I don’t know why I never noticed that they were father and son. As they stood there next to each other, it was plain as day.
I stood up from the stool and made my way over to the kitchen table were my bag and jacket lay folded. Finally, I had an escape. A get out of jail free card to leave this house and get back to my comfort zone.
I was gathering my things when I felt a light touch on my back. “Thank you for sitting with my boys tonight. I didn’t worry a single bit while I was away. I hope that they were good for you because I really love having you here. We want you to come back.”
Well, damn it. If I was going to back out of this job, well I can’t now. Why did she have to be so sweet?
Seriously.
“They were really good. I didn’t have any problems out of them.” I admitted.
“Good. If you will leave me your cell number, I can call you tomorrow. We can work on a schedule that will work for the both of us.”
I nodded. “I have a doctor appointment tomorrow morning, but I’ll be home the rest of the day.” I reached for my cell from my bag. “I am moving into my apartment on Saturday.”
“Do you have any help?” She asked. “Bentley, you’re off Saturday. You can help right?”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. My Mom and Dad are planning to help.”
“Well Bentley, can help your Dad with the big stuff. You’re not in any condition to be moving boxes and things. He won’t mind at all.”
My mouth opened and closed right back.
“I’d love to help.” Bentley looked at me from across the room.
I couldn’t possibly say no, but I wanted to scream. This wasn’t necessary. He was managing to weasel his way right into my life.
That irresistible smile and those damn charming eyes.
Ugh!
Why couldn’t I just say something?
Anything?
Nope. My mouth was clamped tight.
She took down my cell phone number and thanked me again several times. Doctor Miller thanked me too and they each offered big hugs. Somewhere in that time frame, Bentley had snuck away. He wasn’t next to his parents when I said goodbye.
I was relieved.
Only it didn’t last long. He was standing outside in the driveway as I made my way to my car.
I just wanted to go home.
“Goodnight Bentley.” I walked past where he stood.
“Hey, umm…” He started. I stopped next to my door. I so badly didn’t want to turn around. He still had no shirt on, my eyes liked to wander, and I was done feeling bad tonight.
Over it.
“I didn’t know that Mom was going to do that, and I’m sorry. But I really want to help. And not because I think you’re incredibly hot. I honestly want to be your friend.”
“I have enough friends.”
I heard him chuckle. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you have two tops.”
I snapped my head in his direction. “Excuse me.”
“That right there is why. You have too much attitude for friends. No one would put up with that smart ass mouth of yours.”
What? Was he seriously calling me a smart ass?
“You don’t even know me.”
“And you’re going to make perfectly sure that I never do.” He said. He stepped up close to me.
He was invading all of my space.
My body was betraying me. She was a bitch.
It was like I craved every part of him. This boy that I didn’t even know.
The light from the garage shined off of his body, and the smooth skin of his chest. It was tight and lean and I couldn’t stop looking. Staring.
“I don’t know much about you, but what I do know, I like. Despite your fiery comebacks and your attitude, I still see a beautiful girl. An intelligent girl. A girl that looked at me earlier the same way that I’ve been looking at her since I laid eyes on her. You are fighting it so hard. I don’t know why, and I may never know, but I wouldn’t dare do anything with you that you didn’t want to. I just want to be your friend. I promise that I’d be a good one.”
He closed in on the very last inches that separated us.
I sucked in a deep breath.
What are you doing to me Bentley?
Even Dane never had this effect on me. Never once did I feel like my body was floating away from me. It was the scariest most intense feeling I’d ever felt.
His rough, callused fingertips lifted my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.
Those eyes.
I could feel the powerful sensation that danced between us.
Those eyes.
That light scruff that lightly dusted his cheeks.
That slightly crooked nose that was just perfect for his face.
And those lips.
Those full lips that I just wanted to touch.
He looked deep into my eyes. It was like he was searching for something.
I felt like all of my secrets were right there and the harder he looked, the easier they would be to see.
But there was such a longing in those eyes. He wanted me. It was obvious. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wanted him too.
Lie. Lie. Lie.
His other hand reached out and touched my side. His hold was strong and felt like fire against my skin.
I couldn’t speak. There were no words. Not one single word that would be able to come out if I tried.
Without thinking, I closed this distance between our lips.
I couldn’t stop myself.
His lips were hungry for mine, and when he ran his tongue lightly against my lips, I let him in. No thoughts. Just pure lust. My insides were tingling, my stomach was in knots, and my girly parts were wet with desire.
My hands snaked around his back and I pulled him as close to me as I could. Close enough to feel every inch of his front that touched mine.
I moaned a little louder than I should have and he pulled me tighter. He pressed my back against the car.
Never, ever, since I had been kissing boys had someone kissed me with so much passion? He was so good. His lips moved with mine, and I wanted him to touch me everywhere.
Every part of me screamed for him.
For him.
Not Dane.
Oh my God.
