“Tylan–”
“Liar!” Ryder yells as he gets up and charges towards Lick. “She’s just gone! She’s not dead.” I think he’s going to try to take a swing, but once his hand comes around, Lick grabs it and uses Ryder’s momentum to wrap his arm around him, pinning his back to Lick’s chest. “She’s just gone.” Angry sobs leave his chest. As tears roll down his face. Roxy throws herself into me, wrapping her arms around my neck. Ryder grunts and fights Lick for control, but it’s no use. Ryder’s no match for his uncle.
“It’s true.”
“No,” Ryder spits.
“You need to settle down, boy. I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to settle that ass. Now.” I can tell Lick tightens his grip until Ryder calms down. His chest is still heaving, but the fight is leaving his body. Emotions rip through him, leaving him still. Broken.
Fucking shit.
This kid is wild and angry. So fucking angry. He tosses his body against mine, acting like his skinny ass is gonna break away from me. Fuck no. When I apply more pressure around his rib cage, he relaxes a bit and his temper begins to simmer. I can feel his chest swell with each deep breath and that’s what I want. I need this kid to slow his breathing so he can get his emotions under control.
“You good?” I ask quietly. He nods his head slowly. I’m not reassured, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I loosen my hold, and he does nothing to retaliate.
“I know this is hard,” Jenni says as she continues to soothe a crying Roxy. “I know this is a lot for you two to take in. This isn’t something any child should have to deal with, but you aren’t alone.”
“Aren’t we?” Ryder asks. “We’ve never met him before.” He throws his thumb in Lick’s direction. “Mom’s never tried to reach out to anyone. It’s always been the three of us. So how are we not alone?”
“Because you have family now,” Jenni tells him.
Lies. She’s spouting lies, and I can’t stand it. She seriously needs to take a fucking hint and stop this nonsense about family bullshit.
I swallow the guilt. Just a few days ago, I was standing in front of my father, promising to find his grandchildren and now that I have, the first thing that’s on my mind is how to ‘un-find’ them. I don’t have time for this shit. I wasn’t fucking joking when I told my sister all those year ago I wasn’t up to having kids, and I’m not gonna start now.
“Thank you for informing the children about their mother. We like that sort of news to be given to them by their family and not by a stranger, though the news is hard either way,” Maggie says as she sets a milk crate on the table in front of her.
There wasn’t much more to say to the kids once I told them what they needed to hear. I wasn’t gonna sugar coat shit. I don’t believe in covering up the darkness with some sunshine shit. What’s the fucking point to that? Why try to shine the shit because even after all your hard work, it’s still shit. People gotta take the hand they’re dealt and deal with it. Accept it and push past it. Move the fuck on.
My sister is dead. Their mother is dead.
No need to make it look pretty.
“I wish it was said a little bit different.” Jenni cuts her eyes to me. I know she doesn’t like how I handled it, but fuck that. It needed to be said.
“There’s no reason for it to be said any different. It doesn’t change the meaning, so I did what I thought needed to be done. Now it’s over and we can move the fuck on.”
“Yes, speaking of that,” Maggie starts, “I’m not sure if you’re aware or not, but once the children were brought in, we had a court liaison go over to the apartment building where they were staying with their mother. We like to be able to gather anything the kids might want like stuffed animals and photos, but the apartment manager had already cleaned the place out. Evidently, your sister was behind on rent.”
“Shocker,” I tell her.
“We were able to gather a few pieces of clothing and a couple of toys, but not much. The children didn’t really have much of anything.” She points to the plastic crate on the table. “This is the last of your sister’s personal belongings that were collected by the apartment manager. I thought you’d like to take it with you.”
“You thought wrong–”
“Thank you, Maggie.” Jenni grabs the crate and sets it next to her.
“Okay, that’s done. We’re going to need you to sign a few forms. I’m going to need proof of residence, and income.” She set down a stack of papers. “Once these are filled out, I’m going to need to run a background check.” She briefly regards me. “That won’t be a problem, right? This can be temporary or permanent. We don’t need to make any decisions now, but we do like to see all children placed permanently with family.”
“Wait a second.”
She continues to lay white sheet after white sheet on the table in front of me.
“I said wait the fucking second,” I growl, causing her to pull her hand back and give me a hardened glare.
“Tylan–” Jenni scoots up in her chair.
“No.” I point my finger towards her. “Don’t Tylan me.”
“What’s the problem?” Maggie asks.
“The problem is that I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. Why in the hell do I need to fill out this shit?”
“We need to clear you before you’re allowed to have the children in your custody.”
“Here’s the thing with that. I don’t want them in my custody.”
She gasps at my revelation.
“Can you please give us a minute, Maggie?” Jenni asks.
“Of course.”
Before I can get another word out, the old broad is out of her chair and closing the door behind her.
“Jesus Christ, help me. Tylan.” Metal scrapes against the cold linoleum floor as she pushes to her feet.
“Jesus Christ, help you? Are you seriously going to use the Lord’s name in vain? That’s not very Christian of you, Sugar Tits.”
