by Leaona Luxx
She’s missing the point, but Chord interrupts before I can go on.
“Mom’s on her way. I’m sorry, Lea. One, she could hear Lea through the phone. I think she’s gonna kick your ass,” he snickers but Hadlea’s tears fall faster.
“Elise hates me. With very good reason; look what I’ve done. I’m so sorry.” Hadlea jumps from the couch and runs to the hall bathroom.
“Tell me you’re not just going to stand here while she’s in there. Lea blames herself for everything, One. For you leaving her because she couldn’t face that she was raped, for being raped, for being pregnant, for thinking you need a paternity test. Get the fuck in there with her! She thinks you don’t want her, asshole.”
Thayer’s such a hard ass. Hadlea continues to cry between bouts of vomiting. It breaks my heart.
“Hadlea, baby. Please stop.” I gather her hair in one hand, soothingly rubbing our babies with the other. She vomits again. She is thinner than I thought.
I guess her round belly threw me. She sits on the floor gathering herself, and I can see how thin she is. That’s not good. Hadlea’s built, curvy, and healthy.
“Come on, baby. You need to calm down.” Helping her to her feet, I pick her up again to carry her to the couch.
This time, I hold her close, tucking her head under my chin. Hadlea curls into me, and I can’t breathe. I’ve missed her. I rub her little belly as I kiss her repeatedly. Whispering in her ear, it is all fine— it’s going to be okay.
“I’m really sorry. I’ve made so many mistakes.”
As if possible, I pull her even closer to me. “Me too, baby, me too. But right now, I don’t care about any of it. We can talk later if you want. Have you eaten?”
She shrugs her shoulders slightly. “Not much of an appetite lately. I need a shower and to brush my teeth. Elise is going to hate me.” Hadlea begins to stand.
“I don’t think so. I’ll take you.” Standing with her in my arms, I turn to look at Thayer and Chord. “Find her something to eat. And we need to figure out something for morning sickness. I’m going to help Hadlea.”
Walking down the hall, I kick the bedroom door open with my foot. “Bath or shower, baby?” She tilts her head looking at me as if I’ve gone crazy. “Pick, Hadlea.”
She shrugs again as I walk to the master bath. Standing her upright, I make sure she’s steady before turning to the shower. “We’re gonna shower, baby. I need one, too.”
While the water heats, I help Hadlea out of her clothes and into the shower. I make quick work of my own, stepping in behind her.
Taking the shampoo in my hands, I wash her hair. Flinching from my touch, she slowly relaxes. I take my time with her hair, then with her body.
Letting my hands slowly caress her swollen stomach, I really get to look at her body. She’s lost about twenty or twenty-five pounds, which isn’t good to be four and half months pregnant.
This is my fault; I’ve hurt her so badly. Saying a silent prayer, I plead with God to help me gain her forgiveness. And her trust. I finish washing her, then Hadlea turns to me and begins to wash me.
“No, baby. Not now, we need to take care of you.”
She looks hurt but steps out of the shower. I quickly finish so I can help Hadlea dry completely. I wrap her in a towel, turning to sit her down so I can grab her hair dryer.
Picking her up once her hair is dry, I sit her on her bed to find her some clothes. I have some basketball shorts here and pick out an old band shirt.
“What do you want, baby? A t-shirt and shorts? A nighty?” I look through her chest of drawers. Shivering, she says a hoodie and jogging pants.
“No wait, mine won’t fit. I need to buy some clothes. I just…” she trails off.
I get my bag out of her closet, pull out another band tee and jogging pants with some socks.
“Here, baby, you can wear mine. Tomorrow, after you’ve eaten and gotten some rest, we’ll go buy anything you want. Sound good?” I place her feet into my pants as I look up at her. She’s still crying.
“No panties?” A small smile plays on her lips. I have to taste her. I place my lips on hers softly.
“Baby, my momma’s in the living room, and I haven’t been inside you in weeks. I’m trying to control myself for you and her but once everyone is gone, we are gonna become very well acquainted again. That’s if you’ll forgive me? But no more talking or crying. You need food.”
Helping her with my shirt, she grumbles, “I’m so fat now, I have to wear your clothes.” She huffs when she pulls her hair into a sloppy bun.
