ForsakingEternity

by Voirey Linger

  The demon wore her human form, a guise she had all but shunned since her damnation, many millennia ago. Her face appeared much as it had when she was an angel. Delicate and tawny-skinned, she had always been a great beauty, even among those of the Realms.

  That, however, was where the familiar ended. Ropes of black dreadlocks replaced her soft, bronzed curls. Heavy makeup ringed her eyes and blackened her mouth, and silver rings in her lip and brow gleamed in the faint light.

  “What, is that all I get from an old lover?”

  She reached over the table to touch him but he pulled back, out of the reach of her venomous claws.

  “I was never your lover.”

  “No? We seem to remember things differently. I recall some spectacular—”

  “I wasn’t your lover.” His denial cut off the words before she could utter them, but the damage was done. His mind flooded with memories of Meela’s skin pressed against his, her flesh against Dom’s. The cherub’s body had once been the only thing between him and the reason he’d left Heaven.

  “Ah, yes. We had sex, there is a difference. You shared me with another, but I wasn’t the one you wanted, was I?”

  Her smug expression told him she knew his weakness and was poised to exploit it.

  Ren’s stomach trembled and he waited.

  Meela narrowed her eyes, a speculative look on her face, before casting a sideways glance at the café window.

  “I think another is stealing your heart. The mighty Ren, favored among messengers and the authority on the Law. First he desired a seraphim and now he’s lowered himself even more to lust after a human male.”

  He twisted his head to look at Adam before he could stop himself, only to curse his foolishness when the demon gave a low and knowing laugh.

  “Yes. Look at your human. Enjoy him before you lead him merrily into Hell. He’ll lead you to Fall, and you’ll lead him to Damnation. Isn’t it wonderful when relationships have such a balanced give and take to them?”

  No. The Law didn’t work that way. A man’s actions were his own, as were an angel’s. Adam could not break angelic law, only Ren could. Still, the implication stung.

  Renatus forced himself to look into her eyes, to meet the evil in her gaze without flinching.

  “What do you want, Meela?”

  “From you? Nothing. Is that reassuring, Ren? I don’t want anything but to watch you while you defile the Law. I want to see you when you are cast out, watch the ghouls and imps as they swarm over you and devour your power. I want to hear you screaming for mercy in the Realm where it does not exist.”

  “Why? I was nothing to you. Why would you wish such things for me now?”

  “Because you did this to me!” Her fury pounded at him, whipping up the breeze and lashing them with an icy blast of air. “When the Realms were rent in two, you were the one holding up the Law and damning me to Hell. You made me this. Now I will watch as you suffer the same fate.”

  Ren’s fear gave way to pity as he tasted the pain behind her hatred.

  “It was your decision to side with Lucifer. I read the Law, but you made the choice.”

  Her mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “There is a first for me. Throughout time, I have never before heard an angel lie.”

  “You still haven’t.”

  The bell over the café door tinkled, a happy sound against the tension at the table. Adam exited the shop with a steaming paper cup in each hand. He gave Ren a smile but showed no signs of seeing Meela.

  “Here is your lover. Enjoy him while you can, Renatus. Once the scroll is found, the Law will once more be read in judgment, and this time you will be the one cast out.”

  “What do you mean?” His heart went cold, all sympathy shattered at the mention of the scroll.

  “Don’t play coy with me, Ren. I know about your divine mission. In fact, I think I’ll help you along a little. I know just the push you need.”

  With that cryptic taunt she was gone.

  Adam set a cup in front of him. “Here you go. Hot chocolate, and I got you extra whipped cream.” He started to move toward the now empty chair across from Ren. Pausing, he picked up a sheet of paper from the seat. “What’s this?”

  Ren froze inside, his soul as cold and still as a statue, while Adam tipped the page toward the scant light. What had Meela left? May the Heavens help him, he had to keep her away from Adam.

