After I wipe the non-stop tears from my eyes, I give him a tight smile. “Hey, Bubba. Everything all right?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he drops his hand. “Yeah, I think. I heard what happened the other day. I’m real sorry about your dog. I wanted to see if there was anything you needed.”
Keith ‘Bubba’ Dawson is a good-looking man. He’s big in stature, but not as big girth wise as some of the other guys. His grin, when he shows it, is lopsided, more boy than man. The few times I’ve seen him smile, it lights up his whole face making his grayish blue eyes sparkle. The close to the skin haircut and trimmed goatee make him look fierce. Very much like a biker.
“I’m okay.” He nods, turning to leave. “Hey, Bubba?”
“Yeah?”
“You can come up here, you know. You don’t need to stay on the sidewalk. I could use the company.”
Gracing me with that lopsided grin, he nods again, heading up to take a seat next to me. “Aren’t you cold?” he asks.
“You’d think, huh? I think I’m too numb to notice.” Once I’d got the kids off to school, I never went back inside. I don’t have the desire to do anything. Not school work or housework. I can’t stand being in the house, not when it feels so empty now that Goober isn’t here.
“I had a cat once. When I was younger before my ma took off. She’d follow me around like a dog. My dad would give me a hard time about how a man shouldn’t have a cat as a pet. ‘Men are big dog people’ he’d tell me, but I didn’t give a shit. My parents barely spoke to me, and never spoke to each other, so the only thing I had was my cat.”
“What was her name?”
He bows his head, smiling to himself. “Kitters.”
“Very manly.” I bite my lip, keeping myself from smiling.
“I know right? My ol’ man never let me live that down. But shit, the name fucking fit so I didn’t care.”
“What happened?”
“She was killed. I think I was nine when it happened.” He looks out towards the street. “Yeah, because Ma took off when I was ten so it had to be when I was nine. The night it happened, there was a huge thunderstorm. Normally she’d sleep in my room, but I think that weather scared her so she hid in the garage. She must have crawled into the dryer to hide and my dad didn’t know it. He shut it the next morning and turned it on. He didn’t think anything of it when he heard the bump. He thought it was my wet sneakers.”
Wow…
“How did you find out?”
“My ol’ man came into my room and told me he killed her, but that she was my cat, so I had to clean up the mess.” He leans back with his hands behind his head, probably still very much in the memory.
“I’m so sorry that happened.”
He drops his hands and leans over, elbows on his knees. “Yeah, that’s life, though. You never know when something or someone you love is gonna cease to exist, but when they do, you gotta keep them alive in your heart. I don’t give a shit that she was just a cat. I’ve never had another pet. Nothing will ever compare to how awesome she was.”
“Yeah, Goob was my first dog. My father didn’t allow us to have animals growing up, though I begged for a pet. Since we didn’t live on much land, I knew that a horse or a sheep was out of the question, although those were my first choices.” I laugh. “Anyway, when I turned thirteen, I used my ‘teen years’ as a great reason why I should be allowed a pet. That I was growing up and needed more responsibilities. I couldn’t believe it when he finally relented–”
“Manipulation at its finest, huh?” he jokes as he nudges me with his shoulder.
“Totally, but I didn’t care. I wanted a pet. There was a family a few streets over who had these mini pinchers. They were cute with all their shiny black and brown fur. I was about to make my choice when this tiny, fluffy fur ball came bounding into the living room. I’d never seen a dog so little and fluffy. He came right up, and jumped on my leg, pulling at my shoestrings. His bark was so sweet. I remember looking down at him and him looking up at me with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I was a goner.”
“Love at first sight?”
I laughed. “Yeah, it was love at first sight. Funny thing was that it ended as quickly as it began. I think he played me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because once I got him home, the little Goober never once came to me. He never listened to me, and he rarely obeyed. It was like his life’s mission was to tick me off.”
“Is that how he got his name?”
“Well, since there wasn’t any cussing allowed in my house, I couldn’t use the name I would have liked to call him.”
He lets out a big laugh. “You really wanted to call him Shit?”
“The name fit.” I shrugged, finally smiling.
We sit in silence. It’s not awkward, and I don’t feel as if I need to fill the void with small talk. I thoroughly enjoy his company. I wish I would have made more of an effort to get to know him. It seems like a lot of time was lost.
“How are you doing?” I finally ask.
Pursing his lips, he nods. “I’m hanging in there. Some days are harder than others, and I feel like an outcast, but it could be worse.”
“It won’t always be like this, I’m sure.” I try to reassure him.
“I’m not so sure about that. Sin holds on to shit for a long time. Look how long it took him to get over Sienna’s death or his men in his platoon. What I did was fucked up. I don’t give him any grief on how he’s treating me. I would do the same fucking thing.”
“It was scary. The whole situation was scary and could have turned out so much different.”
“Yeah, I get that–I do. But fuck, it does no one any good to constantly live in the past. He’ll forever live with one foot in the past and the other in the present.”