“Don’t you dare. You’re gorgeous.”
Placing a chaste kiss on her forehead, I walk her through the house. My mother practically assaults her as she drags Hadlea’s body in for a hug.
“Oh, sweetie. Love your heart, what you’ve endured lately. We need to feed you and have a good long talk,” my mother states it as fact as she moves Hadlea and herself toward the kitchen. “What are we going to cook? The whole family is here; do you want to call the boys?” She doesn’t have a clue.
Thayer replies. “I’ve sent them a group text; they’ll be here in a few. So are we cooking or ordering?”
That’s when I take control. “Hadlea is sitting. She’s tired because I’m a fucking idiot. So order. I’m taking my girl to snuggle on the couch until she’s warm.”
“Excuse me, language. Hadlea can help cook if she pleases. Hasn’t this time apart taught you anything?” Mom murmurs.
“Do you want to cook with my mother? I’m thinking you need to warm up, but you decide.” I’m confused because Hadlea has tears brimming her eyes again.
“What is it, baby? Tell me so I can fix it.” Continuing to the couch, I tug her into my lap. Reaching for a blanket to cover her up.
“Lea, are you not feeling well?” My mother looks at us as I wipe away Hadlea’s fresh tears. Mom’s nervous. “Should we go?”
“Let’s tell her, Hadlea.”
Mom is now standing in front of us, and Hadlea’s petrified. What the hell? I’ve tried to show her that I love her, that everything will be all right.
“Hadlea, are you okay?” She looks at me; tears falling at an alarming rate. “What is it baby, tell me?” Her entire body shakes now, why is she scared?
“Mom, can you give us a minute?” She nods.
“Hadlea, talk to me. Please? Baby, I can’t handle you crying this much.” She shifts on my lap which doesn’t help the hard-on I’ve had since bathing her. She looks at me oddly.
“You want to tell your mom that I’m pregnant? Now?”
I’m not following, so I proceed carefully. “Yes, baby. If you’re good with it? Do the boys know? Do you want to wait till they get here?” She shakes her head and tries to get up. “No, baby. Talk to me, please.”
Hadlea’s eyes drift behind me when she begins to whisper, “You want everyone to know? I didn’t think you were happy about it. I mean, you haven’t said.”
Damn, those fucking tears. I went straight into caretaking mode and never acknowledged the obvious.
I haven’t told her how happy I am. Taking her face in my hands, I pull her close so we’re nose to nose. Staring in her eyes, I aim to leave no doubt or fears.
“Hadlea, I couldn’t be happier or more honored that you’re having my children. I’m hoping before they get here, you’ll do me the honor of marrying me. I know, I have a ton of shit to make up to you. I want to show you, the boys, and our babies how much I love each of you. I’m sorry for my actions. I’m going to do my best to never hurt you again. Now, it sounds as if everyone is here; we can talk a lot more, later. But, if it’s all right, I want to tell my parents.” She nods with a sniffle.
“By the way, that wasn’t my proposal. It’ll be better.” Not so sure about the look on her face but I press on. “Mom? Dad? Can you come over here a minute?” Turning back to Hadlea, I place a kiss on her forehead. She’s shaking badly.
“What is it? I knew something was wrong when I called,” Mom s
ays as they approach.
Hadlea will not look at any of us, and it’s breaking my heart. “Hadlea and I want you to know, we’re together. We have some things to work out, but we’re happy. Also, Hadlea and I are pregnant— four and a half months.” As I begin to rub her round perfect belly, my mother gasps as she runs to Hadlea. Geezz.
“Oh, my goodness. Congratulations. I’m so happy to have a new baby, of course, the boys and those gorgeous girls we already consider ours. You two should have made up sooner.” Dragging Hadlea off my lap and in a hug as she inspects her stomach through my shirt. Cal walks over to try to hug Hadlea. So now, I hit them with the good stuff.
“By the way folks, it’s twins. A boy and a girl,” I proclaim as my mother lets out a squeal that would rival a preteen girl. I pull Hadlea back in my arms. Why do I keep doing that? “And no, we haven’t picked names. Now, I need to get her warm and feed her. She’s lost weight since all this began. I also have a lot of groveling to do.” I kiss Hadlea again as I cover her up.