  “A sale flier. A book vendor at an antique shop is going out of business.” He squinted at the print, holding the page close to his face. “Tomorrow is the last day. It’s Saturday, I’m off work. Would you like to go?”

  No! If Meela was responsible for that advertisement, they should avoid that place. Ren wanted to be anywhere but at that marketplace. But if Adam went alone, the demoness would be there, pushing him toward the scroll. He needed to keep Meela and her evil well away from Adam.

  “I would love to go with you.” The words rang hollow and a vile taste filled his mouth.

  A lie.

  He, a ranking Angel of Annunciation for the Most High, had lied. The honesty inherent in beings of the Heavens had been violated.

  By him.

  Meela had been right. He was Falling.

  He curled his hands around the cup of hot chocolate and watched the steam curl up from it. The night shadows painted the back of his hand black, as black as the scales which covered the Fallen.

  Adam took a sip of his coffee and leaned over the table. “It’s colder than I’d realized out here. Would you be interested in going back to my place for a while? Just to talk, or whatever.”

  Ren took a too-large gulp of the scalding chocolate.

  Whatever.

  Even Ren’s awkward social skills couldn’t mistake the invitation the human offered. The image of the two of them, tongues tangling, limbs intertwined, hard body pressed against hard body, flashed through his head.

  Did he want that? His cock, now hard in the denim pants he wore, assured him that he did.

  But was he really ready for Adam’s whatever?

  “I would like to go to your place, but am not sure…”

  “No pressure. Nothing you don’t want. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

  “Neither am I.”

  * * * * *

  When Adam finally pulled into his driveway, the tension was so thick he felt as if his nerves would shatter. He wiped his hand on his jeans for what must have been the hundredth time. He had been hyperaware of Ren the entire trip to the house. The scent of him, a scent unlike anything Adam had ever smelled before, filled the car, leaving Adam’s head spinning. Unlocking his front door, he automatically reached his right hand out and brushed his fingertips over the mezuzah.

  He hesitated, his fingers still poised on the scroll case.

  You are a man of faith.

  He brought his fingers to his lips and moved on, leading Ren inside.

  Adam hung his coat on its hook and emptied his pockets, placing the contents in the bowl on the entry table. Rote. Routine. Thoughtless actions he always performed as he walked through his front door. Just like touching the mezuzah his parents gave him.

  He was not a man of faith. He’d lost that five years ago when his heart had been shattered.

  Now he was a creature of habit.

  Adam turned to find Ren poised in the doorway, looking for all the world as if he was making a decision that would change his life forever. Maybe he was. Adam gave Ren what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

  Returning it with an uncertain smile of his own, Ren turned to study the mezuzah for a moment before brushing his fingers over the scroll case. Then, meeting Adam’s eyes, he brushed his fingertips over his mouth.

  Adam’s breath caught and he couldn’t look away as Ren stepped over the threshold.

  “Your home is quite pleasant, Adam.” Ren’s voice wavered ever so slightly.

  “Um, thanks.” He glanced at the simple furnishings, unsure what Ren found appealing. “My mother wanted to decorate it, but
I just went for comfort.”

  “It does look quite comfortable. I find the lack of artifice refreshing and relaxing.”

  A bark of laughter escaped before Adam could stop it. “Does that mean you like things plain?”

  Ren cocked his head and thought before answering. “I suppose it does. There is a truth in the plainness, is there not?”

  Adam looked at his home once more, studying it this time. There was nothing in the room that was not his. The simple beige walls and brown leather furniture, the shelves of books, even the stack of newspapers by his favorite chair were all things which appealed to him, which reflected his taste, his desire for simplicity, comfort and function in his home.

  “I suppose there is. In which case, what you see is what I am.”

  “That being the case, I like what you are.”

  Adam’s face went warm again. “Why don’t you have a seat?” He waved Ren toward the living room where the other man took a seat.

  Right in the middle of the couch.

