He nodded. “Okay. I understand. But you belong here. I hope you know that.”
“I’m not sure.” She looked down at her lap, twisting her hands, biting her lower lip.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She looked up, her eyes probing his. “Did you go to the quarry with Sandi that night she got hurt?”
He hung his head and nodded. “She wanted to talk. She said we’d work out custody for Sam. Then she told me that lie about Cody.” He felt hot anger bubbling up like a hidden spring at the thought of it. “She said she’d take Sam and leave. Forever. I was petrified, Charlie. I thought I was going to lose my daughter. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“I guess I can understand that.” She slid her gaze sideways. “Just how panicked were you? What did you do?”
“I didn’t sleep with her,” he said. “Honest. I didn’t. I couldn’t.” He paused and took her hand. “Not after you. She tried, but I—I couldn’t even imagine it. It was never any good with her. With you it’s—it’s beyond good.”
That was lame. He sat there, struggling to find the right words. “Please stay,” he finally said. “Please. I love you.”
***
He’d said it. Said it out loud. Charlie couldn’t doubt his feelings now. But what could she do? She had a life to live, a degree to finish, a career to start. “I love you too,” she said. “But I can’t just stay, Nate. Not even if I want to.” She sighed. “I have school to finish, and then I need to find a job in my field. There’s nothing here for me.”
“There’s me,” he said. “And Sam, and the horses.”
“I know. And that’s a lot. But I want to make a difference in the world, Nate. For more than just a few people.”
Nate stared down at the ranch buildings scattered below them. His brows were drawn, and he was biting his lower lip, as though he was pondering some momentous decision.
“I have a proposition for you,” he finally said.
“A proposition.” She steeled herself to say no, but her renegade heart was tap-dancing in her chest. She tensed and lowered her voice. “Nate, we need to wait on that, okay? I’m not ready.”
He laughed, a low chuckle that lit up every nerve ending in her body with a slow, smoldering flame.
Maybe she was ready.
“Not that kind of proposition,” he said.
“Oh. Good.” She straightened, hoping he couldn’t sense her secret disappointment.
“It’s a business proposition,” he said.
“Hmm,” she said. That wasn’t what she’d expected at all.
“I’m thinking about keeping on with the clinics,” he said.
She nodded. She’d figured that. He actually seemed to enjoy sharing what he knew.
“And I was thinking I might open the place up to troubled kids. Teenagers like Phaedra. Teach them to train the horses, help them work stuff out.”
Charlie nodded. It was a good idea.
“I want you to help me run it,” he said.
Her eyes widened. This was the kind of work she’d always wanted to do. It might deviate from The Plan a little, but the whole point was to find meaningful work, and what could be more meaningful than helping kids and horses? A job like that would fulfill her dreams of working with animals. It would let her stay on the ranch with the man she loved, living a life that fit her like a custom boot.
But she’d have to quit school. She’d be letting down her advisor, and her mother.
She took a deep breath. Maybe she should follow her instincts. Deep down, staying felt right. Sometimes a woman had to go with her gut—and Charlie’s gut told her, loud and clear, to take the deal.
Trouble was, lots of other body parts were telling her to do that too. She had a lot of good reasons to say yes, but her mind kept churning its way into forbidden territory. A partnership with Nate would let her stay with him. Sleep with him. Wake up to him every morning.
She shook off the memory of his hands on her skin, his lips on hers, telling herself it was time to stop thinking about those long, steamy nights and think about her future. Love didn’t always mean forever. She’d learned that from her mother. And if their relationship didn’t work out, she’d have to cope with her feelings for Nate every day.
And besides, what did she really know about him? He was kind to animals, he loved his daughter, and he was drop-dead fantastic in bed. Was that enough?
She ignored the parts of her body that were screaming “yes” and looked out across the paddock to the mist-shrouded mountains in the distance, then back at Nate. He was looking at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“I need to think about this, Nate,” she said. “It’s a big decision. I need time.”
He nodded, looking away, and she knew he was hiding disappointment by the way his shoulders tightened. “Okay,” he said. “But decide soon, okay? I want…”
She could see that muscle in his jaw working, like he was nervous. Like he was working up the courage to say something that didn’t come easy.
Maybe this was more than a business deal after all.
“I want to do this,” he said. “I really do.” He cleared his throat. “With you.” He set his hand on her arm, his touch warm and persuasive. “I need you, Charlie.”
She felt herself warming, melting, the word “yes” rising in her heart—but she couldn’t say it. She wasn’t ready.
Poor Nate. From day one she’d bucked worse than the rankest rodeo bronc, throwing him in the dirt over and over. Maybe she’d never be broke to ride when it came to relationships. Maybe she’d always spook and shy. Maybe she’d jump the fence and run off the minute something went wrong.
In a way, she’d been trained to buck. Her mother had taught her from an early age to balk at commitment. But maybe it was time to shake off her mother’s issues and grapple with her own.
Maybe it was time to grow up.
“Let me think about it,” she said. “Give me some time.”
