Pretend

by Charlene Antrobus

  Don't want to play pretend

  Acting like we're friends

  I want you to be mine

  Not pretend but all the time

  Don't want to play pretend

  Acting like we're friends

  I want you to be mine

  Not pretend but all the time

  I know this feeling’s real

  Never been here before

  Always lost for time

  Always on my mind

  She makes everything seem fine

  Don't want to waste this time

  Pretending she's not mine

  Pretending she's not mine, ohhhhh...

  Don't want to play pretend

  Acting like we're friends

  I want you to be mine

  Not pretend but all the time

  Don't want to play pretend

  Acting like we're friends

  I want you to be mine

  Not pretend but all the time

  I want you all the time...."

  Suddenly everyone jumped to their feet, clapping their hands and screaming Aiden's name whilst I sat frozen in my seat as I locked eyes with the one person that I wanted more than anything else right now.

  * * *

  "So what did you think?" Aiden asked as we started to drive back home to get ready for the party.

  We hadn't really had much of a chance to speak after the show due to the fact that he was swarmed by people who wanted to congratulate him all evening.

  "It was beautiful, I didn't even know that you could sing," I said as I looked over at him.

  "Well you never asked," he said with a playful smile on his lips.

  "Well you're always so secretive when it comes to music school that's why."

  "That's because I don't want everyone to see that side of me."

  "What do you mean?" I asked, confused by his statement.

  "When I'm in that mode it's different. Like, I zone out. I suppose when I speak through music it's from the soul, it's real, you know?"

  "Yeah I think I understand. Music is your way of bearing your soul, being and expressing who you really are, right?"

  "Well, that's a very girl way to put it but something like that," he said as a smirk spread across his face.

  "Funny," I said as I hit his arm playfully.

  "The song was beautiful though, the lyrics were...Amazing."

  "It isn't actually finished yet," he said in a more serious voice as he kept his eyes on the road.

  "Oh, so can I hear it when it's done?" I asked, hoping that he'd say yes.

  "I’m not the one that needs to finish it," he said as he stared at me before continuing to drive when the lights changed.

  “Oh,” I said. As we continued home I sat in silence and smiled to myself.

  * * *

  We seemed to move pretty quick and we're dressed, ready and standing outside of Murphy's door by half ten.

  "Hey sexy friends," Anthony said as Murphy's front door swung open.

  "You been drinking?" Aiden said as he raised an eyebrow at him.

  "Dude, have you met Murphy's dad? He’s laid back but not in that area. The guy probably has the cops circling the place every hour not even I'm dumb enough to break that guys rules, plus he scares me," he said as both Aiden and I burst out laughing before walking through the door.

  "Hey kiddo, looking mighty fine," Anthony said as he slung his arm around my shoulders.

  "Thanks," I said as I looked at Aiden who looked amused by his friends 'happy' attitude.

  "Drunk on love," he mouthed to me as we both started laughing.

  "Hey," Jess beamed as she seen me and Aiden approaching her.

  I spotted Rachel from across the room and threw her a smile to show that I was happy that she came. She returned the smile and waved her hand at me before Jess dragged me away towards Jinnie, Erica and Crystal, leaving the guys to 'do their thing'.

  * * *

  It wasn't long before we were all enjoying the party. Everyone was dancing and just having a good time. Aiden had been giving me looks all night and I couldn't help but smile as I kept replaying the words of his song in my head. I knew exactly what that song meant and it was beautiful but it also meant that I really needed to tell Crystal so that we could stop pretending. Maybe that's what he was waiting for before he finished the song, an ending.

  I knew that it was now or never so I left the kitchen where I had been chatting with Jess and Anthony to go and find Crystal. I said that I would tell her tonight and it was time to stop backing out. As I approached the living room, I had to push through the crowd in order to spot Crystal, it wasn't too hard since she was wearing a bright pink dress. As I went to head over to where she was stood I was suddenly stopped by a hand gently grabbing hold of my wrist.

  "Oh hey," I said.

  "I've been looking for you for ages, I need you for a minute," Rachel said as she pulled me to where the dj was positioned in the living room.

  "What's up?" I asked, a little confused and also slightly annoyed that she had interrupted my chance of talking to Crystal.

  "Hey, can you turn that off for a second?" She asked the dj who looked like he was about to argue until she threw him a look that said 'don't mess with me'.

  It made me chuckle slightly at the power that she seemed to command over men, although it wasn't exactly that funny where Kyle was concerned but the past is the past, time to move on.

  "Pass me that," she said, pointing towards his mic.

  "Hey everyone, sorry to stop the party as it is great and all but I have something really important to do and I feel that now is the time," she said as she glanced at me.

  "What are you doing?" I asked as I watched the room start to fill up with more and more angry people as they came to investigate who had stopped the music.

  "You'll understand in a minute," she said, moving the mic away from her lips.

  "Ok, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet-"

  "Good! Hurry up and shut up, we came to party!" An angry voice in the crowd shouted as he eyed up Rachel.

  "Oh calm down Rambo!" She said with an angry voice before going back to her calm and sweet tone.

