Eat This Book: A Year of Gorging and Glory on the Competitive Eating Circuit
Page 29
And on the topic of Rufino “Chili Dog” Cachola, the man who died in between qualifying for and competing in Wing Bowl, Cataldi said that the warning signs were there. At Chili Dog’s qualifying stunt, Cachola was sweating so profusely that Cataldi mentioned on the air that he should get checked out by a doctor. Though the sport’s detractors might suggest that Chili Dog’s death was linked to competitive eating, this theory holds little weight because he only competed twice a year (qualifier and Wing Bowl). This doesn’t detract from the tragedy of his death, and serves only as a reminder of the fact that certain gurgitators (especially the overweight ones) should pay close attention to their health, both at and away from the competitive eating table.
But what I find most interesting about the Chili Dog tragedy, and Wing Bowl in general, is not about the addiction to food, but to media attention. If in fact Chili Dog did his qualifying stunt despite health concerns merely because he had become, in Cataldi’s words, “a cult sports hero in Philly,” then that’s kind of scary. Regardless, the power of the spotlight could not have been more evident than at Wing Bowl. When I reviewed the tape from the Wachovia Center parking lot, it was stunning to see how quickly that pudgy kid went from elated to violent when his buddy stepped between him and the camera. In fact, many would claim that the only reason that George Shea (who’s not exactly shy when it comes to media) would allow his eaters into a non-IFOCE contest that’s judged so subjectively, is that the magnetic draw of the spectacle was too strong to resist.
But it is this same force—media attention—that has, for better or for worse, fueled competitive eating from the get-go. And in my opinion, it’s been mostly for better. When I think of competitive eating, it’s all smiles. I think of the eaters, many of whom were “regular guys” before the circuit, but have transformed themselves into larger-than-life characters to entertain both fans and media.
I think of Tim Janus in a Philadelphia hotel room, applying makeup for his newest Eater X face. I think of Dale Boone, with his cowbell and coonskin cap, just out there being Dale Boone. I think about the Memphis Krystal contest, where an anonymous observer claimed that Don Moses Lerman blew a wad of snot on a soaked burger late in the contest, looked at it with some trepidation, then took it down for the team. (Now that’s commitment.) I think of Cookie’s coat, Badlands’ lyrical flow, the Godfather’s command of all situations. I think of Sonya Thomas knocking down whatever foodstuff you give to her with an almost terrifying ferocity. And I think of Takeru Kobayashi, at once the Harry Houdini and Michael Jordan of the competitive eating world, dunking buns and swallowing chunks of hot dog in the same breath, making this bizarre sport something you can’t take your eyes away from.
And, of course, I think of the Shea brothers, the sport’s founding fathers, and how they have created a cultural phenomenon that delicately balances real competition with a dramatic form of satire that reflects the absurdity of modern life. When George Shea says, “In every compression of the jaw, in every drop of saliva, in every twitch of the epiglottis, I see the human struggle,” he is being both sarcastic and a little bit serious. Because competitive eating really is a metaphor for the Darwinist consumerism that has taken over American—and even global—culture. Eat or be eaten; dominate or be dominated; consume or be consumed. The battle at the table is a microcosm of the battle at large. In the end, whoever gobbles up the most stuff the quickest, wins. Yet, when George Shea pleads with ESPN producers to use his patented ChewTrak system of counting bites per minute, it’s difficult to tell whether he thinks it’s a great gag or if he’s just in too deep.
But then why not get in too deep and become absorbed by competitive eating? It seems no less arbitrary than getting into competitive table tennis or bowling or poker or even major sports like boxing, auto racing, and football. The thing is, the influence of money and media on our everyday lives has become such a juggernaut that it’s difficult to determine what’s valuable. Is a pro athlete really worth the twenty million dollars he makes in a year? Is American Idol such a significant event that more people watch it than a presidential debate? Is eating as much as you can in a timed interval a worthwhile endeavor?
I don’t have the answers. All I can say is that, for better or for worse, my stint as a competitive eating emcee is the best job I’ve ever had. I get paid to travel to places I’ve never been before, where I provide a half-hour of entertainment that is, at the very least, memorable. I love the competitions for their simplicity and their shock value. When life is otherwise filled with bills and endless complications, I can always rely on them for a simple twelve minutes of thrills and fun.