Chapter 43
She watched Nate make his way down the hill, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slumped. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she speed-dialed home.
“Mom?” she said. She took a deep breath. “I might be changing The Plan.”
Her mother lit into her just like she’d expected, but Charlie talked over the protests. “Now wait. I still end up meeting the same goal. I just get there different. Listen, Mom.”
Her mother was still protesting.
Charlie held the phone an inch from her mouth and hollered.
“Listen!”
“All right.”
Charlie described Nate’s proposition, and for once, her mother listened without interrupting, without objecting. “I’d be doing the kind of work we talked about, Mom,” she said. “Helping people. Kids and animals. It’s perfect.”
“But your degree. Oh, Charlie, you’re almost there. Don’t let it go.”
“Mom, I have to write a few papers. Maybe teach one more class. Then I have to do my practicum, and this is perfect.”
As she said it, she knew it would work. The program would be a perfect practicum. She could interview the kids at the start, note their progress, then assess the therapeutic outcome at the end.
Her advisor would say yes. She was sure of it.
She didn’t have to give up one dream for another. She could have them both.
“It’s perfect, Mom. It’s really what I want to do.”
Dead air thrummed through the line, and Charlie knew her mother was reading the bullshit-ometer, that secret device known only to mothers.
Apparently it still worked, even long-distance. Mona Banks cleared her throat in a no-nonsense way that didn’t bode well for the rest of the conversation.
“Charlie, this is about a man, isn’t it?”
Charlie clenched her fist and punched it into her thigh. Busted.
“He’s part of it.” She hated the way her voice came out—surly and defensive, like a little girl caught with her h
and in the cookie jar.
“Can you trust him?”
Charlie thought back, remembering everything that had happened. “Yes,” she said. “He’s never lied to me. Not even when it might have been a smart thing to do.”
“Well, that’s good.” Her mother lapsed into silence and Charlie waited for the verdict. She didn’t let her mother run her life, but she knew this deviation from their shared goal would hurt. The Plan had been a bond between them—maybe not a particularly healthy one, since Mona Banks was clearly living vicariously through her daughter’s success, but it was essential to both of them. They’d been a team for so long—a mother/daughter partnership that faced the world united.
“Have you committed to this yet?” her mom asked. “Signed anything?”
“Of course not. I’m just thinking about it.”
“Well, think hard,” her mother said. “I understand why you want to do it. It does sound like good work.” She sighed. “It sounds like the kind of thing I would have liked to do. Helping kids like that…”
Charlie’s heart ached for her mom. “Well, maybe if I do it, you could come out and visit, or even help. It’s beautiful here, and I’d be making money—not a lot at first, but I wouldn’t have any expenses. Maybe I could send you a ticket.”
“Maybe.” Her mother sounded wistful for a moment, but she cleared her throat and got back to business. “But don’t let that influence your decision, honey. Be rational. Make sure it’s what you really want.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“And don’t sleep with him.”
Charlie didn’t answer.
“Oh, honey.” The long sad sigh of a martyred mother whispered over the miles. “It’s too late, isn’t it? Just be careful. Use protection.”
Charlie rolled her eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me. Even smart women screw up.”
Charlie laughed. “How’d you know I rolled my eyes? I’m two thousand miles away.”
“I know you. And I love you.”
“I love you too,” Charlie said. “I’ll call you when I decide, okay? And don’t worry. I’m not stupid.”
“No,” her mother said. “I know you’re not stupid. You’re just human.”
Charlie said good-bye and clicked the phone shut, then called her voice mail. She had three unheard messages. Two from her advisor, and one from someone with a Wyoming number.
Skipping over the first two, she listened to the Wyoming message. It was Brock, from the grocery store. He’d gotten in more veggie burgers.
Hallelujah, she thought. Between that and the salad, she and Phaedra would be set.
She just needed to run into town. She could stop at the garage too. Maybe Ray could tighten up the bolts on her car and fix her suitcase. Whether she stayed or not, she’d need it to go back and tie up loose ends.
Besides, stopping at Ray’s would give her time to think. Time on her own, away from the ranch. Away from Nate, where she could think clearly.
She slid the phone in her pocket and stared down at the ranch. She pictured herself sitting on this bench, surrounded by teenagers struggling to surface from various emotional crises. She’d draw them out, steer them toward solutions, teach them to tackle problems with logic, determination, and optimism. She pictured Nate, leading the kids on trail rides, with herself and Trouble bringing up the rear to make sure no one fell behind. She’d watch them as they rode, assess their body language and identify the ones that were hurting, the ones whose self-esteem needed a boost.
She pictured herself lying naked in bed with Nate on a hot summer night while a sage-infused breeze whispered through the window, cooling their flushed skin. In winter, she’d snuggle up to him while the wind whipped around the ranch house and poked icy fingers through the gaps in the doors and windows.
Something rustled at the bottom of the hill, interrupting her thoughts. Standing up, she craned her neck to see Taylor making his way up the winding path.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Good.” Charlie glanced down at the barn and outbuildings, wondering where Nate was. “Really good.”
