Pretend

by Charlene Antrobus

  "Hey stop pressuring the girl. If she doesn't want to come then she doesn't have to," Anthony defended me.

  I smiled at him as a way of saying thank you.

  "Oh shut up," Crystal said, throwing Anthony her death glare.

  "Ok, so Aiden and April aren't coming, so how many cars do we have left?" She asked as everyone continued to try and talk over each other.

  Aiden walked up to me, looking anything but enthusiastic.

  "Ready?" He asked as he walked past me, towards where his car was parked.

  "Yeah," I replied knowing that he didn't really care about my answer anyway.

  “I’ll call you,” Jake said as he smiled at me. I smiled back but quickly stopped as I saw Aiden almost scowl at me.

  “Ok,” I replied.

  "Bye guys," I shouted as I ran off to catch up with Aiden.

  "Bye," they all said in unison before continuing to talk about their plans.

  "Hey, wait up," I said as Aiden walked faster in front of me.

  "Hey, what's up?" I asked once I had finally caught up with him.

  "Nothing," he replied, bluntly.

  "Ok.”

  I continued to walk the rest of the journey to his car in silence as he made it his mission to always stay a few steps ahead of me.

  When we finally reached the car he unlocked the door, got inside and slammed it behind him. I knew that it wasn't a good idea to try and talk now, so I got in gently, put my belt on and stared out of the window.

  Now that I was away from the others and had time to think, I realised that the events of today had my mind all over the place. I opened my mouth to speak to Aiden but the words just refused to come out.

  What was I suppose to say?

  I nearly kissed my best friend's brother, that wasn't right on any level. What's worse is that I didn't just nearly do it but I actually wanted to do it. I wanted to kiss him more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone before.

  Why did it feel so right when I knew how wrong it would be? Surely it was selfish of me to even be thinking like this.

  What would Crystal say if she ever found out?

  Wasn't it how she felt that really mattered, her feelings should come before mine because that's what a true best friend does, isn’t it? It's exactly what a best friend does, so why is Aiden the only thing on my brain right now?

  "What's the deal with you and Jake?" Aiden asked, interrupting my thoughts.

  "There is no deal," I replied in a frustrated tone.

  "Sure didn't look that way to me," he spat back as he continued to look at the road ahead.

  "What is this?" I asked.

  "What is what?" He replied, looking rather confused.

  "I mean this isn't what you really want to talk about, is it? You know that there is nothing between me and Jake, that's just Crystal trying to play match maker so drop the attitude it doesn't suit you," I spat back at him.

  Suddenly he started laughing which shocked me.

  "Why are you laughing?" I asked in a complete state of confusion.

  "I like it when you get angry, it's cute," he said as a smile spread across his lips.

  I couldn't help but smile.

  "Well I'm glad that it amuses you," I replied.

  "It does," he said as he threw me a smile.

  "So are you in a better mood now?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow at him.

  "I suppose," he replied.

  "Good.”

  As he continued to drive, we spent most of the journey in silence. I kept trying to figure out ways to bring up what had happened in the park but I just couldn't find the words. As I realised that we were less than five minutes away from my house, I knew that it was now or never. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

  "Aiden, what happened today?" I asked in a serious tone.

  "I don't know," he mumbled.

  I paused as I wondered what I should say next. I hadn't really thought this through before I opened my big mouth. Luckily I didn't need to.

  "But, I know what I wanted to happen," he said as he glanced at me.

  "What was that?" I whispered. I don't know why I was whispering. I guess I was scared of the answer that I knew was coming. Hearing it would make it real.

  Suddenly, he pulled up next to the sidewalk.

  "What are you doing? We're like two minutes from my house," I said, feeling rather confused.

  "I know," he said as he turned to look at me.

