‘I’ll be the judge of that.’
I returned my ice cream to the freezer.
‘Not hungry?’ he questioned, having followed me and now stood directly in front of me gazing down.
‘Time for bed,’ I commanded as he swept his hand across my cheek causing me to regret saying anything.
‘You must be tired. It has been quite a day.’ His hand traced a line down my arm and caught at my waist. He pulled me closer to him and my pulse was audible.
‘Night, Lexi,’ he whispered, planting a chaste kiss on my cheek and he walked slowly out of the kitchen. I flopped back against the refrigerator and shook my head.
For the past five years I had never even looked twice at a guy and now, just a few hours with Nicholi, every cell of my body was urging me forward to run after him and never let go. The dreams I had of him, so vivid, and now I was right there in his home.
Climbing the stairs sullenly, I retraced everything he had said. He was questioning whether Caitlan’s babies were his. Dealing with my return and Caitlan leaving him. This was by far the worst circumstances to start a relationship in and I came back to reality quickly. He was right. This could never be. But I wanted it more than I could ever have thought possible.
I slept peacefully the rest of the night and awoke before everyone else. Changing into a floral dress and tights, I applied my makeup and left my hair loose. Heading to the kitchen I made a start with breakfast, making sure to leave JC some mixture to make his own pancake when footsteps from behind startled me.
‘Good morning.’ His voice was gruff and his face worse, clearly the effects of last night’s drinking taking a toll.
‘Good morning, come and sit, I have the perfect hangover cure awaiting you.’ I showed him the place I had set for him with painkillers, vitamin C in the form of freshly squeezed orange juice and lots of carbs to soak up the alcohol. ‘I believe this will have you feeling as fresh as a daisy very soon.’ I felt slightly embarrassed at the perplexed look on his face but pushed forward.
‘Coffee?’ I offered, pouring him a cup, concentrating on what I was doing and trying not to notice how he was looking at me. My stomach flipping in anticipation.
‘Oh yes, and keep it coming.’ He took a bite of his strawberry pancakes. ‘Holy crap. Caitlan was right about one thing. Your cooking skills are second to none. You can make me breakfast any day,’ he smiled with satisfaction.
‘I’ll settle for every day.’ I was mortified and could not believe the words had come out of my mouth. Thankfully, JC had joined us and my moment of humiliation was quickly forgotten.
‘You make the best pancakes, Lexi,’ JC said, taking a giant piece, doused in syrup.
‘No, you do,’ I ruffled his hair, and joined him at the table, taking a bite of my breakfast.
‘Good morning, Sir, Jacob, Madam,’ Earl announced as he entered the kitchen.
‘Good morning, Earl, lovely to meet you.’ I reached my hand out to shake his.
‘Pleasure is mine,’ he replied, smiling before resuming his duties.
‘Wow, do you have everyone wrapped around your little finger?’ Nicholi mused and winked. I frowned in response and he continued. ‘Earl is not usually a people person,’ he explained and I smiled at ease.
‘Well, maybe he likes pancakes too. I left him a tray outside his room,’ I explained, taking another bite of my pancake.
‘Bribery with food, I knew I should watch you.’ He casually brushed his hand against mine at the table sending shivers way down.
‘Are you ready to leave for the hospital?’ I asked trying desperately to change the subject and cool my shame.
‘Yes, I will meet you in the car, just need to make a call. Jacob, can you show Lexi the way? I’ll be there in a minute,’ he confirmed and I walked hand in hand with JC to one of the garages.
‘Lexi, can I come visit your house someday?’ JC asked tentatively and I lowered down to meet his eyes.
‘Of course, anytime you want.’ I reached to open the door for him to enter. He grinned at me as he buckled himself in and started up his computer game. An image of Seth filled my memory and I was lost in thought, not seeing Nicholi approach.
‘Everything okay?’ he asked, concern radiating through his voice.
‘Yes, sorry. He reminds me a little of my brother Seth,’ I explained, smiling to assure him all was well.
