by Ramona Gray
* * *
“Good morning.”
Kate flipped the French toast before smiling at Edward. He had dressed but he was looking adorably sleepy and rumpled and he kissed her warmly before collapsing in the kitchen chair. Chicken weaved around his legs and he petted her roughly as he glanced at the clock. It was after ten and he studied Kate carefully as she added the French toast to the pile and shut off the stove. There was something different about her this morning – she was positively beaming with happiness – and he smiled at her as she set the French toast on the table and joined him.
“How long have you been up?” He asked.
She shrugged. “I got up around seven thirty. I couldn’t sleep after Lina and Aiden left.”
“You should have woken me,” he said. “I could have helped you fall back asleep.” He grinned wickedly at her and she laughed before pouring syrup on her French toast.
“I needed some time to think,” she said.
“About what?” He asked curiously as he speared a piece of bread and popped it into his mouth.
“About us. About where we’re going with this.”
He froze and gave her a cautious look. “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath. “I want more, Edward, and I think you do too.”
“You’ll lose your job, Kate,” he said slowly.
“I don’t care about my job. I’ll quit and find another,” she said. “There’s something good between us and I know you can feel it too. I want to be with you. Edward, I love you.”
Kate smiled at Edward, waiting for him to say he loved her too and when he gave her another one of those weirdly cautious looks, her stomach began to churn.
“Say something,” she whispered.
“Kate, I – I still love Tabitha,” he said.
For one brief moment, she thought she was going to vomit all over the table. She fought it bitterly, swallowing down the bile rising in her throat, before whispering, “You told me you loved me this morning.”
“I – what?” He said.
“This morning when I crawled back into bed with you, you said ‘love you, katie’,” she said dully.
“I’m sorry. I don’t remember saying that,” he said quietly.
She didn’t reply and he flinched when he touched her hand and she yanked it away. “Kate, I’m so sorry. I thought I was clear that I’m not ready for a relationship right now. It’s why I only wanted - ”
“You only wanted one night,” she interrupted before laughing bitterly and dropping her head into her hands. “What a fool I am.”
“No!” He said quickly. “This is my fault. I – I encouraged this because I was lonely and you were the first woman since Tabitha who I …”
He trailed off and she raised her gaze to him, her eyes dull with pain, “Wanted to fuck.”
“It was more than that,” he said immediately. “Just not – “
“Love,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry,” he said again. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” she said. She took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. “You should go.”
“I don’t think I should leave you alone,” he said.
She made another bitter little laugh that tore at his heart. “Please go. I’m not angry with you, Edward, I swear. I understand but I – I can’t be around you right now, okay? I’m too embarrassed.”
“Katie…”
“Don’t,” she said. “You love Tabitha, not me, and deep down I think I always knew that. I just got swept up by your sweetness and that’s my fault for being so blind to the truth. Please leave, Edward. I swear, I’m fine.”
He tried to touch her again and she shoved her chair back and stood up, staggering backwards when he stood as well. “Do you want me to beg you to leave?”
“No,” he said. “I’ll go. I’m sorry, Kate.”
“I’m sorry too. Good bye, Edward.”
* * *
“Olivia? Do you know where Kate is? It’s after nine and she’s still not in the office,” Edward said. “Did she call in sick?”
“She’s gone,” Olivia said flatly as she stared at her computer screen.
Panic flared in him. “What do you mean she’s gone?”
She finally looked up from her monitor and gave him an icy look. “It’s personal and I’m not telling you a damn thing.”
“Olivia, please. I’m worried about her and I – “
“You’re worried about her?” Olivia said in a low hiss. “You broke her heart yesterday but thought what – that she would just come strolling into work this morning like nothing had happened? Leave me alone, Mr. Turner. Unless it’s work related, I don’t want you to speak to me.”
She stared resolutely at her screen as Arthur’s door opened. “Edward? Can I speak to you for a moment?”
He nodded and followed Arthur into his office. He sat down heavily in the chair as Arthur gave him a look of confusion. “Do you know what’s going with Kate?”
“I – what do you mean?” He asked hoarsely.
“She called me early this morning, said she was sorry but that she needed to take an unexpected leave of absence but wouldn’t tell me why. She’s never done anything like that before. Did she not tell you she was taking one?”
“Yes,” Edward lied. “But she wouldn’t tell me anything either.”
Arthur sighed. “Well, we can assign Lydia to you in her absence. Kate said she needed two weeks but she sounded so upset, I told her to take as much time as she needed.”
He glanced up at Edward and frowned. “Edward, are you all right? You look quite ill. Are you coming down with the flu?”
Edward shook his head. “No, I – I’m good. I’d better get back to work. Thanks, Arthur.”
* * *
You’re an idiot, my love.
Give it a rest, Tabitha, he snarled.
