by Leaona Luxx
Tears fall from my eyes faster than I can wipe them away. Unable to stop them, I wrap my arms around myself.
He takes another step backward. “Are you really afraid of me? Me?” There is no simple answer, no way to explain. So I remain silent, watching his face fall. He leaves without a word, and I collapse to the ground crying.
In the aftermath of my indiscretion with One, I regress. I stop doing anything—even venturing to the beach late each night. I escape into myself. I don’t even help with the renovations on the house. Boxes sit in every corner, ignored. Before One, I knew my place in the world, but after, I find myself floundering. The way he looked at me, spoke to me as if I mattered. I should be happy things were somewhat severed between us, except, I’m not. In this world, I matter to very few people, and none of them—not one— is a man. The love I’d known— still know— is the love of between a parent and child. Only that. Nothing else.
I’m not the type of woman who deserves love, and this inherent belief created a defense mechanism inside me, pushing people away, holding everyone at a distance. I slipped up with One, however, in the end, he met the same fate. I could’ve explained, asked him to stay and talk. This is the first time someone has ever gotten this close to me; the first time I needed or kind of wanted to reveal my secrets. How do I begin? Hell! Where do I begin?
I miss One, and for once in my life— although I don’t deserve it— I want what he has to offer. No one has ever made me feel like this before. Maybe the impossible is possible.
By the end of the week, I’ve pulled myself together enough to see the renovation coming together. The crew moved faster than estimated and the end of their work drew near. After they were done, I would never have to see One again.
Staying out of their way, I unpack boxes in the bedrooms. I had finished one and started moving to the last one when I heard a familiar voice, "Hey girl, where you at?" It’s Thayer.
My head falls backward, I close my eyes, and I send up a silent plea to the heavens. Why me? Why now? I have no choice though and call out, "Hey, I'm in the back bedroom."
"You look like shit. Considering I just left my brother looking the same way, it's safe to say my housewarming gift is perfect."
Holding up a bag of ingredients for Sangria and Tequila for shots in her hands, I decide I’ll forgive her intrusion just this once. I make a grab for the Tequila, while instructing her where to find a pitcher for the Sangria.
Shot glasses line up on a tray sitting next to some salt and lime wedges. The alcohol is not enough to deaden the anxiety I feel as we sit together in the sunroom waiting for the Sangria to chill. I can tell she wants to talk, and she doesn’t disappoint. She is like a dog with a bone.
"No more stalling! What gives?" she demands.
I give her a long, hard stare before evading, "I don’t know what you mean."
She deadpans and orders, "Sweetheart, I've brought tougher men to their knees. Spill!!"
I assess the situation and realize, I can’t get out of this and admit, “He flipped shit over something he has no control over and never will." Thayer's eyes grow large and her mouth drops open; I snap, "What, Thayer? One is not allowed to tell me what relationships I can and cannot have."
"Have you two never talked? I mean, really talked?" When I shake my head, she laughs, “No wonder you’re having problems. I mean, was there ever a time that you two discussed getting to know one another before you jumped in the sack together?"
What the fuck? One told me to not tell Thayer, and yet, he’s allowed to spill? "We talked, but haven’t gotten to the heavy stuff because of the 'sexual tension', as you called it, kept getting in the way. Had I known he was going to go caveman on me, I would have chosen a chastity belt instead of a bikini." Did I just yell that?
My unspoken question is suddenly answered when Hardy steps into the sunroom wearing a smirk. "Hey, ladies, keep it down, please. I'm sure One doesn't want his men to know that he can't return to a job site because he slept with the owner. Sorry."
My face goes crimson as Hardy turns to leave. The problem is, I’m not sure why. Embarrassed about my yelling the obvious or the fact that Thayer and Hardy know why he hasn’t returned. What the actual fuck? He can come back any time he wants, it’s his choice.