I totally agree. Everyone’s knows that about Sin. But this is something that he needs to get over on his own terms in his own time, and no one is going make him do it any differently. “I see what you’re saying. Words don’t really mean anything, though. You have to prove it to him with your actions. One day he’s going to forgive you.”
“I really hope so. Guilt’s a strong bitch. She’s got her claws dug so deep in me right now that I’m hoping that fucking monkey on my back doesn’t start making noise.” I look over to him, unsure of what he means. He smiles. “What I mean is that the guilt gets to be so strong sometimes that I’d like nothing more to numb it the only way I know how.”
Finally understanding what he means, I place my hand on his arm. “Drugs aren’t the answer. The devil’s strong enough today. He doesn’t need any help from that poison.”
“Jenni!” Roxy yells as she and Ryder walk down the street toward us.
“I better get going.” Bubba stands, leaving without another glance back.
Mourning the loss of a pet is excruciating. I expect to hear him bark, but I don’t. Not seeing him lying on his bed, or not eating at his bowl is extremely hard to handle. But having a child blame himself for the death is unbearable.
Ryder has been closed off for the past two weeks. He doesn’t talk, and he won’t look at me. All the progress that we’ve made since he came to live with us has been voided, and it’s like we’re back to square one. I’ve had messages from his teachers stating that he’s become withdrawn, and I can’t take it anymore. Goober’s death was an accident. If I blame anyone, it’s the idiot who was racing down the street. He’s the one who killed my dog, not Ryder.
Now, I need to make him see that.
Knocking on his door, I don’t get a response. I’ve come to find this normal, so I open it. “Hey.” He’s lying on his bed, tossing the same ball he was throwing to Goober up in the air and then catching it. “Can we talk?” I ask as I take a seat on his bed as he continues to toss the ball. “Ryder, you can’t ignore me.”
“I’m not ignoring you.”
“Well, you aren’t talking to me, that’s for sure.”
“I didn�
��t think you’d want to talk to me.” He catches the ball one last time, then turns his head. I can see his eyes are red. So much emotion dances across his face. His chin quivers and his nostrils flare as my heart breaks for him.
“Oh, baby.” I take his hands and pull him up. Wrapping my hands around him, I hug him tight. “I love you. I always want to talk to you. Even when you don’t want me to.”
“But I killed your dog.”
My stomach drops. Poor thing. “No, you didn’t. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault. Never your fault. Please stop blaming yourself.” I soothe his head, rubbing my hands up and down his back as I rock.
A sob breaks from his chest as he grips me. “I’m s–sorry.” His voice is full of emotion. “So sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for, baby. Nothing at all.”
A knock at the doors has us pulling apart. I wipe the tears from my eyes. Ryder turns his back to me as he lies back down on his bed, gripping the rubber ball.
“Hey.” Lick comes in. “All good?” I nod. “I need to talk to you.”
“Okay.” I place a kiss on Ryder’s cheek. “I love you,” I reassure him.
I follow Lick towards the master bedroom room—our bedroom. He shuts the door and locks it. “What’s up?” I ask.
“Maggie called. She wants to see us down at the office. I’ve already called Sin. Savannah and Grace are on their way here to watch the kids.” He walks into the closet, coming out wearing his cut. I watch as he stuffs his pockets with his wallet and change.
“It’s the weekend. I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know, baby, but I want to get down there and get this over with. I’m supposed to be at Jury tonight, and now Cut’s holding that off until I get back. The faster we get there, the faster we get it over with.”
“All right. Let’s go.”
Walking hand in hand, we enter the social service building. With it being the weekend, there isn’t a lot of activity. Just a few case workers, who I’m sure are on-call.
As soon as Maggie spots us, she waves us in. “How are you?” she asks, gesturing for us to take a seat. Making small talk has me on edge.
“We’re good,” I respond.
“And Ryder?” she asks.
“I think we’re getting there.”
“Is that why you called us because he’s been acting up?” Lick sits forward, getting defensive. “You guys gotta know the shit that went down a couple of weeks ago would have fucked anyone up, let alone a little kid.”
“That’s not why I called you in here, Mr. McCoy, so sit back and let me explain,” she tells him pointedly. “Some information has been brought to my attention. Does the name Rob Masters mean anything to you?”
My stomach drops at the mention of his name. My eyes move towards Lick. He’s stone, his eyes boring into Maggie’s face.
“By your reaction, or shall I say, lack thereof, I take it you know the name Rob Masters.”
“He’s been around,” I admit.
“The fuck!” Lick raises his voice. “Keep your mouth shut.”
“Mr. McCoy! Don’t raise your voice towards Jenni. This is information I should have known at the time it happened. The question is, why was I not made aware that the alleged biological father has made his presence known?”
“I didn’t see the need to let you know. I’ve got it handled.”
“You’ve got it handled? That’s not the way this works, Mr. McCoy. The system is all about making sure the minor children are in the best environment for them to flourish.”
“And that’s with us,” I say.
“And I agree, dear.” She gives me a tight smile. “But when the alleged father comes into our building running his mouth about coming to you for help about wanting to be the father his children deserve–”
“He did what?” Lick booms.