“Well, now. Let’s feed our family. You just keep holding Lea and grovel. I’m so proud and happy to be a Gramma to all of these babies. Thank you, Lea, for coming into our lives. I love you.” My mother kisses Hadlea’s head and scurries to the kitchen with a shout. “Gramma got all your favorites, let’s eat. I’ll make your mom a plate, Chord will get Malone’s please.”
Cal comes over to speak to us. “This is good. Lea? You do understand, this is good. Malone may not be my blood but he’s mine. I know he loves the boys, Lea, and you. Hold on tight to each other.” He kisses her head in the same spot, as I continue to rub her belly.
Just then it happens, a flutter. My eyes go wide and those damn tears start again but I think, these are happy ones. “Was that?” I murmur, and she nods slowly. “Has it happened before?”
She shakes her head, still not talking. Hadlea sits with tears falling, biting her lip, she’s all kinds of cute. “They’ve never moved? This was the first time?” I have to be clear on this.
“First time. Just for you.” Tilting her head, she gives me my favorite smile. Good God, I love this woman.
“For us. Because of us. They’re happy we’re together.” I kiss her.
And for the first time today, she returns it. It catches her off guard when she responds to me without thinking. Her wall goes back up.
As our food arrives, Hadlea tries to get up but I hold her tight. “Where do you think you’re going, woman? You’re sitting here so I can feed you. You’ll be sitting here until I can put twenty pounds back on you, my dumb ass took off. Understand?” Frowning, she nods. “What?”
Looking down, Hadlea mutters. “Why? I don’t understand?”
Mom ordered Italian with sides. Hadlea loves Italian. I’ll thank Mom later.
“Why, what?” Giving her a bite of linguini.
“I don’t understand, this,” she confesses. “Why you’re doing this. I can feed myself. And you don’t have to make promises. I said we would work on custody; you don’t have to pretend. Unless, you’re saving face in front of everyone. I’m okay. I know what I did. I know I don’t deserve any of this.” Taking the fork from me, she really starts to eat.
But what the fuck? Hadlea thinks I’m posturing?
“We’ll discuss it later. Here, eat some of this salad. Do you need a drink?”
For the first time I’ve seen her eat, Hadlea practically inhales her food. I can’t help my smile, so I ask if she wants desert.
“What is it?” That’s about the same time she burps. I laugh so hard, Hadlea can’t help but laugh with me. The house is silent except for our laughter, and as we take in our surroundings, everyone is looking at us.
“What?” we say in unison as we laugh again.
Shortly after desert, our family says their goodbyes. We watch them from the door as Hadlea leans against it. She starts to toe at something on the floor with her head down.
“So. I have an appointment tomorrow; do you want to come? I can meet you there, I mean if you want. It’s not that you have to go, but I was thinking you might. I’m rambling.” She grins, looking up through her lashes at me. What am I going to do with this woman?
“Do you think I’d let you go to another appointment without me, woman? Furthermore, what do you mean, meet me there? I’m taking you, as I will be from this point on.”
Leveling her with a ‘just try and stop me’ glare, I close in on her. Placing my hands on each side of her, I pull her close.
“Hadlea, you seem to be under the impression that I’m not here to stay.” Putting the crook of my index finger under her chin to tilt it up.
“I love you, Hadlea. I fucked up, I’m sorry. I need you to understand me, I will never leave you again. I will love you forever. And when you decide to forgive me for all I’ve done, I will ask you to marry me. And Hadlea, you will.”
Sliding my hand around her neck and into her hair as I wrap the other around the small of her back, pressing her against my body. Our lips collide with want, longing. I’ve missed these lips.
Moving through the door, I pick her up, pushing her back against the wall. I kick the door shut, never breaking our kiss. Hadlea moans into my mouth. Damn, I’ve missed her sounds.
“Tighten those long legs around me, baby. I’ve waited weeks for this.” She hesitates, then we devour each other. I walk us toward the bedroom. “I have to be inside you, Hadlea. I can’t wait any longer” Laying her on the bed gently, I lean over her to look into her eyes. “Hadlea, can I have you?”