She squares her shoulders and straightens her back. “I’m not using the Lord’s name in vain. I’m asking for divine intervention to keep me from killing you! You aren’t going to change the subject, so don’t even try.”
I chuckle before meeting her eyes. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“What’s your deal?” Her hands come flying up, all exasperated and shit.
“My deal? I don’t have a deal.”
“You’re being an ass.”
“Wow, now she cusses. What’s going on with you?”
“Why aren’t you being more helpful with your niece and nephew?”
“I’m not sure how helpful you want me to be.”
“Fill out the paperwork.” She takes a step towards the table and pushes the papers in my direction.
“Not gonna happen.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want it to happen.”
“But they need you.”
“No, they don’t. They need anyone but me.”
“They’re your family.”
“Sometimes being family doesn’t mean shit, and you know that.”
“Gah! Why can’t you see that they’re scared and they need you?”
“They don’t need me.” I stand, leaning over the table so I can make sure she’s seeing me. “They’ve spent twenty minutes with me. They know that case worker better than they know me, so technically she would be a better fit for them.”
“You’re unbelievable,” she groans.
“So I’ve been told.”
She doesn’t respond. She stands there, tapping her foot chewing on her nails as she stares off into space.
Sitting back down in the hard as fuck plastic chair, I lean back. “Listen. I’m a biker. I like to go when and where I want, and I sure as shit don’t need to be worrying about no kids even if they have my blood flowing through their body. I’m not good for them. I don’t have the fucking patience. And you’re forgetting one thing.”
“What’s that?”
she asks.
“I live in the fucking clubhouse. That ain’t no place for kids. Fuck, they’re not even allowed. There ain’t no way I would be allowed to keep those kids, not when any type of agency sees where I live. Even if I wanted to, it couldn’t happen.”
A smile spreads across her face, and a glint shines in her eyes. I’m not sure I like the look she’s giving, but before I can ask her what the fuck is going on in that pretty little head she makes her way to the door and swings it open.
“How long will the background check take?” she asks, nodding her head as she listens to whoever is talking to her. “And then you’ll need to do an inspection of the living arrangements?”
Oh, hell no.
“And once everything goes through the kids can come live with us?”
Oh hell to the no.
She hops on her toes and claps her hands. When she turns towards me, her face is overcome with joy. “Grab the crate and the papers, Tylan. We’ve got a club meeting to attend.”
Fuck my life.
“Why are we meeting at my house?” Cut asks as the last guy takes a seat in his living room. Lily, Cut’s wife, is already curled up on the couch. Sin’s here, of course, and Dyke. Everyone else is working recon on a big case and couldn’t come.
“Because there’s something that we need to discuss with you, and I thought it would be better to be here rather than the clubhouse.” Once we’d left Social Services, I got on the phone with Savannah and told her what was going on.
“Would that be because you wouldn’t be allowed in Jury?” he counters.
“Yes, but it really doesn’t have anything to do with the club.”
“Does it have something to with a member of my club?”
“Yes.”
His eyes find Lick who has been sitting quietly in more of the kitchen area then the living room with the rest of us. “Does this have something to do with that lady that showed up at my mom’s earlier?”
“Yes,” I answer for him.
“Have you lost the ability to speak, Lick.”
Lick’s head snaps to Cut. “No, I haven’t lost the ability to speak.” He pushes to his feet and makes his way into the living room. “But all this is a waste of fucking time.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “And I’m not about to indulge her.” He lifts his head in my direction.
“Heaven forbid you indulge me, Lick.”
“What the hell has gotten into the two of you?” Sin asks.
“I’m surprised you don’t already know.” Lick eyes Savannah.
“Don’t even look at me, Lick. It’s not happening,” Savannah responds.
“Cut the shit and tell me what’s going on.”
“My sister had some kids,” Lick says before I have the chance to explain. “And Jenni,” he says my name as if it’s a dang swear word, “thinks it’s a great idea for me to take them in. But she doesn’t think past her tits because if she did then we wouldn’t be standing here, bothering you and bringing shit to your door that you don’t need or care for.”
“They need to be with their family,” I defend my reasoning. “Their mom just died, and Tylan is the only one they have left.”
“What about the father?” Cut asks.
“Not in the picture. They don’t know who he, or they, are. No one is listed on the birth certificates,” I tell him.
“And you don’t want them?” Lily asks.
“Sure as fuck don’t.”
“He’s projecting. He doesn’t mean that. He’s mad at his sister, so he’s taking it out on the kids.”
“I’m sure as fuck not.”
I turn to him, not caring that others are in the room. “Yes, you are. You’re pissed off because she chose a path you didn’t want for her, and she’s not here for you to take it out on, so you’re doing the next best thing and making those kids suffer for their mother’s sins. That’s not right. No kid should have to suffer for their parents’ mistakes.”
His eyes widen at my last remark. He knows what I’m referring to, and I feel awful referencing it, but desperate times and all.
“When the fuck did you become an expert?”
“You guys need to calm it down,” Sin says.
“No offense, brother, but I really don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” He points at Savannah. “I know what your outlook is on things that need saving, and I’m not about to put myself through that shit.”
