As we edged closer to the house, my stomach was in knots. What if Nicholi hated the build? I pushed the thought away, not wanting to dwell and as we rounded the corner and the first glimpse of the house came into view, he stopped dead.
‘Holy crap, Lexi, this is absolutely fantastic, I am in awe. It is stunning,’ he gushed, pulling me closer to him so we could gaze at my creation together. Admittedly, although I could be a little biased, it was breathtaking to me every time I returned here.
The house was set over four floors with seven bedrooms, eight bathrooms, occupying three acres of land. Each room had a panoramic window view of the breathtaking landscape and the interior was exquisitely designed with the finest craftsmanship.
There was a separate boathouse with full living quarters including three bedrooms & two bathrooms. Cascading outwards was an ironwood deck, outside hot tub and shower with a private dock. There was an indoor swimming pool to the side, but my favourite feature was the majestic orangery with panoramic windows all around and a butterfly garden, in honour of my mother.
‘I cannot believe you did all this yourself,’ he marvelled, pulling me forward in anticipation to see inside.
‘It is so cool,’ JC grinned as I scanned my thumbprint, winking at Nicholi, opening the front door.
The foyer area with the main staircase the centrepiece of the room with its cast iron and oak butterflies gliding up the bannister greeted us. The family room, dining room, and kitchen were positioned either side of the stairs with a mezzanine level towering over giving stunning views of the landscape beyond.
‘Drinks? Juice, Jake?’ I offered, filling us all a glass and taking some cookies out of the cabinet.
The kitchen was one of my favourite rooms of the house; granite worktops with steel appliances embedded in oak cabinets that I know my mother would have killed for to have the storage space.
‘I think we need to get change of address cards made. What do you think, Jake?’ he joked, but part of me longed for that exact thing and I could not help feel the excitement bubbling over at the thought.
‘Swim before dinner?’ I suggested and with the eager responses in agreement, I left JC to finish his cookies while I went to change. Running up the back spiral stairs to my bedroom, I quickly grabbed a bathing suit out of my drawer and changed in my master bathroom. I could hear someone milling around outside of my room and opened the door feeling suddenly very self-conscious.
‘Hey, I got lonely,’ Nicholi teased, pulling me into his arms, my bare skin prickling with the intense look he was giving me. ‘I cannot believe you accomplished all this alone.’ Shaking his head, his eyes filled with proud.
‘I met some single mothers at college and after graduating, we decided to start our own company, it went from there really and to this day, I am so grateful I had the opportunity to build something so worthwhile. We offer apprenticeships for young mothers and have built low-cost housing for those wanting to own their first home. I just tried to do everything I could to help those that would have been me,’ I explained, pulling away as the tears welled in my eyes.
‘What is it?’ Nicholi asked softly, confused and I stumbled with my words.
‘Having, you both here, I don’t know, I just feel like I have missed out on so much and I will never get that time back. The terrible two’s, him talking, first day at school, so much,’ I stalled, sitting down on the edge of the bed and wondering if I should have mentioned anything at all.
‘If I could, I would turn back the clock in an instant, but I can’t. I do have a ton of pictures, videos, and scrapbooks. I documented everything for you.’
I smiled as the tears escaped their holding point.
‘Thank you. That would be such a blessing to see, Nic. I want to tell JC while we are here, the truth,’ I sighed deeply. Not sure how I would explain why I had not been with him for five years, but the desire to finally have my son and him to know me as his mother was too strong to put off much longer.
‘Of course. I think after everything that has happened with Caitlan, he will be overjoyed to finally have his own momma back.’ He wiped my tear away softly and kissed me on the lips tenderly, making me ache for more as I stood up.
‘Swimming?’ I asked. The thought of him in his bathing suit making my heart beat overtime in response, as he nodded and went to retrieve his belongings.
‘Where should I change?’ he asked, and I felt my face flush.
‘Er, I will show you the guest room and JC will be next door. Here, make yourself at home,’ I gestured, retreating to cool my shame and show JC up to his room to change.