After he disappears, Thayer tells me, “There are certain things that One needs to tell you, but you should also know he's the person who sent me here to check on you, which means, I’m going to be taking a few liberties. Here goes. I'm only going to tell you enough to explain his possessiveness. The rest is on the both of you to hash out."
I nod my head in understanding, curious as to what she’s going to say.
"Years ago, when One was married to Montgomery, she stayed in Raleigh while he traveled outside of the area for jobs and such with the company. Once he returned, they would argue. One, for some reason, thought it was normal. His contention was that most couples have problems after being separated for any amount of time and distance, but there was something off— way off. She left one day. Packed everything up and just left. He threw himself into his company and got over her. Grew the company, too. After that, though, One had trouble trusting anyone, and that included his family. You're the first woman he's had any interest in for years. I mean, he’s dated or hooked up with women, but no one serious. We have such hope for you both."
I sit there dumbfounded, letting the story sink in. Just like I hadn’t known his story, he does not know mine. Whatever this is between us, whatever happens, we need to talk.
“That’s why my brother is so territorial and 'caveman' as you say. That said, I don’t think he was wrong when he asked you to break it off with the other guy."
I gape at her, my eyes round like saucers. "One thinks that Aksel, the guy from a couple of weeks ago, is a hookup?" Of course, he did because when I thought about it, it’s exactly how it appears. How did I not put that together? Then again, trying to push him away and keep him at arms’ length makes some things difficult to see.
"Isn't he? One said that the guy looked 'lovingly into your eyes'."
I laugh because it’s funny, and if she knew the truth, she would be laughing too. "No, Aksel is most definitely not my lover."
"I’ll take your word on that, but who is he?"
“I think I should talk to your brother first. Do you think if I call he’ll pick up, or do you think you should call for me?” It’s only right and fair that I tell him first. He deserves to know about Aksel and the others.
An easy smile spreads across her gorgeous face. "He'll answer since he sent me over here, but I would prefer to call him so I can gloat!' Her laughter is infectious, and I giggle with her.
"I'll call and invite him over. You can stay until he gets here, do your thing, and then leave so we can talk."
Dialing his number, butterflies dance in my stomach. I’m nervous and scared.
“Hello?" he answers, but I can’t speak. "Hadlea?" his voice calls out to me.
I swallow hard. "Hi. How are you?"
He releases a heavy sigh, "I'd be lying if I said good. How are you?"
My breath hitches in my throat and I croak a reply, "I'll be better once you get here. I think we need to talk. And Thayer has decided she needs to gloat. Say you'll come?" I hear shuffling in the background making my nerves grow as nothing is said. "One, please, I need to explain."
More shuffling and then a door closes. "I'm on my way."
I let out a breath I'd been holding. "Thank you. I’ll see you in a few."
While waiting on One’s arrival, I prod into his background. “So… how did One get started in construction?”
“His dad,” Thayer answers matter of fact.
“I thought his dad had passed away? How did he help One with a business?”
“He did pass and from what I hear, it was horrible. Our mother was a wreck for years. One actually never knew him.” My heart officially broke. “My mother says Griffin was a wonderful man and only my father rivals him. T
he Woods family owned a construction business that had been handed down through a couple generations; Griffin even took over early and allowed his father to retire early. My mother met Griffin at the beach one summer and they quickly fell in love. From my understanding, it was a big scandal because Griffin was quite the ladies’ man.” I’m not surprised considering One looks as if he could beat them off with a stick. “But he loved my mother and they got married. And not long after that, my brother was on his way. She has never said a lot about his death; apparently it was on a job site.
“Construction accidents can be gruesome, and she acts as if she doesn’t want to remember. One was just a few months old at the time, so his grandfather, Worth, took back the reins until One was old enough to learn. I’m pretty sure my brother acts as if he started the company himself, but truth is, he inherited everything. He just counts his own contributions, though. It’s actually a lot bigger than he lets on, but he doesn’t like everyone knowing that because he thinks they focus on the money and not him. Montgomery did.”
One and I have something in common: people interested in us for only our money. “I understand.”