“Stop.” I pushed him off of me. “Oh my God. What am I doing?” I meant to say that to myself, but it just came out.
“I’m sorry. I should have stopped you, but once it happened there was no way in hell I could pull away.” He admitted, and ran his fingers through his unruly hair.
My breathing was finally slowing down, but the regret was creeping up my throat. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to get the hell out of here.
“I shouldn’t have done that. God I’m sorry. Please don’t get the wrong impression. That can’t ever happen again.”
He shook his head. His eyes met mine and I could see the disappointment in them. “Yeah, I better get inside.”
I should have known that I would hurt him. He didn’t understand. He’d never understand. It was probably better that I hurt him now and got it over with. A friendship with him would be far too hard for me.
“Goodnight Bentley.”
I climbed in the car and watched him walk back to the garage. I hadn’t cried for hours. I guess that was too long. The tears fell hard. I cried for Dane. I cried for Bentley. I cried for myself. And I cursed myself hard. I see why people punish themselves and hurt themselves physically. If I were a little less sane, now would be one of those times. Luckily I cry and curse myself. That’s my default, and I’m good at it.
When I got back home and inside my room, I knew what I had to do. To tell Dane the truth before it ate my insides up.
I pulled out the journal and opened it to the next blank page.
Dear Dane,
I’m so stupid. I kissed him Dane. I kissed this guy named Bentley. But that’s not even the worst part. I did it because I wanted to. I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again. I p
romise.
Love,
Wren
THE NEXT MORNING AT WORK, I WAS in a shitty ass mood. I shouldn’t have been. My mind was fucking blown with that kiss. Everything about it made me want her more. If she would have let me, I would have taken care of her needs. I knew she wanted me. Her body reacted to every touch. So did mine. I wanted her. I still want her.
I’ve never been so frustrated in all my life. She wasn’t some girl that I could have mindless sex with and fulfill my needs. She was more. So much more that I couldn’t shake her.
I tried.
All night long I tried to think of something else besides that pale white skin that burned into my fingertips. It was too hard. She already consumed me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
A loud bang sounded when I dropped another can on the floor.
“You keep doing that and the boss is going to shit, Miller,” Luke said as he lightly tapped my shoulder breaking me from my trance. He was a co-worker of mine and the two of us had become pretty good friends. “Where is that head of yours?”
“Not here.”
“That’s for sure, Man.” He continued stocking the shelf. “Want to ride over to Mel’s tonight. She’s having a bonfire, and there’s beer.”
I didn’t really have to think about it. I knew that it would feel good to get the red head off my brain.
“Hell yes, I do.”
“Sweet.”
“We’ll head over about eight.”
“Alright.” I went back to work. If you could consider it work. I was doing a piss poor job. If I didn’t need the money, I’d tell them not to even pay me for today. It wasn’t like I did them any good. Eight o’clock couldn’t get there fast enough.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” I STOOD IN THE doorway staring at my best friend.
“You’re mom called me.” Sawyer’s face was sad. Her expression hurt. “She said you had a doctor’s appointment today and I was hoping that I could go with you. I really want to talk to you.”
There were no words. I had missed this girl so much. I had gone from talking to my best friend every day, to not talking to her at all. It hurt so damn much. And seeing her stand here now I wished that I could take all those weeks back. She was my sister.
Without hesitation, I pulled her to me. As tight as I could. I hugged my best friend like I was about to say goodbye. Like I hadn’t seen her in years. I missed her with everything that I had. I loved her.
“I’m sorry.” I cried onto her shoulder.
“No, I’m sorry.” Her voice was mumbled into my hair, but she was crying too. “I should have been here for you.”
“No I should have been there for you.”
“Never again. Let’s never shut each other out again. No matter what.”
“Okay.” We stood there locked in each other’s arms and cried together. For each other and for a guy we both missed so much.
“We better get going.” I said.
She stood back and took a good look at me. “You don’t have makeup on Wren. I can wait here for you to get yourself together.”
I waved her off and grabbed my purse from rack where it hung next to the door.
“Seriously Wren, you can’t leave without your makeup.” She stood there waiting for me to run back upstairs. That was the old me. The new me didn’t want to be noticed. Didn’t want to stand out. I could care less.
“Come on,” I grabbed her hand and pulled her out the door.
“Did hell freeze over and I didn’t get the memo?” She followed me to the car.
“I just don’t care anymore. People look at me enough as it is. I don’t want to give them another reason.”
“Touché’”
She climbed in the car next to me.
“I can’t believe this.” She reached over and rubbed my belly. “Hi there little baby. I’m your aunt Saw. I can’t wait to see you.” She cooed.
The smile on my face was the biggest it had ever been. I had been missing this. Missing her. She was a constant in my life, always. So the separation had been just as hard on me as Dane’s death. I felt like I lost two people at once, but I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to force her into seeing me when she wasn’t ready. We had to grieve.
“Waylon said to tell you hi and so did Travis.”
