by Bryony Kayn
Jake let her head fall back against the rough brick of the wall. She knew she should deny it, assure him he was the only man she wanted, but she was angry, too. She was tired of his possessive attitude, of never knowing when he might suddenly lose his temper. “To tell you the truth, babe, the thought had crossed my mind,” she drawled, widening her eyes innocently when he bared his teeth in a snarl. “As I remember, he got me pretty hot in the front seat of his car.”
“I should beat the shit out of you,” he said in a low voice.
“Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” she quipped, keeping her voice light. “I just think it’s funny, the double standard you’ve got going.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe I thought about fucking someone else, I don’t deny it,” she purred, moving her hips suggestively against him, “but you went out and did it regularly. Why should I believe that anything’s changed?”
Steve let go of one arm, his hand coming up to grip her chin. His grasp was not gentle. “What makes you think I cheated on you?”
She laughed harshly. “I just found out today that you did Spyk. I caught you more than once, back in the day. You remember, don’t you? Clearly, things don’t really change. Just look at us. I dance with some random guy on my break, and you’re ready to kill him and mess me up. Why shouldn’t I believe that you’re fucking around on me again? Why would you be so goddamn worried that I’m cheating on you, unless you have a guilty conscience?”
His hand tightened on her jaw, and she began to pant as tears welled in her eyes. “You’re the only woman I want, Jae,” he hissed.
“Why?” she asked, closing her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears from spilling over. “You treat me like trash in public and hurt me when we’re alone. I’m sick of it.”
He relaxed his grip on her face, as though only now aware of how much pain he was causing her. “I love you,” he said softly.
She sighed, keeping her eyes closed. “Then love sucks, babe. I’ve been treated more gently by people who hate me.” She looked at him then, seeing barely controlled anger in his eyes. “Go ahead, then. Hit me. I can see that’s what you want to do. Fucking hit me!”
He stepped back abruptly, releasing his hold on her.
She reached up, touching her face cautiously. “This is what I don’t want,” she said evenly. “I don’t want to worry whether or not I’m going to bruise. I don’t want to be embarrassed where I work in front of a full fucking house. I don’t want my friends to be afraid to even touch me, in case you might take it the wrong way. What part of this is unreasonable?”
“I woke up this morning, and you were gone,” he grated, his jaw tight as he fought to control his temper. “No note, no nothing. When I try to come see you, Angel won’t let me in the goddamn house. I waited to hear from you all day, but never heard a fucking thing. And when I come down here to see you, I find you all but screwing another man on the dance floor. What part of that was reasonable?”
She put her hands over her eyes, suddenly exhausted. She always felt this way after her adrenaline ran out. She made herself look at him again, not wanting him to even think she was submitting. “After last night, what did you expect? Yeah, maybe I came from the gutter, Steve. But I’m the best thing you’ve ever had, and you keep treating me like garbage. I’m getting tired of it. And I’m not going to put up with it forever, not even for love.”
He pushed his hands through his hair, clearing tangled strands away from his dark eyes. “I’m sorry about last night. I was acting like a jerk, and I know it. But I swear to you, I haven’t touched another woman since you and I got back together.”
“Not even Debra?” she asked. She had no proof, only vague suspicions that he still kept in touch with the woman he’d been seeing when she came back to town.
Cautiously, he replied, “We’ve talked on the phone a couple times. And I’ve seen her once.”
Jake shook her head, reaching up to rub her sore neck. “Nice euphemism, babe. Just a quick screw to say goodbye?”
Steve didn’t say anything.
She heaved a sigh and turned to the service door. It had closed and locked when they’d come out. “Shit,” she said, heading around the building to the main entrance.
“Jae,” he called, coming after her, but she didn’t slow down. “Jae, wait!”
“You lie and lie to me,” she said over her shoulder. “Why should I believe anything you ever say to me?”
He quickened his pace, catching her shoulder to stop her. He pulled her back into his arms, holding her tight against his hard chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, dropping a kiss in the curve of her neck.
“We already talked about sorry,” she replied, not giving in, although she didn’t try to pull away from him. “It doesn’t help a goddamn thing.”
He dropped his face against her neck, not letting her go. “I should have told you,” he said against her skin, his voice muffled. “I went to tell her I wouldn’t be seeing her anymore, and things just… things just happened.”
She nodded, putting her hands over his around her waist. “I guess you owe me a slip, then,” she said, pulling his hands away from her. “Maybe things can just happen with Swan.”
“I’ll kill him,” Steve said coldly, all contrition stripped from his voice, and she stopped, turning slowly to look up into his shadowed face.
“You have too much to lose now,” she said, but she felt no conviction in her own words. He seemed deadly serious.
“I’m not losing you,” he returned, that icy tone still in his voice, convincing her that he meant it.
“You don’t play fair,” she accused. “And you don’t fight fair. Why is it okay for you to fuck around, but not me?”
“I don’t care who it is,” Steve went on, “Swan or someone else. If I find out you slipped with anyone, I’ll kill him. You know I’ll do it.”
She dropped her head, an ache growing in her chest. She knew only too well what he was capable of.