  Was that an invitation? Only one way to find out. Adam took a seat beside him.

  Ren didn’t scoot away, but didn’t move closer, either. He didn’t move a single muscle or give any sign he did or didn’t want this. Adam scrambled for something, anything to say. Some bit of small talk to fill the void. But no words came and there was only awkward silence.

  “Ren, I’m feeling a bit lost right now so I need to ask you outright. What is it you want? Are you looking for friendship or something else?”

  “I don’t know.” The words were tight, breathless.

  Adam blew out a frustrated breath. “You’re not giving me anything to work with here.”

  “I know, and I apologize. I’m, I believe the expression is, out of my depth?”

  “I’m not going to ask a lot of questions. I can tell you’re here to satisfy curiosity. Whatever secrets you have are safe, but I need to know one thing. Just how straight are you?”

  Renatus turned beet red and refused to look at Adam.

  Great. I just embarrassed the crap out of my date. My seduction techniques are rustier than I thought.

  “I don’t mean to be blunt or make you uncomfortable. I can tell this isn’t your norm and I just need to know where it’s all going. Have you done this before? Are you just playing gay? Experimenting? What?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. I-I’m—” Ren stuttered to a halt, his gaze flickered over the far wall as if he hoped the right words would be written there. In the end he simply shrugged, shaking his head helplessly before allowing it to fall forward in defeat.

  Maybe he needed to start from the beginning. “Have you ever kissed a man before?”

  “Yes.”

  That one word sent a surge of jealously through Adam. Instant anger flared for the man who’d dared kiss Renatus.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. What was he thinking? He didn’t have the right to be jealous. This was a fling, wasn’t it? Still, his stomach roiled with the need to mark this man, to make sure Ren could never forget him.

  “What else?” Adam rasped, his throat tight. Did he even want to know? He must be a glutton for punishment. “Just a chaste kiss?”

  “Just one kiss. I don’t think it could be called chaste.”

  Adam wanted to wipe that unchaste kiss, that other man, from Ren’s memory, to insure the only kiss he ever thought about again was Adam’s.

  But then, it wasn’t only a man’s kiss he had to erase. He doubted Ren was a virgin. The thought made guilt writhe in Adam’s stomach like a mass of worms. Was there a woman in Ren’s life, waiting for his return? Was he a husband, a father?

  “And now you’re here because, what? Did you like it and want to experiment? You want to play gay for a few days before you go back home to your wife?” The words held a rough edge Adam couldn’t hold back.

  Please, God. No wife. No lover. Please let him be free.

  Free to do what though? The lure of a weekend with this man was undeniable. Adam couldn’t resist. But at the same time, he had the sense that just one weekend and nothing more would shatter him. Renatus drew him in, teased him with a promise like no other man ever had.

  “My decisions are mine alone. There is no one else.”

  Relief rippled through Adam, releasing the tension which bound his stomach in knots. At least the title of adulterer wouldn’t be on his list of sins.

  “Tell me why you decided to come here then. Help me make sense of this so I know what to expect.”

  “I have a friend. Or had one. We’d been inseparable from the beginning of time. Only the friendship changed. In our home, such things are simply not done. I couldn’t accept what was happening so I left him. There is no going back. The chance of what might have been is gone.”

  “But the desire isn’t.”

  “No. It isn’t.” Ren turned to him then, his eyes earnest. “You ask what I want. I want to know. The question of what might be tears at me. I want the questions to be gone. I want to know the answers.”

  “You want to know if you’re gay.”

  Ren’s pained expression said it all. Not knowing was eating him up.

  Adam reached up to push strands of golden hair back from Renatus’ face. The other man’s eyes drifted closed and he shivered under Adam’s fingertips. The reaction was so slight Adam wasn’t sure if he imagined the fine tremor.

  He stroked one finger over the edge of Ren’s ear. A second, larger shudder rippled through Ren and he turned his face ever so slightly into Adam’s palm.

