"Are we SURE we're doing this?" Christine asked, her eyes fixated on the woman's flapping bum, which none of us received any amount of comfort or encouragement from. I could see she wanted to laugh but was struggling to hold it in.
"No..." replied Liana.
"But we're doing it anyway, aren't we..."
"Apparently."
I chuckled softly to myself. Out of nowhere came another masseuse, brusquely waving us toward her as if she were angry we were blocking the doorway. She silently pointed to some tables and we approached them. Two more arrived and quickly sized up their victims. Within moments they had us lined up, laying flat and side by side, trading secret sideways looks of amusement and trepidation.
The masseuse worked her magic all over my body like a stern school marm, finding her way into every nook and cranny, however respectfully. I am endlessly surprised at the sheer disinterest in their faces as they gossip with each other in Korean. Are they talking about me? Or are they just bored to death with the increasingly unremarkable nudity before them? Either way, it's mildly offensive to someone who'd kill to have their job.
Their hands zipped back and forth, crudely sloughing off invisible layers of dead skin cells that only really started to make me feel unclean upon witnessing their removal. Intermittent splashes of lukewarm water crashed over our bodies, the dregs of which were soon winding their way down the drain beneath our tables. It prompted the silent question, "Why does anyone do this?" which one can't help but ask in that moment of delirious discomfort.
However, the moment we stepped out of the room Christine and Liana immediately paused to marvel at how soft and clean their skin felt.
"That was the most horrible-yet-rewarding experience I've ever had," said Christine, running one hand over her arm with a look of fascination. She looked flush, a little pinkish. Liana giggled and examined her softened body as well. We stood there in a circle, rubbing our bodies, absorbed in a freshness that extinguished any earlier regrets.
"Spick-and-span," Liana cooed.
For the next hour we carried our bodies about that place as if they were brand new. Polished. Spectacular. We sparkled.
After the eye-opening scrub treatment, Christine and Liana romped back through the saunas and whirlpools by my side as if we'd gone to battle together and subsequently returned victorious. They seemed to lose all awareness of their nudity; comfortable in their skin, no longer avoiding the gestures or angles that threatened to expose the last, uncharted nooks and crannies of their bodies that only lovers might have navigated in passionate moments.
Their newfound freedom was full of exuberance. It was addictive. It made my heart swell and verge upon a certain rupture born out of pure, indulgent emotion. Best of all, the fleeting physicality of our earlier encounter by the cold shower, so full of hesitancy and cautiousness, was replaced by an enormity of trust communicated in the slight touches of our bodies, or the full-on embraces we gave each other in the midst of our merry animation.
As far as I was concerned, the event was one that should never end. But it did, as the hour grew late and the distant call of a delicious, clothed meal became louder. No one rushed to get dressed, however. There was a certain sadness there. The loss of a comfortable and welcome vulnerability between good friends.
And, perhaps, something a bit more for me.
***
My want for others is like a drug that I always come crashing down from, before sinking into the dark loneliness of my simmering desires. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't just become an ascetic and spend the rest of my life living in silence at the top of a mountain, restricting myself from all pleasures of the flesh for the sake of my own sanity.
But then there are days that send me tumbling back down that mountain into the welcoming embrace of humanity with all its quirks, and fetishes, and passions, and surprises. On these days, I ask myself, "Why did I ever retreat from this?" Surely, sooner or later, the cosmic balance will always right itself, and one shall reap the rewards. I'm coming around to honestly believing that. So along came one of those days. For once I was handed a magical dose of blissful karma for reasons I may never know... and it freed me from a dark part of myself that I'm determined to let remain purged forever.
A few days into my new job, everything was already going right. I loved my new boss and my coworkers. My responsibilities were engaging. I felt like I was filling a void. Christine and Liana were expecting to hear me dish on all the details. When I was finally ready to tell them how I was settling into the new position, they immediately did what I can always count on them to do: use it as an excuse to seek the proper libations.
"How do you want to celebrate? I've got a new place with a great happy hour," Christine texted us, with three too many exclamation points.
"Honestly, guys, I'm exhausted from the week so far. There's plenty to drink here. Wanna just come over?" I suggested. They gladly agreed. Who doesn't want free drinks, anyway? I added some flourish to our group text with an animated cat gif, then declared, "We can eat Bebops and watch 'The Adventures of Magic Molly'!" -- eager to share with them my private ritual of eating fruity candy while watching vaguely proto-gay cartoon heroines.
Later, Christine and Liana stormed in for a merry evening of camaraderie and drinking. Sure enough, we watched television and ate way too much candy, so that I didn't have to feel gross all by myself. I poured us some bourbon, my spirit of choice, having been virtually nursed on the stuff, and the goofing-off commenced. Then things took an unexpected twist. Some length into the affair, with its growing humidity, Christine yanked off her top, completely out of the blue, before sitting there in her bra with a look of mild unease.
"Okay, summer's here, that's for sure," she said, revealing her reason for the odd gesture. "Aren't you both hot?" she added, moments later.
