by S. Bryce
‘I’ve wood to chop.’
A woman walks into the room, making me start. She looks a bit like the woman I saw with Ellie. She’s wearing a long bell-shaped skirt with a white apron over it, and a long-sleeved peach blouse. The sleeves of the blouse are puffy at the top and narrow at the bottom. Her hair is tied back in a bun. She reminds me of someone I’ve seen before, someone from our bungalow I think.
‘Hello,’ says the woman. She cocks her head to one side and smiles. ‘I’m Melina.’
She smells a bit like bread and butter pudding. She wipes her hands on the flour-dusted apron around her waist. ‘Would you like to come and have something to eat? Your brother and sister have been asking after you. They’ve been very worried.’
‘I only fainted,’ I say.
I look behind Melina at Alden. He has a bag swung over his shoulder I never noticed before and his axe in his hand.
‘I don’t know if we’re staying,’ I say, giving her my coldest stare. ‘We don’t want to get in the way.’
Melina’s green eyes glitter. She’s fallen in love with Ellie, and now she’s falling in love with Tosh. But they won’t stay if I don’t stay, and I’m sure Melina knows it.
‘Ellie talks about you all the time. She says you and Tosh would eventually come for her. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. Ellie’s very happy here. She’ll tell you. But if you want to leave, I can’t stop you.’
I give a hesitate nod and stare at Alden all packed and ready to go. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. ‘If you don’t mind. I want to talk to Alden in private.’
‘Alden?’ She follows my gaze, and then turns back to me. ‘Tosh mentioned him. Is he a friend of yours?’
I gesture to the bed. ‘He brought us here.’
‘Then I’d very much like to meet him.’
‘She can’t see me,’ says Alden. ‘She doesn’t know I’m here.’
I glance desperately in his direction. ‘I-’
Melina puts her hand on my shoulder. ‘You can tell me about him later, if you want.’
I swallow and bury my face in my hands ‘He’s a woodcutter, that’s all I know.’
‘Let’s go through to the kitchen,’ says Melina, ‘and get you something to eat.’
When I take my hands from my eyes, Alden’s gone. He didn’t even say goodbye.
* * *
Chapter 62
Dear Lord
I follow Melina along the passage. The floor is bare and the passage walls are painted pale green. I know where the kitchen is before we get there. We enter the hall passing the closed door of what I knew as Our Room. Opposite ‘our room’ is the kitchen. The door is open a little way. I hear voices, loud talk, and laughter. I smell food.
I pause near the front door. Fear prods at my sides. Then I hear Ellie’s laugh and race to the kitchen, throwing the door open. I only see Ellie. She jumps up from her chair at the table and runs to me. I catch her in my arms. I lift her, and then set her down again almost at once. She’s no longer feather-light and I’m not as strong as I used to be.
I crouch down, shrinking to Ellie’s height. I stroke her hair, pinch her cheeks and plant a thousand kisses on them. ‘Oh Ellie, I missed you so much.’
‘I missed you too Kate,’ says Ellie.
Tosh flies from out of nowhere his arms outstretched. I put out a hand to stop him ramming into Ellie. I gather my little brother and sister, one in each arm, and pull them close to me. After a few moments, I break the hug-bundle and straighten before my knees give way. I’m met with the curious eyes of the other people gathered around the table. I know them. In the photo, they looked so grim, but now as I watch them watching me, I see warmth in their faces. I see goodness in their hearts.
‘You’re from the factory,’ I say.
At the table sits a boy with wavy brown hair. He looks a couple of years older than Tosh. His mouth hangs open, revealing a big gap in his teeth There’s also a girl who looks to be about my age, her hair is piled on top of her head. And there are three men: an older man with a thick grey beard and two young men with thatched-roof dark hair. They look like brothers.
‘Factory burned down four years ago,’ says the grey-bearded man. ‘Come, sit with us.’
Ellie takes my hand and leads me to a chair at the long table. She takes the seat to my left while Tosh takes the seat to my right.
Melina sits at the opposite end of the table. She stares proudly around and then bows her head. ‘Let’s start by saying grace.’