What is the future of competitive eating? I don’t know, but having interviewed the world’s best gurgitators and watched them perform, having trained and attempted (pathetically) to compete myself, I have come to the conclusion that it is a legitimate pursuit and not just a carnival act. I believe that new eaters will arise to the forefront of the world’s most egalitarian sport, and they will increasingly look like “real” athletes. (Already, only three eaters in the top ten could be considered overweight, in keeping with the Belt of Fat Theory.) Joey Chestnut, a fresh-faced athletic-looking college student now ranked third in the world, took Kobayashi to the wire in the 2005 Krystal Championships. And Sonya Thomas, whose dominance of the 2004 season threatened to make the American circuit tedious, recently took third place behind Chestnut in a corned beef eating contest. The winner was Pat Bertoletti, now ranked tenth, who made his debut at that chaotic Bacci pizza-eating contest I emceed in Chicago.
I believe that, as the Godfather said, whether the world believes that it’s a spectacle or a sport, they will pay to watch eating competitions. The amount and variety of contests will continue to increase, as will the cash prizes and media coverage. While the draw of the sport remains that it is, at times, hilarious, I will not be shocked when competitive eating is accepted as an exhibition sport at the 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London.
But why? Why would people line up, and even buy tickets, to watch an eating contest? Why would it ever be accepted as an Olympic sport? Just ask the fans. After the 2005 Fourth of July Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, while I was onstage, a friend of mine interviewed fan after fan who said that they loved the contest. Not a single interviewee expressed disappointment. Howard from Coney Island said he loved to hear George Shea talk. Greg Packer from Huntington, New York, said he liked to watch the eaters go head-to-head and was rooting for Badlands Booker, his hometown favorite. Edwin Nichols from Flushing, Queens, who was watching the contest for the sixth straight year, said that his favorite part was watching “the little ones that eat all that food…especially Sonya, she’s just awesome.” And Barbara from Pennsylvania said, “It’s just amazing that in America, we have this crazy event that happens every Fourth of July, that celebrates eating and competition in such an entertaining way. I stood on my tippy toes the whole time, laughing and biting my nails. I feel so lucky to have seen it, and I’ll definitely come back next year.”
Appendix
Ifoce Competitive Eating Records
Check out updated records at www.ifoce.com.
Armour Vienna Sausage
8.31 pounds Armour Vienna Sausage
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Asparagus
5.75 pounds tempura deep fried asparagus spears
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Baked Beans, Sprint
Six pounds baked beans
1 minute, 48 seconds
Donald Lerman
Baked Beans, Long Course
8.4 pounds baked beans
2 minutes, 47 seconds
Sonya Thomas
Beef Tongue
3 pound 3 ounces pickled beef tongue whole
12 minutes
Dominic Cardo
Birthday Cake
5 pounds
11 minutes, 26 seconds
Richard LeFevre
Bologna
/> 2.41 pounds pork and chicken bologna
6 minutes
Allen Goldstein
Bratwurst
35 Johnsonville Brats
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Buffet
5½ pounds of buffet food
12 minutes
Crazy Legs Conti
Burritos
15 Burritoville burritos
8 minutes
Eric Booker
Butter
7 quarter-pound sticks, salted butter
5 minutes
Donald Lerman
Cabbage
6 pounds, 9 ounces, giant cabbage
9 minutes
Charles Hardy
Candy Bars
2 pounds chocolate candy bars
6 minutes
Eric Booker
Cannoli
21 cannoli
6 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Cheesecake
11 pounds Downtown Atlantic Cheesecake
9 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Chicken Fingers
2 pounds, 2.5 ounces, Hooter’s chicken fingers
5 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Chicken Nuggets
80 Chicken Nuggets
5 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Chicken Wings, Wing Bowl
167 chicken wings
32 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Chicken Wings, National Buffalo Wing Festival
161 chicken wings, 5.09 pounds
12 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Chicken-Fried Steak
11-ounce Lone Star Café chicken fried steak with country gravy
12 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Chili
1½ gallons Stagg Chili
10 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Conch Fritters
45 conch fritters
6 minutes
Joe Menchetti
Corn Dogs
12 Fletcher’s Corny Dogs