  There was that butterfly feeling again. The new silence, that had consumed the car sent feelings through me that I had never felt before. Aiden made my body go crazy, without even touching me and that was so new to me. As he stared into my eyes, I knew what he was saying. He gently unbuckled his seatbelt without taking his eyes off of mine. I couldn't look away. It was as if we were connected by an invisible force that I couldn't break. I could hear every breath that he took as he drew nearer to me. My heart was beating so hard in my chest as the air between us slowly disappeared. My body shuddered as the touch of his finger tips, slowly traced my arm. I didn't care that he was my best friend's brother anymore, I wanted him. If I had to risk it all just to feel like this even once, then it was worth it. As his hand made its way to my cheek, I watched as he stared at me. His face was more serious now as though he was taking in every angle of me. He gently moved my hair behind my ear and brought his face towards mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation of what was to come next. I wanted this. His hand slipped around my slender waist and pulled me towards him, closing that last inch that stood between us.

  Suddenly my phone began to vibrate, snapping me back to a harsh reality.

  I felt his warm breath on my lips as he let out a deep sigh. As I looked at the clock in Aiden's car I decided that it must have been my mom, wondering where I was. I pulled away from him gently and slipped my cell from my purse.

  "Sorry," I whispered, regretting the interruption just as much as he did.

  I let out a frustrated sigh as I looked at the number on my phone.

  "Let me guess," Aiden said as he repositioned himself in his seat.

  "Let me just hear what he's got to say," I said as I stared at him in the hope of receiving some sympathy. All I got was silence.

  "What?" I snapped as I answered the phone.

  "April, I've been calling you all day, why didn't you pick up? Did you get my message?" Kyle answered in a rather strange voice.

  "No, look I'm busy so-"

  "I'm outside of your house," he interrupted.

  "What!" I screamed as I hung up the phone and threw it into my purse.

  How dare he?

  This was the last time that he was going to do this to me. He needed to know that we were over once and for all. He chose Rachel so why doesn't he just leave me alone?

  "What?" Aiden asked in an uninterested tone.

  "He's outside of my house," I replied, angrily.

  "Great," he said as he started the engine back up and began to drive.

  We didn't speak for the two minute journey. As I pulled up outside of my house and saw Kyle's face, my cheeks started to burn with anger.

  "Stay here," I told Aiden as I stared at him.

  He didn't say anything and so I put my hand on top of his and waited for him to look at me.

  "Please?" I pleaded.

  "Ok," he finally answered in a calm voice.

  "Thank you, I'll be two minutes," I said as I stepped out of the car and walked towards Kyle.

  "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded as I approached him.

  "I told you that I needed to talk to you," he replied as he stared down at the ground.

  I looked into his puffy, red eyes that he was trying to hide from me.

  "Have you been smoking?" I asked in disgust.

  "No," he snapped back at me.

  "Look, Kyle you can't do this! You can't text me and tell me to move on and then say that you want to meet up with me in the next. Is this some sort of game?"

  "No, I didn't text you s
aying that," he said in a confused tone.

  "Look, I am so fed up of you and your lies! You can't keep doing this Kyle, you have-"

  "Mimi's in hospital!" He shouted over me.

  I stopped dead in my tracks and stood frozen. As the words played in my mind, I felt sick. I didn't understand. All of my feelings of anger suddenly disappeared.

  "I don't understand," I stuttered as my eyes began to fill up with tears.

  "She was hit by a car last night, after the party, I wanted to call you but I left my phone at Rachel's. I text you as soon as I got it back. I don't know what to do," he said as a tear rolled down his red cheek.

  Everything started to make perfect sense. Rachel sent the text that I read this morning but more importantly Mimi was hurt.

  "Is she ok?" I whispered as the shock almost took my voice away.

  "She hit her head quite bad and hasn’t woken up yet. I'm scared, I didn't know where else to go," he said as streams of tears fell down his face.

  My hands were shaking as I pictured her body lying in the road. I couldn't move. Just as I felt like I was going to drop, Kyle's arms wrapped around me. I held him as tight as I could and buried my head into his shoulder and cried my heart out.

