by Alice Walker
Sofia and Harpo always try to set me up with some man. They know I love Shug but they think womens love just by accident, anybody handy likely to do. Everytime I go to Harpo’s some little policy salesman git all up in my face. Mr. _____ have to come to the rescue. He tell the man, This lady my wife. The man vanish out the door.
Us sit, have a cold drink. Talk about our days together with Shug. Talk about the time she come home sick. The little crooked song she use to sing. All our fine evenings down at Harpo’s.
You was even sewing good way back then, he say. I remember the nice little dresses Shug always wear.
Yeah, I say. Shug could wear a dress.
Remember the night Sofia knock Mary Agnes toofs out? he ast.
Who could forgit it? I say.
Us don’t say nothing bout Sofia’s troubles. Us still cant laugh at that. Plus, Sofia still have trouble with that family. Well, trouble with Miss Eleanor Jane.
You just don’t know, say Sofia, what that girl done put me through. You know how she use to bother me all the time when she had problems at home? Well finally she start bothering me when anything good happen. Soon as she snag that man she married she come running to me. Oh, Sofia, she say, you just have to meet Stanley Earl. And before I can say anything, Stanley Earl is in the middle of my front room.
How you, Sofia, he say, grinning and sticking out his hand. Miss Eleanor Jane done told me so much about you.
I wonder if she told him they made me sleep up under their house, say Sofia. But I don’t ask. I try to be polite, act pleasant. Henrietta turn the radio up loud in the back room. I have to almost holler to make myself understood. They stand round looking at the children’s pictures on the wall and saying how good my boys look in they army uniforms.
Where they fighting? Stanley Earl want to know.
They in the service right here in Georgia, I say. But pretty soon they be bound for overseas.
He ast me do I know which part they be station in? France, Germany or the Pacific.
I don’t know where none of that is so I say, Naw. He say he want to fight but got to stay home and run his daddy’s cotton gin.
Army got to wear clothes, he say, if they fighting in Europe. Too bad they not fighting in Africa. He laugh. Miss Eleanor Jane smile. Henrietta turn the dial as high as it can go. Got on some real sorry whitefolks music sound like I don’t know what. Stanley Earl snap his fingers and try to tap one of his good size foots. He got a long head go straight up and hair cut so short it look fuzzy. His eyes real bright blue and never hardly blink. Good God, I think.
Sofia raise me, practically, say Miss Eleanor Jane. Don’t know what we would have done without her.
Well, say Stanley Earl, everybody round here raise by colored. That’s how come we turn out so well. He wink at me, say, Well Sugar Pie, to Miss Eleanor Jane, time for us to mosey along.
She leap up like somebody stuck her with a pin. How Henrietta doing? she ast. Then she whisper, I brought her something with yams so well hid she won’t never suspect. She run out to the car and come back with a tuna casserole.
Well, say Sofia, one thing you have to say for Miss Eleanor Jane, her dishes almost always fool Henrietta. And that mean a lots to me. Of course I never tell Henrietta where they come from. If I did, out the window they would go. Else she’d vomit, like it made her sick.
But finally, the end come to Sofia and Miss Eleanor Jane, I think. And it wasn’t nothing to do with Henrietta, who hate Miss Eleanor Jane’s guts. It was Miss Eleanor Jane herself and that baby she went and had. Every time Sofia turned round Miss Eleanor Jane was shoving Reynolds Stanley Earl in her face. He a little fat white something without much hair, look like he headed for the Navy.
Ain’t little Reynolds sweet? say Miss Eleanor Jane, to Sofia. Daddy just love him, she say. Love having a grandchild name for him and look so much like him, too.
Sofia don’t say nothing, stand there ironing some of Susie Q and Henrietta’s clothes.
And so smart, say Eleanor Jane. Daddy say he never saw a smarter baby. Stanley Earl’s mama say he smarter than Stanley Earl was when he was this age.
Sofia still don’t say nothing.
