by Wolfe, Lacey
Was he asleep? He’d had this conversation a million times in his head.
“You and Diane are right for each other and I don’t want to stand in the way. I’ve forgiven you for our past and I want to see you two happy together.”
“Thanks. I, uh, don’t know what to say. We have some work ahead of us—Diane and me.”
“You do. But I promise not to call you Jerkface anymore or stand in the way.”
“A fresh start.”
She smiled. “Guess so. For Patrick’s sake.”
He chuckled. “All right. Well, let me get home before this gets cold.” He raised the coffee tray and his eyebrow both at the same time.
“Stop by and let me know what she says about the shower.”
He nodded. “Will do.”
A few moments later, he climbed the stairs toward his apartment and could hear his son exercising his lungs. Poor Diane. He didn’t know how she did it. He’d have bought ear plugs by now, but she was always so calm and collected.
He pushed the door open and found her standing in the center of the place, still in her pajamas, as she patted the baby on the back.
“I brought you coffee.” He held up the tray.
“Yay. I need it.”
As he got closer, he saw the dark rings under her eyes. She didn’t need coffee; she needed sleep. He set the tray down on the table and held his hands out.
“Give me the baby.” She handed him his son along with the wet blanket he’d been drooling on. “Go take a nap.”
“I’m fine.” She waved her hand and went for the coffee.
“You are not. You’ve not slept since he came home.”
“I have to.”
He rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to fight. He’d offered her a chance at a nap she refused. That was all he could do.
“Alyssa wants to throw you a shower this weekend. Invite all your friends and celebrate Patrick. You up for that?”
She nodded. “Yeah, that would be fun.” She sipped the coffee. “Could Tom come?”
Something in her tone sent a red flag up. But before he could speak, she kept talking.
“You did tell him to go away and all.”
“I did not.”
“Maybe not in those words, but you don’t want him around and I do. Before you came back into the picture, he was the only person there for me. Now he isn’t around at all. He’s my best friend.”
He didn’t know what to say, really. Tom was still a sore spot for him. For months he’d thought Tom and Diane were an item, but he supposed Tom wasn’t to blame for that. Diane was.
“Tom can come, as long as he knows I’m the dad to this guy.” Patrick let out a little sneeze. Matt pulled him from his shoulder to check on him, but he seemed fine.
“We all know you are.” She sighed. “Need a bright yellow shirt with it on it?”
Wow, she was getting really cranky. “I’m gonna go change.”
He started to walk away.
“Need me to take the baby?”
He shook his head and kept walking. How hard could it be to change? All he had to do was set his son down for a moment. When he entered his room, he stopped in the doorway. It was clean. All his strewn clothes were now folded on his bed. Had she done this today for him?
He turned to go thank her, but she was no longer standing. Instead, he found her asleep in the living room. Damn, that was quick. He knew she was tired.
“Mommy needed a nap,” he whispered.
Back in his room, he laid the baby down on the bed and then his son screeched. He reached down quickly and picked him back up and the cries promptly stopped.
Okay, so changing clothes wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be.
“Looks like I’m gonna stay dirty for a little bit, because Mommy needs to sleep.”
He sat on the bed and bounced as he comforted his son. He needed to find a way for him and Diane to finally connect. To put everything behind them and move forward. They could fight until they were blue in the face, but it wasn’t going to solve anything.
So how did one just let the hurt go?
Chapter Twelve
Diane waited as patiently as she could for Matt to come home. They hadn’t really talked much after their little argument. And she called it little because they usually got into a full-blown screaming fit.
Diane had called Alyssa earlier and told her yes on the baby shower. She also asked if she’d be willing to watch Patrick for an hour. Thankfully, they were just downstairs in the boutique, so if he needed her, she could get to him. It killed her when her sister walked out of the apartment with him, but she had a few choice words to say to Matt.
The doorknob turned and her breath caught. Her palms grew moist.
“Hey,” Matt said as he closed the door. “Where’s the baby?”
“With my sister.”
He walked past her, his face in a grim expression. “Thank you for doing my laundry yesterday.”
“Matt.” He looked at her. “I want Tom at the baby shower.”
He balled his hands into fists but didn’t speak.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hid the fact that we weren’t together from you. But I also didn’t want you to think you could just have me. We’ve got things to work out.”
“Yeah, yeah, we do.”
She just had to say it. “I want to be with you.”
He chewed his bottom lip. “I don’t want Tom around right now.”
“Why?” She didn’t understand. Why didn’t Matt get that he was just her friend? Nothing more.
“Why?” He snickered and shook his head. “Why do I not want a man around whom you used to fuck?”
Ouch! “Don’t be so crude.”
“Oh, well, excuse me. The man who used to insert his penis into your butthole.”
She rolled her eyes. This was going to take a turn in a direction she hadn’t expected.
“Every time I see him, I’m jealous. Okay? I’m freaking jealous. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and make sure he understands that you’re mine. Mine. Men don’t like to share. And you made me do that. I’m not doing it again. If you’re mine, then you’re mine. Not his.”
“So what, now I can’t be his friend? You don’t get to—”
“You can be his friend later. But I can’t handle it right now.”