  As I heard the sound of an engine rev and a car drive away, I suddenly remembered that Aiden was watching. It was too late, he was gone. All I could think about was my beautiful Mimi right now, Aiden would have to wait.

  "Come on," I said as I slid my hand into Kyle's and lead him towards my front door. I gently slipped the key into the lock and opened it up.

  As I walked in, I was greeted by the shocked look on my mom's face.

  "Kyle's sister was in an accident, she's in hospital," I said before she got the chance to say a word.

  "Oh no, I'm so sorry Kyle. You two come in, I'll just go upstairs," she replied in a gentle tone, before smiling at me and disappearing up the stairs. She understood how much this would hurt us both.

  We sat on the chair in silence as we consumed ourselves in our own painful thoughts. My heart ached as Kyle's words played over and over again in my mind.

  How could this happen?

  Why her?

  Why my Mimi?

  She didn't deserve this. She still had so much to do, so much to see. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't get the image of her feeble, ten year old body lying there hooked up to machines and wires, out of my mind.

  I gently slipped my hand on top of Kyle's and squeezed it gently. It was crazy to think that I had just been so mad at him and then with one sentence, it had all disappeared. Right now we had something in common and that was our love for Mimi, our need for her to live.

  "Are you ok?" I finally asked.

  He shook his head and then began crying hysterically into his hands.

  I pulled him towards me and held him tight, trying to hold back my own tears and be strong.

  "I know, I know," I said as I stroked his hair and tightened my grip.

  I loosened my grip as I felt him slowly lifting his head. As his bloodshot eyes met with mine, I could literally feel the pain as though we were completely connected. I could feel everything that he was feeling. He slid his hand up and stroked my face, wiping away the tears that were now pouring uncontrollably down my cheeks. I closed my eyes as I took in the familiar touch of his warm hand and before I knew it his lips had met mine. As he lifted himself on top of me I felt his warm tears falling onto my cheeks as he continued to kiss my lips. My fingers slipped into his soft hair as the weight of his body lay on top of mine. I missed his touch so much. I wanted to be free of pain, I didn't want to cry anymore, I wanted to forget everything and I knew that he did too. As I felt his hand slip underneath my pink top, I gently pulled away.

  "No," I whispered, quietly.

  He collapsed into my chest and cried without saying a word. As he lay there, I stroked his hair and stared at the blank wall ahead of me.

  How could this be happening?

  "I'm sorry, I just wanted to forget," he finally replied after a few moments of silence.

  "I know," I said.

  We lay in silence for hours until we finally drifted off into a sleep.

  * * *

  The noise from the kitchen caused my eyes to snap open. As I looked down at Kyle, sleeping peacefully on my chest the sad reality came flooding back. I gently slid myself from underneath him and headed, quietly towards the kitchen.

  "Hey," my mom said as I opened the door and walked in.

  "Hey, what are you doing up?" I asked.

  "I just needed a drink. How is he?" She asked, pointing towards the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room.

  "Not great, he's sleeping," I said as my heart began to ache once again.

  "Poor boy. What about you?" She asked, staring deep into my eyes.

  "Heartbroken," I muttered.

  "Oh, baby," she said as she pulled me into a warm embrace and kissed my forehead.

  "She'll be just fine sweetheart, God's angel will be watching over her," she replied.

  When I was younger and I would get upset, she would always tell me that God's angel were watching over us and that everything would be ok. To date she hadn't been wrong.

  "Should I wake him?" I asked, looking up at my mom's face.

  "No, let him sleep, he's probably exhausted. You get some rest too, ok?"

  "Yeah.”

  "Ok, I'm going back up now, night.”

  "Night Mom and thanks," I said as I squeezed her tighter and then watched her walk up the stairs.

  Once she had gone, I quietly slipped back into the living room and headed towards the closet door, on the wall, next to the TV. I pulled out one of the guest comforters and shut the door behind me. I walked up to Kyle, covered him over and stroked his head. I picked my bag up off of the floor and crept up the stairs.