"Oh god, don't do this to me now," I thought, perceiving her actions in a manner she may not have intended. "This is real life, not a porno." I almost wanted to believe that Christine was setting me up for another sadistic tease.
"A little," Liana answered.
"Sorry guys, the AC is on but it takes a little while to reach here from the bedroom," I rushed to explain.
Liana wiggled out of her shirt too, but sat there self-consciously. I wanted to facepalm. Instead, I groaned and took mine off, reluctantly agreeing to complete what I was sure was Christine's endless joke about my sexuality.
"We've endured worse heat together," I chuckled, immediately regretting the fact that I called more attention to the experience of nudity that we had recently shared, the thought of which only served to cause me further self-inflicted frustration.
"Yeah, THAT was hot," Liana said, fanning herself and recalling the extreme heat of the sauna.
"But there you have the luxury of not wearing anything. Although I suppose to make this a real party for Ashley we could just all hang out naked," Christine remarked. I shifted with discomfort as she finally came upon her punchline. Picking up on my unease, Christine asked, "Uh oh, is this turning you on again?"
"No. Yes... Maybe," I responded with a sarcastic indecisiveness.
Christine sat up with a sudden alertness. "Dun - dun - daaa," she began to sing as she shifted her shoulders back and forth and then began to slowly slide down one strap of her bra. Liana started to giggle.
"Okay, yes-- give me a strip tease, because that's completely appropriate and won't leave me feeling sad and alone tonight," I shot back.
"Who says you'll be sad and alone?" she teased, with a wink. She left one strap hanging and then danced her fingers across her chest to loosen the other. It fell limp off to the side. She whipped her hair around and then raised her arms over her head, striking a sexy pose while I shook my head.
However, she didn't stop there. Loosened up with an excess of hard liquor, she reached back and went so far as to unsnap her bra. Her breasts bounced free from their usual constraints in the most exaggerated manner than she could muster, and I began to wonder if Chris
tine had been delivered to me by karma as punishment for violating the bounds of my early friendship with Rachel. Like a maniacal she-devil, Christine was soon reduced to a fit of laughter on the floor, rolling around topless at the sight of the pathetic pout that had emerged on my face.
"Awww..." she sighed, in a display of sarcastic sympathy. She scooted her butt over to me and then wrapped her arms around my body. As humorous as this was for her, the embrace was nonetheless tender and genuine. Still, I could count the many refills of bourbon on her breath and began to wonder what was behind that level of indulgence, reckless even for her. I suddenly wished I was that shit-faced myself.
"Feel better?" she asked.
I glanced down at her body. "I'm coming around..." I said, smirking.
"Okay, what would make you feel better?"
"I dunno..."
Christine paused for a moment, studying my eyes. They darted back and forth with equal curiosity. I remember vaguely being lost there for a moment, communicating nothing except perhaps mild confusion, or maybe she just saw deeper than that.
"Well, how about this?" she asked, lowering in volume; not quite to conceal anything but rather to reveal something I had not seen...
Christine leaned in and planted her lips on mine; as softly and artfully as she could given her downgraded faculties. Rather than reacting with surprise, I felt myself fall into it, receiving it deeply, as if I had been anticipating it for years. While my mind was fumbling over itself, my body was carried forward with a surprising ease, searching for a satisfaction that I had long ached for.
The kiss quickly expired and then immediately renewed itself with an increased vigor. I felt her own want reflected in mine. Her bold action finally began to register in my mind as the dust settled and the reality of the moment sunk in.
I pulled away and found myself still searching her eyes. I glanced over, suddenly aware of Liana's presence. Her eyebrows were raised and her mouth was slightly parted with a whimsical look. "Uhh..." Liana began to utter.
I felt myself second guess what just happened. I closed up. My defenses had kicked in.
"Okay, first," I said, raising a finger, "fuck you." I spit out a sudden laugh, forced up my throat in a wave of emotion. "Two: if you ever do that again, you'd better be prepared to follow through with it!"
Christine appeared to be taken aback. "Who says I wouldn't?" she said with a smirk.
"Don't mess with me..." As I heard myself say this, I suddenly felt a crushing weight on my chest. I knew exactly how it felt to have your feelings come out all wrong, if at all.
Could it be that Christine was me in that moment, venturing into the unknown with a curious and unexpected kiss... and I was playing the role of her Rachel?
"I'm not messing with you!" she protested. "Did you not believe what I said at the sauna?"
"About what?"
"About, you know..."
My eyes widened. "Wait... are you... hold up."
Liana interjected, "Um... guys... I'm right here..."
"You're fucking drunk..." I laughed, rolling my eyes dismissively. "You wouldn't really..."
"Okaaaay," Christine teased, scooting backward and wrapping her arms around her knees. "If you really don't want to find out whether I'm serious or not..."
"ARE you serious?"
"I'm not-NOT serious."
I gave her a hard look, dumbfounded. "Prove it," I snapped.
"Really?"
"I'm not-NOT asking you to prove it." I folded my arms, waiting for this cruel joke to finally end.
Instead, she gave me a silent look with a seriousness that still took me by surprise. I watched as she shifted her weight to the side and then reached down to slip her jeans off. She tossed them to the side, narrowed her eyes at me, and then did the same with her panties. Christine laid back on the living room rug and parted her legs, opening herself to me fully.