Finally Eleanor Jane notice. And you know how some whitefolks is, won’t let well enough alone. If they want to bad enough, they gon harass a blessing from you if it kill.
Sofia mighty quiet this morning, Miss Eleanor Jane say, like she just talking to Reynolds Stanley. He stare back at her out of his big stuck open eyes.
Don’t you think he sweet? she ast again.
He sure fat, say Sofia, turning over the dress she ironing.
And he sweet, too, say Miss Eleanor Jane.
Just as plump as he can be, say Sofia. And tall.
But he sweet, too, say Eleanor Jane. And he smart. She haul off and kiss him up side the head. He rub his head, say Yee.
Ain’t he the smartest baby you ever saw? she ast Sofia.
He got a nice size head on him, say Sofia. You know some peoples place a lot of weight on head size. Not a whole lot of hair on it either. He gon be cool this summer, for sure. She fold the piece she iron and put it on a chair.
Just a sweet, smart, cute, innocent little baby boy, say Miss Eleanor Jane. Don’t you just love him? she ast Sofia point blank.
Sofia sigh. Put down her iron. Stare at Miss Eleanor Jane and Reynolds Stanley. All the time me and Henrietta over in the corner playing pitty pat. Henrietta act like Miss Eleanor Jane ain’t alive, but both of us hear the way the iron sound when Sofia put it down. The sound have a lot of old and new stuff in it.
No ma’am, say Sofia. I do not love Reynolds Stanley Earl. Now. That’s what you been trying to find out ever since he was born. And now you know.
Me and Henrietta look up. Miss Eleanor Jane just that quick done put Reynolds Stanley on the floor where he crawling round knocking stuff over. Head straight for Sofia’s stack of ironed clothes and pull it down on his head. Sofia take up the clothes, straighten them out, stand by the ironing board with her hand on the iron. Sofia the kind of woman no matter what she have in her hand it look like a weapon.
Eleanor Jane start to cry. She always have felt something for Sofia. If not for her, Sofia never would have survive living in her daddy’s house. But so what? Sofia never wanted to be there in the first place. Never wanted to leave her own children.
Too late to cry, Miss Eleanor Jane, say Sofia. All us can do now is laugh. Look at him, she say. And she do laugh. He can’t even walk and already he in my house messing it up. Did I ast him to come? Do I care whether he sweet or not? Will it make any difference in the way he grow up to treat me what I think?
You just don’t like him cause he look like daddy, say Miss Eleanor Jane.
You don’t like him cause he look like daddy, say Sofia. I don’t feel nothing about him at all. I don’t love him, I don’t hate him. I just wish he couldn’t run loose all the time messing up folks stuff.
All the time! All the time! say Miss Eleanor Jane. Sofia, he just a baby. Not even a year old. He only been here five or six times.
I feel like he been here forever, say Sofia.
I just don’t understand, say Miss Eleanor Jane. All the other colored women I know love children. The way you feel is something unnatural.
I love children, say Sofia. But all the colored women that say they love yours is lying. They don’t love Reynolds Stanley any more than I do. But if you so badly raise as to ast ’em, what you expect them to say? Some colored people so scared of whitefolks they claim to love the cotton gin.
But he just a little baby! say Miss Eleanor Jane, like saying this is spose to clear up everything.
What you want from me? say Sofia. I feel something for you because out of all the people in your daddy’s house you showed me some human kindness. But on the other hand, out of all the people in your daddy’s house, I showed you some. Kind feeling is all I have to offer you. I don’t have nothing to offer your relatives but just what they offer me. I don’t have nothing to
offer him.
Reynolds Stanley by this time is over on Henrietta pallet look like trying to rape her foot. Finally he start to chew her leg and Henrietta reach up on the windowsill and hand him a cracker.
I feel like you the only person love me, say Miss Eleanor Jane. Mama only love Junior, she say. Cause that’s who daddy really love.
Well, say Sofia. You got your own husband to love you now.