‘Another thing I love about you, you tell me what you are thinking and feeling. It is refreshing.’ My mouth dropped to the floor at the mention of the L word.
‘Shall we?’ His dimpled cheeks emphasised as he smiled and once again, I was a pool of blubber as he opened the door for me to enter.
‘So, what do you do for a living?’ Nicholi turned the heat on as we pulled away down the drive. I did not need heat; I needed air con, my face permanently glowing whenever he was around.
‘I am an architect.’ I opened the window a little and turned to check on JC who was completely immersed in a video game.
‘Really, small world, me too. I am a structural engineer by trade, but architecture is my passion.’ He eyed me curiously.
‘What?’ I asked, confused by his expression.
‘I looked for you for so long and I could have run into you at a convention,’ he shook his head.
‘If it makes any difference, I made sure I could not be found. Not by you, I never knew you were looking. By others,’ my voice trailed off, but he knew what I was talking about.
‘Would I have seen any of your designs?’ he asked, changing the subject, but this was uncomfortable too.
‘Possibly.’ I answered as vaguely as I could manage. Always dying to just tell him everything without exception.
‘I am assuming you changed your name. What do you design under?’ he pushed and I could not avoid any longer.
‘I am JC Leigh, part of Leigh, White, and Redgreen.’ I looked ahead hoping for no further rebuttal questions.
‘Seriously, I love your stuff. Wow, I’m in awe, Lexi, you have to show me what you are working on,’ he continued, his tone full of excitement.
‘My home in Alaska is my favourite, I will show you sometime.’ I turned to catch his eyes and drown in them.
‘I look forward to it.’
I was blinded with his award-winning smile as we pulled into the hospital parking lot.
Collecting Caitlan’s gift basket from the trunk, I followed Nicholi and JC to the elevator.
‘You okay?’ Nicholi asked, his brow furrowing and I looked away.
‘Nervous.’ I turned to see him reach for my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
‘She will be overjoyed to see you, just as much as I was,’ he confessed and I frowned in response.
‘If that was you looking overjoyed to see me, I would hate to see you upset.’ I felt instantly guilty as he recoiled back.
‘I was and I am,’ he mouthed quietly, as the elevator arrived at our floor. Cross stood up immediately as he saw us approach, clearly waiting for us.
‘What is it?’ I asked, the panic slowly consuming me.
‘Nic, can I speak to you for a moment?’ Cross requested and Nicholi blew him off.
‘This is her sister, just say it,’ he demanded, looking more annoyed by the second.
‘She is very confused and upset. I don’t think seeing you today is a good idea,’ he replied awkwardly and I felt the pain seizing me.
‘This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Jacob, stay with Uncle Cross, please. I will come get you in a minute.’ Nicholi took my hand and pulled me forward.
‘Maybe he is right, I don’t want to upset her,’ I spoke, but the words came out like on autopilot.
‘Hey, you need this, so does she, come.’ He opened the door to Caitlan’s room.
She was sleeping and I walked slowly forward to her bed. Placing the gift basket on the table, I reached to take her hand. She seemed to stiffen and then relax, slowly opening her eyes.
‘Hey, you,’ I whispered, t
he tears blinding my eyes. She seemed to smile, but then her eyes darted fully open and she started to scream.
‘Get her away from me, she is dead,’ she shouted, pulling her hand away from me forcefully and continually screaming.
‘Caitlan, it is Nicholi. Lexi saved you, she is not dead, she escaped.’ He tried to explain, raising his voice to counter her yelling.
‘No, no. Stop. I want Cross, where is he. Cross,’ she wailed and I ran as fast as I could out of the room, down a flight of stairs, collapsing on the step.
‘Hey, I’m here,’ Nicholi reassured, stroking my hair as I wept endlessly. ‘Just give her a little time, everything will be okay.’ He was trying to console me, but it was pointless.