As soon as she makes eye contact with me, I know there’s a problem. “What, baby? What did I say?” Placing kisses all over her face, waiting for her answer. “Hadlea, I need you tell me. I assumed to much the last time we didn’t talk. We’re gonna make it. We love each other too much not to. We have children expecting us to. No more running.”
“Why do you want me? You can have sex with anyone.” She hesitates, looking everywhere but at me. “I don’t like you saying you’re going to marry me. I didn’t talk last time because you had already decided that I had cheated. You left because you know I don’t deserve you, us.”
Well, hell.
Lea
Malone’s here with me. He carries me everywhere. Why? I have no clue. He feeds me. Yes, like a child. He bathed me, washed and dried my hair.
He says he’s staying tonight. I told him I could meet him at the doctor’s office tomorrow; guess trust will always be an issue. Now this.
He wants to have sex, and I know what’s going on. Why can’t he just say it? I know it means nothing. I’m used to it; it has to stop. I can’t lose myself any further.
“Why do you want me? You can have sex with anyone.” Taking a deep breath, I go on. “And I don’t like you saying you’re going to marry me. Why would you marry someone you believe cheated on you? I resigned myself to what was going to happen. You left because you know I don’t deserve you, us.” Apparently by the look on his face, I’ve hit a nerve. At least he didn’t unpack.
“Hadlea, I love you. Simply. It’s not about sex, if you want to wait, we’ll wait. I will marry you. And never, did I think you cheated with Cole. I can’t even find words for how pissed I am he hurt you. I should’ve been here, protecting you. I fucked up. You think you’re not worth it, worth the fight. You are, Hadlea. You’re mine.”
I’ll never survive when he leaves again because eventually, he’ll leave—they all do. He’s here to make sure I take good care of the babies. Malone’s a good man, but once I give birth, it’ll be all about the babies. He’ll move on. “I’m worth the fight huh? Not just because I’m pregnant? It’s not about sex. Okay.”
“I’m staying here. I’m going to help you; however, you’ll allow me. Yes, I’m going fight for you. No, it’s not just because you’re pregnant. And the sex thing, Hadlea, I’ll not touch you until you know I love you. Understood?”
Not touch me until I know? Does he think I don’t want to have sex? If you’ve ever been pregnant, had a sex god o
n legs in your bed, sex was a must. Yes, he’s showed me what he thinks of me. But sex is sex.
I raise my hips from the bed, my rounded stomach touching his, to rub myself against him. “I never said no sex. I just mean I understand what this is. We can do it. Just sex.”
He hovers over me like he’s thinking about it. “No, Hadlea. No sex, period. I will not have sex with you until you can tell me you know, without a doubt, that I love you.”
The hell you say? I’m so confused. All men want sex, it’s what I know. Malone places a soft kiss to my lips. I pull him in tighter and deepen the kiss. He’s laughing as he pulls away from me. What the fuck?
“Hadlea, kissing me into submission won’t work. I want you, nothing or no one else will do. I’m done with fucking everything up. I want it all with you. The next time I’m inside of you, you will know I love you. Now, let’s get these things off so we can get some sleep.”
Hang on, what am I missing? He’s refusing to have sex with me but he’s undressing me. Sitting in the middle of the bed, I watch as he gets his bag to find shorts to sleep in. I’m freaking horny, and I can see he is. I’m thinking about jumping him.
“Baby, do you want to sleep in one of my shirts? I need to go to my apartment for more clothes while we’re out tomorrow. I also need to wash what’s here. So, my shirt or your nightie?”
Knowing the look on my face reads perplexed because I am, he takes the liberty of dressing me. His t-shirt and a pair of boxers. After helping me into his clothes, Malone admires his work. I’m speechless.
“Look how fucking cute. Come on, baby, we need some sleep.”
Turning back the bedding, he climbs in, then motions for me to follow. Laying with his front to my back, Malone tucks me into his arms. My head on one arm as his free hand circles over my belly until I fall to sleep.
***
The elevator ride up to the doctor’s office is very different from the last time. Malone is here, holding my hand. I haven’t digested all that’s happened the last few days. But here we are, together. I’m so nervous, I can’t sit still.