We had been swimming for an hour when Nicholi left to take a call and returned looking very despondent. JC was floating on an inflatable whale, enjoying the view of the stars overhead through the glass ceiling as I swam over and gestured for Nicholi to join me in the hot tub.
‘Everything okay?’ I asked tentatively, swallowing my nerves as I anxiously waited to hear what was clearly causing him distress.
‘That was Earl; we have all received a subpoena to testify against Larissa. The court date has been expedited due to her health concerns,’ Nicholi explained looking so tense, I reached to take his hand.
‘What is wrong with her?’ The negative thoughts pulsing through me as I tried to focus and not dwell on the past.
‘She has kidney failure and is having dialysis apparently,’ he explained, shaking his head looking positively enraged.
‘What?’ I gently pushed, moving closer to him and longing to take the pain away.
‘She will get away with it, just as my grandfather did.’ The vehement way he said it, fuelling my need to bring things back to equilibrium.
‘Taking the express train to hell isn’t getting away with it. I’ll take that. She cannot hurt us ever again. I hope the trial reveals who she was working with,’ I began, watching as Nicholi turned to me as though I had just announced we had the winning lottery numbers.
‘I knew it all along, but couldn’t prove it. Do you have any idea?’ He brushed the hair that had fallen from my soft bun off my shoulder, his fingers lingering a little too long leaving my skin tingling in his wake.
‘I just know that she was waiting for someone, to tell her what to do with me. She kept saying they had got the wrong one,’ I explained, my subconscious shrivelling at the memories I was gathering out of the sealed file cabinets.
‘They meant to take Caitlan?’ Nicholi asked his brow furrowing as I reached for his hand. The memories too difficult to handle alone, I needed his comforting touch.
‘Yes. Back at the restaurant, they had taken the wallet out of Caitlan’s bag, which of course had the name Lexi on it. But my bag had knocked over and the contents spilled out mixing them up. They didn’t know for sure. Caitlan started to wake up and she called out my name, my real name. They took me and drugged her, saying she would forget everything and dumped her outside.’ Sealing the cabinet once again, I shook my head and turned to JC who was practising going under water, His little head bobbling up and down as I waved and cheered him on.
‘They only took you because Caitlan said your name. That is. There are no words. They drugged her?’ he asked, the words echoing around the mosaic-tiled room and right now, I just wanted to jump back into the pool and forget everything.
‘Yes, something to make her forget. It makes sense with you saying her memories are all jumbled up.’ I edged away to leave and made it clear I was done for now.
‘Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push,’ Nicholi urged, stroking his hands down my arm and tracing a line across my hip.
‘It’s okay, in small doses.’ I nodded in reassurance, before diving into the pool and chasing JC as the scary crocodile.
After a marathon swimming session, we were starved. Nicholi offered to grill and I made salads and fresh rolls with my mini chef helper plus some trifle for dessert. Jacob was looking at it suspiciously until he tried it and I explained it was a traditional English dessert.
&
nbsp; ‘It is yummy, Daddy, try it.’ He gave Nicholi a spoonful and he looked pleasantly surprised.
‘It sure is.’ He scooped up JC and led us out to the terrace. The stars were twinkling down upon us as we tucked into our salmon and salad. The mango marinade Nicholi had helped make zinging down my throat suggestively as I gazed at his face under the moonlit night.
Jacob was out for the count after his bath and I tucked him in with Nicholi at my side.
‘Movie?’ I suggested, not sure how I was going to avoid the desire to be with him much longer if I did not have a chaperone or movie to focus on.
‘How about a tour?’
I immediately switched into architect mode showing him the original plans and building materials used. I could see his eyes lighting up with the security features I added and the underground cellar to store supplies for over the winter.
‘You thought of everything.’ He pulled me into an embrace that I quickly entangled myself from.
‘One more thing I want to show you,’ I explained, leading him to the points in the house that housed firearms, for an emergency.