“You’re being a dick.”
He groaned. “No, I’m not. I love you. I’ve never stopped. I want to be the only man in your life.”
She crossed her arms. On the plus side, he wanted her. “I don’t want to be in a threesome again. I’m fine only being with you.”
“I hear a but in there.”
She sighed. She had to keep her temper down. They couldn’t do what they always did. “No but. I just don’t see why I have to give up a friendship to be with you.”
Matt rubbed his temple. “This is going nowhere but circles. Round and around we go.”
“Stop,” she snapped. “I don’t want to fight with you. I simply asked Alyssa to take our son so I could apologize to you. Tell you that I was wrong. I want to be with you, Matt. I love you too.”
“But you’re not willing to give up Tom for the time being.”
“How long?” If she was going to do it, she needed to know the timeframe. Tom had been her world the last few months.
“Until you and I are solid. Until we have our life put together, you, me, and Patrick. I want us to be a real family. Put down our roots and make this work. No more games.”
“I’m not playing games anymore. I stopped the day I found out I was pregnant.”
He smirked. “Oh, yeah. I find this Tom thing is a game. You sure as hell were not honest about that. And you admit you kept it from me.”
She shook her head, annoyed. “I’ve apologized. There’s nothing else I can do. I’m going to get our son.”
As she grabbed the doorknob, he said, “You could show me.”
“Show you?” She spun around. “I’ve kissed
you twice now. I’ve practically begged you to have sex with me. You rejected me.”
“I did not. It took every ounce of my control to not take you. I want you so bad, you have no idea.”
What did he want? She was having a hell of a time trying to figure it out. She stepped closer to him, putting only inches between them. “Want me to show you how sorry I am?”
“Sex doesn’t solve everything.”
She licked her lips. “I can’t have sex anyway.”
“I want you to show me with how you treat me.” His voice was soft as he reached out and caressed her cheek.
“I know just what you need.” She winked as she dropped to her knees then grabbed at his waist. She’d take him into her mouth until he couldn’t think any longer and he’d forgive her. Then they could move forward—the way they always did.
But he gripped her by the arm and pulled her back up. “I don’t want a blow job!”
She blinked, her mind reeling from yet another rejection.
The look on his face told her he was angry. “Go get our son. Everything I’ve said has gone in one ear and out the other.”
Diane said nothing. What could she? Her cheeks burned and she held back the tears that wanted to spill. Quickly, she jetted out of the apartment and down to the boutique. She was horrified. Maybe this was all a bad dream. Why couldn’t she just get this right with Matt? All she wanted was him and to move forward in a relationship. But for every step they took forward, they took two giant ones back.
Alyssa sat in the corner making funny faces at Patrick. Poor kid; he was going to think they were all crazy. Then again, he was half Duncan.
“Hey, there’s Mommy.” Alyssa stood.
“His diaper bag still good?” She needed to get out of here for a bit.
“Yup, he hasn’t needed anything.”
“Good, let’s go.” She held her hands out for Patrick, ignoring her sister’s questioning glance.
Once they were outside, Alyssa asked, “Where are we headed?”
“I don’t know. Just somewhere other than here.”
“I don’t want to go near the shop. I’ve got Tina working and I don’t want to get sucked in. There’s always the good ole coffee shop.”
Diane shook her head. “Let’s eat instead. Swift Water Café good?”
“Sure.”
Ten minutes later, they walked through the door and were seated right away. Patrick was beginning to fuss a bit, so she got the bottle out she’d already prepared in case Alyssa needed it. He suckled it and was happy again. She was beginning to get this whole mom thing figured out. Now if she could only get this girlfriend thing down.
“So, what’s up?” Alyssa opened the menu.
“The sky.”
Alyssa tilted her head. “Seriously. You wanted to talk to Matt and I assume it didn’t go well. So spill.”
Where to start? “It sure didn’t go well. We didn’t accomplish anything, other than he wants Tom to go away for now and we can’t solve this with sex.”
Her sister’s eyes widened. “He tried to have sex with you?”
She huffed. “No, I attempted to pleasure him and was rejected—again.”
“Good for Matt.”
“You’re not seriously taking his side, are you?” This day was just getting better and better.
“I’m not taking anyone’s, but sex doesn’t solve everything. It only puts a temporary band-aid on the situation.”
“I don’t understand why he doesn’t want Tom around.” She paused. “I guess I do. He said he was jealous of him.”
“I can’t believe I am about to say this.” Alyssa cleared her throat. “If you didn’t know how darn happy Connor and I were and I was hanging around Matt again, how would you feel?”
“You’d never—you’re my…” Fuck.
“See. It doesn’t feel good, does it?”
Diane shook her head. She pulled the bottle from Patrick’s mouth. He was sound asleep, but she needed to burp him. She hated having to disturb him. She plopped him on her chest and lightly patted his back.
A lady walked up to them, notepad in hand. “I’m sorry for the wait. We’re short-staffed today. Can I get you something to drink?”
They already knew what they wanted, so they gave the waitress their order.
“I love Tom. But not like I love Matt.”
