As I turn and look at Harmon, my breath catches in my throat. His face is still in the scant light of dawn, but I know. His skin is smooth and brown, his lashes resting gently against his cheek. His lips are slightly parted, his strong jaw and chin sharply defined by shadows in the basement.
He’s healed.
I swallow hard, reaching out to shake him awake. But then I stop. Only then do I realize that I loved that strange, furry face. That I loved it as much as this one, maybe more. I loved who he was down here, with just me. I loved getting to have all of him. I don’t want to share him. In that moment, I realize the depth of my selfishness. Some part of me, maybe the larger part, hoped it wouldn’t work. Some part of me liked the life I was picturing, with just us. No part of me likes the thought of staying here.
For three years, I was trapped in this community. And though I no longer want to go home, I don’t want to stay here, either. I want to be a tiger, to explore that part of myself. I don’t want to hide it away and shift into a wolf to fit in with these wolves, though it’s not my natural form. That’s what my father did.
And I don’t want to go back to my father, to hide away in a musty old house and pretend I’m nothing, shirk my responsibilities to my own people. I don’t know if I want to be a shifter, either. I just want to be a tiger. And I want Harmon. And I want to be free.
But I can’t have all three of those things.
I can’t tear my eyes from Harmon’s sleeping profile. He’s so beautiful it almost hurts to look at him. But it hurts because I know it’s not fair to him to stay. And I can’t ask him to leave. He belongs here, leading his pack. He’s born to be an Alpha—proud and regal, protective and strong. This past year, he’s suffered enough. His father’s injury, at my hand. His own injury, at my father’s hand. The death of his father, at my people’s hands. His inability to shift. Having to sit down here in the dark, watching my mother take his spot in the pack.
No, I can’t ask him to leave with me. And I can’t honor my promise. I told him I’d stay, but I’ve been doing what other people ask for too long. If I stay here, I’m staying for Harmon, not for me. I’ll still have to deal with my mother, my sisters, the whole community. I can’t stay here and let my life slowly bleed away in this place where I don’t belong. I’m not sure where I do belong yet, but I know I won’t find it here.
I need to let my tiger show me how to be a shifter before I can decide to give that up and be a wolf. I’ve barely scratched the surface of my shifter nature, and if I stay, I’ll never get to do more than that. Even if it is my birthright, I have no loyalty to the shifters, though. They are strangers to me. My own shifter side is barely more than a stranger to me. I need to let her out.
And so, I slip from under the sheets. Looking down at Harmon, I almost climb back into the bed. I could curl up in his arms and stay, accept the love of this incredible man. But if I do, he’ll never have a chance to love anyone else. If I leave, he can still back out. He said he wasn’t looking to get out of his Choosing on a technicality. He didn’t say he couldn’t. Choosing me is not doing what’s best for the pack. And he needs to put them first. It’s in his nature.
Before my resolve crumbles, I slip into the sitting room. By the scant light slanting in the window, I find a pen and tear out the end page from one of the books on the shelf. I scribble a note to Harmon, tears blurring my eyes as I rush through the words, trying to say everything I want to say, trying to make him see that it’s for the best. I can’t stay here, can’t make his people doubt his wisdom. They won’t respect his Choice if it’s me. My sister is a better choice. She’s a shifter princess, too, but she’s also a wolf.
I tell him all this. And because I know he’ll know exactly what I’m doing if I am too gentle, I tell him that now he knows what it feels like to be betrayed. That I don’t Choose him. I tell him to find someone else. To love someone else. That I want him to. That I want him to be happy, to lead his people, to fulfill the prophecy. His destiny is here, with the wolves.
Mine is not.
37
Just as I finish the note, before I’ve even signed my name, I hear the door in the bedroom swing open. I freeze, my heart skipping a beat. Harmon said witches could not enter here. But someone is here.
The sound of footfalls on the stairs sends ice through my veins. “Has he transitioned?” my mother asks.