  In that moment, it was all the answer Adam needed.

  Chapter Four

  The kiss was featherlight, a tentative brush, a cautious offer. Adam barely breathed, waiting for Ren to make his decision. More or less? Stop or continue? The pounding of his heart measured time as he waited for a reaction, any reaction.

  Ren’s breath released in a rush, a hot wave whooshing across Adam’s cheek. The lips under his moved, and Ren was kissing him. Sensation flowed like warm honey, rich and golden, from Ren’s mouth into his. It electrified every nerve in his body.

  Warm and sensual need flooded Adam. He ran the tip of his tongue over the curve of Ren’s lower lip. A teasing stroke, meant to entice, but it made the man in his arms shudder and gasp. Ren’s mouth opened and Adam took full advantage. The kiss deepened and Adam was helpless to pull back as Ren melted.

  He leaned in, pushing Ren down until they lay on the couch, Ren stretched out under him. Adam shifted, putting his weight on his elbows. He moved slowly, never breaking the kiss as he moved over Ren and let his weight settle slowly over his would-be lover. He aligned their hips and let his groin ease down.

  Ren was hard.

  His cock singed Adam through the thickness of two layers of denim. It pressed against him until the zipper of his jeans bit into his over-sensitized flesh.

  Under him, Renatus arched, pushing their cocks together even harder. Ren tore his mouth away from Adam’s with a harsh groan. Reluctant to allow even that little bit of space, Adam buried his face in the curve of Ren’s neck to taste the skin there. He tasted…

  Divine.

  There was no other word for it. His flavor was a mix of man and something else, something beyond words.

  Ren groaned again. The harsh cry rumbled through his chest to Adam’s, where it spawned an answering vibration. Adam rocked against him, unable to hold back anymore. He needed it, the drag of fabric, the pressure of their cocks, the sweet friction of flesh against flesh.

  Ren shifted under him and Adam experienced a moment of panic. No, not yet, don’t push me away yet. But then Ren’s hands found his hips, held them tight together as he began his own rocking motion.

  The surrender was sweeter than anything Adam had ever experienced. He found Ren’s mouth, taking it with another blazing kiss, this one even hotter, more desperate than the one before. Their tongues met, tangled and the movement of their bodies became frantic.

  Then Ren stiffened.

  Ad
am barely had time to register the withdrawal before finding himself alone on the couch, his mind still so muddled with lust he couldn’t say how or when Ren managed to get out from beneath him.

  Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Adam pressed his head against the soft leather of the couch and waited for the front door to slam shut. Long moments passed and he heard nothing but his own harsh breathing.

  Finally, he pushed himself upright. At first he thought he was alone, but then a small sound caught his attention.

  Ren sat in the entryway, his back pressed tight against the wall. His face filled with guilt and looked like he was poised on the edge of flight.

  “I didn’t think you’d still be here,” Adam said carefully, afraid the slightest misstep, a single poorly chosen word, could send Ren running.

  “I came back.”

  So he had run. Pain and disappointment were a crushing weight on Adam’s chest, forcing the breath from him.

  “I’m sorry, Ren. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I promise I won’t pressure you like that again.”

  The words hung between them, stretched tight on a fine wire of tension.

  “I didn’t feel pressured.”

  “But I pushed you too far.” The words clogged Adam’s throat.

  “You went no further than I allowed. I pushed myself too far.” Ren rose gracefully to his feet but made no move to close the distance between them. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be prepared to give you what you want. I’m being unfair to you. More unfair than you could ever realize.”

  The crushing sadness on Ren’s face made Adam ache.

  “You’re not being unfair. I understand what I’m getting into here.” Please don’t leave. Don’t take this chance away from me, from us. Adam couldn’t voice the plea ripping through him. With how hesitant Ren was, it would only make him run faster.

  “If only that were true.” Ren took a deep breath and looked around like a lost wanderer looking for the way back home. “I should leave you now.”