“Tom is a great friend. And he always will be. He’s not going to be upset if you need him to stay away for a little while. I think he will understand better than you think. It’s time to give Matt a real shot.” Alyssa nodded toward Patrick. “For him.”
“You’re right. And he was too.”
Alyssa smiled. “Guess Matt isn’t always the bad guy, is he?”
Diane laughed. “Guess not.”
Patrick hiccupped in his sleep. He was so cute. She and Matt had definitely done something right when making this cutie.
* * *
An hour later, Diane carried Patrick up the flight of stairs home. He’d done wonderful on his first trip out to eat and she couldn’t wait to share the news with Matt. In the past, she’d witnessed screaming babies in restaurants and always wondered why those parents even bothered. Thank goodness her little man was a champ.
She pushed the door open then dropped the diaper bag on to the floor. She closed the door and entered the apartment. The TV was on, but Matt wasn’t watching it.
“Matt,” she called out.
Maybe he was asleep again. She checked his bedroom, but he wasn’t there. His bathroom door was open and it was empty as well.
“Where’s Daddy?” she whispered.
He was nowhere to be found. Maybe he’d gone out as well, to cool down. She set Patrick down in the bouncer chair and after strapping him in, went to clean out the diaper bag. When she entered the kitchen with the dirty bottle, a sheet of paper on the counter caught her attention. She set the bottle in the sink and went to pick up the paper.
Diane,
I’m staying the night at a friend’s. I think we both need some time to think about what we want.
-Matt
She set the note down. She knew what she wanted and didn’t need any time to figure it out.
Chapter Thirteen
Diane’s heart raced as the phone rang on the other end. Finally after the third ring, Tom answered.
“Hey.” He sounded thrilled to hear from her, which was going to make this harder.
“Hi.”
“What’s wrong? I can tell by your tone. I want to come this weekend. I heard from a few friends you’re having a shower. I can’t wait to go baby shopping.”
He sounded so happy. And now she had to crush it. “About that.” She took a deep breath, hoping it would calm her nerves. No such luck. “Please don’t come to the shower.”
“Why?”
Patrick stirred in the bouncy seat. She set her foot to it and lightly pressed it so it bounced again, keeping him asleep a little longer. “I’ve got to let you go for now. This isn’t something new. You’ve been telling me I need to concentrate on Matt. That’s what I’m doing. And right now I need you out of our lives.”
“I understand I need to step back, but to miss the shower? Is he really that—”
“No ill words, please. Matt is the father of my child and the man I love. I don’t want to hear anything negative. I’ve got to fix this. I’ve made such a mess of things, it isn’t even funny.”
“Oh, sweetie. You’re not the only one to blame.”
She smiled. “I know, but neither is Matt. We’ve got to do this together.”
“I hate not being able to come, but I will still go baby shopping and send along the gifts with a friend of yours. Will that be okay?”
“Of course. Patrick will love the gifts his Uncle Tom sends.”
Her son started to stir again and his little blue eyes opened. “Patrick’s awake. He might start screaming in a minute. I should’ve peed while I was on the phone with you.” She giggled. “Now I’ll need to w
ait for the next cat-nap.”
“Little people, they’re so demanding.”
“You have no idea.” She felt slightly guilty saying it, knowing not but a few months ago, he was supposed to be this kid’s father and now he was simply the uncle. “I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”
“Call me when you can. But I understand if it’s awhile.”
“Bye, Tom.” She set the phone down then picked up her son.
She rocked in the chair with him. She’d done the right thing. Now Matt and she could get on the right track. She loved him. It was time to start showing him that.
* * *
Matt was finally off on what he called paternity leave. The baby shower had been a success and now Patrick was spoiled rotten with rattles, blankets, clothes, and so on. He was pretty sure his son owned more things than he did.
Tom hadn’t been at the baby shower and in the days that followed his and Diane’s argument, he hadn’t seen her talk to Tom on the phone. This should’ve made him happy. He’d won. Diane was his, sort of. But he hated feeling like he’d given her an ultimatum to give up a friend. Someone who had been there when he wasn’t. A man who had agreed to raise his child when Matt was too damn stubborn to go after the woman he loved.
He needed to talk to her. Find out where her head was. But it was hard with the baby. He was the king of cat-naps and when he was asleep, Diane did things like laundry and bathe. He supposed he could call Alyssa again. Heck, Diane might enjoy the break.
Matt turned the TV off. The kitchen was a disaster. He should be in there cleaning it up, helping the woman he loved so she could feel less stress, not sitting here staring at the television.
He began rinsing dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. Once the sink was empty, he began wiping down the counters.
“I was just coming to do that.” Diane entered the kitchen—baby free.
“You don’t have to do everything around here.” He grinned and tossed the wipe in the trash. “What else can I do?”
“If you really want to help, I’ve got a load of Patrick’s clothes in the dryer that need to be folded.”
“I can do that.”
She leaned against the counter. Her hair was a mess. She’d always been one who took the time to curl it every day, but now she wore it straight or in a messy bun. He wasn’t even sure she’d gotten a brush through it yet that day.