  When I got into my room, I quickly changed into my pjs, took my phone out of my purse and placed it on the chest of drawers next to my bed. I turned off the light and then slipped under my duvet. I pressed my phone to see if Aiden might have text me but a feeling of sadness came over me as I realised that he hadn't. As I lay in the dark thinking about Aiden, Mimi and Kyle, I knew that tomorrow was going to be a long and painful day...

  As my eyes snapped open I instantly felt the warmth of the sun as it shone through the gaps in my blinds. I gently slipped my arms from under my duvet and let my skin soak up the warmth. Mimi's face was fresh in my mind and the ache that I felt yesterday was far from gone. As I stared at the circle shape that the sunlight had made on my wooden closet I lifted my hands to form talking characters by positioning them in certain shapes. I giggled to myself as I remembered how this had kept Mimi entertained for hours when Kyle and I was babysitting her one night.. I never did understand the fascination of creating silent, shadow characters until now that is. The silence that they provided was a comfort to my heart and the sheer silliness of their creation took my mind off of the deeper issues that it was trying to avoid.

  As I slipped my legs out of my duvet and pulled my body into a sitting position I began to stretch my arms in the air in a bid to shake away the tiredness that I was feeling. I pressed the button on my phone to reveal a screen that read 6:00am. I quietly turned the handle of my bedroom door, pushed it open and then crept into the bathroom. I didn't need to turn the light on as it was already bright enough. Sliding down my pyjama bottoms and pants, I lifted the toilet seat and quietly sat down. I didn't flush as I was aware that everyone was probably still peacefully sleeping. As I washed my hands and looked at my puffy eyes in the mirror I heard a noise coming from downstairs.

  I quickly dried my hands and crept towards my mom and Bob's room. I slipped my head through the gap to find that they were both fast asleep. How I hadn't heard Bob's snoring, before looking inside of the room, was beyond me. I quickly slipped my head back out, closed the door in gently and quietly crept down the stairs. I pushed the living room door open to find that Kyle was gone. I was a little disapp
ointed to know that he had left without even telling me but maybe he didn't want to face me after last night. It was the most emotional that I had ever seen him and knowing him, he was probably still quite embarrassed.

  I made a tiny gap in the drapes with my hand to see if I could see him driving off through the window but to my surprise his car was still parked up and he was nowhere to be seen. I made my way to the front door, opened it as quietly as I could and peered outside.

  "What are you doing?" I whispered as I slipped out of the front door and approached Kyle who was sat on the grass, in my front yard.

  "Sorry, I just wanted some fresh air. I didn't wake you, did I?" He replied as he kept his eyes fixated on the grass that lay beneath him.

  "No you didn't. How are you feeling?" I said as I took a seat next to him on the ground.

  "I'm not sure. I've been trying to work it out all morning but I got nothing.”

  "I know the feeling," I replied as I stared at him.

  "Did you hear any news on Mimi?"

  "Yeah, my mom text this morning to say that she still hasn't woken up yet," he said as a look of sadness filled his eyes.

  "She will be ok," I said as I rested my hand on top of his and gave it a little squeeze.

  He gave me a small smile and continued to look down at the grass. As I stared into his beautiful, brown eyes I could almost feel the pain that he was feeling. His dark blonde hair blew as the gentle morning breeze hit it. As I looked at his strong muscular body it amazed me how weak he now looked. His confident, bad boy image had suddenly melted away before my very eyes.

  "I don't understand you," he said, breaking the silence.

  "What do you mean?" I replied in a state of confusion.

  "After everything that I've done to you, how can you still be so nice to me?" He said in a low voice.

  "Kyle, we all make mistakes, what's important is that we learn from them," I said in a bid to reassure him.

  "There you go again," he said in a frustrated tone.

  "What?"

  "Being nice to me, April I don't deserve it. I've been such a jerk to you. I screwed up your life and now I just land on your door step asking for help. You should have kicked me out last night, I don't deserve an ounce of your compassion," he replied.