It had been the longest fucking week of his life. On Wednesday, worried sick about Kate, he had gone to her house. He had knocked repeatedly and when she didn’t come to the door, he had used the key under the flowerpot to let himself in. Chicken had greeted him enthusiastically, purring and rubbing against his pant legs, but he could tell immediately that she wasn’t there. The house was empty and it hadn’t taken a rocket scientist to figure out she hadn’t been there for days.
“Edward?” Doug stuck his head into his office. “A bunch of us are going for drinks. You want to come with?”
He shook his head and Doug hesitated for a moment. “Are you okay, Edward? You’ve been off all week.”
“I’m fine,” he snapped. He rubbed his hand wearily through his hair. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. It’s been a long week.”
“Well, thank God it’s Friday,” Doug said cheerfully. “You should think about joining us for drinks. You look like you could use one.”
“Next time,” Edward said distractedly.
He stared blankly out his office window. He had fucked up so badly and he didn’t have a clue how to fix it.
You do, my love. Why are you being so stubborn?
I’m not. I’m not ready for a relationship.
Bullshit, Tabitha said dryly in his head. I never expected you to stay single for the rest of your life. You love Kate.
I love you.
And I’m dead and you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone because you can’t accept that.
I have accepted it, I just –
You just what?
I don’t want Kate to be some type of replacement for you. I can’t do that to her.
We both know you don’t think of her as a replacement. Stop being such an asshole.
He sighed and rubbed again at his forehead. I do love her, Tabitha. I’m sorry.
There’s nothing to be sorry for. Tell Kate you love her.
I don’t know where she is, he thought petulantly.
Then find her, my love.
* * *
“I’ve made
a terrible mistake, Olivia, and I need your help,” Edward said in a low voice.
She gave him a frosty glare before starting to stand. “If it’s not work-related, I’m not interested.”
“Please, just sit down and hear me out,” Edward said as she started to leave his office. “Please, Olivia.”
She sighed and returned to her seat.
“I love her,” he said hoarsely. “I love her and I need to tell her.”
She stared silently at him and despair rushed through him. “Please, Olivia, tell me where she is. I promise I won’t hurt her again.”
She sighed loudly. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
“Yes. I should have told her when she told me she loved me but I was stupid and pushed her away. This last week without her has been,” he paused and gave her a plaintive look, “I need her. I can’t live without her.”
“She flew to Lina’s Monday morning,” Olivia said. “I’ll give you Lina’s address so you can go and grovel at Kate’s feet but I swear to God, Edward, if you hurt her again I’ll cut off your balls.”
“I won’t,” he said. “I promise I won’t.”
He stood and checked his watch. “Is Arthur still in the office?”
Olivia nodded. “Yes. Why?”
“I need to speak with him. Can you text me Lina’s address?”
She nodded again. “I won’t tell Kate you’re coming out, she’ll just run if you do.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome. Fix what you’ve broken, Edward.”
“I will.”
* * *
“Can I help you, sir?”
Edward smiled anxiously at the man standing behind the desk in the lobby. “Yes, I’m here to see Aiden, uh,” - what the hell was Aiden’s last name – “in the penthouse,” he finished lamely.
“Your name?”
“Edward Turner.”
“One moment please,” the man said. He pushed a button on the phone and waited.
“Mr. Wright? I have an Edward Turner here to see you.”
Edward, sweat starting to slide down his back, waited nervously as the man listened silently.
“Very well, sir. Thank you.”
He hung up the phone and pointed to the elevators. “Go ahead. Push the penthouse button, it’ll take you straight up.”
“Thank you,” Edward said. He nearly ran to the elevator and pushed the button. The doors closed and, his stomach churning, he waited as the elevator rose smoothly. It took less then a minute and when the doors opened, he was greeted by a massive dog. It sniffed curiously at his pants as he stepped into the foyer.
“King, go on,” Aiden said.
The dog woofed as a second one, this one was smaller with a white muzzle, joined King and sniffed him.
“Daisy, you too,” Aiden said.
“Hello, Aiden,” Edward said as the dogs retreated.
“Hello, Edward.”
“Could I speak to Kate?”
“She’s not here.”
Edward’s stomach dropped. “Olivia said she was staying with you.”
“She is. She’s just not here at the moment. Lina took her out for lunch.”
A small smile crossed Aiden’s face. “You’re lucky Lina isn’t here. She wouldn’t have let you come in. She is,” he paused, “supremely pissed with you. Come into the living room. You look like you could use a drink.”
Edward followed him into the large room. Floor to ceiling windows ran along one wall revealing a breath-taking view of the city.
“Nice place,” he said.
“Thanks,” Aiden replied. He moved to the bar in the far corner of the room and poured them both a glass of scotch.
Edward accepted it with a nod of thanks and took a sip of the amber liquid as Aiden studied him. “So, you fucked up pretty bad, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Here to beg for Kate’s forgiveness?”
“Yes.”
“Well, if she’s anything like Lina, she’ll forgive you,” Aiden said as King and Daisy crept into the room. King leaned against Edward, drooling a puddle on to his shoe and Aiden gave him a gentle push on the shoulder. “Go on, King.”