  "As I was saying, I really have to do this tonight and I'm sorry to take up your time but I simply couldn’t leave tonight, without having done this. Some of you may or may not know that me and April have had some issues lately-"

  "Then take it to Jerry Springer!" Someone shouted, causing a few laughs.

  Rachel threw them a sarcastic smile before continuing her little speech.

  "So, yeah we've had some problems and I've done some things that I really shouldn't have and they were wrong," she continued.

  "You don't have to do this, I already accepted your apology Rachel," I whispered.

  "No, I do," she said as she smiled at me.

  "So, yeah they were wrong and I've apologised to April because it was the right thing to do. I was just lucky that she is the nice person that she is and forgave me. I mean, she even invited me here tonight knowing that her friends wouldn't approve which was exactly what I was counting on as I was desperate to make this speech. I mean, I lied, I snuck around and I cheated and still she forgave me because that's April, she's just a nice person," she said as she turned to me and smiled.

  "Well that's what she wants you to think," she said as I looked at her in shock.

  "You see ladies and gentleman the perfect, sweet and innocent little April was so cut up about me stealing her pathetic excuse for a boyfriend that she even pretended to be in a relationship with her best friend’s brother. So just like me she lied, oh but it gets better. You see I was counting on her pathetic and nice ways because I really, really needed to be here tonight to let everyone know the real April Reinhart-"

  "You better shut up!" Crystal shouted from the middle of the crowd.

  "Oh, I will but I think that you might want to hear what I have to say before you shut me up. You see whilst April walks around like little miss butter wo
uldn't melt let me tell you that she's anything but! Yeah I lied and cheated and everything else but me and April here, we have quite a lot in common, don't we?" She said as she turned to me.

  "What are you talking about Rachel, just stop," I said as I felt the tears rushing to my eyes.

  "Because our perfect April here who is so nice that she wouldn't hurt a fly has been having a secret relationship with her best friend’s brother, isn't that right?"

  "How did you-"

  She cut me off before the words could even fall out of my mouth.

  "You see the school library is probably not the best place to make out in when you’re trying to keep things on the down low sweetheart. Oh dear, I would say that from the look on your face, you haven't told you BFF yet," she said as a cruel laugh escaped her lips.

  "You know, your pathetic speeches would be much better if you had actually managed to tell me something that I didn't already know," Crystal said as she stepped right up to where Rachel and I were stood.

  "What? You already knew?" I asked as I placed my arm on Crystal's.

  "Don't touch me," Crystal said as she stormed through the crowd and towards the door.

  "Crystal, wait! Please."

  I could feel all eyes on me as I ran through the crowd to catch up with her. I could hear their gasps and their opinions on the current situation but I didn't care, all that mattered was talking to my best friend. I couldn't lose her, I just couldn't.

  "That's it April run like you always do, keep playing the nice girl act, so pathetic," Rachel said as she taunted me some more.

  I don't know what came over me but I just froze at the sound of those words. As I stood there and thought about every little bit of rubbish that I had been put through, I just decided that in that moment I had had enough! I was tired of always being told that I was too nice and sitting down and taking everything that everyone threw at me, enough was enough. I slowly turned around and faced Rachel.

  "You know, you just don't know when to give up do you?" I said as I took a few more steps towards her.

  "No, April we're not all like you, we don't give up at the first sign of trouble," she said as she smirked at me.

  "How could you do that after everything that you have already done, I forgave you, I listened to you, I even felt sorry for you and you did this? What was this, like some kind of sick joke that you've been planning all along?"

  "Yeah it was and do you know what, it was easy. It was easy with you because you will always be and always have been a pathetic little mouse that is too nice to stand up for herself!" She growled as she looked at me with so much hate in her eyes that I could feel it from across the room.

  "Really?" I asked.

  "Yeah real-"

  The force of my hand making contact with her face cut her mid sentence. As I watched the crowd of people move out of the way as she fell to the ground I felt a sudden calm come over me. It was like everything was being released, Kyle, Rachel, Jake...Everything.

  As I walked up and looked down at Rachel holding her red cheek on the floor I felt one thing, relief.

  "Was that nice enough for you?" I asked before walking back towards the door.

  I could hear all of the 'oohhhs' and 'ahhhs' and other comments as I walked past everyone and headed towards the next disaster in my life.

  "Wow kiddo didn't think that you had it in you, that's some right hook you got," Anthony said through his laughs as I walked past him. I ignored him and kept walking.

  "April?" Aiden said in a worried voice as he gently went to grab my arm.

  "Not now Aiden, not now," I said as I walked past, barely even making eye contact with him.

  I had to find Crystal...

  "Hey wait!" I heard Jess shout from behind me. I kept walking, I had to find Crystal and quickly and I didn't have time to waste.

  "Not now Jess!" I shouted as I continued to walk. I didn't intend to sound harsh but right now my head was all over the place. Rachel had done some evil things over the time that I’d known her but even this was an all new low for even her. I couldn't believe it. How could I be so stupid? I believed that Rachel wanted to actually make peace with me, it just goes to show how naive I really am.