Look like he don’t love nothing but that cotton gin, she say. Ten o’clock at night and he still down there working. When he not working, he playing poker with the boys. My brother see a lot more of Stanley Earl than I do.
Maybe you ought to leave him, say Sofia. You got kin in Atlanta, go stay with some of them. Git a job.
Miss Eleanor Jane toss her hair back, act like she don’t even hear this, it such a wild notion.
I got my own troubles, say Sofia, and when Reynolds Stanley grow up, he’s gon be one of them.
But he won’t, say Miss Eleanor Jane. I’m his mama and I won’t let him be mean to colored.
You and whose army? say Sofia. The first word he likely to speak won’t be nothing he learn from you.
You telling me I won’t even be able to love my own son, say Miss Eleanor Jane.
No, say Sofia. That’s not what I’m telling you. I’m telling you I won’t be able to love your own son. You can love him just as much as you want to. But be ready to suffer the consequences. That’s how the colored live.
Little Reynolds Stanley all up on top Henrietta’s face by now, just slobbering and sucking. Trying to kiss. Any second I think she gon knock him silly. But she lay real still while he zamine her. Every once in a while he act like he peeking into her eyeball. Then he sit down with a bounce on top her chest and grin. He take one of her playing cards and try to give her a bite of it.
Sofia come over and lift him off.
He not bothering me, say Henrietta. He make me tickle.
He bother me, say Sofia.
Well, Miss Eleanor Jane say to the baby, picking him up, we not wanted here. She say it real sad, like she done run out of places to go.
Thank you for all you done for us, say Sofia. She don’t look so good herself, and a little water stand in her eyes. After Miss Eleanor Jane and Reynolds Stanley leave, she say, It’s times like this make me know us didn’t make this world. And all the colored folks talking bout loving everybody just ain’t looked hard at what they thought they said.
So what else new?
Well, your sister too crazy to kill herself. Most times I feels like shit but I felt like shit before in my life and what happen? I had me a fine sister name Nettie. I had me another fine woman friend name Shug. I had me some fine children growing up in Africa, singing and writing verses. The first two months was hell though, I tell the world. But now Shug’s six months is come and gone and she ain’t come back. And I try to teach my heart not to want nothing it can’t have.
Besides, she give me so many good years. Plus, she learning new things in her new life. Now she and Germaine staying with one of her children.
Dear Celie, she wrote me, Me and Germaine ended up in Tucson, Arizona where one of my children live. The other two alive and turned out well but they didn’t want to see me. Somebody told them I lives a evil life. This one say he want to see his mama no matter what. He live in a little mud looking house like they have out here, call adobe, so you know I feels right at home (smile). He a schoolteacher too and work on the Indian reservation. They call him the black white man. They have a word that mean that, too, and it really bother him. But even if he try to tell them how he feel, they don’t seem to care. They so far gone nothing strangers say mean nothing. Everybody not a Indian they got no use for. I hate to see his feelings hurt, but that’s life.
It was Germaine who had the idea to look up my children. He notice how I always love dressing him up and playing with his hair. He didn’t make it like a mean suggestion. He just said if I knowed how my children was doing I would probably feel better in my life.
This son we staying with is name James. His wife is name Cora Mae. They have two kids name Davis and Cantrell. He say he thought something was funny bout his mama (my mama) cause she and big daddy was so old and strict and set in they ways. But still, he felt a lot of love from them, he say.
Yeah son, I tell him. They had a lot of love to give. But I needed love plus understanding. They run a little short of that.
They been dead now, he say. Nine or ten years. Sent us all to school as far as they could.
You know I never think bout mama and daddy. You know how tough I think I is. But now that they dead and I see my children doing well, I like to think about them. Maybe when I come back I can put some flowers on they graves.
Oh, she write me now near bout every week. Long newsy letters full of stuff she thought she had forgot. Plus stuff bout the desert and the Indians and the rocky mountains. I wish I could be traveling with her, but thank God she able to do it. Sometimes I feel mad at her. Feel like I could scratch her hair right off her head. But then I think, Shug got a right to live too. She got a right to look over the world in whatever company she choose. Just cause I love her don’t take away none of her rights.
