middle of this lounge sat a dusty orange chair. In this chair sat Jefferson Williams, his legs crossed, watching Caleb unveil his master plan.
Jefferson had fought every bone in his body to not roll his eyes, but he still wanted to, even now, after he conceded that it was a good idea, he wanted to express his utter disgust in Caleb.
“It’s pretty simple once you look at it.” Ryan said thoughtfully as he studied the pieces of paper Caleb had laid on the ground. “I mean, that’s if you can get anyone to agree to it. This is going to take some work.”
“Well, yeah, everything takes works.” Caleb chuckled, “but I mean, no one is going to say no to this. Everyone knows that Phillips' grading system is complete bullshit and it’s always fuckin’ everything up for someone.”
“I have straight A's.” Jefferson interjected, his chin resting on his hand, partially covering his mouth, “So do some of the other people I associate myself with. They wouldn’t care for this.”
Caleb shot Jefferson a look that said he was both hurt and angry that Jefferson hadn’t immediately signed off on the idea. Jefferson tried to look like he cared but he knew the expression wasn’t as genuine as Caleb’s, nor as interesting.
“I know some people who might be interested.” Ryan spoke up, always the peacemaker, always the one that was making it possible for Jefferson and Caleb to be in the same room together. “I mean, I don’t know a lot, but I know some.”
At that Caleb’s hopes seemed to jump up, he looked at Ryan, knowing that Jefferson would have to sign off on the deal to make it work, “Do you think you could talk to them about it?”
Caleb paused on the word ‘them’ and Jefferson knew he meant to say ‘him’ and the only him that could possibly need some convincing still was studying Caleb with critical eyes, pretending that he was still on the fence about the whole thing. Jefferson looked at Ryan, waiting to see what he would say, waiting to see if Ryan would agree to Caleb’s plan.