Travis was the best thing that ever happened to Sawyer and Waylon was just the icing on top of the cake. He was Travis’s little brother that he’d been taking care of since his mom split. The three of them were so good for each other. Waylon had stability and the two of them had love. Despite all the tragedy in her life, love looked good on her. They keep her holding on. They keep her strong. If something ever happened to those boys, she’d have to be put away. She would completely lose her mind.
“Tell them I said hi too.” I smiled. “Mom and Dad helped me find a place of my own and I’m moving in this weekend. Maybe the three of you could come up to visit. If you want?”
“We would love too, but you can show me the place today. You have me the entire night. I already talked to Travis and I plan on spending the night. Just like old times. Well, not that old, but it does feel like it’s been a long time.” Her face was sad and lost, but she was still my beautiful best friend.
“That sounds really good.” And it did. I needed to get my mind off of things, and I knew that’s what she needed too. She was trying hard not to break. I could see it.
Together we had always been a force to be reckoned with. Not so much now, but we were one step closer in the right direction.
The Doctor’s office wasn’t nearly as busy as usual. It didn’t take long for me to be called back and Sawyer seemed so excited. Today was ultrasound day so for her to be there with me meant a lot.
The nurse had me propped up on the thin table with my legs stretched out. My shirt was pushed up. I was ready. I’d done this many times now, with all the complications I’d been having. This time was different. Sawyer was there. I had someone to share it with. Someone I love, who was a part of Dane.
When the little wand rolled across my protruding belly, you could almost instantly hear the heartbeat. That was my favorite part and Saw’s first time hearing it. She stood up and walked over by the table next to me. I felt her hand grip mine and I squeezed it tightly. I couldn’t look at her for fear that there would be tears.
“Everything looks great. Measurements are a little small, but not much for concern. The baby’s heartbeat is strong. Have you been taking your vitamins?” The lady asked.
“Yes, they make me a bit nauseous, but I haven’t stopped taking them. I have been having a few leg cramps and my girls have been so sore.” I pointed to my chest. Sawyer laughed.
“That’s normal. As long as your legs aren’t swelling, then we’re good.”
“No, no swelling. Just in this general area.” I waved my hands around my stomach.
The nurse smiled.
Already my mood and attitude were different with Saw here. A little piece of my old self shined a little. It felt good.
“You want to know what you’re having,” the nurse asked and I nearly fell over.
“You can tell. Isn’t it a little early?”
“In some cases. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you can’t. But I just got a photo from the perfect position.”
“Yes I want to know.” I put a death grip on Sawyer’s hand.
“It’s a girl.”
“Really?” I sucked in a deep breath and the tears started falling. I couldn’t believe it. My baby. Our baby was a girl. A precious sweet baby girl.
The nurse reached for and handed me several tissues. Then she handed some to Sawyer. When I looked up at her, she was crying as bad as me. But she was smiling too. This was an amazing moment.
All this time I thought that I’d be bringing this baby into the world alone. I now realize that she’ll never let that happen. My best friend would be by my side, and she’d be the best aunt ever.
We had to go shopping
when we left the Doctor’s office. I had to buy something pink for the baby.
I couldn’t believe it.
A girl.
I called Mom and Dad to share the news. Mom cried so hard and Dad told me that she’d be the prettiest red headed baby he would ever see. Besides me of course. Just having their support was worth more than they knew.
The day was beautiful and we walked around a bit outside the baby store. Just catching up. We never once talked about Dane. It was as if he was on vacation. Not as if he were dead. I also failed to tell her about Bentley. Not that there was much to talk about, but I wouldn’t be able to bear the look of betrayal that I knew would be on her face.
Shit, the look would be all over my face too.
We grabbed some food and drove over to my new place. We had barely made it inside when my phone rang. It was Layla, Doctor Miller’s wife.
I waved her inside while I took the call.
“Hello.”
“Wren,” she spoke cheerfully.
“Yes.”
“This is Layla. I hope this isn’t a bad time.”
I closed the door and stepped inside the kitchen. “No, it’s fine.”
“Oh good, well I was looking over things and I found a schedule that works for me. It looks like I would need you on Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Fridays. From three until nine. I will also need you two Saturday nights a month if you could do it. I know it’s a lot to ask. Greg will be in and out. He works some from his office at home, but even when he is home working he stays so secluded back there.”
“That sounds great. I can do that.” It really did sound ideal. Off three days a week. Not bad at all.
“Great. I’m so thankful. Now I can start getting some work done.” She released a heavy breath. “If you can start Monday that would be wonderful.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Thank you, Wren. Oh, how did the doctor’s visit go?”
I was a bit surprised. We didn’t know each other on that kind of level. I could picture that being something her husband would ask.
“It went good today. I found out that I’m having a girl.”
“Awe.” She said. “I’m so jealous. I’ll trade you some of these boys.”
Causing Heartbreak Page 6