“What I did has nothing to do with you,” Sin counters. “I did what I felt was right.”
“And you feel that I should do what she wants?”
Sin shakes his head. “No, I feel that you should do what you want.”
“He doesn’t know what he wants,” I rebut.
“He might,” Savannah says. “He knows himself better than anyone else. And we know him well enough not to push him into doing anything he doesn’t want to do.”
I can’t believe she isn’t siding with me.
“I think you need to take some time to think about it,” Cut says.
“I don’t need time,” Lick disagrees.
Cut shakes his head. “I think you do, brother. All this is a lot to take in and a lot to deal with. This is huge, and there are two innocent kids you need to think about. As much as it sucks, you need to think about what’s best for them. Keeping them in the system is a huge risk. You don’t know what nut jobs are out there and what nightmares you’ll be introducing to them. Whatever you decide, the club will stand by you. And you’ll have a place to bring them. There’s always a house ready for you if you need it.” Cut take a few steps and pats Lick on the back.
“You need to think hard about this, Tylan,” I say.
His face is blank when he finally turns his attention to me. He’s struggling with this, but I know deep down in my gut that this is what needs to happen. For him and for those kids.
“I don’t need to do shit,” he spits.
I pad over to him, reaching out to place my hand on his arm. “You can guarantee that the cycle doesn’t continue. If you let them go, you’ll regret it.”
“I won’t regret shit.”
He pulls away from my touch and walks out the door.
I slam the door to my room. Kicking my shit around, I try to relieve some of the frustration that I feel coursing through my body. I’m on the fucking edge. I roll my shoulders, trying to relax but it’s not fucking working. Jenni has my head all fucked up. Her big doe eyes, her big fucking heart. Those perky tits and ass are fucking with my head. I need a release. I need to feel the control because right now I feel it slipping.
A knock on my door has my head snapping in its direction.
“Hey.” Sin enters my room, carrying that fucking crate. He lifts it up and drops it on my bed. “Jenni wanted you to have this.” His eyes drift from me to the crate then back to me. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“When did you grow a pussy? No, fuck that, I don’t wanna talk about it.” I feel the burn in my shoulders intensify. I drop down into the chair, before rubbing my hands over my head.
“Death sucks, dude.” I meet his stare but I don’t say shit. “I know you loved your sister, man.”
“You really don’t.”
“Don’t allow your sister’s mistakes to darken the love you had for her.”
“Don’t talk to me about shit you don’t know about, yeah?”
“I know you tried to protect her. When you had every right to get the fuck outta dodge, you stayed.”
My body stiffens at his words. “Oh yeah, and where did you hear that shit from?”
He sits at the foot of my bed, facing me. “Jesus, Lick. You’ve been around since we were both kids. Don’t fucking think that I didn’t see shit. That I didn’t hear shit. I get the jest of the shit you’ve been through. I see how it affects you today, and that’s fine. But you really can’t let your shit from your past taint the possibility of tomorrow. If you do, then you let all those fucks from your past win, and they really aren’t worth it.”<
br />
“What I’m doing is forgetting a little more about the fucked-up world I came from.” I stand, needing to put a little distant between Sin and me. “Having those kids around is only going to make me hold on.”
“No.” He looks at me. “Having those kids around is going to allow you to see that everything you went through was worth it. It may not have helped your sister, but now you’ve got two individual pieces of her to look after. Just because it didn’t work out the first time doesn’t mean it won’t work out this time.”
“You’ve gone soft.”
“I haven’t gone soft. I think I’ve finally got my eyes open enough to see that where I came from and what happened to me doesn’t determine who I am. I think that might apply to you as well.”
He gets up and leaves without saying another word.
There is never perfection when it comes to life. Not in the people we love or the families we make. Growing up, I never considered our family perfect. I knew what my mother was from as far back as I could remember. I realized what my father did to make up for what my mother lacked. I understood that I did the same for my sister as my father did for me. I read to her when my father was working late and my mother was passed out. I made sure she brushed her teeth and ate dinner because I knew my mother couldn’t care less.
I hid her from the darkness.
I wanted so much for my sister, but in the end, no matter how much I desired for her to have the life opposite of what we grew up in, she ended up having the exact same one.
I look into the crate holding the last pieces of my sister. The faded red plastic holds what’s left of the only woman I ever really cared for. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, but at this moment, I feel weak. Bending over, I pull out a small dingy white stuffed star. My lips curl up at the memory of when I won it in one of those claw machines down the street from our house. I spent a week’s worth of allowance on this piece of shit, but she slept with it every night.
I pull out a framed Polaroid picture of the two of us. Her arms are wrapped around my waist, my arm thrown over her shoulders. This picture was taken at a BBQ Devin Sr. had. In fact, it was the first time he invited me to anything that had to do with the club. I hadn’t planned on taking my sister. I didn’t like the idea of the members looking at her, knowing what their thoughts would be, but when I stopped by the house and saw my mother passed out with some motherfucker, I knew that I couldn’t leave her there. She was so fucking happy that I’d included her in that part of my life, but two months later, Betsy was gone.
Lick: Devil's Fury Book 2 Page 8