Ellie squeezes my hand under the table. A long time ago, before mum had moved into the flat above the off licence, we lived in a studio flat. The landlady who lived below us sometimes invited us to dinner. She was a Christian and before every meal we had to say grace. Ellie would start giggling for no reason at all, and when she giggled so did I. This time Ellie does not giggle. I think she’s squeezing my hand to make sure I don’t either. There’s no need really. I’m too nervous to laugh.
‘O Lord,’ said Melina. ‘Thank you for the food on this table and for giving us the strength to provide for our growing family. Thank you for uniting Tosh and Kate with their sister. We cherish your blessing and guidance. Amen.’
We all say amen. As soon as Melina raises her head, the first dish is passed around the table. It’s overflowing with boiled potatoes. The grey-bearded man has taken a knife to a joint of meat. He hacks off one slice after another. He divides the slices between two empty plates, and with the help of the girl, and the dark-haired brothers, the plates travel up and down the table.
Tosh hastily spears two slices of meat with his fork as the plates speed past. Bowls of food are thrust at me from all directions. Vegetables are spooned onto my plate. I take a little of what’s on offer. I’ve never seen so much food on a table in my life, or so many people.
The strangers introduce themselves. The grey-bearded man is Melina’s husband, Tom Gibert. The girl, Sue is their daughter. I learn that the younger boy, Ollie is being cared for by the Giberts’ until his parents return. Ollie kindly informs me that he has been waiting three years for his parents to return. The two dark haired brothers, Ted and Cuthbert - or Cuddy for short - are good friends of the Giberts’.
‘Awful place that factory,’ says Tom shaking his head as he helps himself to more potatoes. ‘Mind you, we wouldn’t have a roof over our heads if it wasn’t for the factory.’
‘What about all the other people who worked there.’ I push my meat from one side of the plate to the other.
‘Moved on most of them,’ says Cuddy. He stares at my plate. ‘You not hungry?’
I’ve turned most of the food to mash. I take a mouthful of the mush I’ve made and pop it into my mouth.
‘Never mind if you can’t eat it all now,’ says Melina. ‘You can have it later.’
‘Thank you,’ I mumble, not sure I can trust this show of kindness.
I remember the diary I found in the old crate. It must have belonged to one of the factory workers. ‘Did you know Thomas?’ I ask.
The warmth disappears and a cold atmosphere settles over the table.
Ted shares a meaningful glance with Cuddy.
‘Our little brother,’ says Ted. ‘He died in the factory. He got caught got under the wheel. He should’ve have been working there. He was too young.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-’ But I had meant to. I wanted to get it straight in my head. Are we in our time? Or are they in ours? Or maybe we’re in some place where there is no time.
‘How’d you know?’ Cuddy asks.
‘What?’ I say. I look over at Tosh, gobbling up his food. Gravy drips down his chin.
‘That Thomas died out there in the factory,’ Cuddy says. He gazes at me in earnest.
How can I know? I’m not meant to know anything about them. I stare at Cuddy with big eyes. I can’t even begin to offer an explanation.
‘I happened to mention it,’ Melina says. Her eyes drift over the table. ‘Earlier on, I was telling Kate about the
factory.’
Cuddy nods, a frown on his face. He shovels a mouthful of green beans into his mouth.
‘Alden’s our friend,’ Tosh says, between bites of mashed food. ‘He helped us get away from-’ He drops his fork on the table and bows his head as if he’s just been scolded. He gives a loud sniff. His shoulders rise and fall. Tears run down his chin and plop onto his plate. I wrap my arm around him. ‘I forgot,’ he sniffed.
Tosh has not forgotten. He doesn’t want to think about the bad stuff now or never. And that’s okay. I kiss him on the head. Ellie threads her fingers through my fingers.
‘You don’t have to talk about it,’ Tom says. ‘From what Ellie told us. You’ve had a hard time. We saw some hard times at the factory. There are no bad men here. I promise you that.’
‘We can’t offer you much fancy, but we’ve got plenty of food and beds to go around.’ Melina says. ‘And we’ve got love, if you care for it - if you don’t that’s fine.’