“Jake!” Jaime called from around the corner, and Jake walked past Steve without another word to him.
“Coming,” she said, hurrying her step, and gave a tired smile to the big man. “I didn’t get the brick in the door, so I was walking around to the main entrance.”
“I was starting to get worried,” he said, holding the door open for her. Once she was inside, he let the door fall shut. “Where’s Steve?”
She shrugged, heading down the long hall toward the club. “I don’t know. Maybe he took off. He didn’t say what he was doing.” Then, without another backward glance, she went around the corner and back in to work.
On her next break, Jake cautiously approached Swan. She wanted to check on him and make sure he was okay, but was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to talk to her. She couldn’t even blame him if he didn’t. But when he saw her approaching, Swan smiled, wincing a little because of his swollen lip and jaw.
“Hey, Jake,” he said, gesturing to the empty chair beside him.
“I’m going out to smoke,” she said softly, not taking the offered seat. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
He shrugged. “Sore, but nothing major. How about you?” He glanced at her neck and then her chin.
She laughed self-deprecatingly and touched her face. Steve hadn’t hit her, even after she’d challenged him to do so. But his grip on her face had left light bruises. Due to the dim lighting in the club, no one had noticed except Swan. “I’m okay.”
“Would you mind if I came out with you?” Swan asked. His words were hesitant, and Jake figured he was probably wondering if it would be bad for his health to hang around with her. But still, he had asked, and that was something.
“No, I don’t mind.” She held out her hand to take his and pulled him to his feet, and then they walked together through the crowd and out to the back lot. Once outside, Jake took a moment to be certain the brick was in place, then went over to lean against the Lexus. Swan followed her an
d leaned beside her. “I really am sorry about what happened,” she said, cringing inwardly. How could she get on Steve’s case about it when she kept using the same useless word? “Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you told me to stay away from you.”
He shook his head, watching as she lit her cigarette. “It’s not your fault, Jake. Just, this was a shitty night already, and other than dancing with you for a couple of minutes, it just got shittier.”
“What’s going on?” she asked, turning her head toward him, trying to see his eyes in the shadows. “You said earlier that you came in to try and cheer up. I’ve been wondering what you were talking about.”
“Rebel,” he said, pausing a moment as the tip of his tongue touched the split in his bottom lip. “The band broke up. Now I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do.”
“Oh, man, that sucks,” Jake said, sympathizing. She had been there years before when Jezebel came to a crashing end.
“I’ve been trying to decide if I should just go back to Pittsburgh or stay here and stick it out—maybe find some new guys to jam with.” He shook his head, obvious frustration in his expression. “No record deal yet, not even one in sight, so the other guys decided to call it quits. We’ve only been playing together for a year. How many bands get signed after only a year?”
Jake reached over to touch his arm sympathetically. “Not many. Even Blackstone took over four years to get a deal.” She sighed, memories of so many bands that had come through the Neon passing through her mind, all of them with big dreams and expectations. So few of them ever actually got what they were working for. So few of them lasted long enough to even make a name at all. “Whatever you decide to do, don’t give up, Swan,” she added. “You’re very talented. You could go all the way. Don’t let this stop you from doing what you’re good at.”
Swan laughed softly, shaking his head again. “Where’s your pompoms?” he asked and grinned when she smiled at him. “You’re a great cheerleader, Jake.”
“Maybe so, but what I said was true,” she replied seriously. She turned toward him, sliding her hand up his arm to his shoulder and then behind his neck. Without hesitation she went up on her toes and kissed him gently. She knew his lip was sore, but she wanted to kiss him anyway.
If it was uncomfortable, he ignored any twinges of pain and kissed her back, his arms going around her waist. As though no time had passed since they’d been seeing each other nightly, their kiss deepened. Swan didn’t pull away. His hands moved over her back, sliding up under the fall of her long hair. She opened her mouth to him, her tongue touching his lips lightly, and he groaned.
Jake pulled back a little, her eyes wide as she gazed into his. “This is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do,” she breathed, her own heart rate racing.
“Why do you say that?” he asked, his voice rough. His hands, long-fingered and strong, moved over her back and down to grip her ass.
“If Steve ever finds out, he’ll make you regret it,” she whispered. “He already threatened you.”
“Are you leaving him?” Swan asked, something in his voice like hope mixed with anxiety.
She shook her head sadly, her fingers wandering over his face gently. “It’s hard to explain, babe, and I’m not even gonna try. I’m not looking for strings. I’ve got enough of those already. I’m just looking for some sweetness. I thought maybe I’d find some with you.”
He was silent for a long time, gazing into her eyes, his hands still holding her against him. “You gonna throw it in his face?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll never say a word to him. I like you, Swan, and I don’t want you getting hurt—not any more than you already have been.” She kissed him again, lightly. “If you say no, I’ll understand. I get that I’m nothing but trouble for you—or anyone he takes as a threat. But you were so sweet to me before Steve showed back up in my life. I think about that sometimes when things start to get intense. I just want to taste that sweetness, just for a little while.” She kissed his neck, feeling him trembling against her, and knew she wasn’t being fair to him. She wasn’t giving him a chance to really think about what the consequences might be.