“I figured.” I guess I looked confused so she continued, “What? I mean, it took some piecing together, but you don’t just put it out there about your wealth.”
Nodding, I tell her, “I had a small inheritance and built a website that was eventually purchased.”
She gives me a lopsided grin. “Again, you two are so much alike. Now, my turn to ask a question?”
“Okay?” I say uneasily.
“How do you feel about children? I mean, do you even want any?”
I wasn’t expecting that one. “I love children, Thayer. Why do you ask?”
“One has always wanted kids, but I guess I’m putting the cart before the horse.”
I hear the truck before I see it. He's here, and it’s all or nothing now. Well, almost all, I don’t want to scare him off before I can convince him to stay. Do I want him to stay? Who the hell knows at this point?
My nerves were zinging as I waited for him. His men were long gone with the help of Hardy telling everyone to pack up, and having a nearly empty house did not help my anxiety. I can't believe I’m doing this. Did I want to do this? Yes. For some unexplainable reason, I want to spill my guts. One is worth it, but the question is, am I? I try to banish the thoughts, pleading with my inner self not to destroy this small offering.
The heavy footsteps seem to echo throughout my home, and then I see him. Both of us appear as if we have had zero sleep. For me, it’s true. His eyes land on me, raking me from toe to head, where he searches for something. What? I have no idea, however, his cautious smile tells me he found exactly what he was looking for. I return his smile and then Thayer decides it’s her time to gloat.
"Hey, big bro. What’s up?" her words are slightly slurred. Oh, no. I realize too late that Thayer's drunk or at least well on her way between the tequila shots and the sangria, of which she is holding another glass in her hand.
"Hey, sis, feeling good or feeling nothing?"
She laughs in that singsong way of hers. “Feeling good." Yeah, she's drunk.
One’s eyes dart to me again. "And you? Drunk, feeling good, or something else?"
Most definitely something else. Only he can manage to look distraught and delicious at the same time. 'I'm fine. Maybe we should call a cab?"
One walks over to us. "Nah, Hardy can drop her off."
Thayer yells, "Not Hardy, call a cab!"
“I thought he left,” I comment.
Shaking his head, One tells me, “He was waiting outside for me. He told me you girls were drinking, and I asked him to stick around just in case.”
Before I can say or do anything, Hardy strolls through the door with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Oh. Come on now, Thayer. Let’s bury the hatchet."
She glares. "In your head, and do not talk to me.”
That’s going to be a fun ride. Hardy and Thayer are pulling out of my driveway when One asks, "Where are we doing this?"
What? My mind takes a stroll in the gutter, remembering what we did on my couch.
"Not that! Where do you want to talk?" he snaps.
Oh, that. "I guess in the living room. It’s probably the most comfortable." We make our way over to the couch and sit at opposite ends with me turning toward him and pulling my legs under me.
He speaks first, “Let me start by saying, I'm sorry. I had no right to make demands of you. You’ve been in that relationship longer, and it apparently means more to you.” Pausing, he cringes, “Wait! That didn't come out right."
I hold my hand up, motioning for him to stop. “Thank you…I guess. I also shouldn't have jumped to conclusions that you were a Neanderthal." With that, the ice is broken and we both laugh.
"Wow, thought that much of me, did you?" he teases. Quickly his smile turns to a frown and I can tell he is searching for his words. I wait and he says, "I have a bit of a past; I'm really sorry. We need to recognize our pasts and not let them rule all of our actions. We should have talked."
A small frown pulls on my features; I can feel the tension rolling off me. "Well, how about we share some information and see where it goes?"
He nods. "Who goes first?"
“I will. I need to explain Aksel." At my words, he stands up and scans the room. "What are you doing?" I wonder if he is about to leave.
Grabbing the tequila bottle, he says, "I may be needing this."
Okay, that's not good. "One, sit down. I'm hoping you will understand, be okay with my relationship with him."
"I'll try, but I don’t share."