My eyes start stinging for no reason at all. I rub them with my sleeve.
‘It’s nice here,’says Ellie. ‘You’ll like it. There are no bears in the woods.’
* * *
Chapter 63
Biggest Bite
The following morning, I wake up in front of a cold fireplace under a warm blanket. I throw the blanket off me and leap up, bog-eyed. And then I remember where I am. I must have fallen asleep as soon as I sat in the chair. I had wanted to watch the flames dancing on the log fire. I remember pulling Ellie onto my lap, and how I had stuffed myself so full of food, I could hardly breathe.
‘Morning.’ Sue stands over the stove, stirring something in a pot. She smiles at me. She has her mother’s green eyes and her dad’s anchor-shaped nose. ‘Do you want some porridge?’
My stomach grumbles. I wonder if she can hear it. ‘Yes..urm, yes please. What time is it?’
She gazes at a wooden clock hanging above the fireplace. ‘Four-thirty.’
‘Where’s Tosh and Ellie?’
‘Asleep.’
‘I’ll go and check on them.’ I quickly start to fold up the blanket.
Sue takes a ladleful of porridge from the pot and puts it to her lips. ‘They’re fine. Tosh slept in mine and Ellie’s room.’ She sticks out the tip of her tongue and dips it in the ladle. She then pulls a face and reaches for a small jar next to her, labelled SALT.
I feel a stab in my chest. ‘Yours and Ellie’s room?’
‘She didn’t want to sleep on her own.’ She takes a pinch of salt and adds it to the pot. ‘She’ll want to sleep with you and her brother now. But last night you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.’
I relax. It makes sense that Ellie wants to sleep with her little brother and big sister. I hang the blanket over the chair. ‘Do you always get up this early?’
Sue pours the porridge into two bowls on the table. ‘A little earlier sometimes. I have to feed the hens, check to see if they’ve laid any fresh eggs. The cows will want milking too.’
I sit at the table and stick my spoon into the bowl. Sue sits down and bows her head. I forgot about grace. I let go of my spoon and watch as it slowly sinks into the porridge.
‘You have animals here?’ I ask, once Sue has said grace and I’ve said Amen, loud enough to make her jump.
She laughs. ‘Well it is a farm.’
‘But it’s so small.’ I take a mouthful of porridge. It has nutmeg in it. It tastes delicious.
‘We’ve got the field opposite, that’s huge. And there’s another two acres this side of the bungalow.’
Sue pours some tea into two cups. She pushes one along the table to me. ‘I’ve got some skirts you can wear and some dresses. You must hate wearing men’s clothes. And I know I’ve got some boots somewhere that will fit you.’
I look down at my filthy ‘men’s’ clothes. I love them, but they stink. I’m not used to wearing skirts. I haven’t worn a skirt for years.
‘I hope I haven’t offended you,’ says Sue. She pauses, her spoon hovering at her mouth. ‘You can keep your own clothes if you want.’ She changes the subject. ‘Just the three of you is there?’
I nod.
‘Ellie says a man brought her here. She couldn’t remember his name. It must have been your Alden. She was quiet at first. She cried a lot and kept calling for you and her brother. Once she saw we meant her no harm,’ her eyes drill into mine, ‘she was fine. Bright little thing ain’t she?’
I nod again wondering how I will I ever fit in. ‘How long has she been here?’
Her brow creases. ‘About eight months I’d say. She arrived at the end of September. I remember because it was a few days before her sixth birthday. Melina baked her a cake.’
I try not to choke on my porridge. Once I finish, I excuse myself and go in search of Tosh and Ellie. I’ll never tell Sue that Ellie already had a sixth birthday. Maybe Ellie had forgotten her birthday, or perhaps she just wanted another one.
How could it be? Ellie died. She had no breath left in her. I shake my head. I don’t want to know. I ask too many questions, that’s my problem. Why should I question anything here? Nothing’s gone wrong yet.