The wolves have come for their leader.
I stand, my legs shaking. Inside me, my tiger strains to break free. Thanks to Harmon, I know what the pains are. I slide into her form and slip through the short tunnel into the basement. That’s when I see the doorway to the basement is open, too. Above, I can make out a figure, but I don’t stop to wonder if it’s a smart idea. I’ll take my childhood babysitter over a pack of angry wolves any day, especially when I hear my mother say my name. Gathering my strength, I make a run for it and leap. My huge front paws land on the floor, my claws digging into the wood, leaving huge tracks as the weight of the back half of my body drags me backwards, into the basement. Yvonne stands over me, her arms crossed, not moving.
I turn pleading eyes to her, but she only glares. “What have you done?” she snarls. “You ruined everything!”
I scramble my back feet against the wall, the ceiling of the basement. Below, the first wolves exit the tunnel, snarling and yipping. They haven’t forgiven me, as Harmon naïvely assumed they would. They hate me, as always, and their instinct when an outsider sneaks into their midst is to kill, kill, kill. I’m not one of them. My mother drilled it into my head a thousand times, though I never knew the whole truth. Now I know. I am a shifter. They are wolves. And they will never see past that.
I bunch myself up, and with a last burst of energy, grip the door frame with one hind leg. My tail braces against the frame, pushing my weight forwards. At last, my balance tips and I hurl myself forward, into the big lodge that the wolves use for a community center. The front door is closed, but I don’t have time to shift into a human and use the knob. I charge the door, and it flies open.
I barely hear the sound of splintering wood. I’m already halfway across the road, and then passing the big oak tree, before I realize Yvonne is clinging to my back, holding around my neck the way I did when my father carried me out of this valley. But I am not deterred. Someone calls my name, but I don’t stop. A rock slams into my hindquarters, and I wince in pain, but it doesn’t slow me down. Nothing can slow me.
My mother’s voice trails after me. “Don’t come back here again. Ever!”
I don’t turn around to tell her that for once, I have no urge to disobey her. The last thing in the world I want is to come back here now. Harmon is better. He got what he wanted—to be healed, to lead his pack. And I got what I always wanted—freedom, and my father back. We can both be happy, I tell myself.
As I reach the top of the mountain and leap onto a boulder, Yvonne’s arms slip. She drops from my back, rolling in the leaves a few times before jumping to her feet. Shaking her fist, she screams after me. “You better run. And if you’re smart, you’ll never come back. If I catch you before Harmon, I won’t be so kind.”
I don’t stop to talk. I have nothing to say to her, to my mother, to anyone. I never want to go back there, to go back to my human form. I am invincible now. I am happy now. If it’s a little hard to feel it, I’ll just have to wait until my heart catches up with my mind. I’m good at waiting.
Though I may not be a werewolf, I chose Harmon, too. And now I’m choosing to leave him. I can’t make him give up his destiny to be with me. Loving him when he was less than perfect was nothing compared to this. Letting him go so that he can have the life he deserves, even if it kills me, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
But I’ll do it for him. For the first time, I understand what he feels for his pack. Not just willingness to put them first, but a selfless desire to do what’s right for them, even if it hurts them. I loved him enough to set him free from that curse, enough to save him, though deep do
wn, I knew it meant we could never be together.
So I run faster, putting as much distance between myself and the wolves as I can. That life is over for me. That world is behind me. My cruel mother, my strange sisters, my flawed father. And Harmon. But I won’t look back. I won’t miss them, or think about them, or mourn them. I’m a tiger now, and tigers don’t cry.
From the Author
I hope you’ve enjoyed Beastly Beauty, A Dark Fairy Tale Adaptation. Virtual hugs and chocolate chip cookies to anyone who leaves a review (click here to do that). Thank you, and may fairy dust rain down upon you!
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Beastly Beauty: A Fairy Tale Retelling (Girl Among Wolves Book 2) Page 22