Oh good God! "One, Aksel is… my son," I finally blurt out.
His features pale and then turn red. Still he says nothing. Did he swallow his tongue? Maybe he had a heart attack. Say something, please. Anything? I silently beg. Nothing. Unable to stand the silence, I ramble, "I should have told you, but I honestly wasn't hearing what you were saying. All I kept hearing was that you were telling me I couldn't see him. I've been told that before and I won’t be told that again." He sits there, listening, but still doesn’t say a word. "I don't let people in that often. I was young, very young when I got pregnant."
A smirk creeps up onto his face. "This is worse than I thought."
My heart falls from my chest. I knew it would happen, and I need to get away from him. I can’t do this, not again. Why do I put myself through this shit? Pulling away from him, I try to stand; I can’t do this anymore. I want to hide myself, who I am.
"Where are you going?"
I frown, confused, and yet determined, to see this through to the end. "It's okay, One. Not a lot of men can handle this."
He moves so fast before I realize it, I’m sitting in his lap. "Are you kidding me right now? You think that matters to me? I’m talking about my own actions. No wonder you told me to take a hike. I would have done the same thing. Wow, I should have seen it. He even looks like you now that I think about it."
No. No way is this happening.
"Really, you don’t mind? Men usually run the other way." I’m confused and not sure what to think at this moment.
"I'm not other men. Can I ask you something?"
"Yes.”
He wraps me in his arms. “How old were you when you had him? You look so young and he’s…he looks too old to be your son.”
Squirming ever so slightly, I answer, “I was fifteen when I gave birth to Aksel." Listening intently, One doesn't make a sound. "Umm. I actually have three sons. You’ve met two of them, and the third is Hawk. The boys are twenty-one, twenty, and nineteen. It’s always been us. I was alone, never had a man that treated me well. I took care of mine, put myself and the boys through college, and then took some of the money my parents gave me and started a business. Aksel is married and works every day when not in class. Hawk and Latham are also in school and all three attend ECU."
"Damn, woman, you're amazing. Strong, stubborn, sexy as hell, and
truly amazing."
My nerves kick it up a notch. I’ve never shared my boys. No one wanted them or me. "I don’t want to overwhelm you, but I need to ask one thing?"
His brows draw down. "Yes?"
"Our age difference doesn't bother you?"
"You act as if we’re twenty years apart instead of a few. I thought I told you, you're not getting rid of me."
Sliding off of his lap, I stand across the room from him. “There is so much more I have to tell you. Stuff I’ve never told anyone else. I don’t want my past to affect you, but if you are around me, it might.”
His strides are long and sure, and with only a couple of steps, he has me in his arms again. “This is all I’m interested in.”
We sit together talking for hours. There is so much we didn't know about each other: our likes and dislikes, favorite color, food, and childhood memories. One asked more about the boys and laughed when I told him some stories. Then chuckled again when I explained my love for a little piece of cinnamon hard candy. He spoke of his childhood and how he spent almost every summer here on the beach, which explained why he loves it so much. We shared our dreams and desires for the future, as well as our pasts.
“Wow, Hadlea. Seriously, you’ve worked so damn hard even with the odds stacked against you, and you never gave up. How? I was given my business, my money, and my life. It was all handed to me. At times, I didn’t respect it, and to admit in your presence that I didn’t appreciate it seems wrong. I’m ashamed,” his voice is filled with awe.
Stunned by his admission, I’m humbled. “I never really saw it like that. I needed to take care of my boys and there was no other way. Life was never easy, but I appreciated everything. It made me who I am today. You have to be happy where you are before you can appreciate where you’re going.” His expression has me squirming. “What?”
One stands and crosses the room to look out the window at the ocean before he says anything. “Hadlea, I’ve never met anyone like you. There have been times when I hated who I am and what I was given. I’ve abused it and taken advantage of it. And then you walk into my life, tell me that I simply need to be happy, to appreciate my good fortune, and to continue to work for it.”