“Nate must have told you about my idea,” he said.
“What idea?”
“About the kids. The clinics.” He sat down beside her. “You know Nate would never ask for help. But I’ve been looking for something like this—something meaningful to do with my money.”
“Your money?” Charlie felt the elation inside her slow and stop dead. “What are you talking about?”
“The ranch,” Taylor said. “I offered to stake Nate—partner up with him—if he’d open it up to kids like Phaedra. Didn’t he tell you about it?”
“Noooo,” she said slowly. “Not really. He told me a little.”
Taylor eased down beside her with a sigh. “Sandi’s trying to get him to sell the ranch. Calling in a lawyer, says she should get half. But I figure she’ll go for a settlement if it’s big enough. So if I invested…”
She stared straight ahead and intoned the words, “…then Nate could keep the ranch.”
Taylor nodded. “Right. And I really think a riding camp for troubled kids would be a winner of a business plan.”
Charlie nodded.
“And it would be perfect for you. You love it here, right? And with your psych degree, you’d give the place credibility. Combine that with my endorsement—we’d do great.” He paused, then eyed her with concern. “You’re going to do it, right?”
“I don’t know.
“I sure hope so.” His tone was casual, but his posture seemed tense. “I don’t know how we’d do it without you.”
“Did you tell Nate that?”
“Sure.” Taylor nodded eagerly. “Without you, we’ve just got a horse trainer and a celebrity. It’s the psych expert that would make it work.”
“So if I don’t stay, you won’t do it?”
Taylor shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe not.”
Charlie gripped the edge of the bench, hanging on for dear life as her emotions spun and crashed, dropping the bottom out of her brand-new future. Taylor had offered Nate money—but only if he could get her to stay.
So did he really want her for herself?
Of course he did. He’d told her he loved her, and coming from a man who barely spoke, that was huge. Surely he meant it.
Or was she just believing what she wanted to believe?
She needed to think this through, and she needed to do it somewhere else—somewhere far from the ranch, where Nate wasn’t always around, fueling her fantasies.
She headed for the house, breathing a sigh of relief when she found the bunkhouse empty. Grabbing her suitcase, she headed for the car. She’d stop at Ray’s first and get that broken wheel fixed. Then the grocery store, to pick up those veggie burgers.
By the time that was done, maybe she’d be able to make a rational decision.
Chapter 44
Nate was just finishing up in the barn, closing the door behind him, when Charlie crossed the barnyard. She was carrying her suitcase.
Her suitcase. Was she leaving? His heart started thumping like a step-dancer on speed. She couldn’t leave. She couldn’t. They fit together. They were made for each other. And she’d be helping kids and horses, fulfilling all her dreams—it was perfect. They were perfect.
“Did you decide?” he asked. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.
“Nate, I don’t know,” she said, shoving the suitcase into the backseat of her car. “I just don’t know, okay?”
He grabbed her arm and spun her toward him, making her stumble and fall against him. He loved her. He needed her. He’d told her, but maybe that wasn’t enough. Maybe he needed to show her. Trapping her in a fierce embrace, he crushed his mouth to hers and set his instincts free.
She was wrong. It would work. They’d proved it that night, and now they were proving it again. She was kissing him back, devouring him as fiercely as he was consuming her.
Then she stiffe
ned and pushed him away, twisting in his arms and shooting him a furious glare. He’d expected to see heat in her eyes, but a heat that answered his—not one that repelled it.
“Nate, no,” she said. “No. I have to go.”
***
Nate staggered to the kitchen and slumped into a chair, resting his head in his hands. He was still sitting that way when Taylor walked in ten minutes later. The actor pulled out a chair and sat down.
“What’s got your girlfriend riled up?” he asked.
“What girlfriend?” Nate asked bitterly.
“The one that just peeled out of the driveway.”
Nate shrugged.
“You have a little trouble with this kind of thing, don’t you?” Taylor said, grinning.
Nate sat back down and shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging limply between his legs. “You might say that,” he said. He looked over at Taylor, who was still grinning. “Glad you find the whole thing so damned entertaining.”
“I’m telling you, this place is better than One Life to Live,” Taylor said. “You want some help planning out the next scene in your soap opera?”
“I’d appreciate it,” Nate said. “I sure as hell don’t know what to do myself.”
“You love her?”
Nate shrugged again.
“Well, do you?”
Nate nodded.
“Let’s use our words,” Taylor said in the same tone he might use with a toddler.
“Yes,” Nate mumbled.
“So what do you want to do?”
Nate gave him a scornful glance. “Keep her from leaving, of course. But it’s a little late for that.”
“No, I mean what do you want to do, long term? Where do you see this relationship five, ten years down the road?”
Nate paused—not because he didn’t have an answer perched on the tip of his tongue, itching to jump off and make itself known. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to confide in the man who held his future in his hands. If Taylor knew what an emotional wreck he was, he might change his mind about investing in the ranch.
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