‘I truly hope we never have a need for them.’
I nodded in agreement.
‘The guest house would be perfect for Sophia and Cross to visit.’
I watched for his reaction closely.
‘Sophia?’ he replied, puzzled as I paused to pick up a bag of popcorn from the cupboard.
‘Yes, she prefers me calling her that.’ Returning to select a movie.
We watched the movie in relative silence, laughing at similar spots, but focusing only on that and I actually regretted putting it on.
Feeling like I had said something I shouldn’t or not said something, I faked a yawn and suggested we head to bed.
Nicholi escorted me to my room and after a brief goodnight kiss on the cheek left for his room. I flopped onto my bed utterly confused and suddenly too wired to sleep. Putting on my workout clothes I quietly descended the stairs and went to the gym.
I had my iPod on and was just starting the third mile of my treadmill run when I saw Nicholi’s reflection in the mirror.
‘Gees you scared me.’ I slowed down to a walk as I tried to start my heart again.
‘Sorry, I couldn’t sleep. Apparently neither could you,’ he mused, looking at me intently and my heart started flailing.
Grabbing my towel and bottle of water, I joined him to sit on the wooden dance studio floor, the same cherry smell penetrating my nostrils that had done so for the best part of my childhood at Madam’s studio.
‘What’s wrong?’ I whispered, trying to penetrate his thoughts as he stared out of the window to the lake beyond.
‘For the first time, I actually feel like I have a future. A woman I could love, Jacob would have his mother, but I cannot get something out of my head, no matter how hard I try.’
Focusing on, a woman I could love, but does not right now, I paused too long.
‘I did it again, didn’t I, say the wrong thing,’ he yelled, lying on the floor.
‘No, I…’
Trying to think of how or what to say I paused and stared up at the stars. What would my mom tell me to say? The truth. Always.
‘It hurts when you reference me as though I am something that you could have, not that you have already or feel for in the here and now,’ I replied, glad I had finally found the strength to say it, but wanted desperately to ask him what he meant.
‘Ah, Lexi. It is not that I don’t feel things for you, but I cannot just turn off what has happened. Everything that you have been through is my fault and what you said earlier, about Larissa taking the wrong twin. I can’t get it out of my head.’ Throwing his hand through his hair and standing up starting to pace, I felt nauseous watching him.
‘She never wanted you, she wanted Caitlan, Sophia, whatever. It makes no sense.’
I got up and taking his hand, led him out onto the deck.
‘Listen, there are few things that make sense, but I know how much I want us to be a family and this is what I am sure of.’ I looked him in the eyes and tried desperately to make him see the past did not matter, not now.
‘I can’t let this go, Lexi. This is the key to whom she was working with. Why would they want her and not you?’ he questioned and I could not take it anymore.
‘For five years I have gone over and over that night, and the nights that followed until I could not see straight. I want to move on. I have to. Don’t you see that?’ I shouted willing him to let it go and move on with me, but it was a lost cause.
‘Don’t you see that I can’t protect you if I don’t know who is still out there.’ I once again felt a piece of my heart ripped away.
‘You mean you can’t protect Sophia,’ I mouthed, harsher than I intended and he recoiled.
‘No, I’m not saying that,’ he yelled, but his voice was lost in the breeze as I ran back into the house and up to my room. It would always come back to this. My jealously for a relationship he had with my sister. I would never begrudge anyone protecting her, but in my eyes that just showed how much he still cared for her and it hurt.
Climbing into the shower, I felt the icy water cool my temper and leave me empty once more.
I awoke the next morning to JC tapping me on the arm gently.
‘Can we make pancakes today?’ he asked and I smiled in response, my eyes swollen and bloodshot from the copious tears that had poured last night. My heart aching that Nicholi had not come to my room and tried to make things right.
Pulling off the duvet and grabbing my dressing gown from the hook, I followed JC into the kitchen. The scent hit me immediately as he placed a plate of bacon and eggs onto the table.