"Show me what I'm missing. I'm really, genuinely curious," she said with a softness to her voice that she only exhibited at those rare times when the joking ceased.
I barely had to look to see that Liana's jaw had dropped. In that instant, my world was disrupted. I stopped breathing. The universe had just opened up before me, an eager voyager.
"You-- are you... sure?" I sputtered.
She nodded back at me. There was no fear in her eyes. No awkwardness. Just determination and wonder.
It's funny. You think about something a million times, over and over in your head, and the instant it happens you can't move. I was stuck in that moment, transfixed, disbelieving, spinning my wheels like a car trapped in the mud. Then I felt something finally catch and I lurched forward as if urged by some external volition. I was immediately at her neck, tucked in there with my quick breath and soft kisses as if still afraid to return to her lips. I felt no surprise from her, no horror, no laughter, so I moved downward, slowly, with some part of me still expecting her to back out.
I reached her breasts and I began to kiss them too. I cupped them, seizing them with ardor, and popped her nipples in my mouth where they firmed up against my tongue. Yet still, she showed no signs of resistance. She lay there mewing like a cat. I pulled away in amazement, gazing at her puffy pink nipples now glistening with my saliva. We exchanged a smile as I lowered down between her quivering thighs until I confronted myself with the flat trail of dark hair leading downward.
I felt her shiver as my fingers grazed her body. She gave all control over to me as I softly stroked the tender skin of her pliant outer labia, then I spread her open. Memories of magnolia petals and summer cherries flooded my mind. I salivated, struggling to find dimension in the nebulous, all-consuming desire that clouded my entire being. I lowered my nose to her flesh and inhaled deeply, entranced by her body and all of its gifts.
Offering her my tongue, I teased and I tickled. I caressed and I cuddled. I tiptoed my way over her body with a slow progression of pleasure that was every bit of revenge for her cruel seduction as it was intended to be. And then I gave Christine the royal treatment, lest there be any doubt in her mind as to whether she'd made the right decision. I varied my technique, using my tongue, my lips, even my breath. Gently tugging her labia, sucking her clit, I felt her body romp and rage beneath mine, whimpering like a lunatic dizzy with passion.
I frantically reached back and struggled to find the clasp of my bra while I continued to drown myself in Christine's nether regions. I felt a pop and my breasts fell free, my body surging with the desire to be as naked and vulnerable as she was. I set about on an odyssey across her body, exploring it until it was as intimately familiar as my own. I tried to imagine what she was thinking. How all boundaries had just been ceremoniously torn down. I imagined how she was feeling, enraged with strange endorphins, having known me so long as just a friend and interacting with me in ways so distant from the language of lovers.
And now here I was, crazed with lust for her delicious body and she for mine. How taboo it was! How much a violation against the very foundation of our relationship, for me to enjoy her this way. And how much neither of us seemed to care!
I began to hear short bursts of air escape her nostrils as she puffed them with the shock of a suddenly building pleasure. Her body felt like a pressure chamber, on the verge of blowing.
"Oh my god..." she mumbled. Her movements became more severe and halting. "Oh my god!" she moaned, suddenly much louder. "Fuck! Fuck! Ash!" she screamed as she sprung to her forearms, craning her neck down toward me as if in horror at my enthusiastic efforts. "Mmmmmggh!" she finally moaned as I felt the crisis of her devastation against my face, softly mashing her wet pussy toward my mouth with a series of involuntary jerks. I licked her sopping vulva clean like a greedy child.
I collapsed backward onto my feet, breathing rapidly and still high on a surge of adrenaline over the unexpected developments. Christine stared up at the ceiling with a comical expression that eradicated any necessity for actual words. Still, they began to sputter out again, starting with: "Holy f
uck."
"Good?" I asked, wiping my chin and laughing.
She didn't answer. She couldn't clear the grin from her face enough for a single word. Christine rocked her head to the side and glanced over at Liana, who was still frozen in a state of amused disbelief. It was obvious what she was suggesting.
Liana started laughing, finding herself forced to entertain the notion of something she might have been hesitant to consider. I looked at her, hopeful and curious that she'd want to take her turn. Her eyes zipped back and forth between Christine dizzily bringing herself upright and my edge-of-the-seat curiosity. She must have felt deeply intimidated, but I couldn't help but wonder...
Before either of us got a response out of Liana, Christine rolled over, practically on top of me, saying, "I wanna try it. I want to go down on you."
I peered at her for a moment, digesting her keen interest, but not for long. "Let's see whatcha got, babe," I growled. I knew Christine could never resist a challenge. If there was even a bet to be made, I already wanted to lose.
I practically flung myself onto the rug, sliding my underwear off as if she was in danger of changing her mind, and offering myself to Christine just as she had done for me. I slipped my hand down between my legs and over my mons, feeling the short bristles of my barely-emergent fuzz graze my palm. The clean V-shaped split of my index and middle finger revealed all my wonders to her; velvety, inviting, impatient for her touch.
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