“Exactly. He did exactly that. You’re lucky it was me who happened to be at the front counter when he said all of that. Only Shaun and I witnessed his little outburst before we directed him to the county rehab, where I have confirmed that he is now. He’s going through the process of getting admitted and getting himself clean, and I quote, ‘for the kids he’s been longing to parent.’”
“This is a bunch of bullshit.”
“I’m not saying that it’s not, Lick. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve seen this a million times before. There is no way he’s ready to get clean or to be a father to those kids. If he were, then he would have come here sober with months of sobriety under his belt. No sane person would have done what he did, but that’s either here nor there. When he speaks to his counselors, it’s their job to give him the resources he needs to accomplish his goals, and right now his goal is to get those kids.”
“This is a bunch of bullshit.” Lick stands, pushing his chair back and making it fall to the floor. “Those kids are ours.”
“Temporarily. Nothing has been done on our end or your end to make it permanent,” Maggie states.
“I don’t understand. We’ve done everything you’ve asked.”
“Yes, to be guardians. This is how the foster care system works. You’re a temporary guardian until the blood parent or parents are ready to take back their responsibility. I thought with the mother deceased and the father nowhere on the birth certificates that this would be open and closed and we’d eventually start the process of adoption and permanent guardianship.”
“You’ll take those kids over my dead body.”
“Mr. McCoy, you know I don’t scare easily and you puffing out your chest does nothing for me. So I suggest you sit your ass down and listen to me.” She shakes her head. “You’re such a hothead. Now, as I was saying, he is making claims that you were withholding the children. Not allowing him to see them, and not allowing him to establish a relationship with them. He stated your sister was the same way. He tried to insinuate that these stresses are what drove him off the deep end that caused his inability to be a rightful father or some bullshit.
“It’s time to get your ducks in a row. I have a gut feeling that nothing is going to come from this, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he takes off from the clinic within the week, but if he doesn’t then you need to be prepared. I understand that you’re an established family. I see it. There’s no denying that you love those kids and that they are yours in every aspect of the meaning.”
“What if I tell you that we’re enjoying those kids so much we’re trying to make our own?”
“Tylan!”
“What? I’ve been fucking you bareback since day one, so don’t act so surprised.”
“I’m on the pill, you idiot.”
“Why the fuck didn’t I know that?”
“Please stop bickering.” Her warning stops us.
“What are we supposed to do with this information?”
“Unfortunately, it’s really a waiting game. I should report this to my case manager. The knowledge of the birth father wanting to become an active parent needs to be noted, but I’m not going to do that—yet. I don’t trust him, and I’m not going to open a can of worms that might stay sealed. It’s really in his court right now. I plan on waiting until I hear from the clinic.”
“Maggie, I need to know what we can be doing in the meantime,” I say. “I can’t sit around and wait for something to happen, and I can’t have you show up at the house with him saying that it’s time for a visit.”
“It wouldn’t go like that, but I understand your concern. If I were you, I’d start the process. Fostering your niece and nephew isn’t good enough. You need to show that you want more of a commitment. Take the step needed to get the kids in your care permanently. I don’t know, get married if need be. You need to take the necessary steps for the kids. If I receive a call from the clinic, the first thing that will need to be established is matching DNA. I know you weren’t in contact with your sister, Tylan, but there may be a strong chance that this man isn’t even their father.”
“This is such bullshit. I know he�
��s their father. No man would stir up this shit, especially when he didn’t get what he wanted in the first place if he didn’t have knowledge he was their father.” He slams his hands on the table before rising. “You pushed these kids on me. You guilted me into taking them in, loving them, and now you think you and this ass-wipe can show up, play the victim, and get clean and then rip them away from me? I don’t fucking think so, Mags.”
She stands, straightening her shoulder before speaking. “Then I suggest you pull your big boy pants up and get your shit taken care of before those kids are ripped from your home. Get a move on it, Lick.”
She shuts her binder, leaving us to a quiet room.
“Wait a minute. He can just show up and have a chance to take the kids from you?”
Savannah and I are in my kitchen eating frosting out of the container. I would much rather be drinking wine, but I’m not comfortable getting tipsy when the kids are here, so I’ll binge on sugar.
“It’s not that simple, and I really don’t think he’s going to do anything with it, but the point is, he made the threats. Now we have to sit here and see if he follows through.”
“I saw him, Jenni, and in no way, shape or form was he anywhere near ready to get clean. He looked awful. He was completely strung out.”
“Maggie feels the same way, but there’s no telling what’s really going on in his mind. I’m not sure this is about money anymore. I think he might be doing it to stick it to Tylan since he didn’t give into his demands.”
“Wow. I wouldn’t even know what to do if I were in your shoes. If Tyson were still alive and threatening me to take Grace away. Girl, I can’t even.”
“Yeah, and now it’s a waiting game.”
“What does Lick think of everything?”
“He’s pissed. He wants to run. He wants to hunt Rob down and kill him. He’s in total protective mode right now. I want to get everything in order to make sure we have a strong case. If the possibility comes to light that Rob is serious about this and he wants those kids–”
Lick: Devil's Fury Book 2 Page 21