‘Hope you don’t mind, I made breakfast,’ he smiled gingerly and I noted the box of chocolates that he had stuck a ribbon on next to my plate. ‘The only problem with living in the middle of nowhere, no stores to buy from. I’m an idiot; please forgive my gifts from the cellar.’ He watched me closely for any reaction.
‘Thanks for breakfast.’ Sitting down as JC was tucking into his.
‘So, what do you want to do today?’ Nicholi asked, trying desperately, but I was too drained to care.
‘I could make a picnic. We could take the boat out across the lake and go on a hike,’ I suggested, smiling as JC’s face lit up at the thought of the bear hunt his father had promised him.
‘Sounds perfect. Lexi, could I speak to you for a moment?’ he requested unsure and nervous, wringing his hands in anticipation of my reaction.
‘Sure.’ Following him into the living room, I stood admiring the view, not wanting to look at Nicholi, for fear, I would start crying again.
‘Lexi, last night,’ he began, but I interrupted, suddenly more verbose than I thought.
‘Why did you not come to my room?’ Maintaining my, let’s not look at Nicholi stare, out of the window.
‘I knew if I did we would just have ended up making love,’ he replied, his tone unsteady and not at all the Nicholi I knew, confident and self-assured.
‘And that would have been a terrible thing,’ I muttered, taking a deep breath, determined not to cry.
‘Why do you take everything I say the wrong way? God, women are so infuriating sometimes,’ he yelled, as I turned round to face him.
‘Maybe because you fell in love with twin sisters. We are practically the same person, except with her, you had no problems sleeping with,’ I rambled incoherently and ran upstairs quickly, not wanting JC to see me upset.
Pacing the room, I cursed myself for sounding like a spoilt child who was jealous that a guy loved her sister more and was just going to take a shower when the door flew open.
‘JC is watching cartoons and you are not walking out on me again, until I finish what I have got to say, understand?’ he shouted and the authoritative Nicholi I knew had returned full force.
‘Excuse me for wanting the first time we make love to be more than me trying to dig myself out of another hole and woul
d rather it be because we love each other and want to be together in every way possible. I loved the idea of your sister, not the person she was and yes, she drove me crazy, but it is not the same. My blood boils, I tear apart when I think I am upsetting you or disappointing you or just plain making you mad. Not because you are an extension of your sister, because you are you, my girl. The one I was waiting for and whom I hope one day will truly be mine.’
I had been holding my breath and let it go slowly, trying to process what he was saying.
‘I am asking, no begging that you please, just go a little easier on me. I am not some heartless guy who is trying to hurt you, the opposite is true, but I will make mistakes along the way. Sadly, I’m not perfect. Just please give me the chance to love you and stop pushing me away whenever you feel like we are getting closer and you get scared you’re falling for me.’
I stood rooted to the spot, analysing everything he was saying. Was I running scared? Is that why I would bring my sister into all our fights because that was the easy way out of not letting myself get hurt.
‘I don’t mean to. I just worry I’m all in and you are still half a block away,’ I whispered, my voice raw with emotion, physically drained and exhausted.
‘I’m all in. All in.’ He enunciated every word. I watched as he moved tentatively closer to me. ‘Can I give you a hug?’ he asked, and I nodded, feeling his arms lock around me, the hurt whittling away, replaced with passion. Reaching up, I kissed him gently, until he pulled me closer and we exploded into a pool of need and longing.
‘Okay, hike time,’ I managed to say, so breathless I could not see straight, my heart was pounding so hard.
‘Now can you see why I couldn’t come to your room last night? By the way, you have a million emails, instead. I didn’t get much sleep either.’ He lowered to kiss my nose as we walked hand in hand back to JC.
After packing everything up in the boat, Nicholi started the motor and it roared to life, JC jumped with excitement as we pulled out of the dock and across the lake.
‘Will there really be bears?’ JC asked, looking a little more apprehensive than before and I hugged him close.
Echo (The Butterfly Series Book 3) Page 6