The only thing bother me is she don’t never say nothing bout coming back. And I miss her. I miss her friendship so much that if she want to come back here dragging Germaine I’d make them both welcome, or die trying. Who am I to tell her who to love? My job just to love her good and true myself.
Mr. _____ ast me the other day what it is I love so much bout Shug. He say he love her style. He say to tell the truth, Shug act more manly than most men. I mean she upright, honest. Speak her mind and the devil take the hindmost, he say. You know Shug will fight, he say. Just like Sofia. She bound to live her life and be herself no matter what.
Mr. _____ think all this is stuff men do. But Harpo not like this, I tell him. You not like this. What Shug got is womanly it seem like to me. Specially since she and Sofia the ones got it.
Sofia and Shug not like men, he say, but they not like women either.
You mean they not like you or me.
They hold they own, he say. And it’s different
What I love best bout Shug is what she been through, I say. When you look in Shug’s eyes you know she been where she been, seen what she seen, did what she did. And now she know.
That’s the truth, say Mr. ____.
And if you don’t git out the way, she’ll tell you about it.
Amen, he say. Then he say something that really surprise me cause it so thoughtful and common sense. When it come to what folks do together with they bodies, he say, anybody’s guess is as good as mine. But when you talk bout love I don’t have to guess. I have love and I have been love. And I thank
God he let me gain understanding enough to know love can’t be halted just cause some peoples moan and groan. It don’t surprise me you love Shug Avery, he say. I have love Shug Avery all my life.
What load of bricks fell on you? I ast.
No bricks, he say. Just experience. You know, everybody bound to git some of that sooner or later. All they have to do is stay alive. And I start to git mine real heavy long about the time I told Shug it was true that I beat you cause you was you and not her.
I told her, I say.
I know it, he say, and I don’t blame you. If a mule could tell folks how it’s treated, it would. But you know some womens would have just love to hear they man say he beat his wife cause she wasn’t them. Shug one time was like that bout Annie Julia. Both of us messed over my first wife a scanless. And she never told nobody. Plus, she didn’t have nobody to tell. After they married her off to me her folks behave like they’d throwed her down a well. Or off the face of the earth. I didn’t want her. I wanted Shug. But my daddy was the boss. He give me the wife he wanted me to have.
But Shug spoke right up for you, Celie, he say. She say Albert, you been mistreating somebody I love. So as far as you concern, I’m gone. I couldn’t believe it,
he say. All along in there we was as hot for each other as two pistols. Excuse me, he say. But we was. I tried to laugh it off. But she meant what she said.
I tried to tease her. You don’t love old dumb Celie, I said. She ugly and skinny and can’t hold a candle to you. She can’t even screw.
What I want to say that for. From what she tell me, Shug said, she don’t have no reason to screw. You on and off like a jackrabbit. Plus, she say, Celie say you not always clean. And she turn up her nose.
I wanted to kill you, said Mr. ____ and I did slap you around a couple of times. I never understood how you and Shug got along so well together and it bothered the hell out of me. When she was mean and nasty to you, I understood. But when I looked around and the two of you was always doing each other’s hair, I start to worry.
She still feel for you, I say.
Yeah, he say. She feel like I’m her brother.
What so bad about that, I ast. Don’t her brothers love her?
Them clowns, he say. They still act the fool I use to be.
Well, I say, we all have to start somewhere if us want to do better, and our own self is what us have to hand.
I’m real sorry she left you, Celie. I remember how I felt when she left me.
Then the old devil put his arms around me and just stood there on the porch with me real quiet. Way after while I bent my stiff neck onto his shoulder. Here us is, I thought, two old fools left over from love, keeping each other company under the stars.
Other times he want to know bout my children.
I told him you say they both wear long robes, sort of like dresses. That was the day he come to visit me while I was sewing and ast me what was so special bout my pants.