10 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Corned Beef and Cabbage
5 pounds Freirich Corned Beef and Cabbage
10 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Corned Beef Hash
4 pounds of hash
1 minute, 58 seconds
Eric Booker
Cow Brains
57 cow brains (17.7 pounds)
15 minutes
Takeru Kobayashi
Crab Cakes
40 crab cakes
12 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Crawfish
331 crawfish
12 minutes
Chris Hendrix
Doughnuts
49 glazed doughnuts
8 minutes
Eric Booker
Dumplings
91 Chinese dumplings
8 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Eggs
65 hard-boiled eggs
6 minutes, 40 seconds
Sonya Thomas
French Fries
4.46 pounds Nathan’s Famous Crinkle Cut Fries
6 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Fruitcake
4 pounds, 14¼ ounces, Wegmans Fruitcake
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Gelatin Dessert
7 16-ounce portions gelatin
3 minutes
Steve Lakind
Grapes
8 pounds, 15 ounces, grapes
10 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Green Beans, French Cut
2.71 pounds green beans
6 minutes
Crazy Legs Conti
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
32.5 Goldenpalace.com grilled cheese sandwiches
10 minutes
Joey Chesnut
Ham and Potatoes
6 pounds of Easter Feaster meal
12 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Hamburger: Giant Barrick Burger
9-pound cheeseburger
48 minutes, 10 seconds
Sonya Thomas
Hamburgers
11¼ Burgers (¼ pound) “Cloud Burgers”
10 minutes
Donald Lerman
Hamburgers
7 Burgers (¾ pound) Hardee’s “Thickburgers”
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Hamburgers
69 Krystal Square Burgers
8 minutes
Takeru Kobayashi
Hamentaschen
50 traditional Purim cookies
6 minutes
Eric Booker
Hot Dogs
53½ Nathan’s Famous hot dogs and buns
12 minutes
Takeru Kobayashi
Hutspot (potato-based “hotchpotch,” or stew)
13 bowls
10 minutes
Henry Hatau
Ice Cream
1 gallon, 9 ounces of vanilla ice cream
12 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Jambalaya
9 pounds crawfish jambalaya
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Maine Lobster
44 Maine lobsters (11.3 pounds of meat) from the shell
12 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Matzo Balls
21 baseball-sized matzo balls
5 minutes, 25 seconds
Eric Booker
Mayonnaise
4 32-ounce bowls (8 pounds) mayonnaise
8 minutes
Oleg Zhornitskiy
Meat Pies
16 6-ounce meat pies
10 minutes
Boyd Bulot
Meatballs
6 pounds Carmine’s Meatballs
12 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Onions
8.5 ounces Maui Onions (three peeled, raw onions)
1 minute
Eric Booker
Oysters
46 dozen Acme Oysters
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Pancakes
3½ pounds pancakes and bacon
12 minutes
Crazy Legs Conti
Pasta
6 pounds linguini (no. 115)
10 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Peas
9.5 pounds peas
12 minutes
Eric Booker
Pelmeni
274 Russian dumplings
6 minutes
Dale Boone
Pickles, Vinegar
2.7 pounds kosher dills
6 minutes
Brian Seiken
Pizza
7½ extra large Bacci Pizza slices
15 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Pommes Frites
2 pounds, 9 ounces, Pommes Frites
8 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Pork and Beans (84 Lumber)
84 ounces of baked beans
1 minute, 52 seconds
Dale Boone
Pork Ribs
5.5 pounds pork rib meat
12 minutes
Joey Chestnut
Pork, Smoked
7 pounds, 1 ounce, smoked pork
10 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Posole
109.75 ounces posole
12 minutes
Carlene LeFevre
Pulled Pork
23 pulled pork sandwiches
10 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Pumpkin Pies
4 Entenmann’s Pumpkin Pies
12 minutes
Eric Booker
Quesadilla
31.5 4-inch cheese quesadilla
5 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Reindeer Sausage
28 Glacier Brewhouse Reind
eer Sausage
10 minutes
Dale Boone
Rice Balls
20 pounds rice balls
30 minutes
Takeru Kobayashi
Shoo-Fly Pie
6 pounds Shoo-Fly Pie
8 minutes
Timothy Janus
Shrimp
4 pounds, 9 ounces, spot shrimp
12 minutes
Charles Hardy
SPAM
6 pounds of SPAM from the can
12 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Steeplechase/Ultimate Eating Tournament
Shrimp, bread sticks, hot dogs, chicken wings, frozen custard
10 minutes
Dale Boone
Sweet Corn
33½ ears sweet corn
12 minutes
Cookie Jarvis
Sweet Potato Casserole
8.62 pounds potato casserole
11 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Tacos
48 Zocalo chicken soft tacos
11 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Tamales
36 Tamales
12 minutes, 30 seconds
Levi Oliver
Tex Mex Rolls
30 Tex Mex Rolls
12 minutes
Richard LeFevre
Toasted Ravioli
4 pounds Charlie Gitto’s toasted ravioli
12 minutes
Sonya Thomas
Turducken
7¾ pounds Turducken.com Thanksgiving Dinner