‘I need to leave. Please come with me,’ I begged, trying to calm the hacking sobs that were engulfing me.
‘Of course, I will meet you in the car with Jacob.’ He handed me the keys as I wiped the tears away and composed myself. ‘Tell Cross I am sorry for upsetting her. If he could show her the journals, it may help.’ I took a deep breath to vanquish the demons away.
‘I will. Lexi, it will be okay. I promise.’ Nicholi pulled me into a bear hug I so needed and headed upstairs to collect JC.
We drove back to the house in silence, each contemplating what to say, but neither of us attempting conversation. JC went into the garden to play and I sat watching him on the grass as he clambered efficiently over the monkey bars and played football with Nicholi.
‘You doing okay?’ Nicholi asked, distracting me from my memories.
‘Yes, I was just remembering the first time I saw you play football. I was eight and you must have been around twelve. It all came back to me when I saw JC playing, but I guess you don’t remember.’ I watched as his face changed from curiosity to astonishment.
‘It was you?’ His voice almost a whisper.
‘Yes, I lost my ribbon that day,’ I mused, focusing on anything than the real reason I remembered that day so well.
‘Caitlan told me it was her.’ His expression was full of confusion and anguish.
‘She was there too, but she did not see you. I told her about it later,’ I explained, completely confused by his thought train.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, sitting down and taking my hand.
‘Completely, that was the day I found out my father was cheating. I never told anyone for years, but it finally got the better of me. I told my mom later and she already knew, had known for the longest time.
‘My mom was leaving my dad and she was going to serve him with divorce papers after Caitlan’s audition.’ I explained, watching JC do somersaults on his trampoline.
‘Here.’ Nicholi handed me a satin ribbon with a horse motif.
‘You found it,’ I marvelled, fingering the ribbon tentatively. ‘Wait, you kept it all this time?’ The shock vibrating across my face.
‘I did. I have been waiting to give it to you for the longest time.’ Nicholi leaned forward and kissed me so passionately, we were both gasping for breath.
‘I finally found you,’ he whispered as he kissed me again and we watched JC bounce around jubilant.
THREE
SIGNS
We lay on the blanket staring up at the sky in silence. The sun had graced us this afternoon, warming and nourishing everything it touched as I contemplated what I would say and do next.
Nicholi was lay in complete silence and I sneaked a peek to try to gauge what he was thinking, our hands almost touching. He looked as lost in thought as I had been and I sat up waving at JC who was now practising his football skills dribbling around brightly coloured cones.
‘You have done such an amazing job with him, I could not have dreamt of a better father,’ I began, turning myself around to face him. ‘His father never met him and died in a car accident. I found out after my family was murdered.’ I wanted him to know everything there was in order to make the best decision.
‘It was such a difficult time, obviously, but I pushed myself forward, wanting to be everything JC would be proud of. Finishing college, establishing my company and finally building a home in Alaska, I did everything I would have done had he been with me.’
I watched his face for any signs I should just stop, but he was listening intently, so I continued. ‘I heard what you said last night about us never being together, do you really want that?’ I asked, barely able to contain the nervous knots, but just as I had said the words, his phone started ringing.
‘Cross, yes, okay. I will be right there. I will speak to her. Do not tell me what you think is right. It is not your place. Fine. Bye.’ He hung up the phone and shook his head, incensed.
‘What? What is it?’ The neon lights of, don’t ask, you do not want to know, flashing brightly.
‘Caitlan is in labour,’ he began, standing up and pulling me by the hand. ‘Cross said he has spoken with your sister and she has looked at the journals. He thinks you should stay here, but I disagree.’ He dialed another number. ‘Hey, Mom. Can you please watch Jacob overnight for me? She is in labour. I know. See you soon. Love you too.’