  "April, please just hang on," Jess said as she finally caught up with me.

  "What?" I snapped as I turned around to face her.

  "I just wanted to make sure that you were ok?" She asked in a soft voice.

  "Let's see...I've been humiliated yet again by Rachel, lost my best friend and probably my boyfriend too, so yeah I'm on top of the world!" I said before turning back around in search of Crystal.

  "Look, I know that you're upset and I just wanted to make sure-"

  "Make sure what? What? What exactly did you want to make sure Jess mmm?"

  "I don't know...Just-"

  "Exactly, you're just wasting my time!"

  "I wanted to apologise-"

  "Apologise for what-"

  Suddenly it hit me. As I stood there standing and staring at her face I knew exactly what was happening. How I hadn't known before was beyond me.

  "It was you wasn't it?!" I asked through gritted teeth.

  "Just let me explain-"

  "No! I asked you not to say anything and you promised that you wouldn't!" I growled as I stopped walking and took a step closer to her.

  "You told Crystal, didn't you?" I asked as a feeling of hurt washed through me.

  "No, she asked me but I didn't tell her-"

  "You're a liar! I trusted you and you betrayed me. Just leave me alone!" I said before storming off in the direction of Murphy's front door.

  "What's going on baby?" I heard Anthony ask as Jess' sobs filled the atmosphere. I didn't care that she was upset, she had betrayed me and right now I wasn't in a forgiving mood. My breath was suddenly taken as I spotted Crystal sat on the hood of a car, looking in the opposite direction to the house.

  I took a deep breath and approached her cautiously. I had no idea what was about to happen but I knew that I couldn't lose my best friend, not like this.

  "Crystal?" I half whispered as I came to a standstill beside the blue car that she was sat on.

  She didn't answer but instead she just sat staring into space. I could tell that she had been crying and I felt heartbroken that it was because of me. I gently joined her on the hood of the car and looked up at the stars in the sky.

  We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before she finally broke the silence.

  "You're in love with him, aren't you?" She asked. I hadn't expected her to say this, I was waiting for her to start screaming and get mad and I was completely caught off guard.

  "I...Erm...Yes," I said after trying to gather my words together.

  "But...If I have to chose, then I chose you," I said as the tears tried to force themselves down my cheeks at the thought of losing Aiden. I didn't allow it and instead I took a deep breath before turning to face Crystal.

  I watched as she took a deep breath and slowly turned her face towards me.

  "April, I'm not asking you to chose," she said in a soft voice that I wasn't expecting.

  "But you hate me, don't you?" I asked in a shaky voice.

  "No, I'm just-"

  "Mad," I filled in.

  "No, hurt," she corrected.

  "I'm so sorry, I tried to tell you so many times but I was so scared that you would hate me and then I had it all planned out to tell you tonight but Rachel, she just-"

  "Did what she always does...Tries to ruin lives," she said, cutting me off.

  "Yeah," I whispered as I thought about how much my hand was still stinging from the slap that I had given her.

  "So, what now?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted the answer.

  "April, I'm not mad at you or Aiden. I don't expect Aiden to tell me anything because he's my brother and he's a guy and that's just how it is but you, I expected more-"

  "I know-"

  "Let me finish," she said, gently.

  "Sorry."
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  "I expect more from you because you're more than just my best friend, you're my sister. We've been through so much together and we've shared so much. I'm not mad about you and Aiden, I'm hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me," she said.

  "I know but I didn't want to lose you and I just didn't know how to tell you-"

  "But that's what I mean. You didn't trust me to be there for you even when you did something that you thought would make me angry. It's like you belittled our friendship so much that you thought that I'd give up on it so easily, what kind of a person do you think I am?" She asked as a look of hurt filled her face.

  I hadn't even thought about it like that before.

  "You're right and I wasn't thinking straight, I just got caught up and confused. I've had all this drama with Kyle, Mimi, Jake, Aiden and you were the last person that I wanted to cause any problems with because I need you," I said as I took a breath.

  "I know but you should know me better. Of course it's weird thinking of my brother and my best friend in that way but at the same time it makes sense," she said as a look of shock filled my face.

  "It does?" I asked before I could even think about what I was saying.

  "Yes. April I have known Aiden my entire life, he may put on this 'bad boy', 'player' act but we both know that it's not true. There is no guy that I would trust more than Aiden, not even my own father and you, you're my best friend, I’d trust you with my life. I know you both like the back of my hand and all I've ever wanted was for you both to be happy. All I wanted was for you both to find people that would love you and protect you and never let you down, so how could I be mad when the two people that I love more than anything in world, love each other?"

  As I listened to Crystal's words, which made perfect sense, I was stunned into silence. She was right, it was almost as clear as water but I hadn't ever thought that she would see it like that.

  "You're right," I finally managed to get out.

  "I know I am. I know Aiden and I know that he loves you, which means that he will never hurt you and I know that you love him, which means you will never hurt him. I trust you both April. You just need to start trusting me," she said as she looked me straight in the eyes.