* * *
Chapter 64
My Very Own Writing Book
I lie awake in my new bed. Cuddy and Tom brought in beds for Ellie and Tosh to sleep on. In my dreams, I wrestle with ghosts and demons. Saul’s dead eyes stare back at me. Gun shots ring out. I hear Ellie screaming for her blanket. Ugly, sprawling shadows erupt into red flames, and the Wolf’s laugh echoes in my ears. I’m sure Tosh and I share the same nightmares. Sometimes he murmurs and cries out in his sleep. The next morning, we will behave as if nothing has happened, as we have done since we got here. The ghosts and demons are ours alone to fight and they trail after us as easily as a leaf on the wind.
Tonight, I am cramped up against the wall, stroking my little sister’s face. She’s sprawled out on the bed next to me. Tosh has fallen asleep in his own bed. He cried himself to sleep after Cuddy cut his hair.
A candle burns on my bedside table. Once it runs out, I plan to light another. There are no torches here.
Melina has given Tosh and me new clothes. Most of the clothes are handmade. I have long skirts and dresses. Tosh has wool trousers and linen shirts. He’s even got his own braces to hold up his trousers. We both have boots that lace all the way up to our calves. And I have a corset to wear under my dresses!
Before I go to bed, I plait my hair and kneel at the foot of my bed to thank god for what He has done for us. Though I know Melina wouldn’t agree, I thank Alden first, and then God.
I draw myself up, scramble over Ellie, and seize the small pile of books sitting on a shelf set in the bedside table.
They’re all fiction books: Little Woman, The Jungle Book, A Christmas Carol; all books that were written in the 1800s.
I pull them out. I rummage around and find a few more books hidden away at the back. One of them is Oliver Twist. I smile to myself Tosh will love that. I find a book full of blank pages. My very own writing book.
I hunt around for something to write with. I open the cupboard door and find a pen with a pointed metal nib. I also find a pot of ink. I write my name on the inside cover of the book: Kate. I cross Kate out and write my full name, “Celia Katherine Andrews.”
The truth is, I would pretend that Celia was someone else. I won’t do that any more. Celia would switch off and stare around at nothing. That’s who I was right after Ellie died. Time passed and I never noticed. I felt stronger when I was Kate. I had a Strong Will. I wasn’t scared then. I felt as if I was in control even when I wasn’t.
This is a new start. Celia and Kate will become one.
I rub my neck as I consider what to write. ‘I’ve died and gone to heaven,’ I write. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I think it’s true.
Tosh has woken up. He stares at me from under his bed covers. ‘What you doing?’
‘Writing. You okay about your hair now?’
He leans in to examine my work. ‘It’s very blotchy.’
‘I know. I haven’t got the hang of this ink pen.’ I blow on the page and hastily dab at the ink that’s about to drip from the page onto the floor. I put the book down.
‘Can I ask you a question, Tosh?’ I stand the pen in the ink jar and place it on my bedside table. ‘You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to?’
‘Is it about my hair?’
‘No.’
‘Okay, go on.’
‘Did you really see Ellie in the bungalow, after - you know.’
‘After what?’ says Tosh. He whips his arm from around my waist as if I burned it.
‘After we thought Ellie had left.’
‘Oh,’ says Tosh. ‘She didn’t leave. She looked different that’s all, kind of how she does now.’ His hand slides over mine. ‘Can I sleep in your bed.’
I pat the mattress. ‘Sure. Sleep here next to Ellie. I’m going to sit up for a bit, see if I can think of anything else to write.’
I take up the book and pen. I write the date 1889, just above my name.
If I’d believed in Ellie the same way I believed in Alden, then I think I would have seen her too.
* * *
Chapter 65
Missing Kids
It took Harry Bradford an hour and a half to get from his home, in Catsbridge, to Medswell. It was a journey that should have taken forty minutes, fifty minutes tops. If it wasn’t for the lorry offloading a bale of hay onto the narrow country road, and the calamity that went with getting it sorted, he would have reached the crime scene earlier, and even made it home in time for tea.
The car rolled to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Bradford glanced at his watch. This was the seventh time he had been up here. Seven times in three days. It was a record for him.