“I’d like to know, the next time I run into him,” Swan said, his voice suddenly harsh, “that I got what he’s trying so hard to hold onto.” His arms tightened around her, his head falling back as she continued to kiss his neck. “I want you, Jake. Even if it’s just one night, then I’ll take it. That’s one night more than I ever thought I’d have.”
She flipped her cigarette away, put her other arm around him, and pulled his head down to kiss her again. She was panting now, remembering those nights months ago when they’d made out in his car. She was going to do this—she was going to do him. She would never say a word to Steve about it, but in her own secret heart would know that they were even. “I’ve got to get back in,” she said breathlessly when she finally pulled back. “I’m off at one tonight. Can I follow you back to your place?”
“Yes,” he said, moving his hands over her slender body, being more daring than he had been before because she wasn’t stopping him. His hands cupped her breasts, thumbs raising the nipples, and he smiled when she moaned.
She put her hands over his, more turned on than she’d expected. Regardless of what happened later, she was looking forward to what was going to happen tonight. Then she backed away from him, holding his hands for a moment. “I’ve gotta go back in.”
He nodded, stepping away from the car and following her back into the building.
Jake pulled the Lexus around the club into the customer parking lot and found Swan’s black primered Nova waiting for her. She slowed enough that he could pull out in front of her and followed him out onto the street. She’d made a point not to spend any more time with him during the rest of her shift, other than to check his table for drink orders. She didn’t want anyone to notice any change between them because chances were it would somehow get back to Steve, and she couldn’t allow that to happen. She knew she was putting Swan into a very dangerous position, and he might live to regret tonight. But she wanted him and needed to do something to reaffirm, at least in her own mind, that she still had control of her own life. She refused to let Steve dictate what she could and could not do, even if she had to be devious about it to keep a third party safe.
About half an hour later, she turned behind the Nova into the parking lot of an apartment complex and pulled into an empty space just a couple down from where Swan parked. She got out of the Lexus, made sure the doors were locked, and walked to meet him where he waited at the back of his car.
Swan watched Jake walk toward him, wondering if this was really going to happen. When she reached him, he put his arm around her. He had halfway expected her to change her mind after leaving the Neon and just head home, but she had followed him all the way here. Now she returned his loose embrace and leaned her head against his shoulder as they crossed the parking lot to the flight of stairs leading up to his second-floor apartment.
He unlocked the door, stepping inside to flip on the lights, and waited for her to come past him. He closed and relocked the door, turning back to see her waiting in the middle of the room. The apartment wasn’t large, just a one bedroom with a tiny kitchen. The furniture was battered and shabby, and the fridge and cupboards were mostly bare. But it was clean and tidy, and he could afford the rent on the pay he made at a call center, with occasional gigs as a session guitarist for a couple of local studios.
“Come here,” she said softly, holding a hand out toward him.
He crossed the room to her, his heart suddenly pounding with anticipation. He had wanted her since the first night he’d seen her. He thought, with enough time, he might have even fallen in love with her. She would have been the perfect girlfriend for an aspiring rock star, he had fantasized. After she abruptly got back with her ex, he had resigned himself to the fact that it was never going to happen. Now he went to her, ignoring all the aches and pains from his brief altercation
on the dance floor. He slipped his arms around her, pulling her up against him, his mouth meeting hers in a passionate kiss that immediately put fire in his veins. He’d imagined this so many times, and now he couldn’t wait any longer.
“Slow down, baby,” she whispered, putting her hands against his chest. “We’ve got all the time we need. I want to enjoy this. I want to make this a night neither one of us will ever forget.” She unbuttoned his shirt, taking the time between each button to press her lips to the newly revealed bare skin.
He inhaled deeply at the feel of her kisses, his hands moving over her back. When she reached the end of the buttons on his shirt, she pushed the shirt off his shoulders, letting him pull his arms free to drop it onto the low couch. She took the bottom of her shirt in both hands and pulled it over her head, revealing a black, lacy bra.
“Do you have a bed?” she asked, stepping close to him again. Her hands slid from his waist up along his ribs as she kissed his chest, moving her head toward his nipple. Her tongue flicked across his skin, and he fought not to groan.
“Yeah, in the other room,” he said breathlessly, one hand against the back of her head.
“We might want to go in there,” she said, smiling up at him, then she grazed his nipple with her teeth.
He bent, grabbing her ass with both hands, and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around him, her arms around his neck, and kissed him again as he strode toward the bedroom.
The bedroom was small, taken up almost completely by the bed and a narrow chest of drawers. Swan didn’t bother turning on the overhead light, just left the door open so light came in from the living room. He set her back on her feet, his mouth still on hers, and slid his hands up her bare back to find the fastening of her bra. The hooks easily came free, and she let go of him long enough to slide the straps down her arms to discard the bra onto the floor.
He sat on the bed then, pulling her to stand between his legs, and kissed her breasts. Her hands played through his long, wavy hair, and she looked down at him through her lashes as he sucked gently on one nipple, his right hand fondling her other breast. Shivers ran through her, gooseflesh rising on her bare skin, and she gasped.