I watched his organisation skills go into overdrive as he orchestrated getting JC ready for his sleepover and bundling us all into the car. I had barely opened my mouth, just nodding at his suggestions and smiling at JC’s excitement to stay over with his grandmother. The new dog she had just gotten a huge draw and I imagined what it would have been like if my mom was still alive. Would I have been calling her as Nicholi did? Would Caitlan have wanted me to be there with her? Right now as far as I could tell, she wanted me as far away as possible.
After dropping off JC, my heart felt empty. I kept imagining all the worst scenarios and the feel of Nicholi’s hand on mine brought me back to reality.
‘He is safe here, I promise. I would never take chances with him, ever,’ he reassured. I tried to calm myself.
‘Since finding out exactly who she is, I have been going through scenarios over and over about why she would target my family. It all comes back to my father. Do you think she would do it out of jealousy?’ I pondered, the thought alone too evil for my brain to deal with.
‘It is extreme for anyone. I could never and would never kill Cross in a jealous attack. This was all premeditated and I cannot fathom her motives for killing innocent children. That is even more grotesque and despicable than my worst version of her. Maybe we will find out more at the trial.’
I was stuck on the jealous word, without even really hearing the rest. It was just muffled in between his feelings for Cross regarding Caitlan.
‘You are jealous of Cross’s relationship with Sophia?’ I had noted that whenever he mentioned her he always called her by her birth name as though he was distancing himself from his true feelings that way. He never loved Caitlan. He loved Sophia. Just the words milling around in my head felt like a nail gun had exploded piercing my heart mercilessly.
‘I didn’t mean it like that. It was a bad example,’ he sighed deeply. Yet the silence that followed clearly did not leave me with that impression and my heart was flailing. He still loved her.
‘Lexi, please.’ He called after me as I fled from the car as soon as he had found a space in the parking garage. Walking at full speed, I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible and the fact I was here knowing Caitlan did not want me to be was just making the ache stronger.
‘You are reading way too much into this, please. I have no right to ask you this, but I really need your support. Please don’t pull away from me. I can explain everything and it is not what you are thinking, later. I’m begging you.’
He reached out for my hand and I watched his sorrowful eyes, shaking my head for throwing myself into the firing line. It would be me that would get hurt, but I couldn’t help it. I had loved the virtual him for six years and now as he stood before me, my heart was his and if he destroyed what was left, so be it.
Reaching for his hand, I took it into mine and nodded, turning away so he could not see the tears that
were desperate to fall, the anguish I was feeling too much to look at him any longer.
I focused on the elevator buttons. The twenty-two floored hospital held the most precious gifts anyone could ever have. My two nieces were going to be born within the next forty-eight hours and that was my focus, the two innocent souls.
We walked hand in hand to Caitlan’s room. Cross was not standing as an obstacle this time and I took a deep breath, giving Nicholi’s hand a reassuring squeeze, not chancing words right now, I entered her room.
Hi, was all I managed to say as Caitlan hit with a contraction clutched the bedframe shouting out Cross’s name.
Nicholi had sat on the chair at the end of her bed and with Cross on one side, the other was free. I walked quietly over, peeking at Nicholi who smiled at me reassuringly as I approached the person I had shared a womb with.
‘Caitlan, can I do anything? What did you decide on for your birth plan?’ I asked tentatively, hoping that she would not freak out again and maybe I could help her.
‘I wanted a water birth, but they don’t have a pool free,’ she advised, her eyes darting from Cross to mine as though seeking reassurance I was real and not in her head.
‘I promise. I’m flesh and bone. One hundred percent, Lexi at your service,’ I joked, trying to act as normal as possible under the circumstances. She just came back from the dead to me too, but I was not the one about to deliver two babies.
‘I am sorry I yelled at you. It was and is such a shock, I still cannot believe it.’ She looked me up and down and I felt so strongly the desire to hug her.
‘I have missed you so much.’ My voice was barely above a whisper as the tears streamed down my face.
‘Me too, but, contraction,’ she yelled, trying to ride the pain, clutching onto Cross’s hand so tightly, it was turning blue.
Echo (The Butterfly Series Book 3) Page 3