Edward took another drink of the scotch. It burned like fire in his stomach but did help to quell the nerves a bit.
“I fucked up with Lina,” Aiden said, “and much to my eternal surprise, she forgave me rather quickly. I never had much use for God but I find myself thanking him on a daily basis that she gave me a second chance. The Jones’ women are something special.”
“Yes, they are,” Edward said quietly.
King and Daisy, who were lying in front of the fireplace, both sat up, their ears perking forward. King made a happy woof as Daisy ran out of the living room. He followed her clumsily, paws slipping on the wood floor, as Lina called, “Aiden? Honey, we’re back.”
“In the living room,” Aiden said.
“Aiden, you won’t believe what we saw,” Lina said as she walked into the room. King and Daisy were barking and whining excitedly and she patted them absently. “We were walking down Fifth Avenue and - ”
She stopped abruptly, the smile on her face turning to a scowl. “What are you doing here, you asshole?”
“Lina? Did you tell Aiden about the guy…”
Kate trailed off, her face paling as she entered the living room and saw Edward. “Edward, what are you doing here?”
“He’s leaving,” Lina said bluntly. She started forward. “Get the hell out of here, you dickhead. If I see you again, I’ll – “
“Lina,” Aiden reached out and caught her around the waist, pulling her up against him. “Give him a chance to explain.”
She glared at Aiden and tried to wriggle out of his grasp. “No. He’s lucky I’m not punching him in the face. You’re lucky I’m not punching you in the face for letting him up here.”
Aiden grinned and her scowl deepened. “You’re walking on thin ice, Aiden Wright.”
“Kate,” Aiden said as he held the squirming, cursing Lina, “do you want to talk to Edward?”
She hesitated and Edward took a step toward her. “Please, Kate. Just five minutes - that’s all I want.”
“I’ll give you five minutes of having my boot up your ass!” Lina snapped.
Aiden snickered and patted her lightly on the ass. “He flew all the way out here, princess. At least let him have his five minutes.”
“You’re taking his side?” Lina said.
Aiden shrugged. “I know what it’s like to royally fuck up and just hope that the woman I love will let me beg for her forgiveness.”
Lina sighed and stopped her squirming. “Katie? Do you want to speak to him or should I kick him out?”
“Please, Katie,” Edward said.
“I’ll talk to him,” Kate said softly.
Edward took a deep breath as Lina said, “Start talking. I’m timing you.”
“I’d like to speak to her alone,” Edward said.
“No way,” Lina shook her head. “Not a fucking chance. I am not leaving you alone with her so you can – “
“Come on, kitten,” Aiden said, “give them their privacy.” He picked her up and she smacked him in the chest with her small fists.
“Aiden, put me down or I’ll – “
“It’s fine, Lina,” Kate said. “I want to speak to Edward alone.”
“Kate – “
“It’s fine,” she repeated. “Please, Lina.”
“We’ll be right in the kitchen if you need us, okay?” Lina said.
Kate nodded and Aiden, still carrying Lina, whistled for the dogs and headed to the doorway. Lina glared at Edward as they left and despite his anxiety he couldn’t help but smile when she flipped him the bird.
“How did you know I was here?” Kate asked when they were alone.
“Olivia told me.”
Kate sighed loudly and he gave her a nervous smile. “Don’t be angry with her. I begged her to tell me.”
She didn’t reply and he studied her pale face before saying, “So, your sister kind of hates me, huh?”
“She blames herself,” Kate said softly. “She was the one who encouraged me to talk to you because she thought she saw something that was never there.”
“I’m so sorry, Katie.”
“I know you are. Is that why you came here, Edward? To tell me you’re sorry again? You wasted your time. I know you’re sorry and I understand where you’re coming from, really I do.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because I love you and I can’t be around you right now. I don’t know if I ever will.”
“You still love me,” he said with relief.
She frowned at him. “Of course I do. Did you think I could just turn it off like a faucet?”
“No, but I hurt you so badly that I thought you wouldn’t – couldn’t - love me.”
She laughed bitterly. “It doesn’t work that way with me, Edward. Frankly, I wish it did. It would be a lot easier to hate you.”
Tears started to slide down her face and she wiped them away angrily. “Only I can’t. I actually feel sorry for you. Do you know that? You’re in love with someone who you can never be with and my heart hurts so badly for you that I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“I love you, Kate,” he said.
She froze and the look of anguish on her face nearly tore him apart. “No, you don’t.”
“I do. I was just too afraid to admit it to myself. I was so afraid that I was using you as a replacement for Tabitha that I wouldn’t let myself admit that I loved you. I was so stupid, Katie, and I knew I was being stupid but it wasn’t until Tabitha told me – “
“What?” Kate interrupted.
His cheeks flushed. “I have conversations sometimes with Tabitha in my head. She – she told me I was being an idiot and that I needed to tell you how much I loved you.”
She stared silently at him and he cleared his throat. “It sounds crazy, I know, but – “